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Archive for the tag “communication”

25 Apr 2013
1 Comment

Clean Up Your Act

Cleaning; not a subject I am particularly fond of nor do I have a deep seeded hatred for. However, I am quite good at it.

I have to confess I did get into the business from a “need” inspired place. I had been exposed to this particular vocation since childhood. It was not something I imagined doing, that is until I would get quite aggravated while working in the administrative aspect of the Postal Service. Then I would both sarcastically and jokingly say, “Can’t I have a stress free job like the custodian.”

At the risk of having customer former or present read this piece I will be very cautious.  Never would I  point out an individual in a forum such as this, I am far too conflict oriented( I know what I am saying) for that. I would much rather confront you face-to-face. I am not trying to provide competition with strategy. Yet I do not mind giving out a little information that might help someone. All of these suggestions work/have applicable ideas for the provider and the customer.

If you are looking for someone to provide you with a cleaning service be very specific; either they will do what you want or not. Don’t get trapped in/bogged down with assumptions, this will keep you(the customer) from being disappointed and the service provider from being unhappy as well. Sometimes you can ask for addition services that either will be provided at a cost or even given if the provider is aware of the want/need at the time.  Communication is paramount. Ultimately, you want a relationship that is mutually beneficial.

Don’t be cheap. Licenses, bonds, insurance cost; if you risk having someone come into your home or place of business without these be aware you may get off cheaper initially, but in the long run bad service, damaged items, missing effects… what did you really save. You do get what you pay for, especially if you do as previously stated. If you have a price in mind share it. This does not suggest you will get the price, but perhaps you will gain understanding as to why what you want is/is not possible from a particular provider. You may be able to negotiate better.

Do not mix up services. If you want someone as a housekeeper  look for a housekeeper. If you want a maid look for a maid. The job descriptions are similar but not the same. That being said you cannot expect a housekeeper to do your laundry or your dishes, unless you discussed and agreed to this prior. Pick up your place so the service provider can clean what actually needs cleaning. If you need an organizer then look for one of those. You waste time and resources not taking these steps. If your housekeeper has to sift through piles of clothes in order to vacuum, either the floor will not be vacuumed or your fee is going to go up.  If you have stacks of dishes in the sink and no room in the dishwasher, there are a variety of end results that could occur. YOU will be unhappy in either case.

Therefore, try this; be upfront and honest, communicate your wants and needs, make no assumptions. When you the customer/service provider do these things the expectation is realistic and generally will be met.  End result, mutually beneficial.

Posted in As Consumers and tagged ,
19 Apr 2013
3 Comments

Audio-Visual Affair

I love the saxophone. I was introduced to it, by my mother as a small girl. She told me about many things during our afternoon talks and what she told me about a saxophone stayed with me. One morning surfing through music I found myself hypnotized and engulfed. Here’s what happened.

The way he held his saxophone was the way a woman wants to be held by a man. His eyes closed, his face slightly grimaced. He had the look of pain and ecstasy on his face. Yet you were drawn in by his look. He didn’t play his instrument he loved it; and you, his audience, were captivated by the sound, the movement, and the emotion of it all.  His lips wrapped around the source of this audio-visual affair. Watching him play you become aware of every part of him, he is putting it out there for you. Although he is about 5’11” and slender, he emanates 6’3″muscular with strong biceps. The opened shirt buttons tease you with glimpses of his pecs.Then you tell yourself, “Stay above the waist”… Don’t you realize that he is playing you as hard as he is playing that woodwind? Of course you do, but you go along with it any way. The sounds, his sounds are arousing your other senses as well.  He caresses  his instrument with his fingertips and holds it close to his body. They are one.  It begins to get warm, you are in fact what is warm. You examine his hair, his carefully manicured beard with your eyes, but your hands can feel the strands of his dreads.  Each note higher, each note lower; your breathing is matching his with one difference, he is controlling yours.  You wanted more and he gave it to you. Feels good, huh. When he finished, you needed a drink to quench your thirst. You were tired and excited at the same time. Then he started playing again. Nothin like a man playin a sax…

Posted in Quickbits and tagged , ,
18 Apr 2013
4 Comments

Just Ask

“Deal Breakers” you may ask yourself or maybe it is asked of you how much more of this would/will you take? Do you know the answer? What about the people around you and I am not just talking about any people, I mean the ones you say you love and care about. Just how much do you actually know about these folks?

Okay when is the birthday, what’s the favorite color, food, or designer? The most embarrassing thing that has ever happened and the happiest moment. These are just a few examples; but to be honest none of these matter if they are NOT the one that counts for, the one who counts to you.

There is nothing worse than thinking you know someone and finding out you don’t. However, I think it is equally disappointing to that loved one to discover this same information. Knowledge does not always come easy and one of the best ways to obtain information is to simply ask the right questions. One cannot assume they know all there is to know about another, by virtue of mere exposure. Here’s a secret, we do not reveal ourselves right away.

It is a mistake to leave something that is important to you to chance. I have pointed out many times, that we ourselves do not know or cannot always explain ourselves; therefore how can we expect someone outside of ourselves to do this very same thing? It is slightly unreasonable.

I am not excusing a repeat offender, but I do say it is very possible for someone close to you not to know important facts about you or to even forget these important facts. Give them the benefit of the doubt.   Therefore, my suggestion/my solution is “just ask”. Ask if you don’t know something, ask if you want something, but do ask. Do not house animosity towards someone close to you for simply being human, it happens to the best of “us”.

Posted in Quickbits and tagged , ,
15 Apr 2013
1 Comment

Brother, Brother, Brother…..

Sounds familiar doesn’t it? Marvin Gaye’s “What’s Going On“, you’re right. If you don’t have one you cannot begin to understand, or can you.

This is a story of brothers from three different angle. The theme song would be He Aint Heavy…. as well as the depiction by Gilbert Young of the man on a wall reaching down to aid a sole arm of another to help him up.

I haven’t spoken to one of mine in years. Periodically it bothers me. I think we all hate being wrong. I don’t have a real problem with that. Mine lies in my perception of wrongdoing and the perpetrator’s unwillingness/inability to come clean.  Things change. This is a bigger deal for me here. I think it does fall into the category of forgiveness. I felt rather smug when I initiated this challenge some 13 years ago. Now, not so much. I grew up with this guy. We had some good times and shared our mother, father, and siblings.  I hear his health is not that great and then I think what if he passes. None of us is promised tomorrow. I wonder can I live with myself and I tell myself, yes. That is a sad commentary to my character. Grade thus far, FAIL.

My best friend is in search of hers. His existence eats at her in a minimalist fashion, yet it is always there. There may even be more than one ( possible twins). She cannot be sure and the one source that could confirm this and help is unwilling. So she searches on her own. We who have siblings and know who they are where they are cannot begin to imagine what she is going through. Hey I am her “bestie” and I have admitted as much to her. I think as time goes on and we feel ourselves growing older there are “feelers” sent out, because we are still trying to connect with ourselves and we feel the time is drawing closer to the end. Maybe we just want to know for reasons that absolutely cannot be explained, but we feel it just the same.  Grade thus far, INCOMPLETE

My sons are so close the younger believes and acts in a fashion that demonstrates his brother knows it all. There is a love and like for one another that I hope and believe will always be there. They play and wrestle like they did as children. We look at them as their parents and ask, ” Do they realize they are no longer 5 and 9 years of age?” Yet one marvels in this same thought. One brother offers to help his friend in need and there is no one to help him provide this assistance, no one except his brother, who stops his fun and relaxing day to go help a virtual stranger move. Why, because that is his brother’s request and he is there because he knows it is the same in regards to him if the “shoe is on the other foot”.  I can feel comfortable that theirs was/is a success that my husband and I conveyed to the two of them. In spite of the fact we each have a very different relationship with our respective brothers.  Grade thus far, EXCELLENT

Three vastly different stories, still ongoing still having possible plot changes. Our relationships will always be challenging, because they are guided and affected by the individuals involved. Happy endings, sad endings, or questionable endings. By and large you may know one of these stories, you may live one of these stories.

I offer this be kind to one another; for the truth is we are all we have and in the grand scheme of things, in the end, in theory, aren’t we all related? Aren’t they all our brothers?

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , ,
14 Apr 2013

They Are Getting Long

I am not trying to be long-winded or in this case long-penned, but it is happening. The last few post have been over 700 words. I have even created category (QUICKBITS), that houses my “shorties” in it. However, what do you supposed these lengthy pieces are all about? Personally I give it to comfort, time, and a clearer head. Not necessarily in that order.

I decided to go back to the gym, now I did not consciously decide to stop. I had allowed the stresses of my life make me feel so overwhelmed I did not feel like doing anything but staying in a constant state of being aware of my constant state of worry and stress. My confusion and discord was spreading to wherever I was (i.e. my office, my dinner table, the family room, and my nightstand). This had to stop.

I  picked up all of my confusion from the respective areas, went in the office( I stayed out of the office most of the time because it was such a catastrophe), and did not come out until I had organized the paperwork. The fog was beginning to clear and things began to make sense again. Working-out is a release; given that why wouldn’t I want to give myself a break, never mind the added perk of getting firm and fit. I started back and I felt better immediately and saw results externally within a very short time period. Placebo effect, perhaps, but in the meantime I will continue. Think chocolate is addicting, try adrenaline.

My work hours had changed, but it seemed as though I never had any time. This came about due to the illusion of being overwhelmed due to the mess I was exposing myself to. Once the mess was cleared away, I no longer had to sit around/look at/concentrate on, the impending clean up project. Now I had time to dedicate to the blog.

Finally, I know what I want to say and how I want to say it to my slowly increasing audience. I have found a comfort zone here. I work hard at NOT being too personal in my writing. I do have opinions and point them out, but mostly I want to simply bring observations to light. I think this is the best format to encourage interaction and interest. The blogs are getting a bit longer, this is true. I love to write, I like to talk, when I reach people it is because I am reaching out to them. I don’t mind extending that hand, just don’t leave me “hangin” out there too long.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , | Leave a comment
14 Apr 2013

Personally, I Am Very Private

This is a prelude to a piece that will be included in another section on the blog.

Although I am not a celebrated author (here I go..) I can tell a pretty good story, I think my writing is above average, and if only by the sheer numbers I have produced some readable work. I missed the point completely, at first.  I couldn’t explain it, I couldn’t put it into words, then I stopped and thought about it. I was amazed in a way, disappointed in a way, but now I do understand.

In a world and in an era where everyone wants to be seen, everyone wants to be heard, everyone wants their 15 minutes of fame; I got a surprise. Now I was going to do a piece about someone I do in fact know, and I was going to try to tell their very interesting, historic story. I prepared to interview them, I had an idea how I wanted to do this piece, I wanted to tell their story as individuals, but I wanted my readers to know about them as a couple as well.

However on my last encounter when I reminded and inquired , of the husband, if he would be ready to speak with me on my next visit.  In a pleasant way he told me he did not mind me telling his story as long as it was not going to be “naming names”. He went on to say there were things he just didn’t want to talk about and then he asked(may have forgotten) what I was going to do with this information. I think we have a tendency to look at our seniors with kindness and pity, we view them as grumpy and not in control  but  what this does is deprive, whether knowingly or not, them of what they deserve most of all RESPECT.

While telling their story may have been okay with his wife, maybe it really wasn’t clear or thought through. I say that because once again I am dealing and in the same mindset, with a society of  folks whose taglines could easily be “HEY OVER HERE LOOK AT ME!!!”

The aspiring writer in me was surprisingly not let down. This would be yet another challenge, and I saw an opportunity to not get one piece out of this encounter but two. The first is this piece, drawing attention to the fact there are some private people left.  The second will be in the Fictional Accounts category. It will not be lacking in content.

Back to the matter at hand, I thought how fortunate I was to have these particular people available to me. I have always, since childhood, enjoyed talking to people I was junior to in a chronological sense. I also enjoy talking to intelligent people. Longevity, in the most general way, has to be given credence to some degree of wisdom one gains by the virtue of mere existence. I both respect and admire my friends who will be the subject of my Fictional Accounts story, I just had to be reminded of this.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , | Leave a comment
10 Apr 2013

Going Round and Around

Where she stops nobody knows…It is Master’s week in Augusta, Georgia. Let me tell you it is as exciting the anticipation of a new monarch, but wait there is a monarch coming or should I say coming back. I am of course talking about Mr. Tiger Woods.

The only one on the tour to boast multiple wins this season, he comes to the years first major as the favorite to win. I want to see Tiger win Augusta this week and I want to see him go on to break Jack Nicklaus’ record and silence the critics. I still have no personal love for the fellow, but I respect the athlete.

I do want to switch reels here a bit and talk about the Masters and the legendary course which it is played at annually. Now I am a California girl through and through (never mind I was born in Kansas City,Mo.).  I don’t think any place is prettier than my claimed state, the wonderful beaches, the wonderous mountains, the deserts and forest are worthy of awe. However, since my migration south almost 20 years ago I have never seen anything as beautiful as Augusta National.

If you pull it up on the internet you see will photos  that will make you question their authenticity. Some of my clients have photos which look like paintings and it is simply the lush beauty of that place. It is arguably, the St Andrews of the U.S.A.

Build on a former Indigo Plantation (yeah of course plantation), co-founded by  golf legend Bobby Jones and racist(yes over simplified but true) Clifford Roberts both fame and infamy surround this prestigious course.

Every hole is named for a thing of beauty(Azalea, White Dogwood,etc.), a tree and a pond dedicated to President and a corner that has made the “greats” beckon to God, Almighty for favor. Yet in paying homage to its beauty, and grandeur the history of Augusta must be touched upon. I talked about the site itself being built on land and the type of establishment whose very name (plantation) constantly reminds America of injustice it saddled African Americans with. Being in the south and producing the rebellious, foul persona of “Jim Crow”; Augusta National held onto some of “his” very ideology until 1975 when Lee Elder competed there,  or was it 1990 when the FIRST African American, Ron Townsend, was permitted to join the club, no wait was it when Tiger Woods won his first Masters in 1997? I don’t know which one to cite. Let me NOT forget that they proudly allowed the first women(ooh… more than one) to join in the club 2012, talk about a time warp and living in the past.

The PGA has a lot of growing to do and it is growing slowly, but not nearly as slowly as the traditions which it holds onto favorably and embraces. I am not saying they(the PGA) condone what has gone on at Augusta, simply that there is an air of acceptance or need to excuse these behavoirs, because of these same so-called traditions.

The south has a somewhat skewed vision of what tradition means (i.e. rebel flag; heritage not hate). If you continue living you must accept the fact you must move and change with the times. As I scrolled through the photos this morning from Augusta’s Official Web Site (titled random pictures) I couldn’t help but notice that out of 236 photos only 10 of them had African Americans in them and 2 with  people of Asian descent. Now that’s diversity. I thought of how the man who co-founded the club, who I characterized as racist( Clifford Roberts), made a statement that was in essence saying that “blacks will always be caddies and whites will always be golfers on HIS course, as long as he lived”. I am thrilled he lived to see that fall apart. I also feel  sort of apathetic that he chose to commit suicide on the par three course 2 years after his proclamation was no longer a truth.  Was this a coincidence,was it his failing health, or was he a prime example of one who didn’t want to change? He was 84.

Now I am going to bring you back to my “round and around”, “the more things change the more they stay the same”, and “fools who do not know history are destined to repeat it” point. When I see Tiger Woods, I know these times are changing in the sport of golf, whether or not anyone, including Mr. Woods(the self proclaimed “cablasian”) wants them to. In his quest to be the greatest, he will forever be placed in the annuls of history as the African American Golfer who could and did….THAT IS NOT A BAD THING!

One by one we watch these representatives of “a time gone by” crumble and fall, because they are built on faulty or unstable ideals. Triumphant figures from a “Gone With The Wind”  type society fade into oblivion, taking the dark side and secrets with them. Only to be resurrected continuously, minus the negatives.”Pleasantville” lives in DisneyWorld, and it is the last stop before you reach  “The Land of Oz“. Translation the life you seek is a fantasy, that exists in your dreams. Wake up the world is changing right before your eyes, like it or not.  Enjoy The Masters.

Posted in Everybody's Critic and tagged , , , , | Leave a comment
09 Apr 2013
1 Comment

Why Do Your Children Hate You?

Have you ever asked yourself this question? As a wannabe good parent, I know every-so-often the thought does comes to mind. The arrogant among us say, “HELL no it doesn’t”. The realist know that no matter how hard you try there are going to be some”flies in the buttermilk” of child rearing.

After years of taking our own respective parents through changes they could not have imagined at our births, we are now the symbols of authority. Some of us detested the rules and regulations of our youth, some of us applauded the freedom from responsibility, but there were times when we were just not happy with good ole mom and dad.

The prom dress you couldn’t wear, the trip with your buddies unaccompanied by an adult more than 21 years old, the fast car they opted NOT to buy for you.  Did it ever occur to you that it was denied to you, NOT merely to make your entire life unbearable? Now your offspring has a tale or two that may need some of that same convincing about.

I admit as a parent I wanted to be more, give more, and in return expect nothing of my children but they have fun and  become responsible upstanding citizens, However, we humans are not made up like that. In order for us to become strong, we must struggle and fight. We must face challenges and adversity in order to rise to the occasion. Our character much like our bodies must be trained in order for that perfect form to emerge. Yet this is not what we are teaching and demonstrating to our young.

We indulge them, we make excuses for them, and when they do something wrong or incorrect WE try to fix things for them rather than make them stand up and assume responsibility for their actions.

We are, as parents, the perpetual “catch 22” in our minds. If we teach the hard lessons the hard way, we foster the idea that they will not love or care for us, we won’t be their friends. On the other hand if we protect and shelter them from these same hard lessons, when we are no longer here to fix the problems for them, they are angry at us for allowing them to be disillusioned and unable to cope.

They have no appreciation for what we have done, how we have sacrificed and why is that? I wonder if in their minds and cultivated since they were small; they consistently looked away, ignored, or missed the part where we said, “Now it is not always going to be this way, We will not be able to always fix this for you, EVERYONE won’t do this for you, because WE love you”.

To these same children, are we truly to blame? Are you angry at people who did the best they could for you; an individual with ever-changing wants, needs, and desires, who one day tells us to bud out  and the next days calls and asks to be bailed out.

From the first time we laid eyes on your precious tiny face we were in love with you. We knew our time to just be everything to you was short, we nonetheless cherished the thought of it while we could. Society, religion, the world tell us at a certain point in time we are no longer responsible for you; you must stand on your own, but dammit these sources don’t tell us how to just turn that love off. So we fight and battle and try so hard to get you to the point where you want to go, and get out there, and do YOUR thing. Without the “safety net” it is frightening and though others before you have done this, we did it, if you flinch or turn back to look at us, we still want to be there.

You are angry at us, but what if we were angry at you? Trust me it is quite unfathomable in most cases, because we love you so much what we house is hurt IF we think we slighted you in the most miniscule manner. We try to protect you from the outsiders and the strangers, but now in your disappointment and/or anger YOU  now act like the stranger we tried to keep YOU from, toward us.

What to do? It is simple fix it. Recognize the problem and do something actively or proactively. Yes it is hard it will be hard, but it is a learning situation and you all are collectively smarter than your parents. Finally, as an ending thought, realize this is all new and a learning experience for us as well.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , ,
08 Apr 2013

Bad Behavoir Contagion

Well it spreads like any other infection. Exposure to this means you are as likely to catch or become it, as you are to resist or overcome it. Take a closer look.

What do you know about the typical characteristics of communicable diseases. You know the environment has to be ideal for them to grow and thrive in. There must be a host to infiltrate. This same host must have a weakened system. Repeated exposure to the attacker is generally enough to accomplish a breakdown. Finally there have to be others for it to spread to.

Although bad behavior is primarily psychological affliction, I submit to you it sports the same characteristics as the physiological one. Therefore what do you do when you know you are going to be in a situation or environment that puts YOU at risk? One could avoid it, one could build oneself up with vitamins and nutrients. However, if those things fail and you end up affected, you get help.

The treatment has to include both physician and medication. The host must follow the directions of both in order to fight off and drive away the disease. Full recovery is possible, but that is not saying it will be easy.

When we place the condition in the psychological column, the physician becomes the counselor or spiritual leader; vitamins and nutrients, become good influences and reliable information; medication becomes consistent positive reinforcement.

With these things in your corner, you are prepared for battle. You stand a chance to not only fight off this bad behavior, but possibly change some of it.

Posted in Quickbits and tagged , , , , | Leave a comment
08 Apr 2013
1 Comment

Now You Want To Be

The choices are very limited now, so you take what you have and you cherish it ever-so-much, but what about the fact that you have had and slighted the very same choice for quite a long time. The wear and tear are visible now. Yet, you say it doesn’t matter. I challenge you with, why didn’t you cherish this same item/possession/companion when it was new?  You must entertain and/or live with that question and others. What if it is too late to salvage? What are you willing to do, how much time and effort will you put forth to correct this wrong. Can you be so arrogant as to think you can go along, as though nothing has happened,  and things will continue on the same lines.

None of us are perfect, but while you do NOT have to wallow in the errors you make/have made you do have to take notice. If there has been something wrong done you have to make an effort to fix it, and YOU don’t have the luxury of feeling any ill-will if your efforts are not applauded and/or rejected. Facing those type circumstances you may think, “I’d be better suited to do things my way” and you may in fact be just that. I caution you here; if you are truly in the place of moving on and moving forward, not taking active and aggressive steps in order to smooth over and fix the problem will only result in disaster.

What is the most difficult part of owning up to what one has done?  Can it be the fear of rejection; because knowing what you have done is something YOU would not let go, and thereby realizing this person you have wronged may respond in a similar manner. Is it  coming face to face with the fact you are, as human beings are, weak and flawed. The only thing you will preserve by not taking a pro-active course of action is your ego, selfish and large, it is the primary reason why you are at this place currently. Factor ego OUT of the solution.

If you are truly sorry, try to soften the blows that have been delivered in a kind manner.  The sincerity will be apparent. Hopefully, there is still some sensitivity left for you to work on or work with. The numbness of indifference, once it has set in, is much more difficult to reverse.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , ,

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