hafacenturyncounting

Translation…”I Don’t Care”

I’m not jealous or insecure… You can tell me anything…” Has anyone ever uttered those words to you? How did you react, what did you think? Let’s explore some possibilities here.

The era of no-contact everything is here. Touchless entries, download the app to expedite BLANK, keep at least this much distance between yourself and others, and mask according to CDC and local guidelines. However, this is not about protection from the pandemic, this is about protecting your heart, mind, soul, and bank accounts.

As we navigated the terrane of this thing called dating, we found a common ground. We communicated in the traditional fashion. We decided to keep moving forward in spite of the obstacle of distance. In all due honesty I am NOT a fan of long distant relationships. I do personally know of a successful one. I just KNOW that I am far too…whatever. I require time and attention, no matter how I try to downplay it, sooner or later my unwillingness and/or inability to tone that down shows up and shows out.

Of late more individuals have appeared and have been checking off the boxes. I began feeling hopeful. Then in he walked (not literally). I did not believe he was real at first and truthfully until later when he walked into the restaurant, I was still skeptical. Great time, great conversation, great guy… great possibilities???? Well, no not really. There were plenty of red flags, they did not matter because I was certain he would disappear and be placed in the “round file” as so many others have been. Now be clear his red flags were simple; I do not believe his intentions were anything really dubious. He was merely exercising his options and he could do that safely without vesting much of anything into our contact.

See you don’t get to be given priority and treated special, yet I continue of occupy the “cheap seats”. What had to happen was for me to recognize that this was exactly what was happening. Remember I am steadily being blinded by those blasted checked-off boxes! I never took myself off the market, if-you-will. Now that the smoke has cleared, I dusted off my brain and there it was, I saw it clearly. I did not want to admit to it but, I had to pull back or be sucked-in and filled full of regret. This way we can part ways civil, he will either not notice or try to feign NOT understanding. in either case I know that we are here, at this place because he does not care…or let’s say he does not care enough.