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Archive for the tag “truth”

09 Apr 2013
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Why Do Your Children Hate You?

Have you ever asked yourself this question? As a wannabe good parent, I know every-so-often the thought does comes to mind. The arrogant among us say, “HELL no it doesn’t”. The realist know that no matter how hard you try there are going to be some”flies in the buttermilk” of child rearing.

After years of taking our own respective parents through changes they could not have imagined at our births, we are now the symbols of authority. Some of us detested the rules and regulations of our youth, some of us applauded the freedom from responsibility, but there were times when we were just not happy with good ole mom and dad.

The prom dress you couldn’t wear, the trip with your buddies unaccompanied by an adult more than 21 years old, the fast car they opted NOT to buy for you.  Did it ever occur to you that it was denied to you, NOT merely to make your entire life unbearable? Now your offspring has a tale or two that may need some of that same convincing about.

I admit as a parent I wanted to be more, give more, and in return expect nothing of my children but they have fun and  become responsible upstanding citizens, However, we humans are not made up like that. In order for us to become strong, we must struggle and fight. We must face challenges and adversity in order to rise to the occasion. Our character much like our bodies must be trained in order for that perfect form to emerge. Yet this is not what we are teaching and demonstrating to our young.

We indulge them, we make excuses for them, and when they do something wrong or incorrect WE try to fix things for them rather than make them stand up and assume responsibility for their actions.

We are, as parents, the perpetual “catch 22” in our minds. If we teach the hard lessons the hard way, we foster the idea that they will not love or care for us, we won’t be their friends. On the other hand if we protect and shelter them from these same hard lessons, when we are no longer here to fix the problems for them, they are angry at us for allowing them to be disillusioned and unable to cope.

They have no appreciation for what we have done, how we have sacrificed and why is that? I wonder if in their minds and cultivated since they were small; they consistently looked away, ignored, or missed the part where we said, “Now it is not always going to be this way, We will not be able to always fix this for you, EVERYONE won’t do this for you, because WE love you”.

To these same children, are we truly to blame? Are you angry at people who did the best they could for you; an individual with ever-changing wants, needs, and desires, who one day tells us to bud out  and the next days calls and asks to be bailed out.

From the first time we laid eyes on your precious tiny face we were in love with you. We knew our time to just be everything to you was short, we nonetheless cherished the thought of it while we could. Society, religion, the world tell us at a certain point in time we are no longer responsible for you; you must stand on your own, but dammit these sources don’t tell us how to just turn that love off. So we fight and battle and try so hard to get you to the point where you want to go, and get out there, and do YOUR thing. Without the “safety net” it is frightening and though others before you have done this, we did it, if you flinch or turn back to look at us, we still want to be there.

You are angry at us, but what if we were angry at you? Trust me it is quite unfathomable in most cases, because we love you so much what we house is hurt IF we think we slighted you in the most miniscule manner. We try to protect you from the outsiders and the strangers, but now in your disappointment and/or anger YOU  now act like the stranger we tried to keep YOU from, toward us.

What to do? It is simple fix it. Recognize the problem and do something actively or proactively. Yes it is hard it will be hard, but it is a learning situation and you all are collectively smarter than your parents. Finally, as an ending thought, realize this is all new and a learning experience for us as well.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , ,
08 Apr 2013

Bad Behavoir Contagion

Well it spreads like any other infection. Exposure to this means you are as likely to catch or become it, as you are to resist or overcome it. Take a closer look.

What do you know about the typical characteristics of communicable diseases. You know the environment has to be ideal for them to grow and thrive in. There must be a host to infiltrate. This same host must have a weakened system. Repeated exposure to the attacker is generally enough to accomplish a breakdown. Finally there have to be others for it to spread to.

Although bad behavior is primarily psychological affliction, I submit to you it sports the same characteristics as the physiological one. Therefore what do you do when you know you are going to be in a situation or environment that puts YOU at risk? One could avoid it, one could build oneself up with vitamins and nutrients. However, if those things fail and you end up affected, you get help.

The treatment has to include both physician and medication. The host must follow the directions of both in order to fight off and drive away the disease. Full recovery is possible, but that is not saying it will be easy.

When we place the condition in the psychological column, the physician becomes the counselor or spiritual leader; vitamins and nutrients, become good influences and reliable information; medication becomes consistent positive reinforcement.

With these things in your corner, you are prepared for battle. You stand a chance to not only fight off this bad behavior, but possibly change some of it.

Posted in Quickbits and tagged , , , , | Leave a comment
29 Mar 2013
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Mama’s Little Man

Years after a film called “Baby–Boy” was released the thought crossed my mind about the men in many of our lives. The movie explored the phenomenon from the product/consumer aspect. I want to cover the manufacturer for a bit.

With the disclaimer always close to the beginning of pieces like this, I have to say all of us should not reproduce. That is not being mean or insensitive, but getting older one has to view things in retrospect and see the disservice we do to our children, when we do not take our roles seriously or consciously. We hurt and damage them innocently, but we do these things to them just the same.

My sons KNOW that they are the loves of my life. I am proud and in awe of them and their respective accomplishments. They also know, from me, that during my reproductive years I yearned for a daughter. We have discussed this openly and I believe that they have not been harmed with that knowledge, because of the way I  conveyed this information.  Yet there are things that we do not share with our children; yes somethings should not be put out there, but when you hide important facts from those who are ultimately affected, the inevitable fallout is much worse.

God blessed me with two handsome boys; I rearranged my mind and actually had a business plan to help my need to have someone to dress up fulfilled. They donned Christian Dior and Guess layette. Nike crib shoes adored their tiny feet and Calvin Klein covered their diapers. Numerous results could be connected with MY OBSESSIONS, fortunately my children survived me.

My wise friends and I have covered our children on various levels at times we have noted we have raised the type of men we had hoped to marry “Once-Upon-A-Time”( Please do not look at this from a sick reverse Oedipus stand-point). At other times we see that some things we observe them doing, are things we would NOT tolerate ourselves from a man. Each of these scenarios are a testament to the  viewed successes or failures as their mothers.

The connection, well we as their mothers are charged with raising sons of whom we will turn over to other women who will hopefully reap the benefits of our positive, sensitive, and knowledgeable rearing. The irony is that we will do this based in part (and oftentimes a good part of) from our own bad experiences. Follow that up with the unattainable goal of being the kind of man our “daddy/father/dad was. We may as well hand these little ones a guide to nuclear medicine at four.

Sadly this is a “turkey shoot” and we really do not think about this fact, as we take these man-children on the adventure of growing up. I must note I am not ignoring the facts that we may or may not have a spouse, mate, man in our lives during these times, for this must be factored in as well. However, my area of concentration is on us, the women.

I  made my boys into young male fashion dolls. I was on one hand given the illusion boys would be simpler to dress and maintain. I embraced this, but simultaneously under-minded it with my need to make them appearance conscious. The long-term affects have been one never has a hair out of place and his wife notes this in passing as she jokes of him constantly in the mirror. The other would just as soon walk out the door without combing his hair, could exist in a world without mirrors, and is uncomfortable with being told he is handsome even by his girlfriend.

Think of the mothers who raised their sons angry at men, who may or may not be these same sons’ fathers.  What about the mothers that were alone and told young boys of six or seven, “You have to be/are the man of the house”. What lessons or learned behavior do you suppose they will carry with them into adulthood?

Some of the intent illustrated here was be neat and well groomed, don’t treat women badly and be responsible. The question is how did it translate to a child, and how was it interpreted when that child became an adult? One day Mama’s Little Man will in fact be a man, therefore we mothers have an obligation that reaches beyond self.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , ,
25 Mar 2013
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Taking A Tiger By The Tale

I  only have a few people that I feel like I could be like a giddy teenager in regards to. I have written about a couple of them. Face it all of us have a deep seeded “amoration” for someone, we are only human.

I was not born with the following gifts but I do admire and appreciate them all just the same; the great athlete, how I do enjoy watching them defy gravity and opponents, the conversations and thoughts of  a great mind are absolutely spell-binding, and the haunting beauty of musical genius is unparalleled.

When play was suspended due to weather at the 2013 Arnold Palmer Invitational I was disappointed. I don’t mind telling you I am anxiously awaiting Tiger Woods to return to his pursuit and attainment of the undisputed, unquestionable, and official title greatest golfer of all time. This win will bring him that much closer and I silently cheer him on.

He has work ethic and style. He possesses command and poise in his sport. He makes you proud and in awe of his skill when you watch him. It might surprise you that I would say I don’t particularly care for Tiger Woods, at least the Tiger Woods I know of.

There had to be some research done before I could write this and I am not a fan of statistics. I will say this, my eyes grew tired and my mind weary as I went through line after line, number after number of comparisons. I knew I didn’t want to look at that much information, but I was drawn in like a car to train tracks. This is a blog not a math class, so I encourage you to “google” Mr. Woods for details of his accomplishments. I am here to play homage to the persona of the athlete.

I was introduced to the world of golf when I was 26. Now of course I knew what the game of golf was, but I had no interest in it. I had no idea about the purpose or rules of the game. I certainly did not know anything significant about the names associated with golf.  Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus may have been familiar, but their records and accomplishments would have escaped me. At that point in time it was not really important to me.

How would I know that a venture which began only because of a test in togetherness, would turn into an actual interest of mine, or an 11 year old who lived a few miles south would change the game of golf and make history in a few short years. By the time Tiger reached the age I was when I first was interested enough to pick up a golf club he would already be on track to becoming a force to deal with in a sport that had been dominated by a rather diversity challenged field, where admittance to certain arenas of the sport prohibited his very presence.

He made his presence know, this Tiger not only roared, he had quite a bite. The calm demeanor, the intimidating stare, the perfect approach all belonged to him. Racking up wins, admirers and enemies at the speed of light. “Oh, but the mighty they do fall” and in spite of my saying, “I do not like him”, I do not want to mar this piece elaborating on what the media reveled in when it happened. This again is for my readers to research.

On a positive note, Tiger is back. Arguably he never left. Clearly he is disciplined in his sport, ever-seeking to improve HIS game. He shocks and amazed his critics, opponents, fans, and team-mates alike. Happily,  I am there cheering him on too. One cannot ignore greatness; many try and many fail for history will not allow it to be overlooked and history will always tell the truth.  There IS more to come. Geaux Tiger!

Posted in Everybody's Critic and tagged , , ,
24 Mar 2013
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Life-cycling Seasons

Seasons

Beginning in the 1980’s I tried my hand at “journaling”. If I look a bit farther back I recall my diary. Awakened by an array of things, I decided to write until sleep or responsibilities of the day forced me to move forward. As luck would have it 45 minutes before the responsibilities were to take over the sleep crept up. However, not before I was able to read back over a couple of my writings. Then it happened and I realized that I live, respond, react to my environment practically the same way every year. How is that possible when life is ever changing? Did this mean I was in a rut, a rut that allowed me to stay there for a good 42 of my 53 years? No way! Happily I will reveal what I did discover and perhaps it will prompt my readers to take into account their own “life-cycling seasons”.

I wrote a letter as archaic as that may sound; writers have use for these tools and methods, because they still feel as though they are in touch with their art this way. This letter was to someone near and dear to me. It was for information and it was confrontational. People who know me personally will NOT be surprised by the tone of the letter I speak of. Yet the letter was never delivered to the intended party. It rests in the archives of my personal e-mail, waiting to be printed  and mailed or simply sent via e-mail.

An entire year passed and one day close to the anniversary of the original letter, unaware of this fact, I sat down and authored a letter to this same special person. I spilled my heart out and spewed a few venomous attacks, after which I decided to save the piece until I had time to print it and prepare it for delivery. When I went to my draft file I found the other letter to this same person dated a year earlier, give or take a few days. It struck me as odd and curiosity got the best of me, with no time to spare as I prepared for work I started to read. I shook my head in amazement, this letter left undelivered contained some of very the same verbiage, with the very same feeling.

I tried to dismiss it as coincidence or not important, but neither was true. I had to take it out and look at it for what it was worth. Facing reality is not always easy, but the truth  was we were in the exact same place because nothing had been really addressed let alone resolved, and not unlike other things around us relationships will stagnate as well. If you continue going through the motions avoiding confrontation, the problem doesn’t go away. It may be covered or overshadowed by something else, but the moment you get to it again you will find it sitting there intact waiting to be dealt with.

lightbulb

Over the course of the next couple of weeks I mulled over “My World”.  Here  is what I found in no particular order; every autumn I feel renewed, during my birthday month I am hopeful but generally disappointed, springtime I fall in love either in actuality or with the memory of it happening, summer months are too hot, winter months are too cold, so when difficulties happen during those particular times of year they seem so much bigger or worse, and Christmastime I return to my childhood complete with wonder and joy.

At 53 I had an outline/blueprint now all I needed was a formula/plan. I bet you have said at one time or another,”If I could only go back..” I submit a realization that on one level or another because of this cycle we live in, we do have an opportunity to go back. For all the fantastic stories, books, and films that give their interpretation of what would happen; I see us continuing to do things the same ways because we are unaware we are redoing and reliving our lives annually. We are not in a rut in the classic sense; we are not insane by the simple definition of doing the same thing the same way expecting a different result. We are victims of circumstance.

Deja vu occurs( I personally think it is more than a feeling); we don’t know how to do things differently, because we have become caught up and we feel safe with what we know.Therefore, if you see yourself in this cyclic pattern, what if that(deja vu) is the reset button? What if when that feeling happens you did not just inhale and wait for it to pass, but you did something/ anything that was completely outside your norm. I am not suggesting you do any thing in particular; I am suggesting you don’t do as I have done by continuing to live in the cycle and not be adventurous enough to jump off every now and then.



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Billiga Resor

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Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , ,
23 Mar 2013

It’s Just Too Easy

I learned or should I see became reacquainted with something I have known for quite some time. This thing was in regards to business and friendship. How quickly and easily that line can be crossed.

My lesson and subject matter falls into the realm of “not mixing business with pleasure”. Now that is a wide open field, so let me narrow it down for you. This is about cheating versus doing things the right way. Let’s concede a couple of things here as we get started, most everyone of us has fallen into each of these categories at one time or another. However, most of us is more comfortable in one area than the other and we individually know what area that is.

Several years ago I was licensed as a real estate agent and thereby introduced to the concept of a fiduciary relationship. This fiduciary relationship was of the utmost importance in this field because misconduct while serving in this capacity was governed by law. Therefore, if you didn’t do the right thing you could end up facing legal consequences. I will NOT tell you that folks do not cross that line, I am simply saying there is a bit more at stake than ones good name.

How about that, one’s good name, or reputation? Fiduciary came to mind because I believe we conduct ourselves in a fashion that fiduciary is implied; whether or not it is stated or proven to be the case, and we are oftentimes very disappointed when we find out otherwise. In our society where we are hungering after dirt and garbage(i.e. media seeking entertainment rather than news) why would something like a reputation be of any concern? Big businesses, small businesses, and even individuals can all be equally unscrupulous; magnitude being the only difference.

We want to feel safe. We want to know there is a place(or person) we can go to and get, without worrying that certain improprieties will NOT occur. Here’s the rude awakening we are avoiding, there is NO WAY TO TELL.  Deceit is everywhere and our naivety makes us easy targets. That disappoints, that hurts, that is reality. The truth is there are very few areas that cannot be likened to shark infested waters, an area that used to be dominated by ironically the legal field.

This is not being harsh, but again simply being real.  EXAMPLE: If you work for an accountant you stand as good a chance with a stranger handling your tax needs, as you do going to your employer. A family member in law enforcement is as likely to give you a ticket as the officer patrolling local streets. I don’t even need to broach the subject of attorney’s we ALL have stories an example. The problem now is the legal  profession is not alone. “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer” comes to mind; but what do you do when they are looking and behaving the same? Understand this is the way “they” get in, the window of opportunity is open and we not only opened it we invited “them” in.

Therefore, you must safeguard yourself and take nothing for granted. Every business transaction should be treated accordingly; do not mistake a smiling face and/or cordial greeting as an indicator of the end result of that same business transaction. One who exercises good manners and decorum should not be used as a barometer as to what one can expect from that same businessperson.

I will end with a touch of levity here; as letter carriers my case-partners and I used to characterize our treatment at times by our employer and/or supervisors with “if you’re gonna screw me then at least give me a kiss”. Nowadays think of your business transactions from the standpoint of, if you are getting a kiss you are probably being screwed.

Posted in As Consumers and tagged , , | Leave a comment
15 Mar 2013
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Dancin With The Devil

Waking from a pretty fantastic sleep this thought/portion of a quote occurred to me. I was not happy for I am not wanting to be awakened, and certainly not with such a dubious thought.  Well needless to say I could not go back to sleep and I said,” Well this will be an interesting subject matter to address”.

Several variations came to my mind, the quote of Max California in 8mm, the Nietzche quote regarding “the abyss” morphed into “What if you danced with the devil and the devil looked like you”. Honestly, I have no idea what that  last quote means or where it came from; only my interpretation was something to do with self righteousness and becoming that which you despise. Then I began to ponder things, and I cannot say I was completely thrilled with the results when it came to me.

Have you ever set a “trap” or made plans for someone else and found yourself right in the throws of things yourself? I know my answer. At these time the realization that we human beings are but victims of the cliche’s we try so hard to avoid saying aloud, comes crashing through. Upon further investigation or observation we  come face-to-face with the fact that, we live those very same cliche’s. Denial is simply our way of dealing with this truth.

For decades I put myself in a toxic environment. I did this knowingly and without reservation. In arrogance or stupidity I convinced myself it would NOT rub off on me. One day a midst a dastardly deed, it crossed my mind that I was as foul as the individuals around me. I quickly dismissed the thought and this helped me convince myself I was nothing like “them”.

In the beginning that may have been true, but year after year of exposure to such an environmental wasteland you learn to adjust and adapt, rather than trying to improve or escape the surroundings. Before the ultimate fall I caught a glimpse of my assassin and she had a strangely familiar face.

When the voice of reason tells you to stop and look at what you are doing or what you are becoming,  STOP and take note. There may still be hope and time for you to make the change. If you don’t, well there is nothing like waking to the image of your “evil twin” hovering over you with something designed to destroy you, and knowing that same “evil twin” will derive nothing but pleasure out of doing just that. Now who shall you blame?

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , ,
24 Feb 2013

Not Who You Think They Are

Clients versus customers; after 4 years in business I realized I had virtually no clients and only a few reliable customers. Is it the economy, is it the nature of my business, or is it ME? Have you ever thought you had something and found out you didn’t, or considered someone in a certain status only to find out the position you put them in was not proper/applicable/deserved? BOOM! I imagine you have heard a person who you are close to say, “oh ___ is my friend, or my friend ____.”  Then there are the patients, caught somewhere in between the four.

There  some areas in the world of advertising and commercialization that should remain untouched. I feel like the medical profession is one of those areas. During our lifetimes we have seen the family doctor evolve. Doctor has transformed from “the kindly, miracle bearing cure-all” to “the stone faced take-a-number/game-of-chance operator”. Don’t be mad at him; we have done this to him, and by “we” I mean society.

What does it take to open up/start up a business? Well of course it depends on the nature of your business. Yet, when you look at a young doctor starting out, there are considerations that must be taken into account. This new fresh physician has student loans (in most cases) that remind you of the National Debt. Everyday these people take lives into their hands with a perpetual monkey-on-their-backs, and we wonder why their bedside-manner is lacking. Then there are the realities of insurance, insurance that they cannot afford and cannot practice without.

If you are fortunate enough to have insurance you may have an HMO plan. This may have been a choice or the only option your employer offered you, but in numerous cases HMO demonstrates and should stand for Health Maintenance Oppressor. Everyone is given the impression they are getting something; the patient has lower cost reliable medical treatment available, the doctors have built-in patients, but they neglected to tell you about the part that you sell your soul to the devil for these “benefits”. The patient is locked into the types and amount of treatment the PLAN feels is acceptable. The doctor is faced with quotas and time restrictions on the care given.

The other type plans may offer more freedom, but they cost you in time and research. Time that you should invest in finding out who this doctor is; where the degree(s) was/were obtained, if there are significant complaints or malpractice suits pending or settled, and still no guarantees or even a promise that the care you receive will be up-to-par.

What these two sited plans do have in common is the power of persuasion facilitated through advertising. Depending on how much spending power you have this power is virtually endless. There can be a picture painted that would convince the strongest skeptic “_____ is the way to go”.

Plastic surgeons were  once looked upon as the bastard child of the medical profession; they had this reputation because of the stigma attached to elected surgery, and they were among the first in the field of medicine to advertise. Pharmaceutical companies have us convinced that we are qualified to suggest a certain medication to our doctors! How, through the media. If I knew what was wrong with me and/or what medications I should be taking, there would be no need for the physician!!!

Now we have the doctor, pharmaceutical company, and/or plan that can afford to make themselves look good in the media, but fail to deliver what they promise or show on television/or ads, in reality. Who suffers?

We must all be more aware, educated, and informed when it comes to our health and well-being. This is merely a carry-over from how busy and complicated our lives are now. However, it all goes back to the grass roots concepts of this piece. You really don’t know who or what you are dealing with, until you discover who or what they think of you.

Posted in As Consumers and tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment
21 Feb 2013

What A Way To Celebrate

In honor of Black History Month I submit this with mixed emotions.

My facebook page has two stories that disturb me greatly. One is of an old man accused of and then  fired from his job, as an upper level executive, for racial rants and slapping the child of a stranger on board a Delta flight. The other story is of a nurse suing a  hospital in Michigan for obliging the request of a racist new father, that no black nurse care for his newborn son in the neonatal unit.

The story about the man slapping the child disturbed me because it seems as though his excuse was going to be the alcohol. Now there is an out-and-out denial. The hospital story had me reeling in the barrage of comments(and I added my two-cents-worth) ranging from “How could this be happening in-this-day and age?” to “I don’t want no blacks handling my kid”.

Law versus ethic, personal responsibility versus politically correct.  Yet people from both sides of this subject of Black History Month would both share the common question, “Why is it necessary to celebrate such a thing?” Here is why.

Our old “friend” racial prejudice is alive and well in 2013. This saddens me because I had hoped to witness it’s death by now. Yet in my lifetime, I realize this may not come to pass any time soon. Our society is becoming insulated to the mere existence on one hand, on the other we are hyper-sensitive, and finally we are in a state of denial.

The idea that an adult (or anyone for that matter) would have the audacity to say such ugly things to/about a child and then proceed to put their hand on that same child is appalling.The nurse is scrutinized and accused of being an opportunist for initiating a lawsuit. The lawsuit viewed as a way to make-a-buck off of a frivolous complaint?  Yet the hospital is excused for this particular action because they could have been liable for NOT complying to the father’s demands.

We are victims still, but now we have earned the title of perpetrator and opportunist. How does a victims receive justice in a society such as ours? A society that selectively allows success based on racism and race, but cries foul when laws and policies are enacted to prevent and discourages these practices.

Two stories but the same moral,” Fools who do not know history are destined to repeat it.” Wrapped up in our everyday life it is easy to forget and overlook, damaged by the hurt of injustice past and present we want to forget. However stories like the ones mentioned in this piece are reminders, reminders that we can not let our guards down. Our old foe is lurking about and still can be bold enough to launch an attack. The only way to keep him at bay is to be aware of his existence and not foolish enough to believe he is no longer harmful. What better way of combating a negative than to  disarm it with a positive. Celebrate our victories, contributions and accomplishments. Know you are worthy, know that you count, and remember it ALWAYS.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , | Leave a comment
21 Feb 2013
1 Comment

Why Won’t You Comb Your Hair!!!!!

Okay I am not a basketball fan but I saw a photo of a certain NBA player posted on my “FACEBOOK” wall, and I had to address this. He looked a “hot mess”. What happened to the days when men tried to look neat, presentable, let alone good?

I have to say it; you all overall, are better looking than the men of old. You have more available to you; more money, more products, more nutrition, why is it unreasonable to expect MORE of YOU! When the “natural” or “afro” was popular in the 1970’s men who were fortunate enough to sport that hair made sure it was clean, neat, and trimmed.  What happened?

I am not letting the straight haired fellows get away with this either. That “grungy”stringy-haired, bearded look is as unflattering on you as it is on castaway lost on a deserted island without the ability to shave and comb their hair, but at least being stranded gives a legitimate excuse.

People in the “limelight” are a big part of this problem. Athletes coming off the field hair all over their heads and faces, musicians sweaty and unkempt; but hey this is generally what you see right after they have finished doing what they get paid to do, playing ball or performing. Operative term being “get paid”.

Grooming is important. Many young people wonder why it is hard to get a job, but there are some basics that will stand the test of time. First impressions last. You MUST always put your best foot forward. I understand and respect your need to be an individual and unique, but not at the risk of sacrificing a livelihood for it. No one wants to hire a person who looks like they have no concept of what being neat is about. This segues into being unorganized and unreliable, Definitely qualities NOT sought after by Fortune 500 companies or any other company for that matter.

You send a message about yourself without saying a word.  Albert Einstein  was notably a genius, but he will forever be remembered for his brilliance with an addendum, his WEIRD looking hair. Dr Cornell West( mixed opinions must be noted here) brilliant professor, but you would be lying if you said his hair and beard did not catch your eye. Point being this look doesn’t work on the older guys either. Double Standard Alert; loads of hair on the head of a woman is desirable and envied, loads of hair on the head of a man suggests uncontrollable and wild.

We say, You can’t judge a book by it’s cover”, but more often than not when it comes to people we do just that. We let the exterior appearance guide us. You are never going to be exactly what everyone expects you to be, there is no accounting for taste.  However, let me point this out to you there is a vast difference in having long hair that may get out of place during the day, and hair that was never combed in place to begin with.  There is a clear difference in growing a beard and being to lazy to shave. You are fooling NO ONE!!  These afore mentioned things tell the world you face ; “I don’t care what you think” and “I am lazy”. Two statements that I can pretty-much guarantee will keep you unemployed and probably alone. I have yet to hear a woman say, “OH did you see that one with the unshaven face, hair all over his head, tee shirt, and ripped jeans.. that’s a man after my own heart.” No offer of employment will say, “Are you defiant, do you think only YOUR opinions count, is unpredictable a fair assessment of your being, then you are the employee we are looking for.”

Lenny Kravitz, Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, Jimmy Hendrix, Kurt Cobain; no one would pay attention to their mere appearance now knowing the talent that rests within them, but we all did have to get to know them first. On your individual journey to greatness, stop by a mirror and make a few adjustments before you go off and make history.

Posted in How We Relate, Order of Appearance and tagged , , , , ,

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