hafacenturyncounting

Motivated by a lack of material.

Archive for the tag “wisdom”

10 Mar 2014
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My Life Through Malls

As I sat watching my husband and granddaughter ride the merry-go-round I was transported back  through time and space to Torrance, California;  her father was about 3 years old riding this imported merry-go-round with his “Auntie Jennifer” (I even have a picture) at the “Old Towne Mall”. That mall housed old fashioned shops, glass-bowers, etc. ; it never caught on, it survived for decades but it slowly disappeared into oblivion like the “Carson Mall”, “The Hawthorne Mall”, “Gwinnett Place Mall”, to name a few I had encounters with. However, even before that as a teen when the mall phenomenon was just catching on my life-long friend(i.e just like a sister, only our parents are different) Kim and I spent many Saturdays at the nearby malls. We would spend hours there with money that would barely buy lunch, no wait  a cookie and a drink now. The malls had everything from cute clothes, fun food, and attractive members of the opposite sex. Truly one stop shopping. As certain music can be attached to you , producing YOUR personal soundtrack , my mall experience served as a navigational tool.  I was able to connect my shopping habits to where I was in my  life at any given time. I thought , ” Wow this is crazy”! Yet it started me thinking about how true this was. I now see myself going out of my way to avoid trips to the mall. I buy online to avoid the crowds or go to local shopping areas, places that you have to walk from store to store by exiting the building and going outside. As everything in life, this trend of malls has made a full circle. Once the appeal of year-round-regardless-of-weather-conditions environment brought people out in droves. They had everything. There was a point that you could do it all at the mall. The Mall of America even had an amusement park inside. multiplex movie theaters were signs of a money making mall, the mall near my home “Peninsula Center” even had an ice skating rink. A little out of the ordinary for Southern Cal. It was a point that you not only dreaded going into malls because of crowds, but the area nearby because of traffic. Now the small local specialty shops are on the rise, “anchor stores” like Macy’s are losing ground to vintage clothing and second hand stores. The economy made us uncomfortable and unhappy, but it also made us think and become thrifty. We came up with new ideas to keep ourselves fashionable without spending a fortune. Of course the mall experience has not died, in many cases it is not even sick. I know my disdain began when I watched a report in the mid 1990’s and the “mall psychologist” was  noted as a necessary part of mall planning. My first though was what-the-__ is a” mall psychologist”. As the report went on it explained things like appealing to people and promoting impulse buying, the use of tactic like end cap displays, but what ticked me off was when one of these professionals talked about how some malls had the up escalator on one end of the mall and the down escalator on the other end. If you wanted to just come into one particular store aside from those “anchor stores”, you would have to either climb stairs, wait on an elevator (also in an “anchor store” for the most part}, or walk a good distance past many stores clamoring for your attention and your money.

I thought of malls I knew of that were designed just like that, malls I frequented and  how hard it was to just walk, not browse when you were in the mall walking past stores. Then the “mall psychologist” did not seem quite so ridiculous, I realized how predictable I was, how these individuals had sized me up. I hated that they were right. I set out to be a part of the resistance. Yeah well, finances were the biggest factor in my resistance. However, as time went by I did realize how little I needed the mall experience.

On this particular day as I sat recalling a time gone by, having a DeJeVu moment with my granddaughter I was once again able to appreciate the experience of indoor shopping. However, I did take note this mall is all on one level.

Posted in As Consumers and tagged ,
28 Feb 2014
1 Comment

XV-hafawaymovingforward

February 2014 is GONE! It looks like this year is moving faster than ever. i remember as a child constantly hearing adults upon meeting with one another saying things like,” Time sure is flyin”. Well now I see it for myself and it has a great deal to do with focus.

What are you working on in your life presently? I have several major projects going on in my mind and I am overwhelmed, just think what will happen when I actually start working on these same projects. “Where do I begin”, I ask myself each day. I skim over these items, touch upon them lightly, or perhaps not at all. I tell myself things like, ” I just need more time, or only if I had more time”. Neither of these semi-solutions are helping my projects move and they are solutions that are not currently feasible. Therefore, my works are in a state of limbo.

Not being able to focus and concentrate keeps one of balance. Soon other things that were not major players in your moving forward on these projects begin to interfere as well. I recently found that returning to  something that is very familiar to you helps. It is comforting to put yourself in a state that you “know your way around in”. This comfort may be a place, or with a person, perhaps you need a reconnect with God.

Whatever works for you, know you have to do something to pull yourself from this confusion. Think of that resting state, how it will rejuvenate you, how you will be strengthened and renewed. Realize this is the first place you must go before you can endeavor anything else. Once you get there, hopefully you will see the rest will fall in line.

Posted in Hafwaythroughpoints and tagged
27 Feb 2014
2 Comments

Frienemies Will Come, Frienemies Will Go..

Oh yeah we all have them. Whether you admit or recognize them they do exist, and they exist in your life.  You just may not know them by the name. You eat lunch with them, you attend their parties, you live next door to them. Just when you think they are on your side, you find yourself face down on a sidewalk for no apparent reason, and guess who is the closest one to you.

A memorable one in my life  happened in when we moved to our home on the Palos Verdes Peninsula, my “Shang-ra-la”, over 24 years ago and frankly I can’t even remember the bitch’s name. Forgive my candor. She was rather insignificant in my life other than we lived next door to one another. Her family consisted of two girls and a husband, mine two boys and a husband. Our children went to school together; elementary and middle, they were far friendlier with one another than we parents were. Yet we were cordial, we exchanged niceties, there were brief simple conversations, and did not interfere with our kid’s friendship.

One  hot day I was picking my son up and my car died; I wasn’t so worried about the car, I wanted to get the kids home, and my husband was at work. I saw my next door neighbor and thought, “Oh great I can catch a ride with her, my husband won’t have to leave work and when he gets home later he can deal with this”. No, I did not have triple A at the time. If you are a parent you know the scene at school when picking up kids a stream of cars waiting their turn to pick up the children and whisk them away to the next destination, be it home or some after school activity. So I rapidly walked over to her minivan window and said ,”Hi___ (at the time I knew her name;by the time this was over she had a new one that I do still know) my car just died on me and I was hoping I could hitch a ride with you..” She looked at me with an acknowledging but blank look, then said in a cheesy manner while lifting up her cell , ” You can use my phone.” I put my hand up to say STOP squinted my eyes, and walked away shaking my head. I was livid. I  had a cell phone, the wait was the issue. I tried to justify why in the seconds that preceded my anger. The oversimplified and most obvious was never far from my first thought. The Peninsula was not the most diverse area of Southern California. We waited for my husband to come and we survived.

About three days later, after the mail truck passed I was out at my mailbox and “she” came out while I was standing there.  She gave me this uncertain smile and waved. I glared at her with contempt, our eyes met, I shook my head in disgust, smirked, and walked away. I never waved or spoke to her again. We lived next door to her family about a year after that incident and then we moved to Georgia. Needless to say without any type of exchange.

It is amazing how a simple not well thought-out act can change the course of relationships forever. Looking out for packages when no one was home, watching for strangers, being mindful of children, even paying attention while out and about became stricken from my mind. In reality I did pay even closer attention to those things, hoping for an opportunity to make the decision to be as much of a JERK to her as she was to me.  After all now and understandably so, I would help an absolute stranger before I would lift a finger to assist HER in any way, fashion, or form.

I had to stop myself at some point though and realize/admit that we were never anything to begin with. That is what frienemies are about, they get or are close to you, the feign good feelings/ good will and when you least expect it.. watch-out-for-that-cement-truck-comin-at-you-too-late! Frenemies are neighbors , co-workers, relatives and sometimes they are close enough to be mistaken as friends. They want something from you. It may be as simple as, “I need to know you won’t let someone you know break into my house and rob me blind” or “How good are you at this job and how much competition will  you pose to me in my quest for this promotion” to “I need to know you won’t let my mate sleep with you“. Get this folks “they” (shoe on the other foot) will let someone break in your house, sabotage your promotion, contest the will, AND sleep with your spouse!

Therefore watch out for them. If you run into someone who has virtually nothing in common with you but you just seem to click, or IF you run into someone who you have an amazing amount of things in common with; take a good look at what you PERCEIVE as the connection. For while strange new relationships seem novel at the time, sometimes with a closer look, you may save yourself an unwanted surprise awakening.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged ,
23 Feb 2014
1 Comment

Now I Am “Miss Eileen, Older Lady Esq.”

Well it happened; I returned to the work world, and it was a happy return. Being an entrepreneur has had its ups-and-downs. I have not given up totally, but simply need some things right this instant.

I took a job that has me on the P.M. shift, and during certain seasons here in Georgia, it gets cold at night(later I would realize this was a poor excuse). I have never been a pants type of girl, but the job has prompted me to become one. So there it is, use of the term “girl” referencing myself. Well what’s wrong with that I think;  I am still vibrant and healthy, when I bother to take time I still can hold my own, or so I think/thought. I chuckle as I write this, because more and more I see the vanity rising from the ashes of my youth.

One day a younger woman was walking along side of me in the hall as we left class together, we have been in training for several weeks now. She is a tall shapely lady, pretty face, well coiffed hair. She says to me, ” I hope you aren’t uncomfortable because I know you see me staring at you.” I replied to the contrary. She said, “It is just that you remind me of my MOTHER so much.” I smiled and said,”Oh really.” She was excited and happy I suppose, because I hadn’t noticed her stares.  I did not know what else to say so I replied,” That is funny, but you know it is said we all have a twin..” I kept smiling. I cannot say I was flattered or bothered; that is until I relayed the story, over and over and over again.

The image of Goldie Hawn in “The First Wives Club” resonated in my mind. The scene where Goldie’s character is told, by a younger prettier actress, how happy and excited she was to have Goldie Hawn cast as HER mother. Goldie was white and frozen faced. I hoped I did not have that look on my face, but was not at all sure. Disney villainesses like Cruella De Vil, Snow White’s  and Cinderella’s  respective Evil Stepmothers, Maleficent  and my personal favorite Ursula(love that name)flashed before me. Each of them older, beyond child-baring years; gray, white streaked, or covered hair, dark, sinister, evil and angry that “young and pretty” existed and they were no longer a part of that world. Unable to embrace what time had given to them, because they were so concentrated on what it had taken away from them instead.

Yet, none of the positives of aging occurred to me  or obviously that the process was beginning to take shape in my life. Then a couple of weeks later when, I stood outside of my co-worker friend’s cubicle while our “coach” was having a discussion in which he used a few curse words. Now I must tell you during my life I have heard a curse word or two, I have actually used a curse word or two, but what happened subsequent to this is what is interesting. Our coach who is younger than me said, ” Oh I am sorry I have to reminded myself to watch what I say around OLDER people…” Whatever he said beyond that I basically turned off. My opinion of this man changed(I am being honest my ego took a HIT and I was pissed with him). He is not an especially young man nor is he my age, but from his appearance I know we are closer to class mates than being on opposing sides of the “generation gap”.

Alright, my hair is  salt and pepper( I get many compliments on it), I dress conservatively (in reality uncharacteristic of ME would be a better description) my patience is not at it’s peak, and I do not learn or retain at the level or speed I used to. I have changed and I came to grips with perhaps my “sexy” has abandoned me, along with several other attributes of my younger years. I wasn’t really paying attention to it, but now suddenly it was gone. Taken for granted and ignored, I woke up and it was gone. Wow, that was a bit distressing. It is amazing how our perceptions  interfere with true sight. Now the only person I remind folks of is someone that has experienced a bit of life. There is nothing wrong with being a mother. I have two sons and a granddaughter, why should I trip? Well because it took a series of events to remind me that I was not quite ready to inhabit the “rest home”.  Although my behavior suggested otherwise;  I work -out 5 days a week, I take the stairs  from the forth floor several times a day in an 8 hour period by choice without ramifications, and stiletto heels are still a part of my wardrobe.

While I was in the midst of doing so many other things in my life, transitioning into other stuff, I lost sight of ME and who I truly am inside. I didn’t even know these changes were only scratching the surface of what was really going on. Upon realizing this, with the help of my friend(MJ), I had to come to grips that losing me was affecting every other aspect of my life; from performing at my new job to my interaction with my granddaughter. I  said to myself, “I AM Miss Eileen and this is who Miss Eileen is.  Miss Eileen is gonna do Miss Eileen the way she always has, as long as she has the strength, vitality, and desire to do just that. Furthermore, I am gonna feel just fine in doing as such.” The proclamation helped me “rise from the ashes” and move forward.

Therefore when you get stuck or overwhelmed, rest assured the answer is waiting in the wings, sometimes you just have to take out your glasses and look for it.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , ,
17 Jan 2014
1 Comment

He’s Just A Man

So I am looking at pictures of my favorite President in candid shots with babies and children. I am thinking “Wow what a seemingly great guy” . Living has taught me the lessons of cynicism. While I may not want people who despise my President to know exactly how I feel, I do want followers, friends, and loved ones to know. I take that risk.

Early in 2007 I didn’t know who he was; later that year I stayed up 24 hours watching election polls and returns  to see if he would make history, and another 24 afraid to go to sleep fearing I’d wake from a dream. I cannot list each and every accomplishment,victory, or failure. I cannot tell you which personal attack on him, his character, his family has angered me the most. There have been many though.
President Barack Obama is like a sibling you don’t get along with. Over the years there will be disagreements, arguments, times of estrangement ; you will battle with having ill-feelings towards this sibling. On the worst of times  you will tell yourself you don’t care, that this individual has put themself in a category not worthy of the perks of being family. Then there will be times you will concede, the bloodline matters. I still say through it all the admiration for this President exists in my mind and at high levels.
I have to remind myself (even though in a conscious state I’d say,”I know”) he is just a man.  I do not believe either of his opponents in the previous elections could have done a better job. I KNOW they would NOT have had their ability, skills, and knowledge challenged immediately because of visuals( interpret that any way you chose). I think the job of President is a difficult and thankless job, that only a “fool” would WANT. I haven’t agreed with all things he has done. I haven’t understood many decisions he has made, stances he has taken. However, I KNOW I am NOT equipped to do that job and as a self appointed judge and critic (as most of us who have NOT held that job are) one must acknowledge and admit to being ill-prepared and all one can offer is opinion, no matter how we try to  dress or disguise it. We  simply do what most humans do.

As I place many of my”cards-on-the-table” here I have to admit in spite of knowing President Obama could not  right all that is wrong in this country, secretly, like a child wishes for a fantasy character to be real, I wished he would have been able to fix these United States of America. I told myself this many times, but I wished for the “fixing”many, many more times.

He is poised , intelligent, educated, charming and seemingly kind
I’d be lying of I told you how I am over him. I love this guy; aside from him digressing to making a KANYE WEST type statement, he will remain in a spot I admire and respect.  For the record I support him. Moreover lets just break it down to sheer logic; if children and babies love him, what can we say?

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged ,
18 Dec 2013
1 Comment

A Christmas Memoire and More

As I look back over these hafacenturynmore years ,there are recollections of Christmases gone by. There are nothing but good feelings and happiness attached to each of them. If I had to rank them, I’d be lost. Perhaps it is because I truly love this time of year. I think of how the center of my happiness has changed.

As a child there was always the anticipation of getting that one special, important thing and seeing all my relatives. I came from two large families, 7 aunts and uncles from both sides, the holiday meal was as exciting as opening packages.  Moving on after I had children of my own, there was the effort to make their dreams come true. Sneaking items in the house, serving as “watchdog” as my husband put bikes and other assorted toys together. Our families were considerably smaller and more intimate, but no less enjoyable.

One year I woke up and realized all I wanted was the happiness, and it was not in a box or gift bag placed carefully under the tree. I anxiously waited for the time of year when people, people you knew and ones you did not chose to be pleasant to one another. Enduring the search for parking spaces at malls, fighting through the crowds in stores was made bearable by the back ground of Christmas Carols and beauty of the decorations all around. Then before you knew what was happening the contagion spread; you found yourself smiling, greeting everyone you made eye contact with and you were actually making an effort to make eye contact. For a few short days every year, people let the selfishness go. Every year I wished for that felling to carry on throughout the year, for it felt like a warm blanket wrapped around you.

Now as I await the arrival of the day that has been a source of happiness on countless levels; knowing I will see the sparkling light in the eyes of my granddaughter, I hope and pray that she will one day be able to enjoy and exist in a world that embraces the kindness, hope, and joy that the Christmas holiday brings  each and every day. A little effort on all of our parts can make that a reality and I beseech that effort from you.

Let me start; with a smile and eye contact, I wish you all a wonderful day, a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , ,
16 Dec 2013
1 Comment

Feeling Blessed To Be A Blessing

Do you ever feel like you are being pulled in too many directions? Have you dreaded answering the phone because you anticipated it would be the news of yet one more catastrophe or a request for help. I want to talk to you about two scenarios one is of a selfish miser-type, he is so miserable and alone he cannot even think straight, his advice is,” You cannot help everyone”.  He has money, but when you think about it he has little else. The other is a relatively broke working class woman. She gets by not making ends meet, but they sorta brush against each other periodically. Her thoughts range from, ” If I have it you don’t have to ask, or whatever I can do no matter how great or small, I am there”.  I think in both instances these individuals do not realize where their salvation rests.

I believe God speaks  directly to us through feelings rather than words. Many years ago He cleared my head and gave me a message of reassurance as I drove down the street with my sunroof open. I looked at a beautiful California sky, sun peeping through the trees, and my heart felt what words did not have to express. I knew what I needed to do, I felt this love which was cosmic; like the way you feel when you are in love and  it takes your breath away,that was the Lord saying ,”Yes this is what I want you to do and I am with you.

I do not generally write during the Christmas holiday, because I am so wrapped up in the season and beauty, I NEED to enjoy and feel every moment for it carries me through the year. I am this emotional creature possessed by a control freak. I was not having a particularly good day, the list of not necessarily good things was growing larger with each passing hour, I was trying to keep it together and my relative calm was being challenged. Then as the last bit of my composure was about to abandon me, this feeling came to me as I was driving once again; it threw me completely off balance as it held me up high. It was strength, comfort, warmth, and love all at once. I inhaled to take that feeling and I knew God was telling me I can do” this/these”task(s) whatever may be, for He was with me, and through Him all is possible.

Sometimes as we go through the motions and emotions of the day we over look what we accomplish, it seems  so small and simple. However, you must stop and realize even the smallest of things that happen are our opportunities to glimpse into the window of miracles and blessings. The gas money you gave someone got them to a job interview, which will change their life. The 3 hour marathon listening session, saved a marriage. Silently, sitting and holding someones hand. There is power and healing in our very touch, we just do not always recognize or realize it, but God gave us this gift. He means for us to touch and interact and affect one another. Yet like anything that you put aside or ignore, it will fade. Sometimes you need to go to that little corner,  pick your gift up, dust it off and use it. You will be amazed at how well it still works, and rediscover the Creator of that gift still is there to help you use it.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged ,
21 Nov 2013
1 Comment

Choosing HAPPY

I am blessed to be connected to some very wise, sweet, and logical ladies. happyballOur connections allow us to provide one another with things we may be missing in ourselves at various times. Moments ago I was mulling over some of my “me” issues and “choosing happy” came to mind.

I can be a bit a passive masochist, if you will, and I didn’t realize it until “choosing happy” crossed my mind. I wonder if that is the control freak in me, residual affect speaking?

It is Sunday morning and church is on my mind. Paul talks of being contented no matter what your circumstances. I will say this is a challenging thing  to do, but if one can manage it… wow imagine the advantage one would possess. Paul sat in prison and kept his heart and mind on the Lord. Paul walked out of that prison, can you walk out of yours. Do you even realize you are in one? Are you blaming someone else for the time you are serving in there? Do you want to be free?

Well in order for you to do this the first thing you must do is decide this a place I do not want t be in. How many of us talk and complain of something being so terrible, and how we cannot endure. Yet that is precisely what we do. There is no effort made to change, just countless reference to how much one is dissatisfied.

On one occasion or another all of us have lost our keys; car keys, house keys, etc. the  most common thing to do once the initial search comes up empty is to retrace the steps and when that yields no results we often try the process again.  Irritation sets in, followed by confusion as you wander over the same steps again and again.

If anyone is around and ask what is wrong, aren’t you reluctant to tell them? You know what type of help they will offer don’t you? They will get in your way, they will look a/in the same places you just did, and then they will do it, they will ask the question that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up and all you have in you will be challenged  to keep from pouncing on them and beating them to a pulp. ” Where were you when you last had them?” ” NOOOOOO! Did you really just ask me that? See that is exactly why I didn’t want to say anything.”  Word to the wise; the next time a someone is in one of those aimless search modes, I suggest you back silently out of the room. They call for your help, and trust me that will only happen when they are in desperation mode.

EUREKA! when you do find them, generally in plain sight, you wonder how you could have passed over them so many times without seeing them. I submit to you; this is what happens in your quest for happy you have to realize that you have what you need to possess this thing you are in search of, and perhaps in your search you discover (or have someone else point out) you have had it in your possession all along.  Just stop take a rest, take a listen to the calm quiet voice, and magically you will find your keys.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged
12 Nov 2013

Uh… Discussion About Race

Well here we go.. AGAIN. I stood uneasy and in disbelief! Just when I think he cannot be more insensitive and  tactless he proves me wrong. I was livid and sweating bullets at the same time. I mean this guy is a friend and a valued customer. How can I recoup this obvious flub. My mind raced. The more time that passed, the farther from an answer my mind wandered. At last on a seemingly good note we all parted.

On the way home making general conversation ,I could NOT wait for an opportunity to tell my spouse how terrible I thought he was. I had the adjectives and nouns lined up. I was prepared to be as condescending as possible, for he needed to know, just because you feel and think one way it doesn’t give you the right to just go off on these tangents with people you claim to like…

I began with a simple question to bait the trap. “Did you realize that you were talking to someone white when you said that”, I asked. He replied, “yes..” Well with both barrel blazing I prepared to attack, but he through me for a loop and I had to re-group and re-consider. He continued, ” Why do you think it is that we in this country time and time again, talk about having an open forum about race yet it never seems to take place?” Whoa, whoa wait a minute.. he was actually making sense and in a fashion I was ill prepared and possibly ill-equipped to answer…

I am driving home, after a weekend of football controversy about bullying and misuse of words and charges of racism, and here I am being confronted with my own possible missed opportunities to address subject matter that arises again and again. I thought he was being mean when in fact he was doing what we on one occasion or another like to say we believe we need, to have a discussion about race.

Well it’s not the time or place.. question when is it? Things can get heavy and deep when you examine them “head on”. I was so concerned about what my/our Caucasian friend would think about the brash comments my spouse made. I didn’t bother to give either of them credit of being the types of people that, one hopes, open forums create and foster. It did not occur to me that perhaps they were already in the place I say I dream will come to be one day, before I move beyond this Earth. I did not consider that maybe THEY had truly evolved. I was too busy being uncomfortable and judgmental of them both.

When is the right or proper time to have this discussion? Dare we be so exact? In a classroom sounds good, a place where ideas are meant to be exchanged. At work, certainly not unless some problem has arisen. In church, that again is a safe place because no one would  be confrontational in the house of the Lord. What about at home and not your home? That is something to ponder. You see all the examples I gave were easily identified as basically safe or non-safe.  However, out of these antiseptic, tagged areas one doesn’t know what might occur and that makes one reluctant to broach such  a subject in that type of environment. Not in your house out of your comfort zone,  anything can happen. Would YOU take that chance?

The biggest problem I see with a discussion of race, is the subject matter is uncomfortable and volatile.  You want to be expressive and honest, but at what risk. Can you be truly open with people you care about, work with, attend classes and church with..? The truth is most of us walk around and ignore race until it affects us directly and depending who you are, the frequency of those direct affects varies.

When racial tension hits the headlines, there are naturally more rumblings about the problems, solutions, and yes the existence of racial issues. Case in point Richie Incognito, Jonathan Martin, the Miami Dolphins, and the NFL. There are rumblings of bullying, hazing, and most prevalent racism. I, being a football fan, have an image in my mind of a football player. I cringe when I see rules changing in the game, even knowing it is to protect the players. It is a rough and tumble game, and you have to be resilient and tough. Yet we are talking hits here, when one goes on the field he has his body armor, but what about the psychological armor. The helmet protects your head, but what do you have inside of yourself to protect your “head”? What about sportsmanship, team camaraderie, and here’s a little blast from the past word for you  R-E-S-P-E-C-T! (I will cover this particular incident  more detailed on a different post, for now it merely serves as an example.)

The truth is we do not know how to communicate with one another in most instances, so what would happen if we start a discussion about something that makes most of us uneasy. There would likely be arguments, harsh and hurtful words, perhaps a fight would ensue, but maybe something positive could result from this dialog. Never know unless you try, and remember it doesn’t necessarily need to be a planned event. However, you MUST make every effort to “keep-it-clean”.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , , | Leave a comment
11 Nov 2013

Someone You Used To Know

An old friend of mine got married the other day and it got me to thinking. Now let me elaborate some, the old friend was an ex-love and the other day was well about 35 + years ago. I have to say the marriage was a hurtful thing, because I wanted to be the one to marry him. I was fully engulfed in a major case of “puppy love” with the side effect of believing even a Pyrrhic Victory would be fulfilling. Years later I would discover I wasn’t right in my thinking, and as genuine as I thought my love was it passed. The marriage ended rather quickly. I married another and life went on. I still see and communicate with my “friend” and admittedly I smile about the way I felt about him and the closeness that meant so much to ME. I also get a bit of satisfaction out of knowing the universe manages to get things right. He and I were not suited for one another, and forcing that issue could have been a disaster. Instead we now can sit and talk and laugh, because we are friends with no undertone and no expectations.

Who is out there like this for you? The “ex” you thought you’d end up with, the “ex” you are relieved you didn’t end up with or the “ex” you kinda forgot about. Some how you run into a reminder, a photo or even them in the flesh.  If they cross your mind you wonder how you’ll feel, if they cross your path you wonder how/why you will react. If there is a rise, they clearly have NOT gotten to the place of which is the subject of this piece.

Perhaps your current situation is relate-able. Think about options in life in general; if given the choice of being demoted or being terminated, what would you do. First you have to take ego out of the equation, but in reality the equation is non-existent without ego.  I mean having a job but being embarrassed and disgraced by loosing your title, versus being embarrassed , disgraced, and broke. This is seemingly a “no-brainer”. Yet, I do understand and in my youth I may have chosen to appear tough and say, “Fire me, huh I quit!!!” Youth has the uncanny ability to make us overlook less important things, like common sense and acquisition of knowledge.

Then I fast forward to the real inspiration for this short piece. I looked at pictures of someone who we thought could have fit easily into our family, but it was not meant to be. I see a radiant smile on her face, loving family surrounding her, the dress, and I am truly happy for her.  She deserves “happy”. Remember the universe gets things right. Sometimes no matter how much WE think we know what should and should not be, human beings are “tried and true” mistake makers. As with my experience, life moves on and now there is another who may be the one to replace “the one who might have been”. Time will tell. She is vibrant, charming, smart, talented, and fun, her presence lets me see something in my child I haven’t been privy to before. If this is what the universe has in store, if she is the one… WONDERFUL! My only hope for my children always has been and will be is that they find “happy”, with the one who is equally “happy” with them. If not, there is always room for another in that spot simple labeled “someone I used to know”. .

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