hafacenturyncounting

Motivated by a lack of material.

Archive for the tag “control(s)”

29 Apr 2011

R-U-Tit-4-Tat?

Oh how I wish I could say without a shadow of a doubt and emphatically, “NO!”, but I can’t. Therefore I will do what any self-respecting coward would do, I will put this off on someone else and pose the question to you.

Pettiness, not a flattering characteristic. Like so many of the flaws in of character we like to place youth in the “hot seat” of blame. Yet, we see these flaws in young and old alike. In a chronological sense I am beyond what would be considered immature; why then do I still find myself handling things like I did one, two, or even three decades ago.

I watched a case of “road rage” yesterday and was reminded of how easily one can fall into this “tit-for-tat” state. It exemplifies our inability to just let things go. Once again we are able to make choices and often times we make the wrong ones. We assign a catchy little name to something and it oversimplifies the impact of it.

How many disagreements/arguments could one have avoided with a mate by simply taking the high road and silently letting “something” get by us. Yes there are people who take these gestures of silence/concession and allow themselves to be elevated to the place that tells them they are always right, but that is the risk you take when attempting to be the bigger person. Let him have his way, let her be right One has to think in terms of self here; what do I really have to gain by arguing with or insulting this person. Furthermore, it could escalate.

I don’t begin to suggest that one should always concede and/or give in, I simply suggest you pick your battles. I have been told I am in individual who has to have the last word. I have to remind myself that I don’t want to consciously make my last word something mean or cross. I have to do this on a regular basis and I am not always successful in my attempts; but if  you at least make it a goal, you will always keep it in mind.

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25 Apr 2011

V-Haftoberight

Is it rewarding to say “I told you so..” I know the recipient does not think it to be true. What do you gain by being able to rub someone’s nose in something; wouldn’t it have been better to make a little more effort in convincing them to make a different decision, than to affirm the less than desired results. What about this; even if you were unsuccessful in trying to help, be there for support. When we do things the wrong way, we are quite aware. However, how we respond is under our complete control.

I never thought of myself this way. However, I recently learned that is exactly the way I am. It is difficult to see ourselves through the eyes of others, but we can readily see their faults. Things we dislike so much in others tends to manifest in us. We cannot see it because we don’t appreciate these qualities, and we certainly do not want to own up to them. Being right gives us a sense of power and control.

I submit this to you; there is nothing wrong with being correct about something, but realize at some point in time you will also be incorrect about something. None of us are infallible, if we had all the answers we would not be in one or more of our current situations. Stop building yourself up and patting yourself on the back for possessing a track record of at best 50% , average.  Average, the same, just like everyone else. Think about this the next time you feel the need to tell someone “I told you so”. For every one of those statements I have to  seek out someone and relinquish a “You told me so, you were right”. That should take the ego down a notch; and sometimes we need that, in order to have things put back into perspective.

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21 Apr 2011

The Consequence Of Overindulgence

You can have your cake, and eat it too; but what about the stomach ache? Is having everything your way so important that you would risk something truly valuable, in order to obtain that which you think you want.

In our greedy, self-absorbed, instant gratification minded society it is no wonder. I remember laughing and even thinking the name of a Cruise ship named Hedonism was cute and catchy, now it doesn’t seem so amusing or acceptable. In our society the excesses are sought after. What’s wrong with the pursuit of what is grand, beautiful, luxurious? After all, haven’t we earned it at this juncture in our lives?

Do you play the lottery; how much and how often do you wager? Do you love to shop; where are the sales this week? These are simple, harmless pass-times and I imagine those of you who answered affirmatively to the first part of those questions really believe that. However, they were “leading” questions and that is the root of the problem. Where does it ultimately lead to.

If you have ever owned a puppy you have undoubtedly been warned NOT to overfeed it. For a puppy will eat itself to death. It simply wants more and cannot say no. What about us? Do we suffer from a chronic case of “The Mores”? I certainly believe the marketing industry believes it to be true and trust me they do not want us to be cured. They have capitalized of of our condition and offered temporary fixes. Never mind those fixes come with consequences and side affects. They are merciless and are not bound by moral of any type. Their “dirty-pool” mentality allows them to attack the weakest and most vulnerable, they start on us as children.

In a self examination, I played a game I used to play as a child. This game did not require any pieces and it also did not require any other participants. However, you could have others involved if you chose to. Imagination was the only component necessary. It was called “What Do You Want”? I thought this would be a simple trip down memory lane, but I wanted to give a spot of reality and fact to it. The plan was to  briefly address “BARBIE“. Collector or not, male or female, privileged or poor. we all know of “BARBIE“. I wanted to show how a little girl’s dream, wish, desire was to have all the “BARBIE” dolls there were, and how impossible and preposterous a it was. However, what I discovered was it was nearly as impossible to find out something as simple an actual number.

Boundaries and perimeters defeat us in our quest for a “hedonistic” existence, still we gravitate in that direction.  I was introduced to the decadence of cheesecake as a child, my parents warned me not to eat too much, to only get very small slices when I did eat. Well, being an enthusiastic eater I did not heed the warning. I overdid it and became sick. It wasn’t that I did not believe my parents, but my desire for more overtook me and my desire for control.

More, more, more I say if that is your mindset then be prepared to end up in a place whose theme  is “Thanks for visiting and check your soul upon entry”.

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09 Apr 2011

III- “hafawayto

Destinations, as you think about travel there is the point you reach where you can choose to go on or turn around and go back. If you had to guess do you think you are more inclined to go forward or do you turn around. This is about the known and the unknown.

Oftentimes when I write I have snippets of inspiration, other times they are flailing thoughts. I must periodically ask myself why am I writing and to whom? I want the consistent, smooth, melodic flow. Yet, I exist in a state of constant indecision at least part of the time.

Here we are getting very close to retirement and what start a new career, with a new company. Never mind you are ignored, unappreciated, treated like a number. The house is where we have always lived, yes it is getting harder to keep maintained in costs and efforts. The lump does seem to be getting a little larger, but I have a physical in six months…Knowing what will happen next doesn’t seem to be daring, but look back at those examples. Making a change or taking a chance could be risky, but deciding to wait and see what happens is as well.

In youth it seems easy to take action, start over, simply start something new, but as we age we have so much more to ponder over first. The repercussions and ramifications of our actions, who it will or will not affect, you get the idea. Are young people the “devil-may-care” individuals we think they are or is it they feel they have nothing to loose? Are we as older folks  the stable Rock of Gibraltar beings or are we simply paralyzed by fear? I mean I can be as impulsive as the next person, just give me a little time to think about it first. As for the destinations of life; do you care how you get there as long as you arrive. That is a point well worth pondering over.

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23 Mar 2011

Let Go and Let’s Go

Simply, this is about release and moving on.

I have a beautiful pedigree cat, a Ragdoll. I adopted him a decade ago, he was a rescue. I laid eyes on him and thought, ” What a pretty cat. I’d like to have him”. I talked to his foster parent and get this sad story of a tormented, terrorized beauty. Well we had room for him in our home and I was ready for another cat in my life. I renamed him Storm,  partially because he was the color of threatening clouds and he had they deep blue eyes, but mostly because I hated his name Toby.

It had been 10 years since I had a cat, Yheti was a beautiful Himalayan Flame Point with soulful blue eyes who I got as a young cat of six months. He loved me and I loved him. When I came home in the afternoon, he was waiting at the door for me. He would come to me when I called  him.  You really have to be a cat owner to understand a close relationship with a cat. They are solitary,  independent, oftentimes moody creatures; you may pick one of them as a pet, but they decide if they want you. Yheti belonged to me. He became ill suddenly and we had to put him down. I left one morning with a cat that I knew was ill and returned home with a broken heart. Many years would pass before the thought of cat ownership would occur to me again.

Back to Storm. I knew there would be an adjustment period, but had no idea how very long that period would be. He was never the kind of pet his pedigree suggested. Noted for loving to be picked up and held, you did well being able to pet him on his back. Perhaps the ultimate blow was when he decided he preferred my eldest son, who did not even live with us at the time. The years passed and Storm did not change.  My position was to serve as caretaker/nurse. I accepted I had selected a creature who would never be a pet, at best he was a fixture.

Now he is 12, his health is not great, but it is not terminal. He is simply getting old. He could die tomorrow or live another 8 years(some exclusively indoor cats live 20 years), either of which I feel indifferently toward. I know that sounds bad, however it is true.

I spent a lot of time to talk about a cat, a pet if you will,  and not a very good one by my own admission. One may ask why. Here it is, my cat is characterizing how I think we are dealing with changes that occur in various times in our lives. The youth are impatient, anxious to get on with “it”, they have a vast unknown to discover and loads of time to do it in . The ones we consider elder folks want to slow things down, their unknown is plagued with the knowledge that the inevitable is probably close at hand. Then there is us. We tend to be stuck in neutral, we wait for something to happen rather than make it happen. We are not strongly in favor of slowing down, but we are not ready to jump feet first into anything either. We have a lot of recollection and memories to reflect upon. However, there is still the vague uncertainty of what is to come and when. Our challenge is, “What about The Now”, for this is the place where we currently reside?

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18 Mar 2011

All We Do is Eat

When I was in my late twenties eons ago, one of my close friend’s mother(a.k.a. play aunt) was telling us about a gentleman she was seeing. Now she was/is an attractive lady, however as father time becomes a more familiar character in your life the “pickens become slimmer”. I remember laughing my heart out one day as she spoke of this gentleman with a bit of sarcasm; saying every time I call him or he calls me and the conversation moves to what are you doing he says, “Well er um I ‘m about to fix me something to eaaat…” I clearly remember thinking,” He must be a lazy fat slob lying around on the sofa, hot sauce drizzled down the front of his wife beater tee shirt. She can do much better than that.” I knew better, it was just a comical thought; his speech and diction alone dispelled that notion. However, Mr. Always-Feedin-His-Face did not disappear as rapidly as one might think.

I have to be honest here, food is my personal vice. If I am ever accused of anything, it will be first degree consumption. I am guilty as charged. I can find something to tempt my taste-buds on most menus, and if I cannot buy it generally I can cook it for myself. I have to ask, is gluttony a pre-geriatric condition? Do we, just before slipping into he ranks of “old age”, become reduced to virtual  eating machines. I can see how it could happen very easily.  Eating is recreational, eating is entertaining, eating is sensual.

Where are the “tailgaters”,  and who makes the best beef  brisket you know? Be it a football game or a backyard cookout, these are examples of eating for recreation. These events are excuses to eat. “Let’s do lunch, dinner is on me”…. Okay you may get together with those special someones to discuss the way of the world, or  even a business opportunity, but ultimately you are trying to get at that food. Candle light dinner at an out of the way little restaurant, breakfast on the balcony overlooking the white sandy beach and it will be that much better IF a stimulating conversation comes up.

Eating is wonderful, but we have to remember that what we eat will determine if we will be around for that next fantastic meal. It is easy to overdo, and  then overlook our health in this process of eating. One can be overwhelmed with the intake and ignore the danger signs. Don’t let “Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die” be your prophetic epitaph. So if all you do is eat, put some fiber and green veggies in your diet as well.

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