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Archive for the category “The Dating Game 6.0”

25 Nov 2025

A Bitter Black Babe?

“What’s her problem”, you might ask. What does she look like? It cannot be all that bad. However, what if it is? How many rejections and disappointments must one endure? How many of these same things does it take to equal bitter? Will the answers to these questions explain what truly has occurred? Who gets to say what is and is not bitter?

Dating is exhausting. There are no fast tracks to “the one“. Honesty is an accessory which is in high demand, in spite of it being costly. Couple that with, it may be providing you with a false positive. This means; just because you are given a bit of truth, does NOT mean you are NOT dealing with a liar. Then we delve into what constitutes a liar and/or a lie. See why dating is exhausting. We must present and sell ourselves in a fashion that should lead to connecting with a companion who is “like-minded’ … a good match. Still, we find ourselves captured in the “storm of confusion”.

One needs to take periodic breaks; you need to step back and re-evaluate your decisions and situations. Cliches have to be looked at as advice to seriously consider. “You get what you give, garbage in garbage out“, all the while trying to explain, justify, understand how these things pertain to you. It is both sobering and numbing. As we spend our valuable time figuring out things, we look up and realize how much time has been wasted. For in the end many of us end up back at square one. Older= yes, wiser= possibly, bitter=chances are…

One has to ask how do, smart, accomplished, educated, talented, beautiful, kind, caring women end up competing for “Ned the wino” or worse? Make no mistake “Ned” is fully aware he is in demand too. One can keep fighting, hoping, wishing, praying, dreaming of the elusive one. One can come to terms with the one may have passed her by or there simply is not one that fits the criteria she set up. All of these scenarios do bring you back to the bitter black babe. Is there justification for the phenomenon, sure but that does not make it any easier to accept. Whether one is the recipient or the provider, the “sting” is very real.

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05 Aug 2025

Algorithms and Such

Defined an algorithm is a set of rules to be followed in calculations or other problem-solving operations.

Well in my humble opinion dating is a problem worthy of solving. I am thinking I am not alone. The dating apps are all over and each one suggests, if not promises results that others cannot. Any good salesperson is going to fill your head with suggestions but how you interpret, process, and regurgitate this information is likely gonna fall on YOU.

First let’s be clear here, the dating apps do not clearly STATE there is use of algorithms. However, we as a society are a smart, educated, informed group. We are using the process of elimination and deductions to draw the conclusion an algorithm is being utilized. Dating apps evolved from dating services and personal ads. I imagine if younger people read this piece their response will be “WTF is a dating service/personal ad?” However, to my targeted audience you all know of what I speak.

There are other factors of course; numbers, personal data collection, etc. I do submit that it is a combination of these factors plus the algorithm which give the dating apps “wings”. The numbers are simple; we are dealing with the amount of submissions… basic counting. The personal data collection is a bit more complex, for it leaves room for alterations and fabrications from the very source. Let’s be real, everyone is not telling the truth. Now the algorithm is stuck with drawing a conclusion with tainted data. Then someone like me comes along and says,” The algorithm is f#@&ed, why bother telling the system my preference is over 6′ yet a 5’5″ guy is in my “perfect match” column?”

What can I say… I decided to swim in this dirty water. I know there are risks but we are all adults here, in my case “waaay adult”. Therefore, I scroll and swipe. Sometimes the photos ARE all you need. When you are a writer, it is difficult to use that as a primary screening process. Our natural curiosity makes us go deeper; we want to read the “story” and get a feel for the character. While many can manage a working title, few can pull off the other elements. Then it becomes too much effort, and the imposters simply decide to move on. After all, throw enough… stuff against a wall, something will stick. What is left are the casualties of the process. Casualties that try to remain hopeful something good will slip through and the algorithm will actually yield positive possibilities and/or results.

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03 Aug 2025

It’s Kinda Funny

This was not my choice. I was thrown into this pool by “life”. What I have found of life is that it IS random and unpredictable. Thus, my presence here and I will add…”It’s Kinda Funny“.

I have been writing at this blog for a little over 15 years now. By this time, I thought I would have many more followers. I thought I had something relevant and important to say, at least to the people that fall into the category I believe I address, my contemporaries. They were/are who I was concerned with addressing. Who was I trying to fool. These people I was/am addressing are busy being about the life I am merely talking about. While my blogs take a serious point-based turns, sometimes they are not thought provoking and sometimes they are funny. I only mean for them to be pertinent to those who find themselves reading them.

I was scrolling about on the internet and a reel came up from one of my favorite comedians…Sinbad. I have seen Sinbad in person, watched him on television and in movies. I love this guy and his style. He is a fabulous storyteller with the uncanny ability to make one look at themselves and recognize the humor in our very own existence. I decided that after months of NOT writing I would try my hand at this comedic method to tell a part of my story. My current position in the “dating world”. Sit back and/or hold onto your hats folks, for this is a visit to a place called “me”.

There are undoubtedly an entry of two about my life in the dating world on my blog/this blog. Therefore, I do not feel like starting at the beginning is necessary. If I need to revisit the beginning later, I shall but for now let’s start with where I am currently. Here I am, still single still wanting to have fun, still wanting to find a man who “gets” me and likes me anyway. I am NOT consciously looking for the fairy tale anymore but a step up from Armageddon would be nice.

65 and 66 is closing in on me rapidly. Many of my contemporaries are still married or “boo-ed up”. Happily, or not, I am sure when things are bad/challenging/questionable they find solace in saying to themselves or out loud…”well at least I am not alone like yours truly“. The dating apps are a Petry dish for scams and assorted other unpleasant things. The other options are limited, especially if your do not live in or very near a big city. No more than we could return to a rotary dial telephone, we are stuck with/fortunate to have the technology. To date I have NOT been scammed nor has anything really damaging happened to me. I would love to say I am just too smart for that to happen… I think in spite of my tempting fate I have just been lucky.

As a writer and a student of human behavior I visit areas (on the sites) that I know the undesirables dwell in. Meaning simply guys I should not talk to (offshore workers, Nigerian entrepreneurs, etc.) However, they do not limit themselves to places where the upstanding honest folks think they should be. They test and invade the places that we would never suspect, hoping to catch a fledgling or someone with their guard down. One might ask, ” Okay so when does this get funny?” This particular entry is an introduction to the path I have decided to give a guided tour of. Your tour guide is slightly more than a trainee. We all know that trainees are prone to error. We also know that barring the inside info the “company has provided them with, a reasonably intelligent adult could probably manage their very job excluding some jargon and trade secrets. At least we tell ourselves this.

Upon approach, the apps look remarkably the same as they did when I visited them some years ago (5 and a half to be exact). Slight changes are what my untrained eye can see. There are noticeably more to choose from, and the fee-paying member is more likely to be on these sites now. I still resist; I still say the site has meager choices for non-paying folks, why would I believe paying will make it better. You see I think it is all in the algorithm. I challenge myself to challenge it/them. This is where it starts to get funny… I am NOT a numbers person. Mathematical theorems and such are NOT my strong suit. Why would I think I could get around a number-based application? Enter, arrogance.

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02 Jun 2024
2 Comments

And I’m OUT…again

Wanna talk about frustration. Dating at our age is NOT fun. This writing seems very familiar. Is it because I have addressed it before? Is it that I have written the statement so many times? Is it that I have said the words so often? Is it the fact I live it every day and basically HATE being thrusted into this status without any consideration of my feelings or preferences? The last statement/question may seem odd to my readers but for the cross-section of them that fall into my category there is full understanding. I will try to explain to and enlighten the others.

Now in the past my approach has been to be open and (wait for it) HONEST in my profile. I felt it was the best way to go and I still do. What I have been encountering of late is a “boatload of free spirited, alternative lifestyle practicing” creatures. Most of whom fail to point these things out before they approach you. I am conservative when it comes to dating and my personal preferences. If you are into non-traditional things, “more power to you”. I am simply not a good match for you. In my mind “no harm/no foul”. However, I guess these same individuals like to think of themselves as experts in human behavior or they figure they can possibly bring folks into their way of thinking. By NOT disclosing what their true intentions are, they are simply LIARS.I have no time/place for LIARs in my life. Plus, one should NOT have to be deceitful about who they truly are. Unless they feel like who they really are is not acceptable or they are ashamed of themselves.

Honestly no one can really make you be something you are not or explore things you aren’t curious about already. This most recent event just made me aware of how exhausting the process is and that it may be a good time to take a hiatus from the whole-darn-thing for a while. As the holidays approach it is hectic enough. Most do not want to start a new relationship of any sort during this time period. Too much pressure as far as doing the right thing with gift-giving and how best to spend time together during these special times while one is trying to figure out where this person fits into your life/IF they in fact fit into your life. All of these factors point towards, BREAKTIME for me!

My most recent encounter left me dumbfounded. I happily concluded that all we could have ever hoped to be friends, because of these vast differences. It seemed as though this guy was accepting of a simple friendship. Soon after our friendship was established it took on a dark strange twist. Before I deleted and blocked him, I had to tell him that he should re-examine what his definition of “friend” was/is, as well as he may want to update some items on his profile.

Posted in The Dating Game 6.0 and tagged , ,
17 Feb 2024
1 Comment

You Don’t Have To Lie

He liked you. He was attracted to you. However, he had a secret or what we should say here is he deprived you of some very important facts. Let’s get some pretty important information out here from the start, AN OMISSION is STILL a LIE.

IF you cannot have sex but touch a woman, kiss a woman like you want to but fail to divulge the fact you have practically no sex drive, that is dishonest. Having a physical impairment especially a sexual one does NOT always count the chance of a relationship out.

If you reside with a woman who you used to date, but now you are friends…just because you say you have nothing between you does not make it so. Therefore, the new possibility entering in your life should be privy to that info so SHE can decide if this is something she wants to be troubled with, make no mistake this IS trouble.

Somewhere in your conversation you should find the time and a way to disclose you have been incarcerated, even if it was NOT YOUR FAULT. The challenges you face with a prison record should be approach with awareness.

Finally, please stop romancing a woman you merely want to sleep with. We, women can have sex and good sex without being in love with you.

The social creatures that we (people/human beings) are makes us want to have a mate or a significant other. It does not take rocket science for one to know the males of our species seemingly have quite the advantage. I see it readily demonstrated in the way they behave. We, women show them a desperation that confirms their thoughts. We expect nothing and that is exactly what they deliver to us…NOTHING. We accept mediocrity because we know, they know someone else will take what we say we won’t. Therefore, we select something we know is bad versus the possibility of being without. This also is harmful to the men as well, there is no need to improve, when you are going to be accepted in your current state. Talk about privilege.

Economics have complicated living conditions for many people. Loads of us by the luck of the draw have escaped the justice system. Physical and sexual challenges are a reality for humans of a certain age. However, we must ask for, expect, and follow through with what we convey that which is what we really want. Come on what I wrote about is not a far-fetched possibility, it is real. Many of us live with the less than decent results. Let’s make the standard higher for us ALL to reap the benefit of people striving toward the best they can be, rather than doing the bare minimum and still being sought after. For in the end, with low/non-existent expectations, all of us are deprived of the “win”.

Posted in The Dating Game 6.0 and tagged ,
05 May 2023

The Exceptions

There he is. Everything you imagined and could NOT quite imagine. Sometimes as you look at him, it IS hard to believe he is real. Ok… WAKE up, this is a dream in this case a story. It is the story of a mythical creature, and this creature insinuated his way into your life. Okay you may have sorta invited him in after you realized he was in fact real…

He was not perfect; he was extraordinarily perfect. If you wanted big, he was bigger! You found yourself saying things like,” It doesn’t matter because he isn’t for real anyway…” When he walked through that door, someone literally could have pushed you over with a feather. Then you found he was nice, interesting, smart, funny, AND not-hard-on-the eyes… Before you knew what hit you, you were considering the possibilities.

You quickly saw a boatload of problems, but in your mind, none that could NOT be overcome. That is where the possibilities “took over the wheel”. He was STRIKING and you liked that. All he had to do was to walk into the room and heads would turn. Oh, how you enjoyed the “head-turner” waiting for you. You put out of your mind what transpired prior to your arrival. Yet, the fact that he still awaited your arrival, due to the fact the two of you did not occupy the same space most of the time, told a story. You enjoyed him for a period of time. HE WAS TOO MUCH FOR YOU. The good thing was you recognized this. So, you played with fire in small doses, with the constant thought of avoiding the burn. You knew he still needed to demonstrate some things before you could be all in. He would make tiny steps that encouraged you and gave you hope, but it still was not enough. He was still getting away with things you would NOT tolerate if he was not so…much of everything else you wanted or thought you wanted. Admittedly, the visuals were your major guiding force. That shallow fact could be what kept you involved far longer than you wanted or needed to be.

He kept pushing and testing you. Finally you had enough. You deleted his messages and decided it was time to get away from that fire. What makes the moth move to the light/flame that will ultimately be its demise? Are we all moths in one way or another? When we run into someone who clearly does not have OUR best interest at heart, why do we continue to move towards them instead of running in the other direction? Do we believe if we proceed with caution do we think the fire will be less hot? Maybe we believe the flame will somehow not be as hot because we will have noted its existence and therefore, we can better prepare for the burn. We must start to realize, even though we know the flame will burn no matter how much preparation we make, the burn will still pain us just the same.

What you have to realize is once you started making excuses for, making exceptions, you were already in trouble. We are faced with such heavy competition in the world of finding a suitable match, if we really took into account the numbers alone, we would likely find another pursuit, because the outlook is bleak at best. We all want what we want, as time goes on, we begin to feel the pressure of the situation. Our conditions begin to alter our perspective. Expectations wither into substitutions so much, until one day we no longer recognize what we were looking for and why are we involved with who we are involved with. As the clock continues to tick, the fear of being alone become more overwhelming than we could have imagined. We tell ourselves that this exception is far better than being alone; until we involve ourselves, until we truly are all–in, and then we discover we ARE still alone without exception.

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06 Oct 2022
1 Comment

“SlimPickins”

He offered to let ME buy him lunch once…In turn I laughed in his face. I was in my postal vehicle, wearing my wedding ring. Mr. Pickins was a patron, who lived with his mother, and waited for a general relief check each month. His was thin like his name suggests (which is a metaphor in case you didn’t get the memo), he was unshaven, unkempt, and far from articulate. His status and predicament, that I found ridiculous, was overshadowed by the fact he disregarded my marital status and without hesitation made me aware he was willing to let me be in his company. Yes, good ole Slim thought he was “prime real estate”… quite a catch. Furthermore, HE was unaffected by my response, and he did not shy away from meeting me at his mother’s mailbox on a regular basis, even after I had unceremoniously refused his offer. I thought him repulsive and shockingly arrogant. That was 30 years ago… how could I have ever imagined that this man was a precursor to that which was yet to come.

As I am now a part of the demographic that is in search of a companion. I still have nerve enough to have certain standards… in spite of the challenges that exist nowadays I refuse to lower those standards. I mean why can’t a man who walks upright or one that makes a complete sentence… Ok I am NOT quite that desperate, but it is not easy to meet a decent prospect these days ladies. The competition is stiff. I even had a so called interested party tell me that I should be kind to even the most ridiculous of potential suitors. He was making a case for his male brethren, of course he and I did not work out either. Expect nothing and that is EXACTLY what you will get.

Imagine you are a Sugar Junkie and being placed in a “candy factory”, complete with a Specialty Sweets Shop. The entire experience, the aromas, the visuals, and the tastes. You’d be possessed by the environment. At first the challenge would be to get to your favorites, then maybe to sample as many of the different treats at your fingertips. Then the realization that you can what you want and as much of it that you can consume. Urgency is likely the first casualty, what is the actual rush? Choice will be a close second, why do you have to pick at all because you CAN have it all. Control will hover around in varying stages. One might think there are so many consequences which should make one be cautious, but you must realize that so much can/will take place before the consequences occur and/ or will be felt. You could lose all of your teeth, become morbidly obese, or fall into a diabetic coma before anything would compel you to do the right thing. And even then, you are still in the “candy factory”. As time goes on you might slow down because you have to compensate for your condition(s). Get the idea? What role do you find yourself in? Are you the consumer or are you the product?

Mr. Slim Pickens has been in this factory. He either decided (not likely) to leave on his own or he had to leave because of his particular circumstance, but through it all he is still a contender in today’s climate. What’s more he is still presenting like he is that catch. Someone will take him….

Be strong, be vigilant, be patient… understand that most of these overindulgent out-of-control creatures in the “candy factory” have a base in self-control and decency.

Posted in How We Relate, The Dating Game 6.0 and tagged , ,
28 Sep 2022

“Gun-Shy”

Well, it finally has happened. I thought I was immune. I knew the risks involved and felt I was up to the challenges. I have “weathered a few storms” and I chocked it up to process. However, I truly got blindsided. What’s more is I see myself retreating, in spite of the fact I know I must continue on.

Look, all of us have had experiences that stop us in our tracks. Most of the time we look at these experiences, take the information obtained, and use it the next time. I can only recall having the wind taken out of me, in my early days of dating. That happened because I had never traveled certain roads before.
Today a seasoned veteran, there was a bit of cockiness. I was self-assured, I did not feel invincible, but I felt like I would not get in so deep that I would not see certain dangers as they approached, let alone smack me in the back of my head. Yet, here I sit, injured, examining my wounds, and not knowing if I want to heal the injury or hope that I am not really looking at an actual wound. I am telling myself ridiculous things like,” maybe I am misinterpreting things…”

I now must admit I feel fear in treading the waters of the dating world. I have been hurt. I want revenge, I want retribution, but through it all I would give anything to be wrong. I know this cut is a deep one… I did not know or believe that one could still have this kind of feeling. It wasn’t this breathless when it was going on. Maybe because I was in denial, maybe because I told myself…”I like him, and I am possibly on the way to bigger and better”. However, I now know I was already at “bigger and better” and all the denial on the planet does not change what I am now experiencing.

Getting over and beyond him is only one aspect of this thing, I must now go through what seems to be considerable changes. I am pondering not wanting to put myself in a forum where this is possible again. That both frightens and saddens me. It is time to take a break, I think. I need to re-evaluate things, I need to revisit some ideas and yes, I need time to “lick my wounds“.

Truth is somewhere in between, wanting to inflict the same disappointment on this individual and relief that we did not work out, is real confusion. I not only let my guard down, but I was also adventurous (or naive) enough to relax some of my own requirements. I did this with my eyes wide open and as my inner voice was shouting,” You know you don’t like this and/or that characteristic”. I gauge how I am dealing with my feelings with a barometer, which has readings ranging from strong to indifferent. He is still teetering in the middle; I know that is a dangerous spot. He could slip back in; hey I might even be tempted to invite him back. That would be a tragic disaster in my opinion. He’d be armed with the knowledge I had felt something for him, and I accepted that which was unacceptable. He would have free reign and I would be handing it to him. See I already know the place we are now in, SHOULD digress to nothingness, for MY OWN GOOD.

The take-away here, the moral of this story… follow your first mind or be prepared to face the consequences.

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19 Aug 2022
1 Comment

You Sir, Are No Gentleman

I met him about 40 years ago. He was a funny, handsome (by some/many standards), charismatic young man. He was my friend, AND I kept him at-arms-length. I was married but even if I had not been he could not have ever been more than my friend. He was involved in a serious relationship and then there were the others. Oh, how he enjoyed the others. His horrible mantra was “8 to 80 blind, crippled, or crazy…” Now I know one might read this and already think they know my friend. One might wonder how/why I would call him my friend. One might wonder why I am even bothering to write about him. Well, the first thing that must be conveyed is my friend is merely a metaphor for a particular type of man and this is the story of how we can all find ourselves involved with this guy in a fashion one would have been willing to wager, would not/could not happen.

He walked onto the workroom floor in a way that let you know he was trouble. Then he’d flash his smile or pick up a heavy package or hold the door. You’d find yourself thinking and or saying, “You are so sweet”. I laughed as I saw my co-workers fall for him one by one. He had his pick, and he was by no stretch selective. He was an opportunist’s opportunist. Due to his nature, he did try his tactics with me. He did find I was a person of my word. He did not have time to alter who/what he was. There was a plethora of opportunity around, AND they were FAR less trouble. Thus, we became friends. He and I had philosophical discussions of the ills of his behavior, treatment of women, and his disregard of relationships. In my 20’s I pegged him, I also pegged his kinder, more subtle counterpart (the classic wolf in sheep’s clothing). Yet, through-it-all the reality of the situation, was we were all friends.

Years later, miles apart I discovered my friend had passed away from a heart attack. I found out from his counterpart, who continuously denied being anything like his buddy, all the while demonstrating he was exactly the same guy. It was no surprise (to me) that I did end up being personally involved with the “wolf-in-sheep’s-clothing” once I was widowed. I walked into it with my eyes wide open. I did fortunately escape. Even though I did not really want to escape. Nothing would have pleased me more than to be the one that captured the “wolf”. However, because I had been so “close ” to him, I could NOT ignore the signs.

As I fast forward, as I look at yet another archetype…I do wonder HOW I found myself involved with a new “wolf”! Too old, too smart, too sophisticated, too experienced for such nonsense to take place…yet it did. I can happily and not so happily say, I got out with minimal damage. I cannot help but send out the warning. It is as in all situations, someone doing something bad makes it hard for a righteous person or one trying to do the right thing. Somewhere out there a true gentleman, a true romantic, a truly good guy will have to be subject to scrutiny and suspicion Additionally, possible good relationships will be jeopardized and ultimately fail because of these bad actors and the need to protect our hearts, souls and purses. Be safe out there ladies, the wolves walk among us. They can appear to be sweet, chivalrous, good, kind, and yes church-going-fellows…BUT they are by no stretch GENTLEMEN.

Posted in How We Relate, The Dating Game 6.0 and tagged , ,

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