Okay here you are all prepared to help your loved one, your buddy, your confidant. You were told what was needed exactly and were prepared to do your part. You show up with your lawn mower and edger, you are dressed in gear fit to be outdoors. When your pal answers the door in a robe, hair wrapped up in a towel, and hands you a pair of tweezers you are perplexed to say the least. Your friend does not even acknowledge your condition or equipment; moving about as though you are clearly mixed up, but the job that needed to be done still needs doing. At what point do you say,” I thought we were working outside?” My immediate response is,” The moment the door was open and my friend wasn’t dressed”, but think about this scenario for a moment and realize there had to be some miscommunication on some level for this to happen. This of course is a metaphoric reference to something real. People and their problems.
As we move through life we find ourselves becoming more and more aware that we are just sounding boards. People close to us are in crisis at times, they want help, they think they know what they want to do, but they realize they cannot do it alone. Enter YOU. You want to be there, you have been called upon to help. As time goes on and the situation appears to be heading in a specific direction, you let it be known you are there to help. Okay so a suggestion or two is ignored one or two times and the same problem still exists. However, one day this situation becomes critical a move must be made; you show up and find that this very same critical situation, while requiring attention is not in need of the attention you THOUGHT you were prepared to give, and you become painfully aware of this. What do you do?
Throwing your hands in the air and walking away is an excellent idea, but you know you cannot just walk away. Believe me when I tell you it may be the best you can do for YOU. Remember you got to this place, because you were allowed to get there by this person close to you. Even if you did not know you were NOT coming up with the right solutions, they did. That is why the ideas and suggestions were ignored. I come to you with this experience behind me. I say preserve yourself. We look at alcoholics and drug addicts and we can understand concepts of enabling. However, we must realize enabling is NOT limited to substance or any other kind of abuse.
Pay attention to the signs, read the fine print, and proceed with caution. Your heart, finances, and peace of mind could be on the line.