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Archive for the category “How We Relate”

06 Feb 2022
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Misuses and Manipulations

Here we go again. Someone opens their mouth or writes an opinion piece or gets cause saying something that can come back and bite them in the butt. When and where does that happen you may naively ask? You needn’t look far. In our society one that vacillates from 1st Amendment rights to sticking the perpetual foot in one’s mouth it has become the flavor of the day. Yet at the heart of it all we find the real victim, WORDS.

Just because you went to school and successfully completed an English class or two does NOT mean you know how to use words, let alone use them wisely. We have been reduced to creatures that would rather text than talk. Ever hear, “If you don’t use it, you will lose it”. Well folks many have done just that..LOST IT!

Proclaiming the right to say what they please because the U.S. Bill of Rights grant them this freedom. I venture to say if presented that way many of these same folks would scratch their heads in confusion because “they” were speaking of the Constitution. YIKES!!!. This is a pondering research point in case you missed it.

Listen, just because you can does NOT mean you should. Joe Rogan, case in point. I do not follow this guy; prior to his apology for using racial slurs more than once on HIS PODCASTS, he was insignificant to me. I did bother to look him up and found where his fame came from. Still not impressed or moved by his idiocy (my opinion). I have to point out what is taking up considerable time; our ability to take whatever we are fed by media, celebrity, hearsay and then running with it. Please read this whole blog before you tear it, me, my opinion to shreds.

Political views, lack of concern for our fellow human beings, headline grabbing, and greed now shapes the way we see one another more than ever. What’s more we are rapidly losing our ability to physically speak/ talk to one another. I’ll just send a text is a way of life. Therefore, you have a society of people who don’t know what they are talking about, saying things they do not understand and NOT caring who they offend or hurt in the process. There is no room for tact, decorum, or facts in this society thus we are all becoming victims and causalities of this behavior. A great place to hide is in the phrase and one time rule of thumb Absence Of Malice. However, who needs that anymore? Just say anything. (sarcasm)

Take this from me, from this piece. I do not think anyone has the right to use a racial slur. I do believe many more than ones caught on tape (so to speak) do. I do believe in the freedoms granted by the 1st amendment, but I also believe it is misused, manipulated and left up to the interpretation of whomever has a stake in the game at any given moment. We as humans are all capable of making honest mistakes, we are also all capable of learning from them. If I do something or say something wrong allow me to make an effort to make it right. However, if I do this wrong thing in a blatant public fashion, take for granted I knew what I was doing and expect me to accept the consequences. I have no doubt Joe Rogan is sorry, I just question how and what he is actually sorry for. To the folks who do not think an apology is enough then figure out what is acceptable and then be willing to be the recipient of that SAME fate if you are ever caught doing the same/similar. Idealistic… perhaps but then this is ONLY my humble opinion.

Posted in How We Relate, Order of Appearance and tagged , ,
29 Jan 2022
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The Good Ones Really Are All Taken….

Today the second man I loved sent me the sweetest message ever…

Loving him, shaped the way any man subsequent to him would be loved by me.

And yes, he IS taken. His sweet words are innocent, no threat of anything dishonorable happening… merely confirming what I always knew. That, however, does not change the facts. “Facts” utilized in this case that ARE both subjective and interpretive. For this, in and of itself, presents a debate. “Facts” like the title suggests and sums up all at once. I will not be so cavalier as to say. ” I hope she knows what she has”… what do any of us ever really know. Moreover, what I see, and experience may NOT be what she does.

If you are fortunate enough to marry, say your high school sweetheart and have managed to remain with them, you may understand the depth love like the love I feel for this sweet man. A love that began in innocence and evolved into family. Love that makes your eyes see Apollo and Adonis rolled into one. Love that gives you a sense that he knows more than Einstein and he has the heart of a child and peaceful soul of Gandi. What seems to be the description of a schoolgirl crush can still exist for a woman far beyond her teen years. Don’t feel bad or conscious about this. Embrace it, take in the joy it can provide for your mind, heart, and very soul.

However, as we return to the very real belief, acceptance, and title of this piece we invade a space that can be painful, disappointing, and disheartening. Who among us wants to visit such spaces? Are these beings real or are they a creation of our hearts that are edited by our loving souls? Do we one day wake abruptly and realize this person was the product of a dream.

Then it happens; he catches you as you stumble, he helps you pick up the bag you dropped. You cannot believe how kind and gallant he is, but you are forced to watch him walk away with his unmistakable “lady fair“. More proof that you are destined to live with the suggestion of this title. ____ years in the making and a simple song takes you back to a time when you were the one that others envied. Did you appreciate your position when you occupied it? Are all the good ones really taken or is it simply YOUR good one is seemingly out of your reach.

Posted in How We Relate, Uncategorized
29 Jan 2022
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Pedestal

As I sat in the audience, listening to him sing my heart raced. The first time I met her in person, I was all smiles and tongue-tied. These beings, these people can/shall remain nameless and faceless because I am sure my readers can fill in the blank spaces with individuals that fit more personally. The point here IS that they simply are.

Feeling so excited, feeling elated for the simplest of things and experiences is NOT the issue. It is what we do with these same experiences in regard to people in our lives. There is nothing wrong with recognizing greatness, it is wrong when we place this greatness in direct conjunction with an otherwise flawed human being. YES, I said flawed, for minus the thing we become in awe of/with, they, just like us are human; weak and vulnerable. They have the same propensity to error as we do. Yet in those moment in time, we ignore this fact, and we can only hear the producer of that angelic sound, we can only see that possessor of that magnificent face, we can only inhale the intellect that flows from the individual’s words. Then we identify that which they do as, them. It is with this assignment that we lose sight of the fact that they ARE just like us. The difference is by virtue of hard work, a relentless spirt or luck-of-the-draw their innate super-power has emerged.

Greatness is all around and within us, it is around the corner at the grocery store, it is in our local classrooms, it is at our dining room table, we need only to recognize it. Therefore, continue to admire and respect the ones that have caught your eye, the ones you have lent your ears to, but always remember…IDOLS HAVE CLAY FEET. Those we regard as great should sit beside us not above us.

Posted in How We Relate
07 Aug 2020

Mon Roi

First of all, he is tall, he is smart and educated.  A half-blood prince, if you will and he was exactly that. This man, proved to be more of a barbarian, came into my life, not charging as one might expect. Instead he was subtle. He took me by surprise. My behavior was quite out-of-character for me. Yet, for him I changed. Much like a 16-year-old experiencing her first crush. I found myself doing things, that I would adamantly tell you, “Oh no I don’t do that.” He inspired me, he excited me, he made me laugh with his kinda corny humor and annoying laugh. I found myself thinking again. We talked for hours on end, yet the next time we spoke we still had things to discuss. He’d read and quote poetry. He’d speak to me in French. Armed with my translation app, I’d respond. So much of who I am said, “Get the fuck outta here FAST”. Yet at the same time I said, “There is nothing to be afraid of.” He will protect me; he will take care of me.” In turn I will do as he says/asks. I’d tell myself,” You are a strong, independent lady…” Then I was preoccupied with pleasing him. I look and feel different. I was told by people who had not seen me in months, I was glowing and giggly. People who saw me all the time said the very same things. Being with him taught me what was/ is really important, what it is that I am actually looking for.

He said we were in love, and he saw the change a few weeks ago. In love! I was not tryin for that scenario. It all happened so fast, so unexpectedly. Then I started thinking and chit got real! The problem with thinking is thoughts of all types come blazing through. “Not tryin for that”, well I saw to it ending. Why couldn’t I just “ride the wave.“?

As I sit here listening to Barbra Streisand sing a duet with Don Johnson (“Till I loved You”, it is like eating filet mignon and potato chips, not a bad combination but way outta place. I smile because for a little bit of risk (this being subjective and gaged by my perspective as well), I might have been clueless and blissfully happy. On the other hand, I may have met with my own self-inflicted destruction.  This condensed piece took years for me to publish. I suppose I am finally done with all the feelings attached to the experience. In his very words, “C’est La Vie”.

Posted in Dating 6.0, How We Relate and tagged , | Leave a comment
12 Jul 2018
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LOSS-Everybody Needs Attention

One morning as I woke and slowly prepared for my duties of the day, my dog looked at me in the needy fashion that tells me she is ready to go out and I better put some urgency to it. I handled her and came back inside hoping to sit and just be… alas she is feeling good and relieved, it is time to play. Then I became aware that other daily duties needed to commence as well. I tossed her the ball for a few minutes hoping she would tire soon. She is such a sweet, cute, fun, lively dog, I wanted to tell her as I looked deep into her eyes,” Tiana, I am trying to be sad here.”

My family needs me. I have an ailing spouse to look after, meals to prepare, a house that needed attention(cleaning and such), a business to maintain, and another job I had to prepare for in the evening. I realized I am doing/trying to do waaay to much. However, that has been the case for sometime now. I was able to manage before though. Life forces us to keep moving forward, even when we do not want to. Sometimes you cry your way through a task, but you get through it just the same. The formula for the next task; you get up, throw yourself into overdrive, and you keep moving.  Exhaustion tries to take over and flex it’s muscle, you do not relinquish anything. People look at you and wonder how you do it. Funny thing is you wonder too.

As I struggle through, living through this horrible, horrible thing called LOSS one thing  I can tell you is this; sometimes you just don’t want to be “bothered”. You are NOT yourself; you have a hard time understanding who you are and why you are. You would love to have help, comfort, understanding but the one thing you truly want and need… NO ONE is able to provide you with. That is not to say the efforts are not admirable, appreciated, or welcomed..it is merely explaining a person in the midst of the storms of loss and grief are just not in the same consciousness as others are, at many times.

As I write this I warn the loved ones who remain around us not to give up, the person you know IS forever changed, but there are remnants that are right below the surface of that being you once knew, struggling/trying to come back to you. If you give up and walk away, they may be lost to you forever.  Keep calling, texting, stopping by…we want you with us; we just don’t want to bore you with OUR TROUBLES.

 

Posted in How We Relate
25 Feb 2018

It’s Not Contagious

As I try to understand all that I feel and all I think regarding this existence that is now mine, crazy thoughts cross my mind. I guess, I am allowed a bit of crazy. No worries there, I have plenty.

The Grief; I wish someone could answer my questions or show me the direction I should be traveling in. I have heard the endless statement saying, ” There is no correct way..” I wonder if this is actually true or is it that the grief, in and of itself, is simply NOT correct. I KNOW I believe my source of grief just seems so very wrong, so very incorrect. I need a “do-over” I tell myself, for this was clearly an error.

We, the afflicted..we need to be sad, many times we want to be sad. As strange as that sounds it is a mechanism by which we will, perhaps be able to use to come through this thing.  YES our route is plotted, although in many respects it is NOT defined by nothing more than we must head straight through the pain.

We do hope that we do not run you away. We mask our pain and sadness, we avoid contact when we know it is all encompassing. However, as terrible as this is for us, you need to know it is not something we can pass on to you, there is no contagion involved. It may be superstition imposing itself upon you, it could be karma. or the teachings of your faith. Know this for certain, we would not do something to trigger what we are going through to you, even if was possible. Unlike the yawns of others or a wonderful laugh session..this belongs to us, the members of the club no one wants to be a part of, exclusively. We need you, we need you to witness us so that we can come back from this terrible journey and be there for another who will need to have the benefit of  someone who has been where they must go. Through the pain, toss out a lifeline, please.

 

Posted in How We Relate, Quickbits | Leave a comment
21 Apr 2016
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Racing To November

Rushing through these months. Every day politics, politics and more politics. I think what bothers me more than anything is that I am coming a face to face with the fact I know NOTHING about the political process in this country.
Through misinformation or misunderstanding, what I thought to be true is false or it has an addendum.

Transparency is non-existent. One could easily fall into feeling like “It is pointless, why bother?” However, we cannot give up. It is up to US to fix this “structure” that we have been told stands and operates a certain way.

We need to understand and repair what is broken, in order to return to the business at hand in our lives. We should not have to wonder if we are successful in putting an individual in office who said they stood for what we liked or thought, once in the position will unmask and go the other direction. If that happens we should have a rapid way of getting that same individual out of that position, of which he or she is clearly not able or willing to do.

We want to have the ability to adjust, adapt, and promote change, well it cannot happen when someone is put in a position for LIFE! Hell we are oftentimes not even capable of deciding what looks good on our own bodies throughout our entire lives, let alone decide what will be good for our country and most of her people when we are dead and gone, at the tender age of 80 plus!

Our officials, elected AND appointed, should have the ability to start to make changes and even stay around long enough to see them implemented and start to take shape, but they should not be in office long enough to wonder or try to remember why  that something was implemented in the first place. TERMS people; everyone should serve a reasonable term, and always remember just because you can doesn’t always mean you should.

Posted in How We Relate, Quickbits and tagged , ,
17 Mar 2016
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My One And Only

Love…wonderful, inspiring, and yes sometimes toxic. Wonder why? Well how about the fact the emotions within are so intense, they not only need room to expand, they need room so they won’t explode.

I remember my “one and only” and while he was fantastic on every level he was also about as close to an obsession as one can be.  It did not work out.Fortunately, for us both I was very inexperienced and revenge was not on my mind, only possession. Indulge me for a moment; what takes place in our hearts and minds when we place so much “stock” in an individual and that individual does NOT really have any idea how much power, control, love we have given to them?  Why; because at times we do not even know ourselves. Well that individual can get “blindsided” and we wonder how things went so wrong.

My grandmother had a favorite among her grandchildren. My cousin was a sneaky, detestable, ugly (in manner and appearance) creature. He sported a gold tooth, undoubtedly someone had knocked it out of his foul, lying mouth. Yet when my grandmother looked at him she saw nothing but goodness and beauty. Furthermore, if you crossed this boy the wrath of Mrs. Ellis would come crashing down upon you. I believe she placed every emotion within her in him. He was her hope, happiness, and expectations all rolled up into one. As luck would have it he was true to his nature, not worth the trouble he constantly stayed in. He broke my grandmother’s heart and spirit. Perhaps this is unfair, but I believe he had a hand in her losing her sense of consciousness and she spiraled into the sad state of dementia, still longing for the return of her “golden grandson” who was merely gold colored, gold filled or gold plated whichever is the lesser.

Ultimately, we have to realize that “we” are in control of our own happiness. It is not dependent on what type of weather we are having, or how much money we will make in the third quarter, or if an individual likes us or loves us back. It IS about “us” and whether or not we are happy with self. We cannot hope to retrieve some part of our life by giving the key  to our hearts to a being who has other concerns, and of those concerns, what we want and need does not top their list. That love YOU give to your “one and only” is GIVEN, therefore the restrictions and obligations are NOT there unless “they ” choose to place them there.

Posted in How We Relate
03 Dec 2015

And When I tell you I DO NOT UNDERSTAND…

That is EXACTLY what I mean. I was watching a video of great dance routines. These routines included tap dances of yesterday, they were men and women, they were you and old, they were black, brown, and white. All you could do was to be in awe of and admire the artistry.

Then the wheels in my brain started turning.. we can dance together, we can sing together, we can perform and admire one another’s accomplishments without a second thought. I thought about great athletes working and playing together without regard to anything but that athleticism. The summation was as such; We can sing, dance, work,  play, laugh and cry but we cannot live together because we are FAR too “different”. I am not naive by any stretch, but I need help here. I don’t know about anyone else, but I work so that I can have more time to do there very things we as a national community seemingly have no problem doing together. Yet place us on the same block, city, zip code and things get complicated?

I ask myself as I read posts from”friends” of people I love and care about write about how awful the GOVERNMENT is but these same folks are former military people who joined to get benefits granted to them by our same GOVERNMENT. The same camouflage wearing, gun toting, flag waving individuals demanding their monthly benefits. I wonder how someone I love and care about can have such detestable folks in their lives..they are so very”different”. RIGHT.

I watched a young Muslim woman on the news last night, she was a representative of a group called C.A.I.R. (look it up). It made me sad to see her and several other representatives on a world wide network try to make people understand that everyone who is a Muslim does NOT condone the behavior of one or two or even two hundred radicals. They felt the need to explain to America and the world amidst this  latest tragedy that cost 14 people their lives, they are united with the mourners and pray for justice.

I think of the lives lost in the past year due to”questionable”police officers, policies and plain old citizens. Black Americans, who many want to believe somehow brought all of this carnage upon ourselves. I hear the voices echoing,” If “they” would stop dressing like that, or talking like that, to listening to that music, or running away from police…” No every person of color is not a criminal, no every police officer is not bad, no every plain old citizen is not looking to target practice on young black males, but why should we hide from and ignore these facts when something tragic happens.

Are we really that shallow minded? Do we really take a visual and run with it?  Of course we do. That is what makes me sad.

The truth is all of us, on one level or another, looks for rhyme or reason for things which happen around us or to us. Sometimes those much needed explanations take on the deformed look of blame. We look to blame because we are damaged, hurt, and live in fear! There is nothing wrong with being afraid, as long as you do not allow fear to define your entire being. Sometimes the fear you house is a lack of understanding. Face your fear; as difficult as it may be, stare it in the face. You may find some understanding, thus discovering that thing you dislike so much, did in fact come from lack of knowledge. Once that is taken care of you will eliminate the need to randomly hate. For  America, while we are busy fighting among “ourselves”, perhaps “our” real enemy is out there waiting for the turmoil to reach a boiling point; at that point when we are at our most divided and weak point “they” will have the ideal circumstance, the perfect time to strike. How’s your fear factor doing now?

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , | Leave a comment
07 Oct 2015
1 Comment

If I Knew Your Political View…

My son and I were discussing an actor( who will remain nameless because I do not care for this individual based on what I have read recently), he(my son) spoke of things which been said that had gotten passed me. In my mind I  tentatively added this performer to my list. Yes, my list of Don’t Like You/Your Political Views/Racially Insensitive Comments, Don’t Knowingly Support You/Your Product.

There is so much information available, I will never cease to be amazed by this. However, there are still only 24 hours in the day and between handling the necessities of life in some form of order one has to decide what all of the “other” things are important enough to take time out to research. Research IS necessary in order for one NOT to sound like a babbling idiot, because the very time you do not bother to research something and talk as though your opinion is KNOWLEDGE, you will get caught and called on it.

In regards to this actor, admittedly I have enjoyed his work in the past, I was not surprised though. I find that men who fit into his particular demographic are particularly displeasing to me. I feel the same way about the women as well. I remind myself HE IS A PERFORMER. What he has said/done is opinion driven and fueled by money. Designers, singers, dancers, artist, creative folk…liberal arts does not necessarily mean liberal- minded. I ask how can people who are my contemporaries be oceans apart from me, when we shared a very similar upbringings, same environments, locations, education and economics. I ask why? I see surface issues, but I also see the things that were clearly kept hidden.

I HATE the self-righteous battle cry/credo “do as I say not as I do”. Easy to feel that way once YOU have gotten the “crazy” out of YOUR system. Forget the idealism of youth, as wrinkles and back pain stare YOU in the face. Angry at the reflection, angry at the world..a world that hopefully will continue on long after you cease to. Where has YOUR hope gone?

I want to like you, in short let’s keep politics out of our budding friendship/relationship/entertainment choices as much as we possibly can.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged ,

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