hafacenturyncounting

Motivated by a lack of material.

Archive for the tag “intentions”

05 Mar 2012
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Done-But Not Ready

A cautious glimpse at the possibilities. Was Cinderella held prisoner in the home of her evil step-mother? Was Sleeping Beauty held in a deep sleep by a spell? Does circumstance help our minds to help us escape unhappiness?

Years in a situation that one sees no end to can breed contempt as well as creativity. Something woke me up this particular morning. It was a troubled mind. I had a plan, but things surrounding me kept interfering. Yet the unsettled feeling would not leave me.

Our princesses seem to be trapped by the forces of something outside of self, but what if their escape was the very prison they existed in? As terrible as one may feel their existence is, does it overshadow the fear of the unknown? There is a real fear of falling. The inner “daredevil” has long retreated into the  poolside lounging chair. Yet, what can be worse than falling? Is it the devastation of defeat, what about the embarrassment of failure.

Growing older there is a stronger need for the certainties of life. We need stable, predictable outcomes now more than ever. The trouble is now we must look to ourselves to provide those confident stable situations.

The other reactions are difficult but for me the stagnant, atrophying, paralysis which occurs when you fear movement is the worst. You are a prisoner, one of your own creation in part. Not a very creative one either. Choosing to stay and be miserable simply because it is familiar is NOT a good choice.

Begin at the beginning, work on YOU. If it is a workplace problem, what measures or steps are realistic for YOU to take? If it is a personal relationship, where you can see the other person’s faults and contributions to the bad situation, maybe examine what YOU are doing. If it is  a spiritual  issue and you feel conflicted, perhaps begin with YOU being committed. As an individual YOU is the only factor one has complete accountability for and control over.

Therefore, we are very much like the pastry fresh out of the oven; one stage is complete, but more has to happen before it is ready to be served.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , ,
05 Feb 2012
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You Already Know The Answer

I have been so fortunate to be put in contact with and befriended by some pretty fabulous, bright, smart, insightful, intelligent people. However, I have also be plagued with the misfortune of encountering their polar opposites. When I am in contact with the ones I find less desirable, it is very difficult to call upon my resources and remember they are only one aspect of my people dealings.

Living in the south only a “transplant” understands my plight. Though it was a path I chose willingly, it  periodically challenges my entire being. My “Yankee” friends probably are imagining all sorts of menacing horrors, but I can and do assure them it really isn’t more than a minor annoyance. Yet it is /they are annoyances just the same.

The election years are always thought provoking and amazing. A few days ago a couple of neighbors that I would consider civil were reduced to the mindless drone classification. Now that is okay, because they were never very far from that position in the first place.  Yet it is disheartening just the same. I ask how can adults behave in such a childish way?

History if for nothing else will have to record like it or not that Barack Obama was the first president of these United States Of America of obvious African American decent. President Obama is a black man, for the people who have “challenges” and “issues”. He has provided certified documentation of his birth, he has stated he is a christian, and in spite of the frivolous accusations and distractions he has done/is doing his job. I ask how can people be so uninformed?

On the eve of my Sabbath; a day that I proudly proclaim, my church would make Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.  smile for it is NOT  a party to “Segregated Sunday”, I am writing about an overall feeling of unrest.  Plagued by the question who will I be sitting next to in church?

I am comforted with a video slideshow, that was sent to me a couple days ago by a high school classmate, of President Obama on  election night 2008. Images as diverse as the world we live in; faces with smiles, faces with tears, faces with hope. I remind myself where I was, how I felt. Irony interrupts my thoughts with the images of another time and place and the words of, not a poet laureate , nor a head of state come to mind. “Can’t we all just get along?” Tonight my answer saddens me.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , ,
05 Feb 2012
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Give Nothing, Expect Nothing, Get Nothing

I imagine one may question this title. Let me clarify. Maybe I should have called the piece “Give Nothing, Get Nothing, Expect What?” I did not want to leave room for questions I wanted this spelled out. Therefore I approached this with the logic of my least favorite subject in school, MATH. Mathematics are very precise, absolute, cut and dry;  that is until you get into the higher levels that I do not pretend to understand. The main idea here is a simple addition problem. Most of us can work with that.

I am virtually breathless as I take this on. Most things I write have a personal experience to draw from but always a personal vantage point. The fact that I am breathless tells me I cannot take this on with out being personal. So I am letting go of my mental reigns and whatever come across… comes across.

Gladly I am in a state of bounce-back. We human beings have that uncanny ability. The tone of this piece was of an individual feeling their weaknesses and the need to  document it was overwhelming. Now it has lost some of its poison and potence. I still want to talk about it though.

Have you ever rushed something? Made dinner to fast, rushed a school project, picked up a last minute gift. These are examples of what I believe are afterthoughts. You know they need to be done but you have neglected or misjudged something. Be it time, ingredient or content  the end result will generally NOT be good. Why, because you didn’t put what was needed into it.

Next, have you ever been disappointed with something or someone. Maybe they or it did not live up to what you thought they should. You felt cheated right. However, hold on did you think about a time that maybe you did a little cheating yourself?

We do want things easy and we want things our way. No matter how old we are, there are  many of us who still need to grow up and abandon our childish ways. There is nothing wrong with having the energy of a child, or the hope and wonder of a child. These qualities keep us young and able to bounce back. Reckless abandon, uncontrolled temper, and no sense of responsibility.. well they will land us in the same place they did when we were children, IN TROUBLE.

What do these scenarios have in common with you and your relationships? Hopefully you can answer nothing, but if you can’t lets go back and evaluate this situation you find yourself in. Remember we are employing math principles here. if you are more musically inclined draw upon your memory and think of Billy Preston’s song, “Nothing From Nothing”.  Genius, right. No just common sense again. Stop with the shortcuts and put effort and pride in what you do. Show the loved ones they are loved. Staying cold will only get you a case of frost-bite around the heart, and that is fatal.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , ,
27 Jan 2012

It’s Complicated, But

What isn’t complicated these days? Where was I going with this. Oftentimes titles pop in my head and I immediately jot them down, but if there are no thoughts attached to the title….. It leaves you free to fill in the blank(s).

In a mode of reminiscing, a time gone by surfaced. It was a happier time but it was confusing, my time with the status of “It’s Complicated”. I did not realize it until the words began to fill up this piece. Faces began to fill in spaces where question marks once were, I can’t say I liked that. Then more questions came, the beauty of not-so-accurate memories returned.

You probably have watched a film or two that noted, “do not return to the scene of the crime”.  I must comment this is very good advice. In returning you may leave something you never intended for someone else to see, instead of checking for what you may have left behind. Being careless is bad, but being overly careful is not the solution either.

In a moment, where better judgement was lost the journey is made. It is all too familiar this lends to the need to go on, even though there is still time to turn around and go back home. Places and voices are the same as best you can remember. That is because this is what you want to recall. Slowly you tiptoe back into this neatly disguised disaster that used to be your reality, your life. Now it is too late you are right back where you started and now you ask, what actually went wrong? This is not where I thought I would be, I am pretty certain it is not where I want to be, yet here I am.

As another mystery of this thing called life unfolds, we ask why?I know my life is filled with questions at a time that I really thought I would have more answers. Do you, my readers’/my contemporaries feel the same way? Now what? Knowing the history, your history, guided by reactions and results the next move is yours. I submit to you we have no choice but to move forward,  for we have already taken the step into this once familiar place. We ignored the warnings and better judgment to stay away, or at the very least turn around and go back. Now here we come face to face with the fact, this time it will all be under our control. No questions, no excuses,  this time around merely responsibility.

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21 Oct 2011

If You’re Going Stare, Wave.

Didn’t your parents tell you it was impolite to stare? When my contemporaries and I were small children, not listening to or disobeying what Mom and Dad said to do met with serious consequences. We learned at an early age that looking at someone for an extended period of time generally was not complementary, with that being said one puts oneself in a very precarious position and no small child should have such an option.

On that note I am going to make sure it is understood that staring is something that I RARELY do. While my preference would be to say never, I refrain from using such an adverb. Human Beings do not exist in a state of absoluteness when we talk about emotions, personality traits, and such. Therefore, I am sticking with “rarely”. It is just plain rude.

Now I am sure we all can reference doing this very same thing and it was far from insulting. There are some very beautiful beings and they are very worthy of taking notice of. One can be easily caught off guard and in those cases excused for the act.

Upon our move south some 18 years ago we met a very  southern woman and her equally southern husband. We will call her CeeCee and her husband Carl.  To characterize CeeCee, she was a curly-red haired imp. I imagine there was a bit of Scots-Irish in her. She and I hung out together for a bit.  Our families even traveled to the North Georgia mountains, that was a trip and a half. We were introduced to, in my opinion, horrible boiled peanuts and dining with strangers. CeeCee and Carl loved these traditions. My spouse, forever the “yankee/militant former black panther” type, was not so enthused. He had noted on numerous occasions since our arrival of the locals extended gawks. CeeCee said,” We do stare a lot in the south”. Let me get back to what this was really about though. Staring was just a jumping off point for me. Is there ever really an excuse for being rude?

You see given enough time one can find an explanation for virtually anything; but just because you can explain it, doesn’t excuse it. You may say, “I didn’t mean anything by it or I always do that”. You must understand that perceptions play a key role in how particular acts are dealt with, so you don’t get to tell someone else how they should feel about a given situation.

Culture, age, region, and religious influences will affect the way we respond to one another. If only “When in Rome do as the Romans do” were a practicable rule of thumb; unexpected release of gas,  loud outburst of laughter, and yes  lengthy uninterrupted looks would be accepted and disregarded. Since that is NOT the case the next time you find yourself involved in such a situation, if you are the one  staring do a save and throw up a greeting with a wave. If you don’t there is a possibility the one who is being stared at may in a not-so-subtle way throw up a greeting to you, but keep a few of their fingers in the down position.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , | Leave a comment
15 Oct 2011
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Deal With It

I read an inspiring piece this morning, it was in regards to relationships with loved ones. It was not unusual; for it dealt with how limited and uncertain our time on this Earth is, and how we ought to let loved ones know they are loved every day. For as certain as it is that we have loved ones, there is or will be turmoil.

My personal friends and family know that I am an active participant in conflict on a daily basis. I welcome debate and exchanges. They also know I am a “head-on” type and this clashes with my attempts to be a more “gentle-christian” type of individual. I cannot say I have mastered the art of being direct with compassion, and if I am honest I have to say there are often minimal efforts made depending on the circumstances and individual (s) involved. Big surprise, partial confession; no on part one and affirmative on part two.

I completely agree with what I read this morning. I learned that lesson long ago and began practicing what I learned. The problem is the challenges of dealing with individuals. What about the exceptions and the “what-ifs”? What do you really do when those loved ones that you cherish so much happen to be taken from you during that time of turmoil? Truth be known it is not that easy to say at the conclusion of an argument, “yeah well I love you so much”. Be realistic, in most arguments one is caught-up in the moment.

Now I have to get away from sounding so callous and mechanical, now I have to talk about one being the bigger person. There is a pregnant pause here, because I had to take in air. It is not ALL ABOUT YOU, let me make that clear. Now stop taking yourself so very serious, stop feeling sorry for YOU, and look at the big picture. This means saying I am sorry when you are not necessarily the one at fault. It means actively pursuing someone who seemingly does not want to be sought out.

In some cases one has to be away from their normal character, but in this process  the strength of that same character is demonstrated. I am not by any stretch saying this will be easy, but it is easier than some of the other alternatives.  Don’t sell yourself or the ones you love short here. In this direct “deal with it” attitude you come face to face with real feelings and emotions, this allows you to get to some things instead of running away from them.

“I love you but I don’t like you”, may seem cliche’ at times yet often times it is so very true.  You just don’t loose that love for someone because they hurt you or made you angry. Yet that anger and hurt are all so real as well. It is not unheard of or terrible to get or be angry with people you love and care about. Padding that anger with an automatic “I love you” does not change that anger. I think the best thing you can give to ones you love and yourself is honesty, and honesty is a tall order.

Therefore, I say be honest, direct, and real with these people and these feelings. Have compassion and tact in the process, but if by chance something occurs in the midst of some turmoil in your relationship and you do not have an opportunity for a “do over” be comforted in the knowledge that these folks do know you. More than likely at some point they may have been faced with the dilemma of dealing with it as well, but afforded the luxury of time to get through it.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , , ,
23 Sep 2011
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Waiting In Line for YOUR Turn

I am going to try not to rant and rave here. However, I cannot make any promises. I want to first give a couple of personal experiences as examples to reference.

At the pharmacy of a certain health care group my better half stood in line to pick up his medication. Without belaboring the matter, saying that this is generally a long process is the short version. Seemingly, out of no where a woman walked in front of him and stood. He is not a  small, calm, or overly friendly man. Even in the best of moods he can become let’s say, abrasive rather rapidly. This rude  unexplained action prompted immediate response from him, he would later relay he was surprised. The response was, “EXCUSE ME”. To which the woman turned and as-a-matter-of-factly said, “I was in line but had to tell my husband something….” He went on to tell her that it would have been nice if she had demonstrated and utilized elementary manners by asking to return to the spot she had vacated for a short amount of time. However, he permitted her to go on and take the spot back after she was thoroughly embarrassed.

I was waiting in line at a local gas station with my son, there was a man and his small son ahead of me. They both left the line before they were called to the counter.  During their absence several other patrons came inside and joined the line. The man and his son returned and stood along side of me now. He never made eye contact or said a word, I was conscious of them though. When the next clerk was available I simultaneously walked to the counter as he called out “next in line please”. The man and the small boy did not move but stayed off to the side. I do believe it may have been different had I been alone.

We are all in a hurried, pressed for time state, yet what makes one feel as though their time is any more precious than yours? These two scenarios are just recent occurrences that stand out, of course there have been others. In the first one here is my take the woman was presumptuous. Since she knew she had been in line she felt like she was entitled to return to that spot. I ask “why”, what would give her that impression. In the second example, the man was trying to be sly. He did not want to get in line because now others were ahead of him. He figured I would recall seeing him in line and I would either let him go ahead of me or he would make the attempt anyway. In both cases these individuals were wrong.

There are some very basic rules that must be applied when one is in line. There is also a state of mind one must embrace and conform to. As my spouse pointed out to his line busting perpetrator, manners would have helped. In either case the very least one should do is make eye contact, no matter what you think you owe that other person acknowledgement that they are present. The next thing that MUST occur is you must speak to this unknown individual and I might add it should be in a polite voice. These situations do not warrant a commanding oration. Finally, realize you are at the mercy of this unknown individual. This means if not handled properly you could end up on the receiving end of a less than pleasant predicament, in which the small scale result could be embarrassment.

I want to remind you that once you are in line you must stay in line to insure your spot. Let me make this clear, if you get out of line you loose your place. Your mere presence in a line does not insure that spot indefinitely, otherwise people would not camp out all night for tickets to concerts or to get specially priced retail items. The line signifies that there are going to be other people that have need of service and/or merchandise around the same time, and the only way to accommodate them all is for people to be served one at a time on a first come first serve basis. THUS, A LINE!

Newsflash: people you are not the only one on this Earth, stop behaving as though you are. Be patient, be respectful, and simply wait your turn.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , ,
17 Jun 2011

Our 15 Minutes

This one was “deep”. So much ran through my mind and soul in church. I tried to jot down notes, but I was so focused on what Pastor Kevin was saying. I am gonna run with this and see where it ends.

This fabled space that we all will occupy, at one point in time or another. The place in time and space where the spotlight will be on us and we want it there too. Whether we realize it or not. Perhaps that is why I tied the sermon on judging into this piece. For judging is so superficial, in your face if you will. When the discussion moved to how we make judgements based on what we see what is out front without knowing the back story, I connected the dots.

In our 15 minutes we put the best that we have forward, even if it is only a facade. We must keep up those all important appearances However, not knowing the full story or not being able to see beyond what is in front of us does not make the reality of it any less. How much of that 15 Minutes would you want if the spotlight was directed at you and only a very tiny bit of the story was clear, if you weren’t ready for your “close-up”.

Let’s take the camera off of ourselves and point it in another direction, are you going to be as careful with those same shots at someone else as you would hope someone else would be with you? Be honest, you are going to take random and candid shots, you aren’t going to wait for them to make ready. The result may very well be some unflattering images and you think,”Ooh I wouldn’t want that to be me, why didn’t they look up at the right time, why didn’t they check themselves out before hand”. Now take those same statements in a literal context and apply it to what you think or say about another individual when you are passing judgement. However, it won’t really hit home until you apply this same principle to yourself directly.

Cameras, photography, mirrors and even microscopes are excellent metaphoric devices for judging; they should be used interchangeably for Our 15 Minutes, perhaps we would be more cautious with our judging if we did.

Posted in Ecumenically Speaking, Epiphany and tagged , , , , | Leave a comment
09 May 2011

Time Sensitive

I cannot say I pay attention to  all expiration dates. I am selective even arrogant in my thinking when it comes to this. These are very immediate thoughts, because after all I do not have time for… Yet time does not always overcome all obstacles. Our feelings can defy time, emotions don’t always calm down and settle. Now you have to o to a place you thought you would never see again, and you don’t really know how to act because you don’t know how you really feel.

Like a smile that comes via special delivery and it is aimed directly at your heart. It is welcomed and seems as though it was never out of your presence. Then there is the pain of a trampled upon ego, and unfortunately it is just as precise. How are we  able to pick right back up where we left off?

As we move on in our life journey, the side trips can baffle us. Being visited by the stranger or long lost friend known as memory that takes you back to a territory you should be familiar with but you oddly aren’t,  oftentimes jars your very being. It is confusing. While my mind says one thing and my body may slightly agree, who in the world is that individual looking back at me in the mirror.

What do we expect of our life experiences? The time we spend with one another is etched in our psyche. Stored in a recess that seems far away, until there is a tap on your shoulder, a phone call or a chance meeting. Because time has passed does not constitute an expiration of feelings. Remember these things are being stored so there is going to be a level of preservation. We don’t have the ability to select how much will be stored, where  exactly it will be stored, or what will trigger it resurfacing. Don’t be surprised if one day you are propelled unexpectedly into a place you thought you had long since forgotten, it will be your reminder that the particular matter you are encountering is still quite potent.

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23 Mar 2011

Let Go and Let’s Go

Simply, this is about release and moving on.

I have a beautiful pedigree cat, a Ragdoll. I adopted him a decade ago, he was a rescue. I laid eyes on him and thought, ” What a pretty cat. I’d like to have him”. I talked to his foster parent and get this sad story of a tormented, terrorized beauty. Well we had room for him in our home and I was ready for another cat in my life. I renamed him Storm,  partially because he was the color of threatening clouds and he had they deep blue eyes, but mostly because I hated his name Toby.

It had been 10 years since I had a cat, Yheti was a beautiful Himalayan Flame Point with soulful blue eyes who I got as a young cat of six months. He loved me and I loved him. When I came home in the afternoon, he was waiting at the door for me. He would come to me when I called  him.  You really have to be a cat owner to understand a close relationship with a cat. They are solitary,  independent, oftentimes moody creatures; you may pick one of them as a pet, but they decide if they want you. Yheti belonged to me. He became ill suddenly and we had to put him down. I left one morning with a cat that I knew was ill and returned home with a broken heart. Many years would pass before the thought of cat ownership would occur to me again.

Back to Storm. I knew there would be an adjustment period, but had no idea how very long that period would be. He was never the kind of pet his pedigree suggested. Noted for loving to be picked up and held, you did well being able to pet him on his back. Perhaps the ultimate blow was when he decided he preferred my eldest son, who did not even live with us at the time. The years passed and Storm did not change.  My position was to serve as caretaker/nurse. I accepted I had selected a creature who would never be a pet, at best he was a fixture.

Now he is 12, his health is not great, but it is not terminal. He is simply getting old. He could die tomorrow or live another 8 years(some exclusively indoor cats live 20 years), either of which I feel indifferently toward. I know that sounds bad, however it is true.

I spent a lot of time to talk about a cat, a pet if you will,  and not a very good one by my own admission. One may ask why. Here it is, my cat is characterizing how I think we are dealing with changes that occur in various times in our lives. The youth are impatient, anxious to get on with “it”, they have a vast unknown to discover and loads of time to do it in . The ones we consider elder folks want to slow things down, their unknown is plagued with the knowledge that the inevitable is probably close at hand. Then there is us. We tend to be stuck in neutral, we wait for something to happen rather than make it happen. We are not strongly in favor of slowing down, but we are not ready to jump feet first into anything either. We have a lot of recollection and memories to reflect upon. However, there is still the vague uncertainty of what is to come and when. Our challenge is, “What about The Now”, for this is the place where we currently reside?

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