hafacenturyncounting

Motivated by a lack of material.

27 Jan 2012

Are You Smarter Than…

I’ll leave that for you to fill in the blank. I got my inspiration from frustration. My friends will undoubtedly  know the source, my readers can guess, but if you relate you have your very own inspiration. I hope this piece will help.

Have you ever thought, “Wow, so-in-so is an idiot!” I cannot believe ______ is in charge of this, or There is something wrong when someone who is obviously brain dead is running things”. Perhaps these mean but honest thoughts came to you in the aftermath of an encounter that revealed to you, that this same individual did not listen to you/would not listen to you. Whether or not a disaster came to pass; you were still annoyed that someone you had little or no respect for, or held in contempt had chosen NOT to listen to you.

It builds up and then after a while you explode! That’s the good news. I want to talk about the stage(s) just prior to the explosion. I want to talk about the mindset that gets you to the point of and then to the actual explosion.

The aggressive ones, the “go-getters” seemingly are in charge. Whether they are competent or not. They talk a good game and give off the impression that they know what they are doing. Generally they have done this for so long, not only can they convince others of their skill and prowess, they have convinced themselves as well.

In the realm of the work world, this is something employers are looking for; someone they can put in charge who will get the job done, so that the operation run smoothly, and there is someone else to blame if things go wrong.

Now we have a full description of what we have on our hands in dealing with these type of people, but lets examine who they are in our lives. There is no secret formula to uncover, there is really no need to name names, this is something that is just for the individual. You have to identify yours.

They frustrate us because we allow them to; they find those little buttons and they push them, and it is with full awareness that this is done. The simple obvious fix would be to say, “Do not give them the power”. However, the advantage goes to those who have the gift of time on their side and a mission in mind. We all have the ability to self-soothe, but do we always have the presence of mind and proper timing so that it will be effective? So the manipulators, manipulate and we fall prey to our own sense of being.  It is at these times we  have to question, “Who is actually smarter”.

Is there an answer? Certainly, but I don’t have it. If I did this piece would be called something else,  for the motivation would not have been there.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , ,
25 Jan 2012
4 Comments

sour….

This comes up from time to time and I feel compelled to address it yet once again. It is my personal effort NOT to fall into the category.

We will begin with the glass half empty scenario. I have always consciously said I am the “half full” person, but then I examined real life situations and thought how many times did I think or verbally express something like, ” Who left the half full soda bottle in the family room”. We have become condition to say we are the positive being and the correct answer for a positive being is to say “half full”. However, what do you think when left alone with your thoughts? Really. Think about it; if your encounter with that half a bottle of soda is negative what will your question be,  and how will it be delivered.

No one wants to be negative, but negative things occur in our lives. We cannot ignore them all and we certainly cannot be PC all of the time. Plus why would you? I think a better way to approach this is to just be real. Therefore let’s journey into real for a bit and visit my old friend”sour”.

My dear friend/ally/ sister once told me in the closing part of a conversation,” you don’t want to become sour”. That has stuck with me for over 12 years now. She told me that as a passing thought, but it stuck. I cannot give an exact date, but I know where I was and who I was working for. That narrows things down quite a bit. Those things are only important to me if I want to determine the exact time thing. I was 40 and said to myself, “Yeah she is right. No one wants to be bothered with a mean old person.” My thoughts turned to how many I knew and how often I had run into the type in daily passing. I pictured the scowling faces and I heard the ugly tones coming out of their frowning mouths. I vowed that I would not become one of those people.

Perhaps 40 was premature to decide something such as I would not become sour, but that is what I did. I believe that we do not just suddenly wake up and become anything. Time is a factor and must be taken into consideration. Fast forward to now at 52 I am forced to see that maybe I was not so successful in avoiding that “sour”. Along with that nasty disposition and grimacing face comes the need to assign blame and responsibility, as you may have guessed “yours truly” is not going to be tagged for any of this negative material. However, the mere fact that I have bothered to recognize I am not to blame forces me to admonish I am. Where are the scapegoats when you need them?

I looked into a mirror and saw the lines of “that mean older woman”. I tried to smile her lines away, to no avail.  The gray hair didn’t help either. Therefore, this is my shout to my contemporaries; Stop It Now. Don’t let traffic, daily routine, and “other rude people”put a permanent scowl on YOUR face.  We are not as young as we used to be, but we are resilient. We have to be, cause we are still here.

Posted in Order of Appearance
20 Jan 2012
1 Comment

Who Do You Think You Are?

This is an excerpt from my novel in the works…

First there was the sign from God… I walked into my living room and noticed how the light shone in from the skylights. I was putting a book away and then it came to me, there is a book missing. The book was the family Bible.

I took it from its safe haven and looked at the golden name engraved on the leather book cover; the name of our family, the name associated with my husband and sons. I said to myself,” I should have had our fist names engraved instead”. Then there was a flood of information and confusion: what names would you put? your first name or your middle, my husbands first name or his middle. I saw that the controversy I was trying to avoid was deeper than just the name(s) that it occurred to me should be on the Bible; and no matter how I was dancing around it, I was still trying to be cleverly deceptive.

Knowing exactly who you are is a lifetime process. It never ceases to amaze me how much we take for granted, when we should be treasuring these things as gifts. I am/was fortunate to have made friends with a very sweet lady, who just happens to be a member of The Church of Latter Day Saints. Genealogy is very special to Mormons and they have a vast collection of resources. I took advantage of my friend’s offer to help guide me on this personal venture and I will relay my trip.

Once I embarked on my journey I found out very quickly that for all I knew and thought I knew about my family, it was just a surface scratch. The truth was that I had only a vague idea who I was. What’s more I had an even less idea about the people who are related to me.

On a personal note, and it seems I always have a personal note, I am pretty certain who I am. I can trace my lineage back to the mid- 1800’s just from my memory of what has been told to me, through photos, and obituaries. This by some standards is nothing, but the farther back you go the less connected you are. The personal attachment becomes weak and frayed. Surprisingly there may still be some family resemblances one can detect. Having this kind of information is valuable; but remember the rules of a collector’s item  and apply them here, for these “items”are only as valuable as what someone is willing to pay for them. Thus, the assignment of worth can be tricky.

Posted in Order of Appearance
20 Jan 2012
1 Comment

I Never Met A Westie I Didn’t Like

For the dog lovers out there I have to talk about my favorite dog. The West Highland White Terrier.

Spunky and independent, never mind that  they are some of the cutest little creatures you will lay eyes on.Their little black noses and  penetrating deep brown eyes guarantee you will be in love. Ours were “Romeo and Julie (not Juliette). We have known Bailey, Lucky, and Muffin. They have  donned the monikers of Bentley and Kellie. No matter what their names they all exhibit the  chief characteristic of a Westie FANTASTIC!! They are so special that the mere sight of them makes you feel as though EACH Westie you see is the one you love. You easily forget they are individuals and they are different.

I may be doing my favorite dog a disservice here, though. What started out being a praise-a-thon has transformed into another self-realization piece. For as much as I love and admire those cute little dogs, I have found out most recently that I no longer am a card-carrying animal loving fanatic.

I do not want to go from one extreme to the other though. I have to point out why and where this process began.  As I found myself  responsible for the chore of cleaning out liter boxes that serviced three cats, each time I scooped out the domed pagoda styled units I became increasingly biter. Three cats with three different time-clocks, three different habits, three different personalities, three different stages of life and I was their servant. Suddenly, I did not like that. Being caregiver was not attractive and then there was the dog… This was way too much for me.

Sometimes we take on too much for our own good. I had arrived at that point with the pets. Even though each pet theoretically belonged to a different individual in my house too many needs were being met by one individual, ME. The cute little animals started to take on the look and feel of an annoyance. I grew closer and closer to the” dark side”, the place where I no longer cared if the cats got outside and they were strictly indoor pets.  Maybe it truly was me and my incessant need to have a perfectly clean, odor free home that finally cinched it. Maybe it was the dog’s barking and cries for attention. All I know is I did not like it. I was disliking them more and more each day, and I was disliking me for the way I was feeling. Something had to give.

My problem gave way to a solution on it’s own. I had to make a tough decision, but it also made me recognize and realize a couple of things.  First, and this is not profound but it can easily be overlooked; NEVER say never (i.e. the title). While I have/had and overwhelming LOVE for my West Highland Terriers that was not a love that was transferable. Next, know when enough is enough or even too much. Finally, make a decision ; indecisiveness benefits no one and it is a disservice to all.

In closing I want to point out if it is not clear, this  piece really was not simply about pets.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , ,
01 Jan 2012
1 Comment

You Are Forgiven

This is a subject that always hits home with me. I always battle with and I never really am able or willing at times to explore thoroughly and answer. How about you? I want to caution you to think before you answer.

The most important, happy seasons approaches. In the midst of honoring God and celebrating, there hovers the question(s). I usually dismiss the feeling, I am convinced I have done the right thing. I am quick to remember my significant lesson in forgiveness, because prior to that incident I would let it be known I was a follower of the “I may forgive you , but I won’t forget you”doctrine. I was forced to  re-evaluate and evolve. I proclaimed, “God I get it”. Yet seemingly this time of year the forgiveness sermons come and I am instructed, compelled, driven to take another look.

I know I am not alone. There are broken damaged relationships all around us. We all think we are handling them in a proper fashion. They may not be being handled in a good or right fashion, but in most instances we feel like we are doing what is necessary. Then there are those among us who know better.

Forgiveness in itself is difficult, but forgiving someone who does not think or admit they did something wrong… well that reaches whole new levels. Our pastor spoke of an incident that involved  himself personally, right off the top of my head I recall a portion of a point he was making and it went something like “We want forgiveness for others, but we want justice for ourselves”. That says a lot; it somehow is easier to take if we are able to see wrongdoing will carry consequence, and here is the reference point.

When it comes to forgiveness, I know I have not conquered it. I think I am much better than I was. I know there is still some work I need to do. This is where prayer comes in. I shake my head because as a flawed sinful human being, I really do not want to  offer anything positive to someone who I am not really happy with. I mean to possibly be instrumental in providing them with a doorway to God’s favor… I want that for myself. Yet it is in those times you have to realize that you already have God’s favor and so does that person you are battling with praying for.

Posted in Ecumenically Speaking and tagged
23 Nov 2011
1 Comment

Gifts From Above?

I don’t know anyone who does not like presents or gifts. I can remember some of the bests ones I have received, and the ones I felt like” You really shouldn’t have… Really.”

I always am wary when I write under this particular tag, hopefully I am careful enough to get my point across without too many errors. I am still learning, about myself and about my relationship with God.

Did you know here is a divine purpose for your life?There is a plan, God’s plan. Of course many of us let our plan interfere or supersede God’s. Is it ignorance, or is it arrogance? I know it is counter productive and even self-destructive when we go against what God is directing us toward. But it is so hard to read, so hard to know if God  is directing us. We cannot go with a gut feeling. This requires consultation and the only one to consult with is the Lord. You think, what if I am wrong, what if I don’t understand what God is saying to me. Only you can remedy that. Knowing God, understanding Him is only achieved through spending time with Him.

I was recommended to serve on a ministry team at my church. I wanted to help. I enjoy working with the people, the ones who I serve with and the ones we are trying to serve. I believed it was a good place for me to be, in order to work for the Lord in the best way I thought I could. Let me elaborate; I cannot sing in fact I do not possess any musical talent, so the choir/music department is not the place for me. There was the “greeting team” and “the ushers”, both areas I had considered, but was reluctant because of my feelings about the people I observed on these particular teams.  Incidentally, the “benevolence team” is where I landed.

We had a training class and I have to say I was enlightened. A situation that I thought would teach me about doing God’s work one way, turned out to be an entirely different experience. However isn’t that just like the Lord; always there, always the one you can count on, but oftentimes not what you expect. We cannot explain God, we only have to realize and know of His love and infinite wisdom.

Something simple, for I intended to write this piece another way, but instead I am following my heart. I wanted to address the way we need to appreciate what the Lord has given us; how each of us has a special gift to share and although they may not be packaged exactly the way you want it or think it should be, it is in itself a gift from above. We are so selfish and childish at times; we look at gifts as something for us, because that is what he world tells us a gift is, first and foremost by definition and practice. However, we believers KNOW otherwise. Therefore, enjoy the simple things as though they are monumental. Each day you are given here is special, because you are given another opportunity to make changes and to share your special gift with someone else.

Posted in Ecumenically Speaking and tagged
22 Nov 2011

It’s Worth Paying Attention To

My sons inspire me and my husband makes me aware. In adult life they are a mechanism by which I gauge “me”. It is still ironic to me that life experience will still throw you “curve balls”. Perhaps it is arrogance, but as time goes on you do have a tendency to think on a conscious level you have seen “it all”. While you may not truly believe this, it plants a seed.

With that in mind, how on Earth can anything really be a surprise? Yet discovery will generally catch us “off-guard”. Just when you think no one is watching you will find someone looking right through you, and they know all of your secrets. We are all complicated; but we are not hard to figure out, we all fit into one category or the other. It is important that you pay attention to who you are dealing with. Just because you are in the presence of someone on a regular basis, does not mean you know them.

Our cleaning business has put us in touch with such an array of people. We make every effort to do the work efficiently and with integrity. We have made quite a few friends as a result of the business. We have also lost some clients,  which motivate and have motivated me into writing several different pieces. I wish I could say I find it ironic that something negative would yield such a reaction. However, it really makes perfect sense. The losses make you examine and re-evaluate. Whereas in on-going relationships one tends to be lazy and take things for granted.

As I began taking a look at the clients we no longer have, the first thing I had to do was filter out MY FEELINGS. This is business and on the one hand you try to make your clients happy, but on the other you do have to  be cautious and mindful that you do not get too personally involved. I had/have been “blindsided” more than once. I asked myself how?

Well for starters people are all so very different, and clients are people. I begin my sales pitch with, “we want happy clients…” Really what is that? Over the years I have discovered the job I do is one that most people do not want to do, PERIOD. Never mind they are unable to do it as effectively as I do, it is something they do not want to do. It is in their minds an necessary evil; and not only do they  not want to do it they do not want to pay for it. Theirs is generally the attitude of, “I want this work done for me by you and if you insist I will pay, but I do not want to pay a lot and I get to be the determining factor in what I think is a lot.” In any environment if this were presented to you what attitude would you take? Hold onto that answer and bear in mind, I feel the exact same way.

Let’s take a look at the compensation. Pay for something you do not want to do. Well what is it worth; in the grand scheme of things you can debase it, to try to make it seem as though it is not worth very much. However the truth be known it is quite valuable, but there I go putting the truth factor into play.

Finally, there is a sense of power and superiority. “I am far to educated, important, well-bred to do this thing” is what we get to deal with now, the individual’s sense of self-worth.

This was, all in all, a trip into the land of self discovery for me. People I viewed as pretentious and self-serving, were the mirror image of me. The amount of the compensation meant I was getting closer to my destination, and that was the place where I no longer had to deal with “these people” I had assigned the label of being fake. Lastly, I really do not want to do this work either. This is an means to an end. The very first chance I am given, I will be out of the cleaning business.

Now I will sum this all up for you. No one is exactly what they say they are or try to represent themselves as. You have to look deeper; and this will require time and effort, two things you may not have the luxury of possessing. Watch people closely few of us are the masters of deception we want to believe we are, we are merely average perpetrators. Listen to what is being said; it is a difficult task to take command of the language of words. How many times have you heard someone proclaim to know ALL about something, or boast they know EVERYONE in a certain place. These are “word-traps” with faulty” trip wires”. It is almost outside the nature of human beings to be completely honest, whether it is fear of being taken advantage of, inability to tell the truth, or lack of desire.  Therefore, in your search for characters to observe and even watch out for, a good place to start would be a close examination of you. It will be a valuable journey and well worth paying attention to.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , , | Leave a comment
16 Nov 2011
1 Comment

Extraodinarily Ordinary

Average, an existence in the middle of the road. The place most of us do not want to be.  We are all taught to strive for more. We see it happening more and more; competition once thought of as healthy, is now a way of life. Children, toddlers, babies are placed on waiting lists to be selected to go to preschools! Well, what do you do when average is all there is to you?

Something inside of us strives to be special. We need to be  outstanding in our own right, and it generally isn’t enough that we are all individuals. Therefore the search begins, what do I have that sets me apart? Is it a chick thing? I am sure we women feel it very strongly. We react to it in our style of dress, hairstyles, etc. a number of outward appearance things. Yet, I know men feel it too. Theirs, I believe, is a more inward struggle.

God created such amazing individuals; there are great talents, astounding beauty, and insurmountable intelligence. What can be said to the “Regular Joes” of the world. The difficulty comes into play as you come to terms with this average status; for just because you are of this status doesn’t mean you do not want to do something extraordinary, it doesn’t take away from the fact that you truly want to be special. You wander aimlessly trying to escape your terribly normal existence. You grab at any inkling of something that suggests you are above the rest. We are taught to think outside of the box, but oddly enough we forget that most things are geared toward those who fit neatly within that same box.

Tread carefully friends in your quest to stand out; you are at risk of doing something that may make you stand out, but not necessarily in a positive fashion or in a way you want recognition.

I will close with my version of a Grimm’s Fairy Tale, a metaphor relating to this piece. Once upon a time there lived a plain little flower, her home in a modest meadow. In the meadow there were lots of other flowers. There were beautiful roses, there were fragrant gardenias, there were fabulous lilies, even the perky daisies drew attention. The plain little flower would go virtually unnoticed among these other  spectacular plants. Sometimes in the shadowy part of the day she would feel sad and let her foliage droop. “No one cares about me with all of these other bright, exciting, pretty flowers around. It doesn’t matter what I do.” One day a truly handsome prince came upon the meadow. He was something to behold. His smile was bright like a daffodil. He was as beautiful as any rose. His eyes were bright and perky like the daisy. All of the flowers stood up really tall, so he would notice them and he did. He took in all of the sights of all of the beauty that was surrounding him, but what captured his attention was the plain little flower….

What do you suppose happens next? What if your answer defines you?

Posted in Epiphany and tagged , ,
09 Nov 2011

Dry Spell

I have ideas hanging around out there, but cannot seem to put them down. My level of concentration is zilch.

What does a”would-be-writer” say when they are unable to write. “Dry Spell” says it all for me.  I feel like I am in the desert, alone, no shade in sight. When you write there is a conversation that is ongoing with self, and when that conversation is absent you feel very isolated.

My words are my escape. I am hurled into parts unknown, yet the journey is welcomed. I am at the helm, so to speak. Imagine being in a storm at sea, while it is terrifying being tossed about and you feel so tiny and insignificant, would you feel any less terrified in the middle of a calm ocean? The vastness alone is overwhelming.

While this period, this time was short-lived, it seemed like a lifetime. There is only so much you can say, about not having anything to say.

Perhaps you have experience a “Dry Spell” of your own. It doesn’t simply apply to writing, that was for me because I write. Figuratively speaking, it is simply an unproductive period. What do you do when you feel that way about work, school, relationships? Mine was a relatively simple fix; I let it run it’s course and it remedied itself. That however, may not be the best solution for other circumstances or situations. Think of a runaway rail car, eventually it will stop. Question being when and how.

Not having the cure-all for this period, I say it is better to take some action rather than no action. Don’t walk away without making an effort to move things along. All that may be required is a small push, while in other instances it may be a mountain that has to be moved. Whatever the case may be; since it is you and it is affecting you, get behind that helm and steer.

Posted in Order of Appearance | Leave a comment
08 Nov 2011
1 Comment

A Chronic Case Of Temptation

Feeling neglected, unappreciated, and ugly; what happens if in walks your Achilles Heel.  It won’t take much.  You are vulnerable, but moreover this is wanted. There are no guarantees that even in the most ideal circumstances that this very same culprit will not invade your space. The question is what will you do when faced with this challenge.

Let’s fast forward to the consequences. Why do there have to be consequence? For one thing the hint was Achilles Heel, weakness. To approach something that leaves us open to danger gives us the sense of foreboding and taboo. We humans love ” to get close to the flame”. The adrenaline rush, the excitement gets us going, and before we know it we cannot turn back. To be honest we may not even want to turn back. Would you worry about the consequences if there were truly no way for anyone that you didn’t want to know, would or could know? This calls for honesty too.

However, it is not all about consequence. There is the amazing indescribable feeling. It is both visceral and physical. What do you have to counteract such an attack?

First you need to think, and I mean really think long and hard about what you are about to do. Don’t brush past anything, for that will leave room for excuses and others to blame. Remember, ultimately you are in charge here. Be prepared for what happens, that means taking the bad with the good. I put it that way because the good (pleasurable) will overshadow the bad and the possibilities thereof. If you think of the good part first it will allow you to put that bad on the back burner, it needs to be on the front burner. Still feeling cavalier after taking all this in, consider your very own conscious. Can you live with yourself, because you cannot run away from that being.Finally, the ideas and realities of karma and God(not necessarily in that order).

I  say do the right thing. I am not  going to tell you this is easy, it is not. I believe that when we try to be a good righteous person and challenges appear in our lives, the fact that we consider the wrong things or even do the wrong thing and feel guilty afterward does not mean we are lost souls or hypocrites; to me it means that we are on the right track, we just have a hard road to tow. It is manageable, it is just a matter of choice. Good Luck

Posted in Order of Appearance

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