hafacenturyncounting

Motivated by a lack of material.

07 Apr 2025

Blessed With Longevity, Cursed With Life

As the decades pass, sometimes we sit still and realize what this means. Our time on the planet is no longer measured in increments whose boundaries can be confined to 365 days. We have now accumulated enough of those periods to be placed in another category.

When I started hafacenturyncounting, I was only five decades into my journey. I clearly remember being a child and marveling at, as well as being astonished by someone who was 50 years old! Now the “ncounting ” is taking on a new life with new meaning. Senior days at respective retail stores, AARP membership, social security, and retirement benefits define me. Now I laugh about this at times, now I marvel at this too, and then there are the occasions when the brutality of aging smacks me in the face.

Let me tell you why I laugh. I find it funny and ironic when I speak about “older people” and catch myself because I AM NOW one of the older people. I wonder how this happened and how I could possibly forget or overlook who I am. As close as I can come to an explanation and/or admission is that I do not consciously identify with my group. I don’t look like an “older person“, except the fact that my hair is gray/graying. I could fix that with a wig, or I could color my hair, but I really don’t want to. Alright, so I guess I do possess a characteristic associated with an “older person“.

Now let me tell why I marvel at being a part of the “older people’s group”. I find myself looking at the generation(s) right behind ours and saying or thinking, ” What in the world or Why are they so….” No need to finish the sentence or thought, it is not positive. Yet the marvel and irony come to mind as I remember when my parents’ generation and beyond thought and said the very same things about us.

Then there is facing the brutality of the aging process. I have always been a very healthy person. This has been a good fortune I still possess. I am aware that as the numbers (chronological age) increase the possibility and probability of change in one’s physical self becomes more likely. Yet being spared the reality of pain and discomfort has allowed me to disregard them. Trust me I was reminded how rapidly things like your physical condition can change. I did not like it either.

Overall, one must acknowledge these little irritations and irregularities are a part of the blessing of living longer. Longevity comes at a price. That price can be viewed as small in comparison to the alternative. When that fact comes to the forefront appreciate what is being gifted to you and accept that eventually we all end up at the same destination.

Posted in How We Relate, Uncategorized and tagged , , , | Leave a comment
16 Mar 2025

Nuthin in New Bern

This is not to be insulting or offensive. It is an observation that takes into account personal preferences and choices.

A beautiful little city in Eastern North Carolina, I came to live here because my eldest son was offered a promotion. He asked me if I wanted to move with his family here. Due to the fact that I am a widow, and we lost his younger brother in 2018, he knew I had nothing tying me to Atlanta that would take precedence over my remaining immediate family. It was a “no brainer”. Therefore, I made the decision to head “north”.

Upon our arrival here I was taken with the cuteness. There were unique little shops, there was familiar retail and loads of eateries. The demographic was quite different from Metro Atlanta, but on the other hand I embraced things like very little traffic and close proximity to the beach. Fast forward over 3 years later. Life happens, as it just does. My son and his family moved back to the Atlanta area. My moving back was not as “simple” as theirs was. I was enrolled in college classes; I had a lease, and my retirement income while adequate for New Bern very well could/would/may present a challenge that I was not really prepared to deal with. I am now basically alone with Nuthin In New Bern.

As seniors we all have a very real possibility of being ALONE somewhere, at some time in our futures. We may either outlive or outlast our people and/ or circumstances. I speak with my 93-year-old “play mother”(she is actually my younger sister’s official godmother, but she was my mom’s best friend for decades of mom’s life. She is family) daily. This out-living/out lasting is her “plight”. As I examine my circumstances, I feel the need to sound off the warning signal. When I speak of my “play mother’s” plight it is yet another observation of how varied we are as Baby Boomers. It is also worthy of notice. Be it health, finances, tragic events; we have years of experience in life to deal with changes. However, we have undergone many changes that may take us off track. As we have aged, we naturally have taken on some of the characteristics of aging, whether we want to or not. The adage of “teaching an old dog new tricks” takes on a new light when you find you are not only embracing that line of thinking, but you’re also living it.

The graces that youth provides us with, are no longer benefits we “hold the papers to”. I am a bit adventurous and nomadic, but now my new “friends (limitations and mobility)” trailing behind me, closing in on me, and they are just waiting to join my caravan of life. I have to mount an offensive. This state of “being alone” gives you an opportunity to do a great deal of thinking… too much thinking at times. For an overthinker it is not necessarily a good thing. However, the flip side is my mind shall not be “a workshop for the devil”.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , | Leave a comment
21 Nov 2024

Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop

I should have known better. I should have seen this coming. Tell me the one thing you hope no one ever says or thinks about you. When you find yourself faced with that very thing, that very thought, what do you do. Will you let pride and ego drag you down the path of destruction of sorts?

Sometimes you get blindsided. I asked myself the question, I told myself, for the most part, I do not care what people think about me. I also realize on some levels that is NOT true. I am confrontational, I am judgmental, I am also respectful and exercise tact. I kept hearing over and over again how there was no need to worry about me, because I will be alright. She can/will handle it. As time went on, I wondered if that was/those assessment were because that is truly how I am viewed/seen/perceived or was this a way of getting folks that I may have turned to off the hook.

Making it your business NOT to say or do things for reaction in your personal life is far different than what you have been taught to do in your business life. Yet the two worlds entwine and intermingle.

You find yourself in a place of insignificance and disregard. It does NOT feel good. Individuals that once turned to you for advice and assistance, do not notice it has been several days since they communicated with you. When they do communicate, they do NOT take time to hear or listen to you. At first you may not even notice this is happening. Then as time goes on and it occurs more and more, what do you do? Do you approach it and try to identify where the break has manifested, or do you ignore it and hope the other individual has a revelation/comes to their senses and makes everything right?

In your work world you exercise tact and operate in a place that gives individuals the benefit of the doubt. If they do not respond the solution can be a simple discussion or as drastic as them losing their job. However, unlike in your personal life, the cards are placed on the table.

I was much better at this when I was younger, but now with a panic attack under my belt I am realizing I must care for me. I cannot let things happen. I cannot wait for the other shoe to drop.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , | Leave a comment
28 Jun 2024

Good Morning Mourning Heart Ache

And the title says it all. I will mourn for all the days I remain on this Earth for my son, Jay. Jay was one of the sources of my joy. Any of my readers who have children understand and know this to be true, because they have children. I will not try to address every tiny little detail of what it is to be a parent, let alone what it is to be a parent of a child who is no longer here with you. I want to tell you about my morning mourning.

It came in quite unexpected; it is never welcome but it a part of the experience I must and will feel. As I process through life, as I make ready for an impending relocation… I pack. I have relocated many times. While I do not enjoy the process there are many upsides to this venture/adventure. Plus, when you move several times, you learn tricks to make the process “easier”.

I am convinced this will be a well-prepared jaunt to my next space, but as I said, ” I pack”. As I do this prepared pack(ing), it is serving multi-purposes. I have a chance to clean, rearrange, discard, reminisce for moments. Sometimes you do get sidetracked, but all-in-all the sidetrack is a break from the job that MUST be done.

I have a place that I decided would be helpful, after we lost Jay. I did not dedicate an entire room (I could have easily done this), but I found a lovely Lane Cedar Chest, what once was called a “hope chest“. I felt a “hope chest” was an appropriate place to store some of my Jay’s things. This chest would be giving me easy access to the place where I can have things that make me feel those moments again. Plus giving the extra… a “special effects” type experience. Also, the mere utterance of the name hope, sometimes is what I need to give me some, yes HOPE. I was going to pack the office; I was passively entertaining the idea that the office may not even BE at my next spot. I looked at the chest and I started taking down some things; Jay’s diploma from Oglethorpe, a sketch my sister-friend drew for me of a cardinal, “Black Panther” ornaments (Jay was so excited about that movie but did not live to see it). I half smile as I think he and Chadwick Bosman probably have great philosophical conversations. I opened the chest, and my breathing became labored… I knew it was coming. The tears began to form and roll down my cheeks, my hands covered my face as though there was someone watching. I was paralyzed in that space, yet I needed to escape it. I walked out of the office in a “zombielike” trance and still covering my face that now was masking the sound too. I was blindly searching for a wall, so I could be held upright because my knees were weak, my heart was racing, my mind was spiraling… I was back at Grady Hospital January 14, 2018 hearing those doctors gently telling us Jay was gone. I without thinking simultaneously reached out my arms for his father and the love of his life, because I saw them both collapsing, and I only thought to lessen their falls.

As I was taken back there, I realized I was falling in that moment too, but there was no one to catch me. I did what I had/have always done, I took care of people. Family, friends, even strangers…. in that horrible moment there was no one for me because I assigned myself the position of rock. Today I realized I needed a rock and here I was in that place once again… this time there was no one else to be held up, but there was no one to hold me up either. This morning in my mourning, I came face to face again with the thought, “It will always be with you for the LOVE will always be with you….. Billie Holiday’s song sung by Diana Ross in Lady Sings The Blues came to my mind…“ Good Mornin Heart Ache” I had to write this, and the title seemed proper.

Posted in VILOMAH and tagged , , | Leave a comment
02 Jun 2024
2 Comments

And I’m OUT…again

Wanna talk about frustration. Dating at our age is NOT fun. This writing seems very familiar. Is it because I have addressed it before? Is it that I have written the statement so many times? Is it that I have said the words so often? Is it the fact I live it every day and basically HATE being thrusted into this status without any consideration of my feelings or preferences? The last statement/question may seem odd to my readers but for the cross-section of them that fall into my category there is full understanding. I will try to explain to and enlighten the others.

Now in the past my approach has been to be open and (wait for it) HONEST in my profile. I felt it was the best way to go and I still do. What I have been encountering of late is a “boatload of free spirited, alternative lifestyle practicing” creatures. Most of whom fail to point these things out before they approach you. I am conservative when it comes to dating and my personal preferences. If you are into non-traditional things, “more power to you”. I am simply not a good match for you. In my mind “no harm/no foul”. However, I guess these same individuals like to think of themselves as experts in human behavior or they figure they can possibly bring folks into their way of thinking. By NOT disclosing what their true intentions are, they are simply LIARS.I have no time/place for LIARs in my life. Plus, one should NOT have to be deceitful about who they truly are. Unless they feel like who they really are is not acceptable or they are ashamed of themselves.

Honestly no one can really make you be something you are not or explore things you aren’t curious about already. This most recent event just made me aware of how exhausting the process is and that it may be a good time to take a hiatus from the whole-darn-thing for a while. As the holidays approach it is hectic enough. Most do not want to start a new relationship of any sort during this time period. Too much pressure as far as doing the right thing with gift-giving and how best to spend time together during these special times while one is trying to figure out where this person fits into your life/IF they in fact fit into your life. All of these factors point towards, BREAKTIME for me!

My most recent encounter left me dumbfounded. I happily concluded that all we could have ever hoped to be friends, because of these vast differences. It seemed as though this guy was accepting of a simple friendship. Soon after our friendship was established it took on a dark strange twist. Before I deleted and blocked him, I had to tell him that he should re-examine what his definition of “friend” was/is, as well as he may want to update some items on his profile.

Posted in The Dating Game 6.0 and tagged , ,
15 May 2024

No One Is Listening

More and more there are the calls which are riddled with pregnant pauses. We have to silently ask why, we used to have so much to say. Yet now the quiet is deafening, and the conversations are forced. You wonder why you even bother to call, soon do you actually stop calling. What happened? How did we get here?

Relationships are in a constant state of evolving. People change without a moment’s notice, but the individuals caught up in the relationship barely notice these changes that are taking place. We become numb and accustomed to behaviors, sights, and sounds. One day we look up and a metamorphosis has occurred, and we are astounded…how did it happen so quickly and unnoticed. You must take into account who these people are that you are in a relationship with.

“They” are the self-proclaimed (whether it is vocalized or not) center of the universe. Nothing going on of interest unless it is directly affecting them. Months will go by before “they” even realize you are NOT talking about what is happening with you. They will happily accept your claim of “nothing”, it is the open door to again ingratiate and embellish themselves.

Eventually you either confront the other party(ies) or you allow what is already taking place to take its natural course. Ironically, it is a smooth transition and will likely go unnoticed. They are so “self-absorbed” that you would be made to feel unreasonable in suggesting their actions were not palatable. Things have been this way for so long you have to work to remind yourself of what is correct. A sort of “Stockholm Syndrome” is a good description of what has happened to you. You must free yourself and in the process, you have to know that you will likely separate from one you believe you have come to know and love.

In our lives, where the pace is fast. The emotions are fleeting. The sounds are faint. Yet you still have to realize that no one is listening. If the sounds or signs were deafening, no one is paying attention. Therefore, all of the happenings go unnoticed. No one is listening.

Posted in Quickbits and tagged , | Leave a comment
15 May 2024

For Your Own Good

I recall hearing this as a precursor to my getting into some kind of trouble. Oftentimes, being forewarned about “trouble” is not always welcomed. This is especially true when one does not believe there really is trouble or danger. Perspectives can and will govern reaction(s).

Once again I dove in feet first. I actually had the nerve to be surprised at the outcome. Okay I am not really surprised but I think it makes me feel better saying I don’t understand how… The universe tried to throw obstacles in my path, I skillfully went around them. This WAS going to be my way! However, very soon after my arrival I could see this going south. It was pleasing though, all the way to the departure. I did have to admit I got to this place in order to find some resolution. I told myself no matter the outcome, I would have my answer and I would accept it. As I revisit the time we spent together; I do not allow myself to feel sad. I am, most definitely disappointed. His very words.

This “relationship” kept me on edge. I made exceptions and concessions that I would not accept under normal circumstances. I was distracted by the superficial, so maybe this is where For Your Own Good does come into play. Had we continued, how destructive might this have been? I busied myself with being dismissive of us, all the while awaiting the contact. Now he is gone, now I have the consolation that he came to me with his heart on his sleeve and a damaged ego. Unless he reads this, he will NEVER get those same things from me. Things I consciously did not want to happen, did in fact happen. How tempted I am to relieve him of this burden, but something in me keeps me from putting myself in the spot that he occupies. I wonder does he think/ know/care that I may eventually fold, and it is likely sooner than later? Again, under normal circumstances I would have already given him the tools to break my heart. Yet the little voice can be heard in the distance warning me of the danger… so far, I am listening to that faint whisper as it tells me of the close call, how I dodged the bullet, and yes, the break was in fact For My Own Good.

The experience of being in a head on collision made me a different type of being. Initially I was nervous and on edge, but as time moved on (as it invariably does) I settled into yet another alteration of my being. The surprise factor took on a new ” look”. I am NOT telling you I cannot be surprised; I tell you I no longer anticipate surprises with innocent joy and excitement. For I know one can be surprised and taken off guard or aback for unpleasant things too.

I ask myself what IS HIS STORY/HIS TRUTH and what IS the ACTUAL truth? Does he care about me? Is it timing and circumstance that keeps us apart or am I being lit up by a “gas lighter supreme“? I certainly do not have any idea. I am however convinced the universe knows and it is keeping me in the dark…perhaps for my own good.

Posted in Dating 6.0 and tagged , | Leave a comment
15 May 2024

D-I-V-I-N-E

Lying in your arms is simply divine. I know it won’t last forever because I could not survive FOREVER, but for now it is simply DIVINE. The very thought of it, of you…thinking of getting up and parting from you, simply moving or breathing could mean this feeling would change and the fact is I could not bear it, I just don’t want to. I just want to lay here with you and take you all in. I want time to stand still, I don’t want this to end.

Of course, it did end. We both returned to our respective lives. I had to come to terms with, ” I have no idea WHO this man is…” I cannot begin to explain how very sobering, as well as frightening that is. It certainly should be. We all watch the news, have viewed the reality type police stories, read papers and magazines alike. Yet, I allowed myself to be in the presence of a perfect stranger…and he was/is quite perfect I MUST add. The good news is he is far away. The good news is whatever, his daily existence is I have NOT endeavored to find out the details. I think I have an idea of what IS in fact going on, but I exist with the thought, ” It has nothing to do with me.”

I still can manage a smile (manage, I am hard pressed to restrain myself) when I think of him and the times we spent together. No this is no romance novel quality relationship; it is also not a sleezy article in an adult magazine. It IS a short story of a” Thing ” that happened, a ” Thing” that felt really good and as though it had real possibilities. I ask myself, what does it feel like to have everything seemingly going your way? What does it feel like to hold all of the aces, to KNOW things are gonna turn out just like you think you want them to? What does that feel like….I actually do know. It feels DIVINE.

Posted in Dating 6.0, How We Relate, Quickbits and tagged , | Leave a comment
15 May 2024

Heart Of Mine

It was just like the first time I laid eyes on him. Your heart does remember. We smiled, we embraced, we laughed and reminisced. Before we knew it five hours had gone by. I thought before we met up I might want something “more” to transpire, by the time we prepared to leave the restaurant I KNEW I wanted something more to happen. Pride, ego and insecurity deprived me of true effort at intimacy or even a kiss to remember.

I AM an ” all-or-nothing” kinda girl… even when I decide I can take less, I will still only take a smidge/an iota less. I am still a hopeless romantic. I know he knows I am a good woman, a good person, a lady. I had to come to grips with the fact that the qualities I had bothered to hone were simply some things he did not want or need. I could try to simplify it by saying he did not want me, but there was far more to it than that.

Decades of being connected and still just out of reach. One might ask, well why do you still reach? As we look at the facts, there is something missing in many of our lives. We exist for love and fulfillment. Once we decide it is here or there, we cannot help but figure out a way to obtain it. Yet there is a stopping point, there is a place where our psyche, ego, pride, common sense say, ” Hmmmm maybe you are reading a little bit more into this than actually is there.”

Happily (or not) I can now say I am in a place where what my dear, lovely friend does is truly irrelevant. I have stumbled into or found myself in a place that allows me to be okay with facts, and comfortable with the acceptance of situations. The two of us will forever be connected on a special friend level. He still says the sweetest things to me, and I take those same sweet words for what they are worth. They are up for interpretation, but they are NOT life altering.

Posted in How We Relate, Quickbits and tagged , | Leave a comment
15 May 2024

“Hafamindto”

That is about all I can muster up these days…half a mind. The tasks seemingly cannot be completed. Getting started is no “picnic” either. Finding oneself rushing to get started or rushing to finish, and in the middle of all that haste is it a surprise that something has gone amuck?

Growing up, (and yes, I can still remember that time in my life) when an adult said something like that one did not take it literally. Instead, we realized at an early age we were being told, if I had more time to think this through the end result would NOT be what it is currently, or what it is on the way to becoming. As we age challenges and complications are things we tactfully avoid. We have been trained to believe as the years progress, we will slow down. We should slow down on practically every level. We see our contemporaries in a certain stage or station in life, which makes us think that is where we should be. However, what happens when we don’t slow down? How does society, our contemporaries and even our loved ones view us. Are we such an anomaly, are we something that must be examined and dealt with? How do we feel about that?

I think we have a few choices and options left. I think we have a right to exercise those options. One must know that as we select the road less traveled there will be resistance and obstacles. If you are not ready to deal with these facts, you’d better get out now. The way we dress, the speed at which we travel as well as how we navigate ourselves through given places and situations will be judged.

I know it seems easier to just fade into the background, be a part of the status quo. Yet something drives some of us. Be it conditions, be it determination. There exists a quality that makes certain beings NEED to go on. Truth is all human beings need to be challenged, we need to have purpose and when we do not, we are heading down the very path which will likely lead to our demise.

We are here, I say be present, be a part of that which is going on. Get involved! Become an advocate for something and that something does not have to be huge, there are small things that could use our help. While it may sound cliche’ “be about the business of living” or find you may find yourself dying faster than you may have imagined.

Posted in Hafwaythroughpoints and tagged , | Leave a comment

Post Navigation

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →