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Archive for the category “How We Relate”

29 Mar 2022
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And the Oscar Goes To….

What can one say when they bear witness to something but have only a few facts? Are we to trust our very own deceiving eyes? Can we believe our betraying ears? What could we have missed? We speculate, we listen to the so-called experts, critics, and fans. In the end the conclusion is as varied as the individuals that draw them. Therefore, let us begin…

For decades now I have made it my business NOT to take in the pageantry, tradition, grandeur and fluff of award shows. This is a far cry from what I once did. From the red-carpet attire to the acceptance speeches, for years I was captivated. Oscar’s, Grammy’s, Tony’s, Emmy’s, SAG, American Music; I made time for them all. I may have not watched from beginning to end but I took in a good part of them. I knew the main players and recipients of the biggest bounty.

As time went on, as it happens, many things changed. People stopped holding these events in high esteem; the events seemed to be losing momentum, the attire was the first to fall on the wayside and the behavior was the next casualty. I recall watching in utter disgust as a band came forward to accept their award and one of the members spat as he walked toward the stage. This was the Grammy’s, and it was held inside with carpeted floors and upholstered seats. We won’t even talk about how they were dressed I had seen enough. It was not a surprise that I no longer held any interest. Thankfully, things improved, and the award shows returned to what they resembled in past years. I, however, was scarred and to me they lost their zeal. The advent of the internet allowed me to get the results without having to dedicate hours to watching the entire event(s). Problem solved.

It pains me to write this, but as with countless others I feel I have something to say. I have an opinion…and we know what is said about opinions. I was positively appalled by Will Smith’s display Sunday March 27,2022. One can argue he cracked, or he was defending his wife’s honor. Henceforth the record will show a black man assaulting another black man on stage, televised around the world. What a pretty picture, Will. As you broke through a barrier you trashed the area around it with stereotypical behavior. You showed the world violence and foul language, in an instant and no one took into account the possible reasons why.

Many things should have prevented this from happening. Where was security at the event? Why was Will permitted to calmly walk up on that stage assault Chris and walk back to his seat and stay to accept his award later in the show? Academy FAIL.

Why did Will take offense to a joke (no matter whether one feels was in poor taste or not) after he was seemingly seen/filmed laughing at the same joke, to the point the felt compelled to behave in such an uncivilized manner. Under the guise of being disrespected he demonstrated disrespect. Under the guise of protecting, he unmercifully attacked. Though he later apologized to everyone EXCEPT who was physically harmed. And no one was fooled by a publicist version of an apology to Chris the next day. Will Smith FAIL.

As unpopular as this may be let us shine the spotlight on the so-called catalyst in this situation…Will’s wife Jada. Jada, who was so deeply hurt and saddened by Chris’ unkind words (NOTE coming from a comedian it is called a joke) regarding her alopecia, she could not find the strength in her very own character to stop her husband/her protector from putting himself in a very questionable position? For as it has been noted, all it took was a look from Jada to prompt Will’s assault, it is very possible/probable a touch, a word could have prevented this chain of events that took place subsequently. Jada Pinkett-Smith FAIL.

Finally, we must examine the man who was the ultimate target, Chris. Chris is NOT a saint. Chris IS a comedian, a comedian charged with hosting an award show, and he did it with the tools of his trade…JOKES. He is not the first comedian to tell jokes at the expense of others, he is not the only comedian to tell jokes at the expense of others, and hopefully he will not be the last…. This IS what comedians do. Actors act, singers sing, dancers dance…. See a correlation here? What Chris did do was, demonstrate class and professionalism under conditions many of us may not have. Chris Rock PASS with honors.

I have heard and read; it was staged, Chris got what he deserved, and let he without sin cast the first stone.

This writer’s take away… have RESPECT and don’t take yourself too seriously. In a joyous situation allow the celebration to take center stage and IF you understand the concept/definition of RESPECT all situations will be handled appropriately.

Posted in Everybody's Critic, How We Relate and tagged ,
19 Mar 2022
1 Comment

I Just Knew I Was Right

Have you ever just pegged someone completely correct? It is as though you have the power to tell the future. The individual seems to walk, run, go-through-the-motions like a perfectly chorographed dance.

We all enjoy being correct. No matter how much we deny it and try to act like we get little satisfaction from being right , the truth is the truth. However, there are situations and circumstances that just have to make you feel so much better than just being right, like when you dodge the perpetual bullet.

Though it is validation, can you recall when you would have given anything to be wrong? Thoughts swirled about you and your particular individual, but instinct, common sense, and that gut feeling took over. You could not deny such a combination. Rather than acting on impulses and with your heart, you used your head.

Therefore, today when confirmation presented itself all you could do was smile. Like looking through a two-way mirror, you were able to observe him go through his VERY predictable motions. When you talk, because you still talk to him, he tries to make the situation seem innocent and as though he is this benevolent creature saving yet another poor soul. All he is doing is more of the same, the same Modus Operandi, the years have changed but he has not. He is no more able to be emotionally available than he was when you met him and now, he once again embarks on another venture that will undoubtedly be a failure and he will be able to proclaim he is the victim. He wants to take you on this ride with him, under the guise that you two are friends. The truth is you are NOT friends, he has taken you on his trips throughout the years, you just have not been in the car beside him. Even though you have been close, and you felt yourself slipping; you have watched from the ground or just outside the line. He even got angry because you told him that you knew who he was and his behavior was typical. The “friendship” may not survive this time. Now all you can do is smile as you know you were right and did in fact dodge-the-bullet.

Posted in How We Relate, One For My Friends
13 Mar 2022
1 Comment

Don’t Act As Though I Am The Only One

I remember my dad pulling into a parking space that there seemingly was no one else around. Perhaps it was to catch his breath, perhaps it was to enjoy an ice cream cone without having eyes studying your every move.. but then it would happen. Another car would pull up and park in a space very near if not right beside us. He would become annoyed, angry at other times. However, the constant thought /statement was, “They just came over here/parked here because I was here.” The older I got the more ridiculous it seemed to me for him to say. My dad was a kind, smart, rational man. However, when that statement came out of his mouth, he seemed far from any of the afore mentioned adjectives.

The years are advancing, the body is changing, and the mind is playing tricks on us all. Sometimes I want/need to be alone. I am comfortable in a restaurant eating a meal or going to a movie unaccompanied, for in those places you never really are alone. My refuge has become my vehicle. I am in control in there, no one giving me suggested routes or directing me to the closest spot to the door of a given retail establishment. I don’t seem to be bound by the four walls of a building either. It feels of freedom. Just me and my music, if I chose to play music. I also MUST note how powerful I feel having that absolute power over the sounds in my car. Remember not-so-long ago we were subject to AM/FM radio.

On a particular Friday afternoon, I found myself in one of those moods that insisted I NEEDED to be alone. I did not argue or resist. I hoped in the car and took off for parts unknown (not too far away it was a Friday). I decided that I felt hungry enough to eat, but rather than grab something from a fast-food joint I opted for a grocery store meal. That felt better, healthier even though that may or may NOT have been the case. You can talk yourself into anything, if you put a little effort in. I even had to get out and walk to get said meal.

Mission accomplished, I had my food and a bottle on kombucha. I did not like the parking lot vibe of the market and sought a more secluded calm spot. I settled on what seemed to be a less frequented shopping plaza that had a national chain hardware store as an anchor. I found the perfect spot under a tree and the concrete planter assured at least one space on one side of me would be unoccupied. Plus, it was the middle of the day Friday, surely folks had other things to do. I was not worried in the least.

I got about 3 minutes into my meal when a small white sedan pulled into a spot directly across from me one space to the left. I tried NOT to notice or pay attention and continued eating my food. Now a full-sized red truck pulls in next to the planter on the other side. Let’s not forget the silver sports car, which had clearly just been waxed. I looked around the parking lot, there were plenty of spaces, closer to the stores, I felt it coming on. Maybe I would have felt better if everyone pulled out something to eat or even drink, but that didn’t happen. I found myself locked into paying attention to these people and to what they, in their respective cars, were doing. This annoyed me immensely and at first, I thought,” Just start the car up and move to another spot on the lot or go home”. However, I was now genuinely hungry. I decided to stay put and do what I intended to do in the first place. Then it happened and a smirk of a smile came across my face as I thought about my father…I said aloud,” Dad, you were right all along. They did park in these spaces just because I was here.”

Posted in How We Relate, Order of Appearance
10 Feb 2022
1 Comment

Contentment In The Land Of “Frogz”

It had rained all night and rather hard at times too. However, in the morning as the dark blue sky gave way to light blue and orange, there was the sound of nature all around. She walked onto the “rocking chair” front porch where she was overtaken by the typical. Not since childhood had she seen, heard, or felt what she was presently experiencing. Then she realized there was a chorus going on; it could NOT be mistaken for subtle for it was all around. All of her adult life she had avoided frogz, they were her metaphor for men, borrowed from a survivor of a type of slavery. Yet now all around her the unseen frogs made their presence clear. The odd thing was they gave her a sense of comfort. She laughingly spoke, “waking up with frogz, maybe there is something to this..” Was this unexpected, beautiful awareness delivering another message?

The beauty of nature will give you a sense of calm, if you let it. As we continue our journey here on this planet, the things we held in high esteem, the things we thought important before now have to lend way to the freshness of our new existence. We hold on tight to that which we know that which is familiar. Yet with each passing day those same things are slipping away from us. They are getting outside our reach; they are impossible to keep up with but all along there is our reality which IS just inches away.

Stop playing catch up/ keep up, be on time and within your range. I am NOT saying slow down, merely stay inside the safety zone/YOUR safety zone. We have to become more aware of our limitations but not be afraid to explore the possibilities. Therefore, when things seem just overwhelming take a look around you may find that the problem is you have been overlooking your contentment because you were avoiding YOUR frogz, instead stop and listen to their soothing chorus. You may be stifling yourself because you think there are too many and you will be overtaken; there is plenty of room and you may not ever see what you fear. Finally, you be may surprised and find them NOT be nearly as bad as you thought.

Posted in How We Relate
06 Feb 2022
1 Comment

Misuses and Manipulations

Here we go again. Someone opens their mouth or writes an opinion piece or gets cause saying something that can come back and bite them in the butt. When and where does that happen you may naively ask? You needn’t look far. In our society one that vacillates from 1st Amendment rights to sticking the perpetual foot in one’s mouth it has become the flavor of the day. Yet at the heart of it all we find the real victim, WORDS.

Just because you went to school and successfully completed an English class or two does NOT mean you know how to use words, let alone use them wisely. We have been reduced to creatures that would rather text than talk. Ever hear, “If you don’t use it, you will lose it”. Well folks many have done just that..LOST IT!

Proclaiming the right to say what they please because the U.S. Bill of Rights grant them this freedom. I venture to say if presented that way many of these same folks would scratch their heads in confusion because “they” were speaking of the Constitution. YIKES!!!. This is a pondering research point in case you missed it.

Listen, just because you can does NOT mean you should. Joe Rogan, case in point. I do not follow this guy; prior to his apology for using racial slurs more than once on HIS PODCASTS, he was insignificant to me. I did bother to look him up and found where his fame came from. Still not impressed or moved by his idiocy (my opinion). I have to point out what is taking up considerable time; our ability to take whatever we are fed by media, celebrity, hearsay and then running with it. Please read this whole blog before you tear it, me, my opinion to shreds.

Political views, lack of concern for our fellow human beings, headline grabbing, and greed now shapes the way we see one another more than ever. What’s more we are rapidly losing our ability to physically speak/ talk to one another. I’ll just send a text is a way of life. Therefore, you have a society of people who don’t know what they are talking about, saying things they do not understand and NOT caring who they offend or hurt in the process. There is no room for tact, decorum, or facts in this society thus we are all becoming victims and causalities of this behavior. A great place to hide is in the phrase and one time rule of thumb Absence Of Malice. However, who needs that anymore? Just say anything. (sarcasm)

Take this from me, from this piece. I do not think anyone has the right to use a racial slur. I do believe many more than ones caught on tape (so to speak) do. I do believe in the freedoms granted by the 1st amendment, but I also believe it is misused, manipulated and left up to the interpretation of whomever has a stake in the game at any given moment. We as humans are all capable of making honest mistakes, we are also all capable of learning from them. If I do something or say something wrong allow me to make an effort to make it right. However, if I do this wrong thing in a blatant public fashion, take for granted I knew what I was doing and expect me to accept the consequences. I have no doubt Joe Rogan is sorry, I just question how and what he is actually sorry for. To the folks who do not think an apology is enough then figure out what is acceptable and then be willing to be the recipient of that SAME fate if you are ever caught doing the same/similar. Idealistic… perhaps but then this is ONLY my humble opinion.

Posted in How We Relate, Order of Appearance and tagged , ,
29 Jan 2022
1 Comment

The Good Ones Really Are All Taken….

Today the second man I loved sent me the sweetest message ever…

Loving him, shaped the way any man subsequent to him would be loved by me.

And yes, he IS taken. His sweet words are innocent, no threat of anything dishonorable happening… merely confirming what I always knew. That, however, does not change the facts. “Facts” utilized in this case that ARE both subjective and interpretive. For this, in and of itself, presents a debate. “Facts” like the title suggests and sums up all at once. I will not be so cavalier as to say. ” I hope she knows what she has”… what do any of us ever really know. Moreover, what I see, and experience may NOT be what she does.

If you are fortunate enough to marry, say your high school sweetheart and have managed to remain with them, you may understand the depth love like the love I feel for this sweet man. A love that began in innocence and evolved into family. Love that makes your eyes see Apollo and Adonis rolled into one. Love that gives you a sense that he knows more than Einstein and he has the heart of a child and peaceful soul of Gandi. What seems to be the description of a schoolgirl crush can still exist for a woman far beyond her teen years. Don’t feel bad or conscious about this. Embrace it, take in the joy it can provide for your mind, heart, and very soul.

However, as we return to the very real belief, acceptance, and title of this piece we invade a space that can be painful, disappointing, and disheartening. Who among us wants to visit such spaces? Are these beings real or are they a creation of our hearts that are edited by our loving souls? Do we one day wake abruptly and realize this person was the product of a dream.

Then it happens; he catches you as you stumble, he helps you pick up the bag you dropped. You cannot believe how kind and gallant he is, but you are forced to watch him walk away with his unmistakable “lady fair“. More proof that you are destined to live with the suggestion of this title. ____ years in the making and a simple song takes you back to a time when you were the one that others envied. Did you appreciate your position when you occupied it? Are all the good ones really taken or is it simply YOUR good one is seemingly out of your reach.

Posted in How We Relate, Uncategorized
29 Jan 2022
1 Comment

Pedestal

As I sat in the audience, listening to him sing my heart raced. The first time I met her in person, I was all smiles and tongue-tied. These beings, these people can/shall remain nameless and faceless because I am sure my readers can fill in the blank spaces with individuals that fit more personally. The point here IS that they simply are.

Feeling so excited, feeling elated for the simplest of things and experiences is NOT the issue. It is what we do with these same experiences in regard to people in our lives. There is nothing wrong with recognizing greatness, it is wrong when we place this greatness in direct conjunction with an otherwise flawed human being. YES, I said flawed, for minus the thing we become in awe of/with, they, just like us are human; weak and vulnerable. They have the same propensity to error as we do. Yet in those moment in time, we ignore this fact, and we can only hear the producer of that angelic sound, we can only see that possessor of that magnificent face, we can only inhale the intellect that flows from the individual’s words. Then we identify that which they do as, them. It is with this assignment that we lose sight of the fact that they ARE just like us. The difference is by virtue of hard work, a relentless spirt or luck-of-the-draw their innate super-power has emerged.

Greatness is all around and within us, it is around the corner at the grocery store, it is in our local classrooms, it is at our dining room table, we need only to recognize it. Therefore, continue to admire and respect the ones that have caught your eye, the ones you have lent your ears to, but always remember…IDOLS HAVE CLAY FEET. Those we regard as great should sit beside us not above us.

Posted in How We Relate
07 Aug 2020

Mon Roi

First of all, he is tall, he is smart and educated.  A half-blood prince, if you will and he was exactly that. This man, proved to be more of a barbarian, came into my life, not charging as one might expect. Instead he was subtle. He took me by surprise. My behavior was quite out-of-character for me. Yet, for him I changed. Much like a 16-year-old experiencing her first crush. I found myself doing things, that I would adamantly tell you, “Oh no I don’t do that.” He inspired me, he excited me, he made me laugh with his kinda corny humor and annoying laugh. I found myself thinking again. We talked for hours on end, yet the next time we spoke we still had things to discuss. He’d read and quote poetry. He’d speak to me in French. Armed with my translation app, I’d respond. So much of who I am said, “Get the fuck outta here FAST”. Yet at the same time I said, “There is nothing to be afraid of.” He will protect me; he will take care of me.” In turn I will do as he says/asks. I’d tell myself,” You are a strong, independent lady…” Then I was preoccupied with pleasing him. I look and feel different. I was told by people who had not seen me in months, I was glowing and giggly. People who saw me all the time said the very same things. Being with him taught me what was/ is really important, what it is that I am actually looking for.

He said we were in love, and he saw the change a few weeks ago. In love! I was not tryin for that scenario. It all happened so fast, so unexpectedly. Then I started thinking and chit got real! The problem with thinking is thoughts of all types come blazing through. “Not tryin for that”, well I saw to it ending. Why couldn’t I just “ride the wave.“?

As I sit here listening to Barbra Streisand sing a duet with Don Johnson (“Till I loved You”, it is like eating filet mignon and potato chips, not a bad combination but way outta place. I smile because for a little bit of risk (this being subjective and gaged by my perspective as well), I might have been clueless and blissfully happy. On the other hand, I may have met with my own self-inflicted destruction.  This condensed piece took years for me to publish. I suppose I am finally done with all the feelings attached to the experience. In his very words, “C’est La Vie”.

Posted in Dating 6.0, How We Relate and tagged , | Leave a comment
12 Jul 2018
1 Comment

LOSS-Everybody Needs Attention

One morning as I woke and slowly prepared for my duties of the day, my dog looked at me in the needy fashion that tells me she is ready to go out and I better put some urgency to it. I handled her and came back inside hoping to sit and just be… alas she is feeling good and relieved, it is time to play. Then I became aware that other daily duties needed to commence as well. I tossed her the ball for a few minutes hoping she would tire soon. She is such a sweet, cute, fun, lively dog, I wanted to tell her as I looked deep into her eyes,” Tiana, I am trying to be sad here.”

My family needs me. I have an ailing spouse to look after, meals to prepare, a house that needed attention(cleaning and such), a business to maintain, and another job I had to prepare for in the evening. I realized I am doing/trying to do waaay to much. However, that has been the case for sometime now. I was able to manage before though. Life forces us to keep moving forward, even when we do not want to. Sometimes you cry your way through a task, but you get through it just the same. The formula for the next task; you get up, throw yourself into overdrive, and you keep moving.  Exhaustion tries to take over and flex it’s muscle, you do not relinquish anything. People look at you and wonder how you do it. Funny thing is you wonder too.

As I struggle through, living through this horrible, horrible thing called LOSS one thing  I can tell you is this; sometimes you just don’t want to be “bothered”. You are NOT yourself; you have a hard time understanding who you are and why you are. You would love to have help, comfort, understanding but the one thing you truly want and need… NO ONE is able to provide you with. That is not to say the efforts are not admirable, appreciated, or welcomed..it is merely explaining a person in the midst of the storms of loss and grief are just not in the same consciousness as others are, at many times.

As I write this I warn the loved ones who remain around us not to give up, the person you know IS forever changed, but there are remnants that are right below the surface of that being you once knew, struggling/trying to come back to you. If you give up and walk away, they may be lost to you forever.  Keep calling, texting, stopping by…we want you with us; we just don’t want to bore you with OUR TROUBLES.

 

Posted in How We Relate
25 Feb 2018

It’s Not Contagious

As I try to understand all that I feel and all I think regarding this existence that is now mine, crazy thoughts cross my mind. I guess, I am allowed a bit of crazy. No worries there, I have plenty.

The Grief; I wish someone could answer my questions or show me the direction I should be traveling in. I have heard the endless statement saying, ” There is no correct way..” I wonder if this is actually true or is it that the grief, in and of itself, is simply NOT correct. I KNOW I believe my source of grief just seems so very wrong, so very incorrect. I need a “do-over” I tell myself, for this was clearly an error.

We, the afflicted..we need to be sad, many times we want to be sad. As strange as that sounds it is a mechanism by which we will, perhaps be able to use to come through this thing.  YES our route is plotted, although in many respects it is NOT defined by nothing more than we must head straight through the pain.

We do hope that we do not run you away. We mask our pain and sadness, we avoid contact when we know it is all encompassing. However, as terrible as this is for us, you need to know it is not something we can pass on to you, there is no contagion involved. It may be superstition imposing itself upon you, it could be karma. or the teachings of your faith. Know this for certain, we would not do something to trigger what we are going through to you, even if was possible. Unlike the yawns of others or a wonderful laugh session..this belongs to us, the members of the club no one wants to be a part of, exclusively. We need you, we need you to witness us so that we can come back from this terrible journey and be there for another who will need to have the benefit of  someone who has been where they must go. Through the pain, toss out a lifeline, please.

 

Posted in How We Relate, Quickbits | Leave a comment

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