hafacenturyncounting

Motivated by a lack of material.

Archive for the tag “wisdom”

09 May 2012
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How Long Can You Live With It?

Well I must say we are all far beyond the point of NOT understanding the adage, “You made your bed now lay in it”. Today I had a “huuum moment”.

There have been numerous decisions over the years that I would tactfully avoid saying were not well thought through. More than a decade after one of these I find myself periodically questioning whether it was not only well thought through, but perhaps it was wrong. OUCH that one hurt! For as much as I see and recognize the inability of others to admit they are wrong, I have the same condition and it is terminal.

I will not bore you with the details for this would make me have to stop and truly examine this thing again and I really do not want to. I will tell you this, recognition also makes you go back and look at your r’epertoire, because unfortunately there generally isn’t a lone incidence.

The steps are simple. First you have the Accusation; this step will lead you to the spot where you KNOW something more must be done. You may or may not mull it over for a bit, but the next step is rapid and hard hitting. This is the Action; not a lot to say for the fact that you are here means you have made up your mind, right or wrong. Acceptance;  here you say you have done all that is humanly possible and you have no other choice.  Consideration; the back and forth happen here. Arguably this should take place before acceptance, but then we may not be having this discussion at all if it did.  Remorse; this is more of a admission, an admission of mostly YOU are not really happy with the outcome, not necessarily with the incidents that lead up to this outcome.

I leave you with “what if I was wrong” to ponder. The next step is even more difficult to face,” what do I do now“.  Along with the topic here, I would say there is a bit of soul searching you have to do. You can work on this now or you can do what I have done more than one time, put it on the “back-burner”. However, I must caution you “it” will come back again until you truly have resolve.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , , , ,
24 Apr 2012
1 Comment

Prospective Perspectives

What a difference a day makes… I say that with a smile. We travel along our routes in life and never give a second thought to our state of being  unless it puts us into an noticeable frenzy. We are a flood of emotions, crashing up against one another like waves into the coastline, but this doesn’t even cause a conscious stir until those emotions are at tidal wave proportions.

A few years ago I was a powder keg and I wasn’t slightly aware of it until I departed from the situation. Something as simple as a job change, changed my entire being, my entire point of view, my perspective. Yet this is about the results of actions that I did not necessarily orchestrate. Day in and day out I did this job with little or no passion, slightly above the  level of expectation for the resolve of no conflict. I saw no future so I behaved as such.

What if I had channeled that mediocrity to another area, an area where I could have a different view, a place where my prospects were good or at the very least they existed? My perspective was marred by the negative and I let that same “negative” serve as my compass. That compass took me nowhere fast. Most of us aren’t fortune tellers, but we do have the ability to express what we would like to see or have. The vision is paramount and it should come first, then you must take an active role in making that vision something solid and tangible. Otherwise you end up back in the same or a similar place asking the same questions.

Perhaps you have a relationship that needs examining, personal or professional sometimes you just have to stop and take a step back to see the entire picture. The distortion you see may not be in the picture, it may be in you.The thing I did learn is one must continue to work at making these changes in one’s life. It is so easy to fall back into the same bad habits .  Therefore, I am being a positive forward thinker; in turn my prospects have taken on an entirely new light, and my perspective is good because of it.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , ,
27 Mar 2012
4 Comments

Dreamin…..

In the  late 1970’s/early 1980’s there were a couple of songs that impacted me, a still starry eyed young adult.  Dreamin of You a song by Lionel Richie and Dianna Ross off the “Endless Love”  soundtrack  and I like Dreamin by  Kenny Nolan. It may be shocking, because of the things I write how romantic minded I truly am. I often search my soul.  When my husband offers what I deem to be a “far-fetched idea or plan I think, “Wow, is he really serious? Cause back here in the real world there are some real matters that need tending to…” I have been and perhaps am still unable to wrap my mind around the idea/concept that he is “dreamin”. Why? Well for starters he is 20+ years my senior, and because I have in my estimation lost some of MY ability to do this dreamin.

The reference to those two songs prompted me to go back, pull them out and listen. I am glad I did. I really needed a reminder of what it is to dream. I get caught-up in the everyday realities, and the scowl on my face shows it. My granddaughter without words, brings me back to the awareness of what dreamin really is. This happens each time I see her, and that is  as often as possible. I dream of wonderful, better things for her and her world.  She makes me remember when my children, her respective father and uncle, were infants and how excited, happy, hopeful, worried, and afraid I was for them and their future. In listening to  the words of John Lennon’s song Imagine, hope is somehow restored. However, faith is ultimately my deliverance.

We move on, we carry on, but when we do maybe we should try to do what we do when we pack for a trip of any sorts; take inventory of what we have, what we need, and do our best not to forget important personal things, even if they are tiny little ones. Much like dreamin, for it does matter. Who you wanted to be/ who you are, probably on some level or another, has been shaped by your dreams. Don’t let them go, continue to cautiously pursue them, for when you loose them you loose a part of yourself.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , ,
14 Mar 2012
1 Comment

X-Hafa…What-Now

How about that for a question. For Post 100, I figured it should be something special.

It seemed like a good idea at the time. Something that would connect the blog to the writing. Not so suddenly, I ran out of ideas for this. Then it came to me, I would follow in the footsteps of one of my favorite groups “Chicago” no frills titles for their albums, they let the songs and music speak to you. Beyond the greatest hits, all you have to do is to be able to count. Thus after this post under this tag, all I will do is use Roman numerals to identify these pieces.

Post 100 or X has to live up to a lot, at least it does for me. I do not want it to merely be full of fluff to get me to that number. It has to have character and it has to have content. So what about these half way points. These, from this point forward, pieces that originally were to earmark things that my mid-life experience experienced.  One thing is there never seems to be a lack of material only a lack of time and concentration.

I began thinking of stalemates and being stagnant. Now I am a talker, I have been dubbed this long before I could write. Therefore, I believe I will always have something to say. Whether it is worthy of reading or writing is discretionary. I felt pretty convinced that words would never escape me, but in Post 100 I must come to terms with  my stalemate, my book.

While filled with great ideas and an outline as to where I want to go…. My outline is the longest contribution to this upcoming book of mine. I think about life; I compare it to travel and the point of no return. I do not concentrate on that much when I travel, but then it seems overall we do not think about that point much in life either. I believe we should. I think we should consciously visit that point in our everyday decisions. I am not suggesting we sit down and ponder all aspects of our life with this formula, merely to take it into account more often then when we are in an airplane.

So what now? I have to regroup. I have no predictions, only hopes. At this juncture it is good that I still have that available, and then there is the anticipation of XI. Stay Tuned… was all I could come up with. A boat load of parables filled my head, but nothing seemed right. Sometimes you can search too long and too hard for that which is right there in front of you. The truth is everything you do though it is impactful on some level, it may not live up to what your idea of impactful is. The tiny little impressions add up; then one day you can finally see what took some time to achieve, and you may find that what you intended is nothing like the result.

Posted in Hafwaythroughpoints and tagged , , ,
11 Mar 2012
2 Comments

The Disappointed Idealist

 “Inside every cynical person there is a disappointed idealist”

– George Carlin

Maybe you know one. Maybe you are one. Has life thrown you a blow or two that has made it hard for you to get up? Has your mind finished the delivery of that blow with a dose of feeling inadequate? Now you have an excuse to be sarcastic and negative. Repeat the process a couple of times and the cynic is born.  Now I have to hit you one more time,” this doesn’t make you special or unusual”. We all know it is much simpler to take the easy way out. In this case, it is negative and effortless. Who could blame you, for after all this was a … then you must stop yourself. Stop before you go spiraling in to  the pity party

How did we get here though? Who did this to you? Let’s begin. Your education crescendoed with your post graduate degree, you married your high school sweetheart, the promotion is yours. What you did not realize is these events are not truly final acts as they imply. For though you have reached a goal, the hard work now begins. Of course you know this, but are you reacting like you know it?

Remember, you were going to change the world. That is until you ran into that road block. I submit that the idealist  falls short when they allow themselves to be short sighted. “OOH I didn’t plan on running into so much difficulty in doing this.” Why? If you thought it would be easy, don’t you think it would have been done already.

While it is relatively simple to join the ranks of a cynic, it is not a desirable state. Oftentimes,  it is not as easy to get away from that ” cynical sleeping giant” you awake.  Listen we all get a little down but you have to remember life is cyclic, ever changing and each morning brings a new opportunity for you to close the door on the cynic in you.

Let me go through life looking through “rose colored glasses”. The disappointments should serve as reminders that we have untapped resources that now need to be utilized. Finally, if the desired results are not achieved feel accomplished in the fact that things are not quite the same as they were before you began your endeavor. A true idealist would not give up or surrender to the challenges that would eventually bring their dreams and goals into fruition. While disappointments are the reality for some, know this is not the case or even a possibility for the idealist.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , ,
09 Mar 2012
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Breaking Bread

Eating is a very important process in our lives. We need it in order to sustain ourselves, first and foremost. However, there is something more. As we tie certain songs to events in our lives, there is a connection that exists with us and our meals.

Think of the imagery of the 1950’s a family sitting down to dinner, sharing the events of their day.  How about the “romantic comedy” you just watched a couple of nights ago where the couple shared a romantic dinner, or the mother’s day surprise of breakfast in bed. Food and who we eat it with is a very personal passionate thing. You just don’t sit down and eat with anyone, at least you don’t plan to.

We went to an interesting eatery when we first moved to Georgia almost 20 years ago at the urging of our new neighbors (Georgia natives). This place served typical southern cuisine, the thing that was most exciting to them was the sitting down to enjoy your meal in the company of complete strangers. I thought it was a novel little idea, but wasn’t quite as excited. We were new and felt like we should get familiar with the regions traditions and customs. Well it was very uneventful, and not even in the slightest manner interesting.

I was taken back to another piece I wrote called, “All We Do Is Eat” and I realized how very personal this act of eating is. We do it so often and so mechanically that we really do not  think of the intimacy involved.

When I worked in “Corporate America” in an effort to demonstrate “they” cared; there were often luncheons, celebrations, etc. where we, the employees would get together with the bosses and “break bread”. I was always the outspoken and standoffish one. I thoroughly enjoyed declining or not showing up to these functions, knowing questions would be asked, and I would have the opportunity to tell “them” exactly why I had chosen not to be a part of the function. In a way I was being completely honest, in  another I was being completely mean, but at the time I did not realize how completely valid my reaction/response was to being invited to come and “make nice” with an individual in a forum that is normally reserved for people you really and truly want to be around. Later when the title change happened and I became “them” the the challenge was once again presented, for I now not only had to participate in these function I oftentimes had to plan them. Oh the hypocrisy of it all….

Today as I attempt to be a better person, I am a volunteer that works with a team that serves my community. It is a good place and a good thing we do, yet I would not be honest if I said that I feel close to any of the other members. I attributed this to my being the newer member, but as time has gone by I think there may be another reason. I do not believe that my personal feelings are important,  for what we do is what is most important. The problem is now we are having a meeting in which food will be served. This will be the third meeting of this type I have been invited to. The first I did not go to at all, the second I did not eat. I have and feel the obligation to be there for this meeting, but I cannot overlook my feelings toward these people I am teamed with. Perhaps a more relevant question would be, “do I need to continue to be with a group I do not want to or feel comfortable being around”? Do I have the right to interrupt/disturb this part of a program we are all a part of because of MY personal feelings? I think maybe if I allow myself to get into this intimate setting with them maybe I will connect, but the questions remains, what if I am right, what if this vibe I feel is the vibe the are sending out. I would rather walk away than to have them send me away, but that is all about ego isn’t it.

Therefore, I will go and I will be on time, but I will not eat once again. I guess the test will be how many meetings will I go to before I feel comfortable enough to get intimate with my team members, or how long will I stubbornly work with people I may not like and who may not like me for the sake of doing something good.

Then in the midst of revisions and additions I came face to face with it; maybe I am sending a signal to my team members as well. While I am sitting here feeling ostracized, maybe I have ostracized as well. Wow, maybe I  should eat.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , ,
05 Mar 2012
2 Comments

Done-But Not Ready

A cautious glimpse at the possibilities. Was Cinderella held prisoner in the home of her evil step-mother? Was Sleeping Beauty held in a deep sleep by a spell? Does circumstance help our minds to help us escape unhappiness?

Years in a situation that one sees no end to can breed contempt as well as creativity. Something woke me up this particular morning. It was a troubled mind. I had a plan, but things surrounding me kept interfering. Yet the unsettled feeling would not leave me.

Our princesses seem to be trapped by the forces of something outside of self, but what if their escape was the very prison they existed in? As terrible as one may feel their existence is, does it overshadow the fear of the unknown? There is a real fear of falling. The inner “daredevil” has long retreated into the  poolside lounging chair. Yet, what can be worse than falling? Is it the devastation of defeat, what about the embarrassment of failure.

Growing older there is a stronger need for the certainties of life. We need stable, predictable outcomes now more than ever. The trouble is now we must look to ourselves to provide those confident stable situations.

The other reactions are difficult but for me the stagnant, atrophying, paralysis which occurs when you fear movement is the worst. You are a prisoner, one of your own creation in part. Not a very creative one either. Choosing to stay and be miserable simply because it is familiar is NOT a good choice.

Begin at the beginning, work on YOU. If it is a workplace problem, what measures or steps are realistic for YOU to take? If it is a personal relationship, where you can see the other person’s faults and contributions to the bad situation, maybe examine what YOU are doing. If it is  a spiritual  issue and you feel conflicted, perhaps begin with YOU being committed. As an individual YOU is the only factor one has complete accountability for and control over.

Therefore, we are very much like the pastry fresh out of the oven; one stage is complete, but more has to happen before it is ready to be served.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , ,
05 Feb 2012
1 Comment

You Already Know The Answer

I have been so fortunate to be put in contact with and befriended by some pretty fabulous, bright, smart, insightful, intelligent people. However, I have also be plagued with the misfortune of encountering their polar opposites. When I am in contact with the ones I find less desirable, it is very difficult to call upon my resources and remember they are only one aspect of my people dealings.

Living in the south only a “transplant” understands my plight. Though it was a path I chose willingly, it  periodically challenges my entire being. My “Yankee” friends probably are imagining all sorts of menacing horrors, but I can and do assure them it really isn’t more than a minor annoyance. Yet it is /they are annoyances just the same.

The election years are always thought provoking and amazing. A few days ago a couple of neighbors that I would consider civil were reduced to the mindless drone classification. Now that is okay, because they were never very far from that position in the first place.  Yet it is disheartening just the same. I ask how can adults behave in such a childish way?

History if for nothing else will have to record like it or not that Barack Obama was the first president of these United States Of America of obvious African American decent. President Obama is a black man, for the people who have “challenges” and “issues”. He has provided certified documentation of his birth, he has stated he is a christian, and in spite of the frivolous accusations and distractions he has done/is doing his job. I ask how can people be so uninformed?

On the eve of my Sabbath; a day that I proudly proclaim, my church would make Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.  smile for it is NOT  a party to “Segregated Sunday”, I am writing about an overall feeling of unrest.  Plagued by the question who will I be sitting next to in church?

I am comforted with a video slideshow, that was sent to me a couple days ago by a high school classmate, of President Obama on  election night 2008. Images as diverse as the world we live in; faces with smiles, faces with tears, faces with hope. I remind myself where I was, how I felt. Irony interrupts my thoughts with the images of another time and place and the words of, not a poet laureate , nor a head of state come to mind. “Can’t we all just get along?” Tonight my answer saddens me.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , ,
05 Feb 2012
2 Comments

Give Nothing, Expect Nothing, Get Nothing

I imagine one may question this title. Let me clarify. Maybe I should have called the piece “Give Nothing, Get Nothing, Expect What?” I did not want to leave room for questions I wanted this spelled out. Therefore I approached this with the logic of my least favorite subject in school, MATH. Mathematics are very precise, absolute, cut and dry;  that is until you get into the higher levels that I do not pretend to understand. The main idea here is a simple addition problem. Most of us can work with that.

I am virtually breathless as I take this on. Most things I write have a personal experience to draw from but always a personal vantage point. The fact that I am breathless tells me I cannot take this on with out being personal. So I am letting go of my mental reigns and whatever come across… comes across.

Gladly I am in a state of bounce-back. We human beings have that uncanny ability. The tone of this piece was of an individual feeling their weaknesses and the need to  document it was overwhelming. Now it has lost some of its poison and potence. I still want to talk about it though.

Have you ever rushed something? Made dinner to fast, rushed a school project, picked up a last minute gift. These are examples of what I believe are afterthoughts. You know they need to be done but you have neglected or misjudged something. Be it time, ingredient or content  the end result will generally NOT be good. Why, because you didn’t put what was needed into it.

Next, have you ever been disappointed with something or someone. Maybe they or it did not live up to what you thought they should. You felt cheated right. However, hold on did you think about a time that maybe you did a little cheating yourself?

We do want things easy and we want things our way. No matter how old we are, there are  many of us who still need to grow up and abandon our childish ways. There is nothing wrong with having the energy of a child, or the hope and wonder of a child. These qualities keep us young and able to bounce back. Reckless abandon, uncontrolled temper, and no sense of responsibility.. well they will land us in the same place they did when we were children, IN TROUBLE.

What do these scenarios have in common with you and your relationships? Hopefully you can answer nothing, but if you can’t lets go back and evaluate this situation you find yourself in. Remember we are employing math principles here. if you are more musically inclined draw upon your memory and think of Billy Preston’s song, “Nothing From Nothing”.  Genius, right. No just common sense again. Stop with the shortcuts and put effort and pride in what you do. Show the loved ones they are loved. Staying cold will only get you a case of frost-bite around the heart, and that is fatal.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , ,
27 Jan 2012

It’s Complicated, But

What isn’t complicated these days? Where was I going with this. Oftentimes titles pop in my head and I immediately jot them down, but if there are no thoughts attached to the title….. It leaves you free to fill in the blank(s).

In a mode of reminiscing, a time gone by surfaced. It was a happier time but it was confusing, my time with the status of “It’s Complicated”. I did not realize it until the words began to fill up this piece. Faces began to fill in spaces where question marks once were, I can’t say I liked that. Then more questions came, the beauty of not-so-accurate memories returned.

You probably have watched a film or two that noted, “do not return to the scene of the crime”.  I must comment this is very good advice. In returning you may leave something you never intended for someone else to see, instead of checking for what you may have left behind. Being careless is bad, but being overly careful is not the solution either.

In a moment, where better judgement was lost the journey is made. It is all too familiar this lends to the need to go on, even though there is still time to turn around and go back home. Places and voices are the same as best you can remember. That is because this is what you want to recall. Slowly you tiptoe back into this neatly disguised disaster that used to be your reality, your life. Now it is too late you are right back where you started and now you ask, what actually went wrong? This is not where I thought I would be, I am pretty certain it is not where I want to be, yet here I am.

As another mystery of this thing called life unfolds, we ask why?I know my life is filled with questions at a time that I really thought I would have more answers. Do you, my readers’/my contemporaries feel the same way? Now what? Knowing the history, your history, guided by reactions and results the next move is yours. I submit to you we have no choice but to move forward,  for we have already taken the step into this once familiar place. We ignored the warnings and better judgment to stay away, or at the very least turn around and go back. Now here we come face to face with the fact, this time it will all be under our control. No questions, no excuses,  this time around merely responsibility.

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