hafacenturyncounting

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Archive for the tag “truth”

28 Jul 2014

It Is Better To Remain Silent

Sometimes words are just too much. I may not be the”brightest light on the Christmas tree”, but I am certainly not a full blown “power outage” either. People think they know you and oftentimes will express this verbally, but situations will expose the real truth. As time goes on you realize it is not always necessary to  give everything you have away, not all of your opinions, not all of your feelings, and not everything you know/or think you know.  I have honed this skill carefully and use it regularly. Although, this is true there are still people in your life who will challenge this ability of yours to keep things to yourself.

This is because people ALL need to have a “voice”, we all want to be heard. Some require and auditorium filled to capacity  in order to “mic it out”, that is not to say what these folks want to convey is any more significant than those who choose a quiet one-on-one intimate talk. The talkers aren’t always the best listeners, and being realistic listening is an acquired skill. We grow tired of being in the perceived inactive state, because we are impatient.

My latest experience that prompted this piece came as the result of someone I know, and THEIR “guilt trip”. Additionally, it is the beginning of one of my father’s favorite sayings and it’s meaning eluded me until I was older due to a very short attention span with “adult old sayings”. Little did I know one day I’d be quoting those very same words.

I bet there was an occasion or two in your childhood that you broke something. Maybe you were playing in  the house, maybe you touched something you were told not to. Once it was broken then you tried to hide the fact YOU were totally and completely responsible for this mishap. Maybe you hid the object hoping it would not be missed, maybe you reported you “discovered” it broken to draw the attention away from self (not an option for the only children out there), maybe you outright lied, or maybe you blamed it on someone else. While none of these is the honorable thing to do, we are humans and what we imagine is generally far worse than what actually will take place. This is expected behavior in a child and though it is undesirable one can understand.

Yet the same behavior in an adult is not understood nor tolerated, sorry you don’t get a pass because once you enter adulthood the “token/chip” you carry  with you at all at all times is responsibility. Now you can deny it if you want to but it changes nothing. YOU ARE LYING TO YOURSELF! I have come to know this individual for blaming mistakes, bad behavior, etc. on someone other than self it still does not take away from how annoying the characteristic is. The long term result is you do not believe anything, absent of documented proof, this person says. The more he talks the further away from what actually occurred, you become We are at the point that an omission would be welcome.

As I recognize I am NOT the only person who knows a being like this, I offer the advice of the old saying that is timeless(as most of them are).

“It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open one’s mouth and remove ALL doubt.”

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13 Jun 2014

My Life Through Malls

hafacenturyncounting's avatarhafacenturyncounting

As I sat watching my husband and granddaughter ride the merry-go-round I was transported back  through time and space to Torrance, California;  her father was about 3 years old riding this imported merry-go-round with his “Auntie Jennifer” (I even have a picture) at the “Old Towne Mall”. That mall housed old fashioned shops, glass-bowers, etc. ; it never caught on, it survived for decades but it slowly disappeared into oblivion like the “Carson Mall”, “The Hawthorne Mall”, “Gwinnett Place Mall”, to name a few I had encounters with. However, even before that as a teen when the mall phenomenon was just catching on my life-long friend(i.e just like a sister, only our parents are different) Kim and I spent many Saturdays at the nearby malls. We would spend hours there with money that would barely buy lunch, no wait  a cookie and a drink now…

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13 Jun 2014

Looking Forward

hafacenturyncounting's avatarhafacenturyncounting

It was that time again, the annual physical.THANKFULLY! Now I am not one of those folks who dreads doctors and hospitals. I have been a rather healthy individual. I have had bouts with weight, but other that that I have been blessed. I was also blessed to be back in a “situation”that allowed me to once again have health care benefits.

I start the process late January early February. I did the vision, dental, and medical within days of one another. Everything was as I suspected. I got contact lenses for the first time and I had a couple of cavities to be filled.I came through the annoying/uncomfortable female screenings with flying colors. All in all for someone who has not been under a doctor’s care since 2009, I have to say I was happy.

Now the fact that I could lose 15 to 20 pounds did not make me…

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24 May 2014
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Ooops I’ve Said Too Much

And then you get the look. You know it is too late the taste of Doctor Scholl’s foot powder almost chokes you, but it is too late you know you should have stopped talking at least one sentence ago.

The stupid things, the word regurgitation; if only somehow you could take those things back, a rewind if you will. There is nothing magical or mysterious about saying a mean and hurtful thing; your moment of  “telling it like it is” may be subject to all kind of review from all kinds of sources, even though the intention was other than that. You put it out there and now you must deal with  ramifications.

The truth is the truth hurts, at times and is down right difficult at others. Some days you throw in the towel and say you’re going to throw caution to the wind, but then what happens when the wind changes directions and it come back in your face.  Are you really ready for that?

When one writes there is material all around for you to pick and choose from, in the non-fiction forum we battle with being too sickeningly sweet to being to morbidly real. Even falling somewhere in between can be dangerous, because you can get stuck there. This is the where the point is driven home. Moderation once again is the solution. We need balance in our lives, our very make-up dictates this. The next time you feel compelled to say something that occurs to you might be  taken in a way that you don’t necessarily mean for it to be taken.  Hold off, your haste may later require  your foot being surgically removed from your mouth.

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19 May 2014
2 Comments

For Your Own Good

Famous last words; generally followed by something the recipient cannot actually see that way (i.e. foul tasting medicine, an impending spanking, etc.).

Yet in retrospect the hard lessons teach you how to be resilient. As we progress through these 50’s the most prevalent thing I notice about our group is the need to do what WE want; much like the way we were some 45 plus years ago.

Such a good feeling right; doing what YOU want, having it YOUR way. “Be careful with that pistol folks it loaded.” I watch this older guy(and I won’t call him a gentleman because his behavior was not demonstrative of one) thrash about a parking lot as though he was going to a fire. Now we all know in a parking lot, just as on the street, there IS a speed limit. Well no one told “Mario Geriatric” OR he chose not to adhere to this knowledge. I watched as he pulled into a parking space like he was going to drive through the car in front of him. There were people in the  other car he came so close to and an altercation ensued.  Maybe they threw him a dirty look, maybe there was a jester of “what are you doing, watch out”, or another infamous one that calls for the use of one’s middle finger. The seasoned race car driver hopped out of the car cursing and belligerently egging on a rather tall, fit, obviously younger man. Young men are generally not lacking in the testosterone department and seemingly this old guy was going to show he still had a drop or two in him. Happily, I can say this ended in only ugly words and dirty looks. Logic and reason prevailed, THANK GOD!

Yet the questions are raised. Why did this happen, who was wrong? Well if we start with the older guy we have to say a couple things; you are NOT as young, fast, or alert as you used to be. Things happen in split seconds and then what.. you are sorry or in trouble for something that could have been completely avoided. I imagine that same guy is someone’s grandfather, maybe a veteran and adored by those who love him. He has paid his dues, and he deserves respect, and he feels justified in doing what he wants. He still has to realize there are consequences for everyone and retirement, paid dues, etc do not give you free reign.  Someone, somewhere has given you bad information.

We grew up being taught to respect our elders, well now some of the ones who would be deemed elders, are behaving in fashions NOT worthy of respect. Now they do not get  pass on their bad tempers and fowl mouths simply because they are old. If that younger man had hit that older guy because he has a temper too,  how wrong would he have been.  Hey we are  approaching older and we are still doing it like we are in our 30’s and looking good in the process of in many cases. Have we learn our lessons, did we get enough of the for-your-own-good experience or are we going to venture into territory that will lead us to a sea of regret.

I anxiously await 2015 when I can retire and do what I WANT (of sorts). If I continue to work, I am no longer ambitious or goal driven. Depending on the job or manager that can be a Catch 22 thing.  My focal point is ME. I do NOT want to be “the employee who..”  I also don’t think working 40 hours a week will sit well with me either. I also don’t want to sit around and watch daytime television.  Employment issues are only one aspect of what is in store for those in our group. The one sure thing is it’s all about me.

Suffice to say the ME concept is well ingrained.  I will bear in mind, simply because I have reached a milestone in my life there are others who still must hustle to get to this stage,and their speedometers are set at a faster rate. Rather than be run over by someone moving too fast and my lifeless body is the proof, Ima simply move over and let them pass by me. This I feel, will be for my own good. Besides I am where they are trying to get to.

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19 May 2014

Why Ask Why?

Years ago I was pondering something my son had done that was wrong. He knew better, he certainly had been taught better, yet he did the wrong thing anyway. In a metaphoric sense I stepped back to look at the situation and realized it did not matter why, the fact was he did it and I had to make a decision about how I felt and then act accordingly. The question of  “why” never came up. This vague description of an incident is intended for one thing and that is to illustrate how we place a great deal of stock onto one aspect of things in order to allow us to ignore what is really important.

In an argument mean words are exchanged, when the smoke clears later one participants says, “why did you say ____ to me?” The other party does not respond the way the first individual thinks is acceptable. The discussion lingers on and on. Finally both are tapped out and nothing is resolved. The question “why” still lingers in the mind of the one. The other could not or would not provide a satisfactory answer. What really got solved here?

Why is a great question for one to gain insight to a technical or mechanical question, but when it comes to matters involving emotion and feelings well your answer is only going to be as clear as the person you ask it of decides they want to be.

Next time you consider asking an individual “why” on a personal note, realize the answer of  “I don’t know” or even silence may be all they truly have. Also take into account you may not really want to know or perhaps you already do.

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04 May 2014
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“What’s Inside”

Over the years there have been stories about how things are not what they appear to be. People are that way as well. No one knows who lurking in our psyche, oftentimes we don’t know ourselves. There are the personal secrets, one of mine is I am addicted to “bubblegum rock”. I think this is because I was a hippie in another time, and that other time exists in my mind. This place feels very natural and very real. It  does not explain why I have no rhythm yet want to sing and dance, instead I chose to sit silently and not dare even bob my head or tap my foot.

The bright colors, the peace signs, “flower-power” hanging out in a park all day; that is a big part of she who shapes me. However, you’d have to look past my exterior to see this person. That exterior is almost as much an illusion as what is formulated in our minds about who we truly are.

Perhaps you can remember the slogan tee shirts of the 1970’s; this first one that comes to mind is the yellow happy face which said Have A Nice Day, of course there were many others and some of them quite risque’. The snug fit and letter/word placement often drew attention to passive-aggressive attempts at subtlety. I had one that said, “The Best Part Is Inside” placed strategically across the chest; on a guy one might look right past those words, but on a young lady. Well a hormonally charged young man could and often times would seize an opportunity to be charmingly-flirty, disgustingly-crude, or a combination of them all. Plus that was the intention in the first place.

How many times have you heard , “Watch out for the quiet ones”. How many times have you found the rowdy party-animal to be a conservationist that  does foster-care for small woodland creatures. While no one really knows what’s on your mind or be acquainted with that alter- ego that may present themselves at the most inopportune moment the question is;

Do YOU know what’s inside of you?

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05 Apr 2014
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The Un-Happiest Place On Earth

I was so happy to be back in the “rat-race” a few short months away from retirement, but so far away from  some challenges, I returned happily. The pay not nearly what I wanted (is it ever),  it was an amount I could deal with. The benefits were worth their weight in gold. Not only did I have the comfort of knowing I had them, but the relief from stress was priceless.

I went to my new gig daily with an attitude of,” It is great to be here”. However, I looked all around me and saw the faces of descension. I saw scowling expressions and seriously unhealthy folks. I shook my head as one of these individuals allowed a door to close practically in my face. I resisted the inner self that said,” BITCH, I know you saw me..” I laughed to myself and said, ” These people don’t know how good they have it”.

I survived weeks of training. I tried to excuse the opinions and conclusions I was drawing; as I  observed time passing and my retention of the material not nearly where I thought/ felt/ knew I should have been. I tried to keep it simple, “It was me”. I kept my  composure as each instructor presented material and in most cases followed up the lesson with , “You probably won’t see this any time soon”. I carried around and tried to keep a manual organized filled with information that I was told, ” You cannot rely on this because it changes so often”.  I tried not to think, ” I am gonna be out here on my own, not having a clue as to what I am telling people calling or writing in for…” I still tried to remain positive because my instructor and managers said, ” You will be fine”.

Then it became harder and harder to look at those faces I encountered, along with the impolite attitudes, and NOT understand “why”. I feared I was beginning to relate. The transformation began taking place in the final week of training. Then the very day we were no longer in the status of “training” we were treated as though we were seasoned professionals, rather than being recognized as newly released green–peas. When we asked questions our managers/leads/coaches  now looked at us like,”WHY DON”T YOU HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS? ” This group of individuals who gave the impression as well as said, they wanted team work, now informed us we should not talk to one another and exchange information ( i.e. we should not try to help each other). I glanced at the mirror one evening, as I took one of many needed stress breaks, and noticed one of those unhappy scowls looking at me and guess what, it was me!

The morale has plummeted, in some instances bottomed out. The assistance/coaching has intensified to triple magnitude micro-management from folks who technically aren’t managers  to complete disconnect  by others. You are either being watched as you take every breath and step,  or  totally ignored and left out there with all your problems and questions alone. The actual managers appear to as well as demonstrate concern for one thing, themselves. How about that for a team effort, a far cry from “We’re all in this together”.

I thought about the faces, the bad attitudes, and the un-toned bodies. It began to make sense, more and more. Now as I pass through the gates no matter how I try to imagine a day that I  will once again feel the emotion I had the day I got the job. For while I am grateful each and everyday; I have a lot of imagining to do and this is a far cry from a theme park.

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05 Apr 2014
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What Is It About Richard?

I woke to the sound of birds singing, bright sunshine and cold! Ah yes but Spring is here. The music that is playing in my mind is “Under The Bridges Of Paris” the instrumental from Shall We Dance.  “What is it about Richard”, I ask myself.

Come on now, we all have these images of what the ideal romantic mate would be like.  Richard Gere is mine. It is fantasy, and it is fun! I loved and lusted after the likes of Billy Dee Williams, Denzel Washington, Boris Kodjoie to name only a few. No one can hold a candle to Brad Pitt in the looks department and he is/has become basically a saint in my eyes now. However Richard… he will always make me believe what I want to believe, that love/amour is like the scent of  jasmine flowers floating past you on a spring day, unforgettable.

What is it about Richard, women would argue his looks. I see the tiny eyes and rather large average nose. He has great hair though, dark brown salt and pepper or gray, it is great and it looks great on him. Is it the roles he has played in? Can mere portrayals change and alter actual images? Lets look at some facts about the subject of this piece and the object of my admiration. Richard Gere is an educated man, he is a cultured man, he is a humanitarian, he is more than what meets the eye and that is refreshing in an environment such as the one that exists in Hollywood. That is a both a plus and a minus; Richard gives us a picture of normal, well-adjusted, attractive and unaffected, but he is a by-product Hollywood, the place where pictures (which are merely images) are what is what it sells.

When I watch Richard onscreen he is simply selling what I happen to be buying, perfectly packaged, a welcomed escape, an illusion.

 

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23 Feb 2014
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Now I Am “Miss Eileen, Older Lady Esq.”

Well it happened; I returned to the work world, and it was a happy return. Being an entrepreneur has had its ups-and-downs. I have not given up totally, but simply need some things right this instant.

I took a job that has me on the P.M. shift, and during certain seasons here in Georgia, it gets cold at night(later I would realize this was a poor excuse). I have never been a pants type of girl, but the job has prompted me to become one. So there it is, use of the term “girl” referencing myself. Well what’s wrong with that I think;  I am still vibrant and healthy, when I bother to take time I still can hold my own, or so I think/thought. I chuckle as I write this, because more and more I see the vanity rising from the ashes of my youth.

One day a younger woman was walking along side of me in the hall as we left class together, we have been in training for several weeks now. She is a tall shapely lady, pretty face, well coiffed hair. She says to me, ” I hope you aren’t uncomfortable because I know you see me staring at you.” I replied to the contrary. She said, “It is just that you remind me of my MOTHER so much.” I smiled and said,”Oh really.” She was excited and happy I suppose, because I hadn’t noticed her stares.  I did not know what else to say so I replied,” That is funny, but you know it is said we all have a twin..” I kept smiling. I cannot say I was flattered or bothered; that is until I relayed the story, over and over and over again.

The image of Goldie Hawn in “The First Wives Club” resonated in my mind. The scene where Goldie’s character is told, by a younger prettier actress, how happy and excited she was to have Goldie Hawn cast as HER mother. Goldie was white and frozen faced. I hoped I did not have that look on my face, but was not at all sure. Disney villainesses like Cruella De Vil, Snow White’s  and Cinderella’s  respective Evil Stepmothers, Maleficent  and my personal favorite Ursula(love that name)flashed before me. Each of them older, beyond child-baring years; gray, white streaked, or covered hair, dark, sinister, evil and angry that “young and pretty” existed and they were no longer a part of that world. Unable to embrace what time had given to them, because they were so concentrated on what it had taken away from them instead.

Yet, none of the positives of aging occurred to me  or obviously that the process was beginning to take shape in my life. Then a couple of weeks later when, I stood outside of my co-worker friend’s cubicle while our “coach” was having a discussion in which he used a few curse words. Now I must tell you during my life I have heard a curse word or two, I have actually used a curse word or two, but what happened subsequent to this is what is interesting. Our coach who is younger than me said, ” Oh I am sorry I have to reminded myself to watch what I say around OLDER people…” Whatever he said beyond that I basically turned off. My opinion of this man changed(I am being honest my ego took a HIT and I was pissed with him). He is not an especially young man nor is he my age, but from his appearance I know we are closer to class mates than being on opposing sides of the “generation gap”.

Alright, my hair is  salt and pepper( I get many compliments on it), I dress conservatively (in reality uncharacteristic of ME would be a better description) my patience is not at it’s peak, and I do not learn or retain at the level or speed I used to. I have changed and I came to grips with perhaps my “sexy” has abandoned me, along with several other attributes of my younger years. I wasn’t really paying attention to it, but now suddenly it was gone. Taken for granted and ignored, I woke up and it was gone. Wow, that was a bit distressing. It is amazing how our perceptions  interfere with true sight. Now the only person I remind folks of is someone that has experienced a bit of life. There is nothing wrong with being a mother. I have two sons and a granddaughter, why should I trip? Well because it took a series of events to remind me that I was not quite ready to inhabit the “rest home”.  Although my behavior suggested otherwise;  I work -out 5 days a week, I take the stairs  from the forth floor several times a day in an 8 hour period by choice without ramifications, and stiletto heels are still a part of my wardrobe.

While I was in the midst of doing so many other things in my life, transitioning into other stuff, I lost sight of ME and who I truly am inside. I didn’t even know these changes were only scratching the surface of what was really going on. Upon realizing this, with the help of my friend(MJ), I had to come to grips that losing me was affecting every other aspect of my life; from performing at my new job to my interaction with my granddaughter. I  said to myself, “I AM Miss Eileen and this is who Miss Eileen is.  Miss Eileen is gonna do Miss Eileen the way she always has, as long as she has the strength, vitality, and desire to do just that. Furthermore, I am gonna feel just fine in doing as such.” The proclamation helped me “rise from the ashes” and move forward.

Therefore when you get stuck or overwhelmed, rest assured the answer is waiting in the wings, sometimes you just have to take out your glasses and look for it.

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