hafacenturyncounting

Motivated by a lack of material.

18 Mar 2012
1 Comment

Campaign Slogans and Signs

You see them everywhere. They are smart, funny, witty or straight-forward. Let me be honest, living in the “conservative” south a number of them are offensive and annoying.They line streets, grace front yards and are affixed to vehicles

I have seen a couple in person “How’s Your Hope and Change Treatin You?””NoBama”(written this way it looks a lot like the nickname of one of our states)  “If you voted for Obama to prove you weren’t a racist….” this one was on a vehicle driving passed me to make out the remainder. Finally, “Don’t Re-Nig” in 2012.  The last one demonstrates  the wishes of one candidate may be coming into fruition already, no need for folks to be forced or even given an opportunity to go to college. The nerve of that snob of a president…in case you missed it this is sheer sarcasm. A few years ago I saw a bumper sticker that was worth putting on your car, I think it should be a billboard, or on display in Times Square. It said this, “If you think that education is expensive, imagine the cost we will all pay for ignorance.

Inspired by these short little sayings I came up with a couple of my own and understand I cannot begin to express myself as eloquently as my predecessors, but here are my contributions;

” Santorium.. A man for the ages, the dark ages”.

“Who Gives a Newt”

“Mitt.. now he is for change, change positions change sides, change of clothes”

“Ron Paul who really cares?”

I play a game as I drive through town. I call it” What does a ____ supporter look like? Kind of a “Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader” driving game. It is something to keep me occupied as I sit in traffic and this game has made me even more aware that numerous inhabitants of my area are NOT!

So I’m a “damn-yankee”. Overall, I hate politics. In previous post I have pointed out I have limited understanding of the process. The one thing I do know of  and do exercise, is my right to vote. Since becoming eligible I have not missed an opportunity to put  the person of  my choosing into office so “he/she” can sell me up river to the highest bidder. I have little or no faith in politicians, any politicians. Recent history is partially to blame. Yet, I do believe I do have basic understanding of reality and what my future could hold if I decide not to cast my ballot.

The bulk of us do not have the time nor the interest to actually research/ investigate the person who is begging, pleading, conning their way into the polling location with us. We take these people at face value and rely on the media, friends, and family to give us an idea who has our best interest at heart. After using this scientific method to select our candidate, we  announce it to our neighbors, strangers, and basically people who give less than a damn about what we think and who we  are/are going to vote for.

Why, because we are proud of what we have done or are going to do. We do this, because we think our opinion is better than others, and if they see what we have done they will follow suit. We do this in order to perhaps discover a common ground, to know we are a part of something big. Announcing our feelings demonstrating to others the confidence in our decision makes us believe we truly know what we are doing.

The most important thing that each of us do is to participate in the process. Liberal, moderate conservative, democrat, republican, independent. People fought and died for us to ALL to have a right to participate in this process; and hopefully have a voice. We are doing our very least by taking advantage of what so many sacrificed so much for.

I will close with this thought; If you think your participation doesn’t count it won’t and neither will you.

Posted in Order of Appearance
14 Mar 2012
1 Comment

X-Hafa…What-Now

How about that for a question. For Post 100, I figured it should be something special.

It seemed like a good idea at the time. Something that would connect the blog to the writing. Not so suddenly, I ran out of ideas for this. Then it came to me, I would follow in the footsteps of one of my favorite groups “Chicago” no frills titles for their albums, they let the songs and music speak to you. Beyond the greatest hits, all you have to do is to be able to count. Thus after this post under this tag, all I will do is use Roman numerals to identify these pieces.

Post 100 or X has to live up to a lot, at least it does for me. I do not want it to merely be full of fluff to get me to that number. It has to have character and it has to have content. So what about these half way points. These, from this point forward, pieces that originally were to earmark things that my mid-life experience experienced.  One thing is there never seems to be a lack of material only a lack of time and concentration.

I began thinking of stalemates and being stagnant. Now I am a talker, I have been dubbed this long before I could write. Therefore, I believe I will always have something to say. Whether it is worthy of reading or writing is discretionary. I felt pretty convinced that words would never escape me, but in Post 100 I must come to terms with  my stalemate, my book.

While filled with great ideas and an outline as to where I want to go…. My outline is the longest contribution to this upcoming book of mine. I think about life; I compare it to travel and the point of no return. I do not concentrate on that much when I travel, but then it seems overall we do not think about that point much in life either. I believe we should. I think we should consciously visit that point in our everyday decisions. I am not suggesting we sit down and ponder all aspects of our life with this formula, merely to take it into account more often then when we are in an airplane.

So what now? I have to regroup. I have no predictions, only hopes. At this juncture it is good that I still have that available, and then there is the anticipation of XI. Stay Tuned… was all I could come up with. A boat load of parables filled my head, but nothing seemed right. Sometimes you can search too long and too hard for that which is right there in front of you. The truth is everything you do though it is impactful on some level, it may not live up to what your idea of impactful is. The tiny little impressions add up; then one day you can finally see what took some time to achieve, and you may find that what you intended is nothing like the result.

Posted in Hafwaythroughpoints and tagged , , ,
13 Mar 2012
1 Comment

Looking Back- For What

Another milestone of sorts rapidly approaches, and I find myself filled with another series of questions. It will be 35 years since my contemporaries and I graduated from high school, June of this year. There has been discussion of a reunion. There are various ones going on; ones that combine classes, one that even combine schools. The ultimate goal here is merely a get-together, an excuse… no an opportunity to have a little fun.

There are things in life you never forget, high school depending on your experience is one of those things. As I read in the news or listen to talk shows where younger people are going to school taking out their frustrations or fighting back against bullies, it saddens me so. For at a time when one has a relative carefree existence these kids have adults sized issues plaguing them.

The era of the Social Media Sites… I am very glad they exist, they have allowed me to connect and reconnect with some family, long lost friends, and acquaintances. They have produced a  relatively”safe” environment for these connections and for that alone I believe we all can benefit. As with most things, we all must exercise precautions.

Let me take you back a few decades though, to not the first but perhaps one of the most celebrated “only if/what would happen if” films of OUR time “Back To The Future”. Who among us hasn’t wished for some time escaping vehicle to send us to a chosen spot, where we would have the option of a child’s game, “a do-over”. Not dealing with the negative affects only the boundless possibilities. Our hero Marty McFly allowed us to live out the experience vicariously for a couple of hours. Following the film maybe our mind’s eye briefly let us create the alternate place of our own, in which we were the starring characters.

“The Reunion “gives us a “taste ” of that fantasy, as well as a slap in the face of the realities. Whether it is family, workplace, class, or something more personal (“an affair to remember”; my movie trivia folks will appreciate this) a basic human need or two will be approached and/or fulfilled.

However, on these brief jaunts into the past we have to take some safety precautions. Accept and realize the guide, guests, and attractions may be a little altered by “father-time” in the  form of our very own memory. He, as well as it, may not be as forgiving as we may have hoped. With that out of the way; buckle up, venture into a place where people knew and remember you from a time gone by. Immerse yourself in the fact that these same people interacted with you longer and more frequently than some of your very own family, many in ways your family was not privy to.

We are warned of looking back, how this can lead to regret. Then in the same breath, we feel justified in looking back in order to not make the same mistakes. I submit to you a view of a forward thinker, you certainly could repeat the same mistake(s), but the way you deal with it/them will be different

When it is over look at the experience through the eyes of a roller coaster enthusiast; it may be short, it certainly was sweet, and I ABSOLUTELY  would do it all over again! Personally, I am lookin forward to that next reunion.


Posted in Order of Appearance
11 Mar 2012
2 Comments

The Disappointed Idealist

 “Inside every cynical person there is a disappointed idealist”

– George Carlin

Maybe you know one. Maybe you are one. Has life thrown you a blow or two that has made it hard for you to get up? Has your mind finished the delivery of that blow with a dose of feeling inadequate? Now you have an excuse to be sarcastic and negative. Repeat the process a couple of times and the cynic is born.  Now I have to hit you one more time,” this doesn’t make you special or unusual”. We all know it is much simpler to take the easy way out. In this case, it is negative and effortless. Who could blame you, for after all this was a … then you must stop yourself. Stop before you go spiraling in to  the pity party

How did we get here though? Who did this to you? Let’s begin. Your education crescendoed with your post graduate degree, you married your high school sweetheart, the promotion is yours. What you did not realize is these events are not truly final acts as they imply. For though you have reached a goal, the hard work now begins. Of course you know this, but are you reacting like you know it?

Remember, you were going to change the world. That is until you ran into that road block. I submit that the idealist  falls short when they allow themselves to be short sighted. “OOH I didn’t plan on running into so much difficulty in doing this.” Why? If you thought it would be easy, don’t you think it would have been done already.

While it is relatively simple to join the ranks of a cynic, it is not a desirable state. Oftentimes,  it is not as easy to get away from that ” cynical sleeping giant” you awake.  Listen we all get a little down but you have to remember life is cyclic, ever changing and each morning brings a new opportunity for you to close the door on the cynic in you.

Let me go through life looking through “rose colored glasses”. The disappointments should serve as reminders that we have untapped resources that now need to be utilized. Finally, if the desired results are not achieved feel accomplished in the fact that things are not quite the same as they were before you began your endeavor. A true idealist would not give up or surrender to the challenges that would eventually bring their dreams and goals into fruition. While disappointments are the reality for some, know this is not the case or even a possibility for the idealist.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , ,
10 Mar 2012

Special Moms

Hey first of all I want to say, they are/we are all special. Not a single one of us would not take away the hurt, no matter how minor no matter how major, from any of our children in order to spare them the experience of anything unpleasant. However, at 4 a.m. this is my “swan song” of sorts, to the Moms out there with children who are suffering with life threatening illnesses.

How many nights have  you paced the floors or rocked in silence? Giving your all, but feeling as though it is not enough. Praying to exchange places with the helpless one who came into your life and changed it forever. I catch my breath as I think of you , and though you are faceless you are not formless. My heart goes out to you as I pray for your strength. Not callously or unfeeling I do in a quiet reverie, thank the Lord that the task you are given was not given to me.  I know how very weak I am. The ricocheting effects have touched me through a niece and a nephew.

You hear “the Lord does not put more on you than you can bare”; I know that does not help in those times when your baby is suffering, for your heart aches from the inside out. The sounds of machines, the flickering lights that tell you, my child is still in the fight. You wonder how will you go on. Yet, you know as long as they are in this fight, you will be too.

Crying is a part of your process, so let the tears come. Think of them as a refreshing rain. Know that we, in the sisterhood of mothers, are thinking and praying for you. Though we may not know you by name or by your individual circumstance, any of us who has entered into motherhood knows “you” are out there somewhere. We feel you.

The touch of a nurse’s hand on your shoulder or a smile from a passing stranger; these are subtle little signs from God that say, “You are not alone”.  You are strong, you are beautiful, and you are loved by people who don’t even know your name. The very next time you hold your baby, be it in a rough time or one of the easier times, believe there is some faceless form out there who the Lord has touched, that is praying for you. “God can move mountains, but prayer can move God”.

Posted in Ecumenically Speaking and tagged , | Leave a comment
09 Mar 2012

Your Peninsula

I will always think of it as home. My ideal spot. The place I wanted to be. When we moved there, it just felt right.  Palos Verdes had an air about it. I can clearly see the beautiful Pacific as you came to the hilltop on Hawthorne Blvd to this very day. Whether the waves were crashing against the rocks beneath  Portuguese Bend or the full moon shone over  still waters of Malaga Cove, it  was/is breath-taking and for several years before we migrated south it was my home. As my roots are in Inglewood, California and I reside in Duluth, Georgia; This place holds my heart.

It has always quietly called to me. I would hear the wind whispers as a teen,  on a clear day it’s outline stood there south west of my then comfort zone. I knew I would be there one day,  and that it would be a part of my life. The world is filled with beautiful spectacular places, but like a garment tailored especially for you, I believe we also have a spot on this Earth that we are directly connected to.

If I were a painter I would spend my days in Lunada Bay doing one seascape after another, never tiring of my view. I could do my interpretation of the Point Vicente Lighthouse from memory.

I have yet to see the islands of Hawaii and I do hope to go  and visit there in the very near future. I have always thought of it simply as paradise, a place like no other. Then as I wrote this brief little piece it came to me; I lived in paradise and it felt so very good.

Maybe it is in the wooded hills or bustling city. Perhaps the desert calls you to . Wherever it is you feel the tugging, you have to go there, you have to be there. When you are not there in this place that you are drawn to, you are lost and don’t know how or why. You search for it aimlessly and when you do arrive you know it. The connection, the oneness, your”peninsula”.

Posted in Order of Appearance | Leave a comment
09 Mar 2012
2 Comments

Smart, In Degrees

For as long as I can remember, there has been a part of me that felt like I had above average intelligence. After moving to sunny Southern California I came face to face with the fact I was not pretty, therefore my being smart was something I held onto for dear life.

It gave me credibility, it gave me a reason to be proud. After all looks could fade but no one could take what you had inside your head away from you. I  had a whirlwind affair with school. Subject came easy to me and I would do well with little or no effort. As time went on I became increasingly lazy, but I still got good grades. Junior High(middle school) brought about a series of changes and awakenings. Enter puberty, what a let down school was. Other girls now  were interested in boys and vice versa, while I may have been interested in boys they were not interested in me. Well at least I was still smart.

I tested well and had above average classes, but then I discovered there was something beyond having above average classes.. there was the “gifted program”.

The “gifted program” probably meant nothing to other students who were not in it because they had other things on their minds. The students that belonged in it were recognized and put into the program. Yet, I belonged to a very small quiet group; someone who wanted to be in the program, and someone who was certain they should be in the program. Remember, my “sets-me-apart” reasoning was at stake here. I had “friends” who were in these special classes and “I” felt like they were no smarter than me. I made the inquiries and managed to get information necessary in order for me to be tested for the program. Turns out I was NOT gifted, I was above average which allowed me to take certain classes but to be a part of this program that I thought was so elite… I did not make the cut. I was quietly devastated. For a couple of years I tried to stand apart and be noticed, then I came to terms with.. above average with the AVERAGE glaring at me.

Fast forward, I received my acceptance letter from U.C. Irvine and after the excitement came the fear. How would I fare in a foreign environment. Was I ready for this culture shock?  Could I handle it because after all I was, just above average. I took the “chicken” way out and enrolled in community college because I thought it would be easier for me to do well and after a year or so I could transfer. That did not happen. I went back a couple of times, but something was missing.

I realized that the only thing average about me was that I did not put any extra effort into achieving what I said I wanted to achieve, and I truly had made myself the very thing I did not want to be AVERAGE-the norm. I abandoned the very vehicle that could have catapulted me to where I felt I wanted to be, my drive. I did not need a piece of paper to tell me that either. I said I wanted this validation, but when it came right down to it perhaps I did not want it enough or even as much as I thought I did.

I am surrounded by people who collectively possess an array of certificates, degrees, and doctorates. They are my family, they are my friends, and no simple formula can explain me. My predecessors, contemporaries and heirs have somehow done what has eluded me. Perhaps one would be surprised to hear, I still believe I am smart. I now know I am not dedicated. I now know that paperwork does not positively elevate you to a place deserving of admiration and awe. I now know my motivation was what was lacking and no on had more control over that than me.

Therefore, take heed in what I finally learned. Realize my friends you have a choice and do not allow yourself to be the victim or recipient of self inflicted failure.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , ,
09 Mar 2012
2 Comments

Breaking Bread

Eating is a very important process in our lives. We need it in order to sustain ourselves, first and foremost. However, there is something more. As we tie certain songs to events in our lives, there is a connection that exists with us and our meals.

Think of the imagery of the 1950’s a family sitting down to dinner, sharing the events of their day.  How about the “romantic comedy” you just watched a couple of nights ago where the couple shared a romantic dinner, or the mother’s day surprise of breakfast in bed. Food and who we eat it with is a very personal passionate thing. You just don’t sit down and eat with anyone, at least you don’t plan to.

We went to an interesting eatery when we first moved to Georgia almost 20 years ago at the urging of our new neighbors (Georgia natives). This place served typical southern cuisine, the thing that was most exciting to them was the sitting down to enjoy your meal in the company of complete strangers. I thought it was a novel little idea, but wasn’t quite as excited. We were new and felt like we should get familiar with the regions traditions and customs. Well it was very uneventful, and not even in the slightest manner interesting.

I was taken back to another piece I wrote called, “All We Do Is Eat” and I realized how very personal this act of eating is. We do it so often and so mechanically that we really do not  think of the intimacy involved.

When I worked in “Corporate America” in an effort to demonstrate “they” cared; there were often luncheons, celebrations, etc. where we, the employees would get together with the bosses and “break bread”. I was always the outspoken and standoffish one. I thoroughly enjoyed declining or not showing up to these functions, knowing questions would be asked, and I would have the opportunity to tell “them” exactly why I had chosen not to be a part of the function. In a way I was being completely honest, in  another I was being completely mean, but at the time I did not realize how completely valid my reaction/response was to being invited to come and “make nice” with an individual in a forum that is normally reserved for people you really and truly want to be around. Later when the title change happened and I became “them” the the challenge was once again presented, for I now not only had to participate in these function I oftentimes had to plan them. Oh the hypocrisy of it all….

Today as I attempt to be a better person, I am a volunteer that works with a team that serves my community. It is a good place and a good thing we do, yet I would not be honest if I said that I feel close to any of the other members. I attributed this to my being the newer member, but as time has gone by I think there may be another reason. I do not believe that my personal feelings are important,  for what we do is what is most important. The problem is now we are having a meeting in which food will be served. This will be the third meeting of this type I have been invited to. The first I did not go to at all, the second I did not eat. I have and feel the obligation to be there for this meeting, but I cannot overlook my feelings toward these people I am teamed with. Perhaps a more relevant question would be, “do I need to continue to be with a group I do not want to or feel comfortable being around”? Do I have the right to interrupt/disturb this part of a program we are all a part of because of MY personal feelings? I think maybe if I allow myself to get into this intimate setting with them maybe I will connect, but the questions remains, what if I am right, what if this vibe I feel is the vibe the are sending out. I would rather walk away than to have them send me away, but that is all about ego isn’t it.

Therefore, I will go and I will be on time, but I will not eat once again. I guess the test will be how many meetings will I go to before I feel comfortable enough to get intimate with my team members, or how long will I stubbornly work with people I may not like and who may not like me for the sake of doing something good.

Then in the midst of revisions and additions I came face to face with it; maybe I am sending a signal to my team members as well. While I am sitting here feeling ostracized, maybe I have ostracized as well. Wow, maybe I  should eat.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , , ,
05 Mar 2012
2 Comments

Done-But Not Ready

A cautious glimpse at the possibilities. Was Cinderella held prisoner in the home of her evil step-mother? Was Sleeping Beauty held in a deep sleep by a spell? Does circumstance help our minds to help us escape unhappiness?

Years in a situation that one sees no end to can breed contempt as well as creativity. Something woke me up this particular morning. It was a troubled mind. I had a plan, but things surrounding me kept interfering. Yet the unsettled feeling would not leave me.

Our princesses seem to be trapped by the forces of something outside of self, but what if their escape was the very prison they existed in? As terrible as one may feel their existence is, does it overshadow the fear of the unknown? There is a real fear of falling. The inner “daredevil” has long retreated into the  poolside lounging chair. Yet, what can be worse than falling? Is it the devastation of defeat, what about the embarrassment of failure.

Growing older there is a stronger need for the certainties of life. We need stable, predictable outcomes now more than ever. The trouble is now we must look to ourselves to provide those confident stable situations.

The other reactions are difficult but for me the stagnant, atrophying, paralysis which occurs when you fear movement is the worst. You are a prisoner, one of your own creation in part. Not a very creative one either. Choosing to stay and be miserable simply because it is familiar is NOT a good choice.

Begin at the beginning, work on YOU. If it is a workplace problem, what measures or steps are realistic for YOU to take? If it is a personal relationship, where you can see the other person’s faults and contributions to the bad situation, maybe examine what YOU are doing. If it is  a spiritual  issue and you feel conflicted, perhaps begin with YOU being committed. As an individual YOU is the only factor one has complete accountability for and control over.

Therefore, we are very much like the pastry fresh out of the oven; one stage is complete, but more has to happen before it is ready to be served.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , , ,
22 Feb 2012

Turning Point

90 posts and average of 300 words, I ask the question can I write? Clearly in a physical sense I can, but is it worth reading. I do not know that yet. I have had some hits and some flattering comments but I am a “green pea” in this area.  The only thing I am sure of is the writing bug hit and it has stayed with me for almost 12 months. I  now have the drive to finish a project I have long thought about and played with. I have made an effort to test the water; it appears to be slightly cool and possibly deep, but I only have a couple tips of toes in.

I want a guarantee, but that is really not possible. Yet I feel ready. It is rather early on a cool, overcast Sunday morning the 5th day February 2012.  Republican Party Caucuses pending, Super Bowl XLVI results looming. I begin my journey and I will keep this piece as a starting point of my journey.

Church was amazing and I convicted myself to make some changes. I told no one about them. This was not a plan, but all seems to be falling in line. The timing feels so right, yet time is going to be a challenge and an obstacle that I must overcome. It truly feels like a turning point!

After that entry I ran into a brick wall. My writing became erratic and even stagnant.  Two weeks had gone by and I had not put anything down on paper of significance I did not know what to do. In the midst of a lonely and blue Monday morning, it came to me so I prayed. I did not realize it at the time, but when I started this piece I was troubled. I misread some things. Upon that realization I virtually dropped to my knees. The peace was astounding and calming. I knew this time I was on the right track, would this now be the turning point for me. Would the amazing changes I anticipated come to pass? I think they  already have.

Posted in Ecumenically Speaking and tagged | Leave a comment

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