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Archive for the category “Dating 6.0”

25 Nov 2025

A Bitter Black Babe?

“What’s her problem”, you might ask. What does she look like? It cannot be all that bad. However, what if it is? How many rejections and disappointments must one endure? How many of these same things does it take to equal bitter? Will the answers to these questions explain what truly has occurred? Who gets to say what is and is not bitter?

Dating is exhausting. There are no fast tracks to “the one“. Honesty is an accessory which is in high demand, in spite of it being costly. Couple that with, it may be providing you with a false positive. This means; just because you are given a bit of truth, does NOT mean you are NOT dealing with a liar. Then we delve into what constitutes a liar and/or a lie. See why dating is exhausting. We must present and sell ourselves in a fashion that should lead to connecting with a companion who is “like-minded’ … a good match. Still, we find ourselves captured in the “storm of confusion”.

One needs to take periodic breaks; you need to step back and re-evaluate your decisions and situations. Cliches have to be looked at as advice to seriously consider. “You get what you give, garbage in garbage out“, all the while trying to explain, justify, understand how these things pertain to you. It is both sobering and numbing. As we spend our valuable time figuring out things, we look up and realize how much time has been wasted. For in the end many of us end up back at square one. Older= yes, wiser= possibly, bitter=chances are…

One has to ask how do, smart, accomplished, educated, talented, beautiful, kind, caring women end up competing for “Ned the wino” or worse? Make no mistake “Ned” is fully aware he is in demand too. One can keep fighting, hoping, wishing, praying, dreaming of the elusive one. One can come to terms with the one may have passed her by or there simply is not one that fits the criteria she set up. All of these scenarios do bring you back to the bitter black babe. Is there justification for the phenomenon, sure but that does not make it any easier to accept. Whether one is the recipient or the provider, the “sting” is very real.

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05 Aug 2025

Algorithms and Such

Defined an algorithm is a set of rules to be followed in calculations or other problem-solving operations.

Well in my humble opinion dating is a problem worthy of solving. I am thinking I am not alone. The dating apps are all over and each one suggests, if not promises results that others cannot. Any good salesperson is going to fill your head with suggestions but how you interpret, process, and regurgitate this information is likely gonna fall on YOU.

First let’s be clear here, the dating apps do not clearly STATE there is use of algorithms. However, we as a society are a smart, educated, informed group. We are using the process of elimination and deductions to draw the conclusion an algorithm is being utilized. Dating apps evolved from dating services and personal ads. I imagine if younger people read this piece their response will be “WTF is a dating service/personal ad?” However, to my targeted audience you all know of what I speak.

There are other factors of course; numbers, personal data collection, etc. I do submit that it is a combination of these factors plus the algorithm which give the dating apps “wings”. The numbers are simple; we are dealing with the amount of submissions… basic counting. The personal data collection is a bit more complex, for it leaves room for alterations and fabrications from the very source. Let’s be real, everyone is not telling the truth. Now the algorithm is stuck with drawing a conclusion with tainted data. Then someone like me comes along and says,” The algorithm is f#@&ed, why bother telling the system my preference is over 6′ yet a 5’5″ guy is in my “perfect match” column?”

What can I say… I decided to swim in this dirty water. I know there are risks but we are all adults here, in my case “waaay adult”. Therefore, I scroll and swipe. Sometimes the photos ARE all you need. When you are a writer, it is difficult to use that as a primary screening process. Our natural curiosity makes us go deeper; we want to read the “story” and get a feel for the character. While many can manage a working title, few can pull off the other elements. Then it becomes too much effort, and the imposters simply decide to move on. After all, throw enough… stuff against a wall, something will stick. What is left are the casualties of the process. Casualties that try to remain hopeful something good will slip through and the algorithm will actually yield positive possibilities and/or results.

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03 Aug 2025

It’s Kinda Funny

This was not my choice. I was thrown into this pool by “life”. What I have found of life is that it IS random and unpredictable. Thus, my presence here and I will add…”It’s Kinda Funny“.

I have been writing at this blog for a little over 15 years now. By this time, I thought I would have many more followers. I thought I had something relevant and important to say, at least to the people that fall into the category I believe I address, my contemporaries. They were/are who I was concerned with addressing. Who was I trying to fool. These people I was/am addressing are busy being about the life I am merely talking about. While my blogs take a serious point-based turns, sometimes they are not thought provoking and sometimes they are funny. I only mean for them to be pertinent to those who find themselves reading them.

I was scrolling about on the internet and a reel came up from one of my favorite comedians…Sinbad. I have seen Sinbad in person, watched him on television and in movies. I love this guy and his style. He is a fabulous storyteller with the uncanny ability to make one look at themselves and recognize the humor in our very own existence. I decided that after months of NOT writing I would try my hand at this comedic method to tell a part of my story. My current position in the “dating world”. Sit back and/or hold onto your hats folks, for this is a visit to a place called “me”.

There are undoubtedly an entry of two about my life in the dating world on my blog/this blog. Therefore, I do not feel like starting at the beginning is necessary. If I need to revisit the beginning later, I shall but for now let’s start with where I am currently. Here I am, still single still wanting to have fun, still wanting to find a man who “gets” me and likes me anyway. I am NOT consciously looking for the fairy tale anymore but a step up from Armageddon would be nice.

65 and 66 is closing in on me rapidly. Many of my contemporaries are still married or “boo-ed up”. Happily, or not, I am sure when things are bad/challenging/questionable they find solace in saying to themselves or out loud…”well at least I am not alone like yours truly“. The dating apps are a Petry dish for scams and assorted other unpleasant things. The other options are limited, especially if your do not live in or very near a big city. No more than we could return to a rotary dial telephone, we are stuck with/fortunate to have the technology. To date I have NOT been scammed nor has anything really damaging happened to me. I would love to say I am just too smart for that to happen… I think in spite of my tempting fate I have just been lucky.

As a writer and a student of human behavior I visit areas (on the sites) that I know the undesirables dwell in. Meaning simply guys I should not talk to (offshore workers, Nigerian entrepreneurs, etc.) However, they do not limit themselves to places where the upstanding honest folks think they should be. They test and invade the places that we would never suspect, hoping to catch a fledgling or someone with their guard down. One might ask, ” Okay so when does this get funny?” This particular entry is an introduction to the path I have decided to give a guided tour of. Your tour guide is slightly more than a trainee. We all know that trainees are prone to error. We also know that barring the inside info the “company has provided them with, a reasonably intelligent adult could probably manage their very job excluding some jargon and trade secrets. At least we tell ourselves this.

Upon approach, the apps look remarkably the same as they did when I visited them some years ago (5 and a half to be exact). Slight changes are what my untrained eye can see. There are noticeably more to choose from, and the fee-paying member is more likely to be on these sites now. I still resist; I still say the site has meager choices for non-paying folks, why would I believe paying will make it better. You see I think it is all in the algorithm. I challenge myself to challenge it/them. This is where it starts to get funny… I am NOT a numbers person. Mathematical theorems and such are NOT my strong suit. Why would I think I could get around a number-based application? Enter, arrogance.

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15 May 2024

For Your Own Good

I recall hearing this as a precursor to my getting into some kind of trouble. Oftentimes, being forewarned about “trouble” is not always welcomed. This is especially true when one does not believe there really is trouble or danger. Perspectives can and will govern reaction(s).

Once again I dove in feet first. I actually had the nerve to be surprised at the outcome. Okay I am not really surprised but I think it makes me feel better saying I don’t understand how… The universe tried to throw obstacles in my path, I skillfully went around them. This WAS going to be my way! However, very soon after my arrival I could see this going south. It was pleasing though, all the way to the departure. I did have to admit I got to this place in order to find some resolution. I told myself no matter the outcome, I would have my answer and I would accept it. As I revisit the time we spent together; I do not allow myself to feel sad. I am, most definitely disappointed. His very words.

This “relationship” kept me on edge. I made exceptions and concessions that I would not accept under normal circumstances. I was distracted by the superficial, so maybe this is where For Your Own Good does come into play. Had we continued, how destructive might this have been? I busied myself with being dismissive of us, all the while awaiting the contact. Now he is gone, now I have the consolation that he came to me with his heart on his sleeve and a damaged ego. Unless he reads this, he will NEVER get those same things from me. Things I consciously did not want to happen, did in fact happen. How tempted I am to relieve him of this burden, but something in me keeps me from putting myself in the spot that he occupies. I wonder does he think/ know/care that I may eventually fold, and it is likely sooner than later? Again, under normal circumstances I would have already given him the tools to break my heart. Yet the little voice can be heard in the distance warning me of the danger… so far, I am listening to that faint whisper as it tells me of the close call, how I dodged the bullet, and yes, the break was in fact For My Own Good.

The experience of being in a head on collision made me a different type of being. Initially I was nervous and on edge, but as time moved on (as it invariably does) I settled into yet another alteration of my being. The surprise factor took on a new ” look”. I am NOT telling you I cannot be surprised; I tell you I no longer anticipate surprises with innocent joy and excitement. For I know one can be surprised and taken off guard or aback for unpleasant things too.

I ask myself what IS HIS STORY/HIS TRUTH and what IS the ACTUAL truth? Does he care about me? Is it timing and circumstance that keeps us apart or am I being lit up by a “gas lighter supreme“? I certainly do not have any idea. I am however convinced the universe knows and it is keeping me in the dark…perhaps for my own good.

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15 May 2024

D-I-V-I-N-E

Lying in your arms is simply divine. I know it won’t last forever because I could not survive FOREVER, but for now it is simply DIVINE. The very thought of it, of you…thinking of getting up and parting from you, simply moving or breathing could mean this feeling would change and the fact is I could not bear it, I just don’t want to. I just want to lay here with you and take you all in. I want time to stand still, I don’t want this to end.

Of course, it did end. We both returned to our respective lives. I had to come to terms with, ” I have no idea WHO this man is…” I cannot begin to explain how very sobering, as well as frightening that is. It certainly should be. We all watch the news, have viewed the reality type police stories, read papers and magazines alike. Yet, I allowed myself to be in the presence of a perfect stranger…and he was/is quite perfect I MUST add. The good news is he is far away. The good news is whatever, his daily existence is I have NOT endeavored to find out the details. I think I have an idea of what IS in fact going on, but I exist with the thought, ” It has nothing to do with me.”

I still can manage a smile (manage, I am hard pressed to restrain myself) when I think of him and the times we spent together. No this is no romance novel quality relationship; it is also not a sleezy article in an adult magazine. It IS a short story of a” Thing ” that happened, a ” Thing” that felt really good and as though it had real possibilities. I ask myself, what does it feel like to have everything seemingly going your way? What does it feel like to hold all of the aces, to KNOW things are gonna turn out just like you think you want them to? What does that feel like….I actually do know. It feels DIVINE.

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08 May 2023
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Silently Self-Absorbed

It rang in my ear. Words from a “friend” lost along the way. She said, “I liked who liked me.” I brushed it off because I did not agree. I looked at it from a superficial standpoint. This is an excuse for being with this type, or this race, or this whatever. I told myself she IS settling because she is running from the truth, her truth. I don’t have that problem, I KNOW who I am, I am NOT in denial. At least that is what I tell myself.

I started writing this blog over a decade ago. Lots of LIFE has happened in these past 13 plus years. I now find myself writing about the dilemma known as dating. I am NO EXPERT, but I do have a handle on what I have encountered. As a writer I want to cover other things my blog was started as an entertaining little observation, now it has taken on a life of its own and that life actually belongs to ME. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say it has taken on MY LIFE.

This is the age of the Narcissist. We all know one or two, if we examine ourselves in comparison to the definition, we may find that we ourselves fall into the category. Why does this surprise us and why is this piece relevant?

Like the presentation of a dead bird or headless mouse a cat brings to its beloved owner or prospective owner, these suitors delivered an array of meaningless, inappropriate, silly trinkets. Their intentions unsuccessfully disguised in the simplest of fashion. I know this sounds bad but thus the title Silently Self–Absorbed. Of course, they never had any idea how much I disliked what they had given me. They were just moved into the area that prospects go to “die.” The deal is if YOU are the right kind of being, the material gifts could NEVER hold a candle to your character, and that IS what I/we humans ultimately seek.

Yet this environment I must venture into on a regular basis has me doing as the saying suggests ” When in Rome…” I dislike it, I find it distasteful, but I am still pulled into it. The idea of having an individual who does not possess qualities I say I want, need, must have is unconscionable. I had to admit that sounded like a narcissist. The presence of the word “I” was everywhere! I want this, I must have that, I will not tolerate…I, I, I,!

As many of us who are fortunate enough to have a community of”sisters” , I sent my daily greeting to mine. I thought of what I wanted to run passed them, the exploits of the day/night before. They KNOW me and my characteristics, most importantly my “Achilles heel”. It was as I thought of my weakness, I realized something that was mentioned to me regarding a certain behavior pattern I have developed and quite frankly thought was quite good. It was in the midst of my describing what I was doing and rationalizing it, my attention was drawn to the fact that” if the shoe was on the other foot” I would NOT tolerate such behavior… and try as I might to dance around this revelation, it was quite true. YIKES!

Without revealing details of these shortcomings that exist within ourselves we play to a different looking narcissist, but it still is a narcissist just the same. Self-absorbed with justification(s) still qualifies as self-absorbed. And finally just because you do not shout your intentions/ preferences/thought patterns from rooftops does NOT make them any less obvious. While focusing on I/me one might be overlooking that which stares one in the face, in ones very own reflection, with or without the aid of a mirror. Now who is the one with the issue of being self-absorbed.?

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07 Aug 2020

Mon Roi

First of all, he is tall, he is smart and educated.  A half-blood prince, if you will and he was exactly that. This man, proved to be more of a barbarian, came into my life, not charging as one might expect. Instead he was subtle. He took me by surprise. My behavior was quite out-of-character for me. Yet, for him I changed. Much like a 16-year-old experiencing her first crush. I found myself doing things, that I would adamantly tell you, “Oh no I don’t do that.” He inspired me, he excited me, he made me laugh with his kinda corny humor and annoying laugh. I found myself thinking again. We talked for hours on end, yet the next time we spoke we still had things to discuss. He’d read and quote poetry. He’d speak to me in French. Armed with my translation app, I’d respond. So much of who I am said, “Get the fuck outta here FAST”. Yet at the same time I said, “There is nothing to be afraid of.” He will protect me; he will take care of me.” In turn I will do as he says/asks. I’d tell myself,” You are a strong, independent lady…” Then I was preoccupied with pleasing him. I look and feel different. I was told by people who had not seen me in months, I was glowing and giggly. People who saw me all the time said the very same things. Being with him taught me what was/ is really important, what it is that I am actually looking for.

He said we were in love, and he saw the change a few weeks ago. In love! I was not tryin for that scenario. It all happened so fast, so unexpectedly. Then I started thinking and chit got real! The problem with thinking is thoughts of all types come blazing through. “Not tryin for that”, well I saw to it ending. Why couldn’t I just “ride the wave.“?

As I sit here listening to Barbra Streisand sing a duet with Don Johnson (“Till I loved You”, it is like eating filet mignon and potato chips, not a bad combination but way outta place. I smile because for a little bit of risk (this being subjective and gaged by my perspective as well), I might have been clueless and blissfully happy. On the other hand, I may have met with my own self-inflicted destruction.  This condensed piece took years for me to publish. I suppose I am finally done with all the feelings attached to the experience. In his very words, “C’est La Vie”.

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