hafacenturyncounting

Motivated by a lack of material.

26 Jan 2013
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Elated Moon

This  is a title that will mean nothing to anyone but me. I liked the sound of it and decide to let my imagination run free…

In an artsy kind of way I want Elated Moon to feel like something special and expose something surprising about me. Who was to be surprised though? I looked at this title and came back to it for several weeks, before I was able to do what I felt was justice to it.

Transported back in time I watched each frame in magical excitement. I hadn’t felt this way in years. Anticipating the next scene, but saddened as I knew I was being drawn closer to the end. Still this was all good.

My Disney Years had returned to me; and happily I must admit, I welcomed them. In spite of being the mother of two relatively disinterested boys, I was still a serious Disney Classics Collector during their childhoods. For years the videos sat in boxes or cabinets, hidden from sight. Only on occasions, that met with my husband’s look of ” Yeah it is time to have you committed ”  did they get viewed.

My granddaughter allows me an excuse to browse the stores and watch the old videos, under the guise it isfor her. Addison, however, is a Doc McStuffins and Sophia The First fan. I have a different kind of princess for a granddaughter, but she is a princess just the same.

As I ushered in all of these good feelings soundtracks included, I could not help noticing there was a cosmic reaction all around; the weather was better, the scenery was more beautiful, all of my surroundings were just vastly improved. Once again is it “All in your mind”? It felt/feels like springtime. “Almost Like Being In Love”, this is not simply a reference to a song.

Ending Elated Moon I was faced with another challenge;  Do I continue to a climactic crescendo or fade it away softly? I did build it up kind of big. I realized this, so a soft fade wins. I hope a smile was translated here though.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , ,
26 Jan 2013
1 Comment

If You Can’t Be Honest With Me, Then

This is a matter of trust and feelings. Have you ever asked someone for an opinion and then when you did get it you got mad? Sure you have, we all have.  Now ask yourself what the reason was behind the anger; was it having someone give you an answer or some information you did not really want, or was it having to face something you already knew the answer to but had not/could not/would not act on.

At this point in our lives there are few things we encounter that we do not have some type of answer to. There are not a lot of surprises left. Not saying we have ALL the answers, far from it; simply the new, the strange, the out-of-the-ordinary does not occur as often as it used to. Therefore, when we talk or communicate with one another we are for-the-most-part, seeking a sounding board rather than a prophet.

This is where the reliability of the communication comes in. Can you count on your counterpart(s) to be honest, truthful, and up front? Well why would that be a problem? I will tell you why because often times lies SEEM to be the easy way out. I am not talking vicious  ones either; there are the “kind for-the-sake-of-sparing-your-feelings”, there are the “little white lies”, there are the omission. Lets get text-book and even antiseptic here, they are all deceptions are they not? Don’t get me wrong because placed under oath about this subject, I would sweat and even invoke my 5th Amendment Rights. I am just being real.

You may know one or two truly vicious or mean liars, folks that actually intend on hurting someone with their untruths. However most of us are opportunist and/or cowards; we are looking for the easy less abrasive way of saying something. Our lies give us a chance to regroup or bide time. Then there are the folk who are simply delusional, they would tell you,” I never lie”. I know some very honest people… NEVER is a very long time.

Understand I am not condoning this, I do not have adequate time or space to explain it. This is simply a short examination of it, prompted by personal experience. I am not suggesting everyone you know or speak to is lying to you, nor am I saying they are perfectly honest. Simply there are questions and tasks placed upon us that we all must realize challenge our perimeters and abilities. Expect only as much of others as you are able or willing to do and then take note an exception is always a possibility.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , ,
26 Jan 2013
1 Comment

Seconds Anyone?

The words just grabbed me. They made me feel imaginative and excited. Out of the blue my inspiration  revealed itself. The 2nd Inauguration of President Barack H. Obama.

Can I tell you that I sat glued to television all day long. When I wasn’t smiling from ear to ear, tears streamed down my face. I cannot tell you each independent thought. There was a flood of emotion. From the outfits his daughters wore and how much they have grown in four years, to the obvious security as the First Couple walked down the street of the parade route. There was happiness and hope abound. You could see the and feel the “love” the citizens of these United States of America  have for this President.

So what memorabilia do I collect this time? I have the invitation. At a time when my finances are not near where I want them to be I am looking at a 50.00 commemorative frame! Really? However, this is history and it is near and dear to my heart. I will skip lunch at my favorite Thai restaurant, I will delay my next visit to the spa. He is phenomenal.

I look to his images for inspiration. He is the  most incredibly human  and seemingly accessible leader.  A friend of mine said, “The Huxtibles are in the White House”.Watching him in moments of tragedy, crisis, joy, and triumph has given me a sense that it will be alright. It will not be great because his opponents would rather see our country fail than to have him, a black man lead us into a successful future. Yet I maintain faith and believe he will continue do great things in spite of what and who he is up against.

Whether you like him or not his accomplishments are amazing. It is undeniable that the cards were NOT stacked in his favor, yet he came out on top. History will remember him for the obvious, at the very least he was first.  A little thing like race is a determining factor in history being honest. The fact that  this is questionable is truly sad.

Oversimplified liken him to a meal shared with friends(I don’t eat with people I don’t like). There were a couple of choices and your choice either was not selected. However, you aren’t going to stop being friends because you did not get your way are you? That is just juvenile and besides maybe next time you may get your pick. There has to be something on the menu you like; there is a common thread because you all are “friends”, so find something you like or get a glass of water, shut up and wait your turn. Personally, I am going to enjoy seconds.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , ,
21 Jan 2013
1 Comment

I Love You So Much, That I Would Die For YOU

In this era, it is sad that this title is about an inanimate object a gun. “They can pry it from my cold dead hands”- Charlton Heston. What an image, what a thought, what a speech from the man who PLAYED “Moses”.

I do not own a gun. I do not like guns so one might say,” who are you to discuss this subject?” My answer is… who am I not to. This could easily be turned into a statistic filled graph. I do not want that. You are free to search and read those on your own. I am reaching for a human contact. Yes I will give up a little data because it is necessary for you to sample the journey my words will take you on. Yet, there is no proclamation of expertise here, it is opinionated and heartfelt. I direct you ask.com or “google” the question “how many people have lost their lives to firearms?”..hint stay away from the NRA sponsored sites. You can find all the data you want and more.

We seem to be travelling back in time to an era when “tea parties” and militia were the norm, the problem is these “time travelers” want the benefits of the future with the fallback of the past at their fingertips and all for “their” convenience. Maybe the mere name “tea party” instantly  tele-ports them back in time. A time when our nation was a mere colony being controlled by a monarchy. Why, why, why do we hang onto the past? The right to bear arms, this so-called loss will make the proponents think romantically of that time not-so-long-ago… wait it was a time that is  long-since past! They cannot have memories for they were not even in existence when the events occurred. That is what is called history and it is documented. You can attempt to re-write it, but you stand a very strong chance that you are not qualified due to the simple fact that you were NOT there.  This is a case of being practical and no proponent of these gun issues wants to be practical. They will fan the flames of hatred, ignorance, and fear to get THEIR point across. Here is a tidbit.

Consider the licensing  requirement process for a start. Gun owners would have to be tested regularly in writing and have their skills(competence at the very least) demonstrated in controlled setting, identified by registration, held accountable and made to be insured. Owning a gun is a deliberate act, therefore one should be willing to  abide by these rules and regulations. I don’t want the rhetoric of “the criminals will not do these things”,  for my answer is simple, “that is what makes them criminals and their actions are and will be punishable by LAW”. Good upstanding citizen should NOT have a problem here. When you load that firearm are you doing it properly, by the book? Is it okay for you to take your firearm outside the confines of the designated area. If you do this what is the fine or consequence? It should not be as simple as going to the store or a gun show and slapping down the funds for the purchase, there is more to it. Just as the responsibilities of being a parent; physiologically you may be capable, but we all know directly or indirectly everyone should not have a child. I turn from behavior that is characteristic of a child, wanting their way, to the horrible loss of children. Forever etched in my mind will be the faces of beautiful little “babies” slaughtered by a man that should not have been walking the streets, let alone have in his possession a gun. I will always remember the guns he had were NOT illegally obtained but licensed and purchased the proper way. I cannot help but wonder had this particular situation had a few more rules and regulations these 26 people who lost their lives at Sandy Hook Elementary School may be alive today. Those weapons used would not have been “laying around”; if there had to liability insurance issued, or if in order to have a license proof of passing a written and performed test had to be produced, or before purchase an application had to be submitted and the rest was contingent upon meeting the guidelines which mirror the stipulations of a driver’s license .

Therefore, in closing I submit the following; more paperwork, more long lines, possibly a creation of some more jobs to get these things done and produce a safer environment for all. Still want to die for the right to have that gun, like the LATE Charlton Heston?It is not necessary, just a few more forms and a little more time is all that is required.  Now, faced with the possibility of a few more challenges how much is it really worth to you?

Posted in As Consumers and tagged , , , ,
19 Jan 2013
1 Comment

The Tyranny Of Age (Aging)

As the Roller-Coaster reached the peak of the ride, the excitement inside me was overwhelming. I wanted to close my eyes but could not. The descent began, and I screamed with everything inside of me. For what felt like an eternity I had more fun than I thought imaginable, then an abrupt end. Fast forward on the ground with my grandbaby, I hold her hand as we watch for her parents to appear from the very same ride. She smiles and squeals when she sees them. I am thankful for a nice warm day because my arthritis is acting up.

“Who is this person in the mirror”, you ask as you examine the graying hair and the posture not exactly straight. In your mind you can still scale a wall, but your body is held captive by this unknown being. Suddenly you realize the unknown being is age, and the person you are looking at is you!

Of course you must accept and recognize your limitations; does that mean you must stop having fun, stop enjoying things, stop living. We become prisoners to the limits; some of these limits are outside of our reach, but others are set up/formulated by US.

The real things that have captured me are certain aspects of my body. When I wake in the morning extra time must be taken and therefore consideration must be given to this. No longer do I hop straight up, the dizzying effects would linger the day through if I did. Instead I sit up, swing my legs around and proceed to get out of the bed. I cannot take for granted that I will remember everything, I cannot be assured I will remember anything I have to do in a single day. I enlist the aid of my journal and the list feature of my smart-phone.  These are great tools, if I remember where they are. I stretch for more mobility and less pain. The news is filled with negative and bad, I cannot turn it off. In turn my attitude is bad as well.  When this happens realize every-so-often you need to watch a comedy, if it is an old stand-up routine, a cartoon, or a “Three Stooges” type short. LAUGH,LAUGH, LAUGH!

Sometimes you will feel like, “the tyrant is trying to get a hold on my mind now as well.” You feel lonely and wonder why no one comes around to see you or visit.  The truth is when you feel this way you have already been captured and are under the control of the unyielding tyrant. He makes NO concessions. His wills are forced on every aspect of your person, and he intends on controlling every part of your being including your mind. Once he takes it over, YOU will be lost forever. “What do I do”, you ask. He is very powerful. You have never encountered such a force before, but then he has never encountered you. I say, fight .  Resist on every front. You can do this quietly at first; once you gain confidence, once you know you do not have to be the victim of this controller, you can be bolder. Maybe it will be a beginner’s yoga class or walking slowly around the block, but gradually it advances to volunteering at the local elementary school and maybe a trip to the indoor trampoline park. To break free you have to remember what it was like to be free. The memory of that freedom will release you from the paralyzing fear that you have made your home. Then when you mount your “Coup D’etat “, remember don’t look back for the enemy/ your captor/ the tyrant senses fear.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , ,
17 Jan 2013
1 Comment

XIII-hafasmanyquestionsasiwouldlikeanswersto

Their number is 13… and in this year in particular 13 feels like a great place to start.

1.What do you do when there is someone in your life that needs help, that wants help but does not only NOT know how to ask for it, they do not know how to accept it?= 2.5

2. How do you force a situation without demonstrating force?=1

3. When do you find time for you, when there seemingly is no time?=1

4. Do you know when it is time to go or let go?=2

Riddled with questions and rather annoyed, you have watched your weekend end. You were tired but could not rest. You were sleepy but could not sleep. The apprehension was pretty close to intolerable. Those close to you, in proximity and relation, were draining you and you were allowing them to do just that. WHAT DO THEY WANT?!  However, you were not allowed to say or feel that because you have always taken up the slack. What do they think, what do they feel or are you just an after-thought? There is an expectation for you to fulfill everyone else and then when the needs exist in you, well you are not allowed or even expected to want anything. Yet to get beyond your feelings and you must do this/ complete this task with little or no disruption to those around you.  I am not a swimmer but I imagine what is going on, what you are going through is similar to drowning.

Therefore as you gasp for air lets see if we can answer these questions and rescue you from …yourself.

Starting with #1.- the question I gave credit for being 2 and a half questions simply HELP. Do what you KNOW they need if you can;volunteer, but don’t interfere; expect nothing for your deed and walk away with that expectation.

Number 2.- subconscious takes over in a lot of cases but if you are asking this question you have gone waaaay beyond the subconscious, you are painfully aware. You actions and reactions will tell a story. If you do not want to appear to be a certain way(i.e. forceful) then you must demonstrate a strong presence but with gentler words.

The answer to 3.- Make time. Cut that grocery shopping trip, turn the television off, cancel or postpone an appointment and utilize the time for you. If it is sitting in the car listening to an old favorite CD, walking in the park during your lunch, sometimes you do have to give something up to get something back.

Finally 4.- yes of course you know the answer to this/these question(s). While the first part of this question need only have you apply the”wear-out-your-welcome”theorem. Having an obvious feeling of being uncomfortable from an outside source…. if that is what you are experiencing at any given time, it is time to go.  The second part is more to do with being in tune with self. We get caught up in what is familiar and we hang onto that because it feels so safe. We oftentimes give this feeling the benefit of being correct. Even though it can be guilt driven. The fear of taking action too soon can leave you stagnating for years. Therefore if you are contemplating letting go it is because something inside of YOU is saying it is time. Trust yourself.

Note if these suggestions do NOT help you , they do not yield the desired results, then you are going to have to stop trying to be P.C. and go back to the grassroots technique “say what you mean and mean what you say”. Now we can prepare for the next half.

Posted in Hafwaythroughpoints and tagged , , ,
14 Jan 2013
4 Comments

Pardon Me But That’s My Life You Are Living

I put this stuff out here but I am certain I am not the only one who goes through these changes. Here go armed with chocolate at my side I will sink into myself and reveal yet another flaw of mine. ENVY.

She is smart, pretty, and successful. She is out there every-so-often I visit her page. We are not friends though. I know of her through a friend from work. We have very similar tastes in clothes, furniture, and I will leave it there. The blank I leave is the thing we have most in common. It haunts me. I want to rise above this; tuck it neatly away in something airtight, lock it up, and throw away the key. Yet I cannot. Time passes sometimes months without a thought; but then I have to see, I have to know if anything has changed. Though I never know for certain because I stay just far enough away to observe without being seen, it seems her world is taking it’s natural course. The course of which I wish mine were. I feel terrible that I am watching my  self proclaimed competitor and she is not aware. I do not mean her any harm, I know that which she has belongs to her. Yet deep inside I feel like I could be there, where she is, in that same spot, and I want to be.

As I thought of  the lists I have compiled over the years, I realized I always gave her credit for being the one thing I thought of first, that I bothered to intentionally mention in a secondary spot, even though I didn’t really feel that way or even see it in her. In other words I would always call her pretty in spite of the fact. I felt like “who am I to judge”, because “pretty” has always escaped me.  Besides what did I know about “pretty”? I had a hold on “smart”, I just let “smart” go. I visited with “success”, but success required much work. Well I know a great deal about “pretty”, because I have several friends who actually fit that bill comfortably, even and especially through my critical eyes.”Pretty” is  wonderfully balanced features. “Pretty” is making one look twice even in a ponytail, without make-up, wearing a tee shirt and cargo shorts. My “pretty” friends would make you say “Halle(or whomever is YOUR idea of gorgeous) Who”? Ironically, I like them and I love them. I SEE there is much more to them than their pretty-pretty faces.

I have an idea for an invention, I believe I could patent. It will do for movies what I want to do with my life. I would magically be propelled into her spot, the spot that I am convinced I want to be in and she would be sent… somewhere else. She would not be sent to my place, because I am not wanting a trade. One day I know I will see this invention on television or at the local WalMart, for much cheaper than you can purchase it online or at the local specialty electronics store. What I also think/ believe/feel is while I contemplate, she would do. Then I realized she is me without the excuses and the “stupid” mistakes.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , ,
10 Jan 2013
1 Comment

A December To Remember…. And Reflect Upon

I anxiously await the month of December each year. I have for as long as I can remember. 2012 will be one of many I have to take out and look at, but this year a midst the red and green of the holiday season, there will be an outlined in bold-faced black.

24 years ago on the 17th of December, my beloved father passed away. An emptiness I am ill-equipped to express or convey. 1988 was the most difficult holiday season of my life to date. However, this year December was riddled with bad news and death. It was directly and indirectly touching me. From my “play aunt’s” entry into widowhood to the tragic victims in Newtown, Connecticut; my hear hurt and my eyes welled with emotional tears like an expectant mother.  Coupled with not enough hours in the day, I successfully put off writing until now.Dare I bring up politics and bad weather? I asked myself, ” What about this December and furthermore how will I  choose to remember it?”

Obviously, Christmas will leave it’s mark. First from the religious aspect a season to give honor and thanks to our savior The gathering of family and friends. The fun and wonder of the little one(s) in my life that makes the holiday magic. There were beginnings such as the start of winter, which THANKFULLY was rather unremarkable here in Georgia. There were the birthdays, two of my nieces, my youngest son’s godmother and dear friend celebrate their respective days. “Addi-Paddi” got her “wings” here on Earth. Addison/”Addi-Paddi”/my granddaughter had her first but certainly NOT her last trip to the local indoor trampoline park with parents, uncle, and two sets of grandparents in tow.

As I unpacked and unwrapped each individual ornament, the story of  a Christmas from the past came back to life. Their color and beauty took me to one happily placed memory after another. These ornaments marked births, transitions, and Christmastime fun for 30 years.

I used to wonder how a lovely time of year could make anyone feel bad. The memories and the losses; I had mine, this year the loss would touch a country. Little faces that could not help but remind you of a special little one in YOUR life. And in that same moment you took your mind from that place, because the hurt and fear was too much for you to be able to contain yourself. I avoided that feeling and knowledge for as long as I could.  Newtown, Connecticut.

This was the first year that “Addi-Paddi” would really be aware of and enjoy the season. She conquered the stairs, she knew that any elevation was her launching pad. Jump took on a whole new meaning because of her. At first it was enough for her to do it and then it spread like wildfire. The idea we could all go and join in with her “happy” was a no-brainer.

As I sum up the month.. the “December To Remember” I leave you with this. Nothing profound yet real; the last month of the year, the month that marks endings gives way to beginnings as well.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , , ,
10 Jan 2013
2 Comments

And I Am Not Proud Of This Either

Okay, I am willing to bet that I am the only person on this planet who has  been cut off in traffic and got angry about it….. Now let’s be real. Less than 10 blasted days into the New Year, I became a victim. A victim of my lack of self-control. I have to level with you here, I HATE THAT FEELING! Not being in charge or command of a situation is humbling at the very least. Then after being humbled one must face yet another task, facing the demon. I submit to you my brief, but memorable experience.

Driving used to be fun, driving used to be a joy, but in recent times it has become a necessary evil. There are individuals with various skill levels behind the wheels now-a-days , and ALL of them THINK they are great drivers. The array of colorful creatures includes but is not limited to: the racing maniac either on your bumper or coming off of it waaaay too closely, the good Samaritan assisting every other driver except the one of who he has control over, the Sunday driver with no place to go in Monday morning rush hour traffic, the busy bee multi-tasking behind the wheel, and the inconsiderate brat whose motto is “yes as a matter of fact it is my road”. This is just a small sampling of what one might encounter on any given day  of driving.

On my day I ran into the inconsiderate brat. As I navigated through Buckhead this particular morning in not so horrible traffic it began. She drove a courtesy car from a Lexus dealership. Traffic was moving at a decent pace, but she found herself about three car lengths behind a public transportation vehicle. There were two lanes and then she did it! Simultaneously changed lanes and put her signal on, maybe she even turned the signal on a few seconds after she began her lane change. It doesn’t really matter here for upon the move  in which she cut me off, I blew my horn. Now I do not like blowing my horn and generally one would be hard pressed to get this, but this move her move was so blatant and unnecessary… my blow was saying “really, you didn’t see me right there?” Well from her reaction she clearly did. She flipped me the “bird”. Whoa. On a morning where things were moving along quite nicely, I get the bird for someone else’s stupidity, blindness or down-right inconsiderateness.  MOVE!! “OH HELL NO!” was my thought my reaction was a return of the “bird” along with some choice words I don’t have to repeat, but I am sure you all can imagine. She smiled, she waved, and she continued with the “bird”. I played right into it with her. I blew my horn once more before we were caught at a traffic light. This where the “not proud of this either” moment occurred.

Without giving detail I want you to imagine yourself in that spot, I want you to feel the anger and frustration mount, perhaps reference a similar situation you’ve been in. Feel what you felt at that time and KNOW I was in that very same place. Whatever you did; if you quashed the anger and moved on BRAVO, if you did not and you acted like I did, and I am not judging you but you might want to get a handle on that.

It only took a moment, it only lasted a moment. Two things occurred;  the result she did not taunt me any longer and I had to deal with my feelings the rest of the day. What was worse is it could have been much worse. This is a story whose ending could have made the evening news. I hope she learned something, I hope I did too. Don’t take unnecessary chances “boys and girls” you never know who or what you are encountering on any given day. Two don’t think that it could never/would never happen to YOU. YOU can be either party that I am writing about here. We are all human; and being human in that frail state leaves us open and susceptible to all kinds of weaknesses, then after it is all said and done we are left with regret.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , , ,
25 Nov 2012

XII-hafawayback

Mission accomplished, of sorts. I made strides on my other project, had some time to slow down and reflect. The break was worth it. I did miss writing on my blog though. I did not completely neglect it, I just had to limit the time in order to dedicate more time to an area of concentration which was in need. I did decide I would work on the blog “half as often, but twice as long”. I will see how much better that works out for the future..

Once again we must find a way to have balance in our lives. We are the ground-breakers. Therefore, what we do is going to serve as a blueprint for those to follow. We have to find a viable way to take the reins back into our hands when they have slipped away from us or when we have even let them go. No easy task in either case.

I am just happy to be back and look forward to making more positive strides… I actually  intended to  present this upon my  return this past August, but it felt incomplete and empty. Now there is more meaning behind this return. I have discovered that  my multi-tasking skills need quite a bit more honing to accomplish  the goals I set for myself. A casualty of this  juncture in life…. a benefit is the realization of such.

Posted in Hafwaythroughpoints and tagged , , | Leave a comment

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