hafacenturyncounting

Motivated by a lack of material.

19 Aug 2014
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A Matter Of Trust

Have you ever been betrayed? Of course you have. You recall how badly you felt. There was a lot of emotion involved no doubt, there was anger, there was hurt and pain. Time was the only thing that would help to neutralize or erase the damage done. Then once the time had passed, what was necessary to get that individual back in good graces with you. Hold that thought and carry it with you throughout this piece.

Being a 54 year old American black woman, I am once again having to reach back and  regain my composure. I have a husband, I raised 2 sons, I have brothers, I have nephews, and then there are my friends; I must try to exist with a real monster hanging over my head, and over the heads of people I know, love , and care about. Understand the use of the word monster here, and if you don’t get it, look it up.  Fear… monsters are effective because they control us with  our very own fear.  They need not do a thing, but make their presence known and our very own psyche will do the rest.

There are some of us  who want more, so we choose to go to where the monsters can be made more tangible. Theme parks, haunted houses, and movies help provide us with a hands-on scare. However, you have to say one is still able to get a portion or even their fill and walk away. That is not the case with the monster I spoke of earlier though. This monster is ever present lurking in the dark corridors, the recesses of your mind, and maybe to some of your surprise he comes at you in broad daylight too. You don’t know exactly how to fight him because the mention of his name suggests, you are imagining things, monsters aren’t real. The “naysayers” would have you believe just that, I ask you how do you explain the dastardly deeds then? How do you defend and protect yourself from something like that. The moment you give in and say,” well maybe I am over-reacting, maybe it isn’t the way I think it is, you get hit once again. Later you ask yourself how am I ever supposed to be able to trust again.

The human spirit is resilient, but it can only be trampled over, ripped and torn, beaten up and knocked down so many times, before one invariably will lash out. The monster never thinks about that, the monster is always in the pursuit mode. Yet think of the many monster films you have watched over the years, in the end the monster usually get destroyed.

You have to realize we are talking about real monsters here, not the ones in the movies.  The monster that has treated us badly, the monster that has abused us, the monster that has lied to us and we have gotten hurt because of the monster. Then the monster says, “I have changed. I am not like I used to be, I will show you.” After all the monster has done to us, how do we forgive him, how do we begin to trust that which has been so terrible to us, when all we have is a history of being mistreated. All we want from the monster is to be left alone and at volatile times we  do want to see the monster destroyed in order for us to go back to our lives and just live. Even though we’d love to have the same outcome as in the movies, this is real life. We still have the tendency to expect the same result in real life as we get in the movies, it does not always hold true.

 

Posted in How We Relate and tagged ,
07 Aug 2014
1 Comment

Yes It Can And Does Happen In Your Neighborhood

Listening to the crickets chirp, watching the lightening bugs float around the night, a slight hint of gardenia in the air, and sporadic sounds of life. We have several family of deer living among us; rabbits and chipmunks try to stay out of the way of the cats, various dogs walk their owners during daylight and night time. Tonight an eerie shadow is cast upon us, the inhabitants of this safe enclave  just a little north of Atlanta. I look down to the end of my block and the un-naturally  lit, lifeless house serves as a reminder of the events of the day.

How many times have you watched the news and heard someone who is interviewed say,’This kind of thing doesn’t happen here. This is such a nice neighborhood”. I cringe each time. I say, ” What are you thinking idiot, your community is immune to bad occurrences?”Today I would have been that idiot. While I may have not verbalized my feelings, it certainly was my thought pattern and behavior as well.

I  heard the beeping sound of a truck backing up at 6:30 A.M.; it is trash day, but still early. The blue and red lights flashing  from various police as well as fire department services illuminate the block. Yellow tape surround the house in question, that is NOT a good sign. About a dozen officers enter the location and about five minutes later they emerge, but there is an odd scene as a woman being rolled out in a sitting position follows. I see a few familiar faces down the block but cannot get to them because the police have created a barricade on my block.

Later we would find out there was a murder and a home invasion. Later we would find out the two children who lived there survived but they we not unharmed one physically but both impacted psychologically. Later we would find out the perpetrators were still at large. Later we would find out it was the first and only murder that had happened this year in our fair city. However for now we are in a state of shock, denial, and disbelief.

You might ask, why are we all so disheveled;  I have many times when I was simply an observer of others in similar neighborhoods. What makes us think that simply because we live among those we deem to be upstanding citizens, people who keep their lawns tidy and their houses painted, that their lives are as spotless as these home’s exteriors. We bought into an illusion and in that illusion good people you live next door to don’t argue, don’t have abuse going on, don’t hoard animals and debris. The people we live down the block from mind their own business, but they look out for their neighbors. We can leave our doors unlocked, parcels can sit on the porch or in the driveway without  the worry of someone who does not belong here entering our places or taking our things. We wave at passersby so they will know we are good folk, but we are watching you.

We have all allowed ourselves to forget the common denominator, we are all just people not immune to the flaws and frailties that make us all human. This kind of thing doesn’t happen in our kind of community, but somehow it just did.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged ,
28 Jul 2014

It Is Better To Remain Silent

Sometimes words are just too much. I may not be the”brightest light on the Christmas tree”, but I am certainly not a full blown “power outage” either. People think they know you and oftentimes will express this verbally, but situations will expose the real truth. As time goes on you realize it is not always necessary to  give everything you have away, not all of your opinions, not all of your feelings, and not everything you know/or think you know.  I have honed this skill carefully and use it regularly. Although, this is true there are still people in your life who will challenge this ability of yours to keep things to yourself.

This is because people ALL need to have a “voice”, we all want to be heard. Some require and auditorium filled to capacity  in order to “mic it out”, that is not to say what these folks want to convey is any more significant than those who choose a quiet one-on-one intimate talk. The talkers aren’t always the best listeners, and being realistic listening is an acquired skill. We grow tired of being in the perceived inactive state, because we are impatient.

My latest experience that prompted this piece came as the result of someone I know, and THEIR “guilt trip”. Additionally, it is the beginning of one of my father’s favorite sayings and it’s meaning eluded me until I was older due to a very short attention span with “adult old sayings”. Little did I know one day I’d be quoting those very same words.

I bet there was an occasion or two in your childhood that you broke something. Maybe you were playing in  the house, maybe you touched something you were told not to. Once it was broken then you tried to hide the fact YOU were totally and completely responsible for this mishap. Maybe you hid the object hoping it would not be missed, maybe you reported you “discovered” it broken to draw the attention away from self (not an option for the only children out there), maybe you outright lied, or maybe you blamed it on someone else. While none of these is the honorable thing to do, we are humans and what we imagine is generally far worse than what actually will take place. This is expected behavior in a child and though it is undesirable one can understand.

Yet the same behavior in an adult is not understood nor tolerated, sorry you don’t get a pass because once you enter adulthood the “token/chip” you carry  with you at all at all times is responsibility. Now you can deny it if you want to but it changes nothing. YOU ARE LYING TO YOURSELF! I have come to know this individual for blaming mistakes, bad behavior, etc. on someone other than self it still does not take away from how annoying the characteristic is. The long term result is you do not believe anything, absent of documented proof, this person says. The more he talks the further away from what actually occurred, you become We are at the point that an omission would be welcome.

As I recognize I am NOT the only person who knows a being like this, I offer the advice of the old saying that is timeless(as most of them are).

“It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open one’s mouth and remove ALL doubt.”

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18 Jul 2014
4 Comments

Call Me, Ms. Fix-It

Okay folks, I admit it when it comes o repairs I leave it to my spouse or a professional. However lately I have marveled and been annoyed with paying high costs to have simple repairs done. My better half says ,”I’ll fix it” but the schedule of  when is very hard to narrow down ( I am being extremely polite and understanding here). There is nothing worse than needing something repaired and having a very capable individual at your disposal , yet the thing you need fixed remains in disrepair.

About a year or so ago one of my dear friends sent a picture of one of her kitchen appliances that SHE was going to install some type of switch in. Now mind you my friend is an engineer, but she does NOT fix household appliances for a living, nor is it a hobby. I was in awe. If you saw her with her well manicured hands and bikini worthy body you’d say, no way. I don’t need to tell you that she was successful in her venture. I have to give acknowledgement to my pals though they are talented, creative, and physical. My group of grandmother friends do not let that title hold them back. They are painting rooms balancing baby on their hip and that hip is free of osteoporosis.

My challenge was not a new one. For about 11 months my in door ice dispenser has only been giving crushed ice. I did not really see that as a big problem and  beyond the first month of discussion we let it linger on. Well the warranty is getting ready to be up and the thought crossed my mind what if this leads to something else. You all know they do not build appliances like they used to.  Why repair it when you can replace it, and that is fine if you have resources overflowing. I do not, my money tree has yet to yield the first dollar bill. Therefore, I have to be more practical. I have had considerable luck going to the internet finding answers to tech problems. I found directions on repairing my dryer belt that I passed on to the man of the house, I solved an iphone dilemma, and there were couple more DYI projects made simpler.

I was up early Sunday morning and I said, ironically, “What the HELL”(couldn’t resist that one).  I went to the internet and “googled” my problem. I did not get a feasible answer first time out, but I refined the search a bit and taadaa…”my workable answer”. I went upstairs to the fridge and followed the steps sure enough once I finished solid cubed ice came crashing out into my cup. I felt like Rosie The Riveter, no more crushed ice for me, unless I select crushed.  I don’t have to call for a service man to come tie up my day, I didn’t have to beckon to my spouse, I did it and so can you.

Posted in As Consumers, One For My Friends and tagged
18 Jun 2014
6 Comments

“Dear Kay”

I woke up thinking about my dear friend Kay this morning. A lady I met in my most recent years, yet she made such a profound impact on my life that she felt like family. Now I do not take family “lightly”. The bloodline we share with people we are connected to is undeniable. They invoke joy and rage in us that is beyond compare. You are taught that there is nothing like family, but have you ever met someone who just “clicked”? No matter what your faith or beliefs you KNEW this person belonged in your life. Well that was my friend Kay. Although, I imagine there are numerous people who probably share this feeling, it is okay for there is a part of my friend that belongs only to me.  Today is Kay’s birthday so I want to say a few things to her and I know she can hear me because I can still feel her.

Dear Kay,

I thought about you yesterday. I had my birthday reminders set and you of course are on that list. I miss you so much. I do not drive over to Lilburn without you and Bob crossing my mind, but you know I shy away from Wydella. I hear your voice and recall how you loved your chocolate, chocolate you were kind enough to share with me.  Sometimes I cry because you aren’t here for me to drop by and have just a quiet little chat with or watch “Ellen” dance across the stage.Then I have to replace those tears with a smile when I remember telling my mother of you and your spirit and resilience, in hopes she  would be inspired and motivated to fight the illnesses you did NOT let stop you. My mom would say, “That lady is something else”. I would say,”Mom you have no idea..”

I still stay in touch with the “kids”. Betsey is still beautiful, like her mother ( Veronica Lake had NOTHING on you my friend). Robbie is sweet and thoughtful, chasing those roaring rapids. Of course  the sources of your true pride and joy, the grandsons, are growing and moving forward in life. They have these positive energies around them and that emanates from you, Kay. Give Bob and hug for me, cause I know he is right there beside you. I simply love you.

Your friend forever,

Eileen

Posted in One For My Friends and tagged
15 Jun 2014

Daddy’s Baaaby…..

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY; TO ALL THE INDIVIDUALS WHO MAKE THIS DAY WORTHY OF NOT ONLY BEING RECOGNIZED, BUT MAKING IT WORTHY OF CELEBRATION. GOD BLESS YOU !

hafacenturyncounting's avatarhafacenturyncounting

As I was driving one morning I saw I tall slender man walking. In his arms gripping him tightly about his neck was a small child. It was chilly this particular morning so the child was bundled up, hat and overcoat, I could not tell if this was a boy or a girl. However, what I can tell you is that child was surrounded by all it needed in the world, the obvious love and protection of this man. My heart filled with admiration, I smiled and thought of the two of them all day long. I knew I had to say something about DADDIES. I got all of this passing these two on a busy four lane street.

Love is a funny thing. We speak of it or don’t say a word about it. We oversimplify the impact of it and we take it for granted. Love does…

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13 Jun 2014

My Life Through Malls

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As I sat watching my husband and granddaughter ride the merry-go-round I was transported back  through time and space to Torrance, California;  her father was about 3 years old riding this imported merry-go-round with his “Auntie Jennifer” (I even have a picture) at the “Old Towne Mall”. That mall housed old fashioned shops, glass-bowers, etc. ; it never caught on, it survived for decades but it slowly disappeared into oblivion like the “Carson Mall”, “The Hawthorne Mall”, “Gwinnett Place Mall”, to name a few I had encounters with. However, even before that as a teen when the mall phenomenon was just catching on my life-long friend(i.e just like a sister, only our parents are different) Kim and I spent many Saturdays at the nearby malls. We would spend hours there with money that would barely buy lunch, no wait  a cookie and a drink now…

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13 Jun 2014

What Is It About Richard?

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I woke to the sound of birds singing, bright sunshine and cold! Ah yes but Spring is here. The music that is playing in my mind is “Under The Bridges Of Paris” the instrumental from Shall We Dance.  “What is it about Richard”, I ask myself.

Come on now, we all have these imagesof what the ideal romantic mate would be like.  Richard Gere is mine. It is fantasy, and it is fun! I loved and lusted after the likes of Billy Dee Williams, Denzel Washington, Boris Kodjoie to name only a few. No one can hold a candle to Brad Pitt in the looks department and he is/has become basically a saint in my eyes now. However Richard… he will always make me believe what I want to believe, that love/amour is like the scent of  jasmine flowers floating past you on a spring day, unforgettable.

What…

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13 Jun 2014

Looking Forward

hafacenturyncounting's avatarhafacenturyncounting

It was that time again, the annual physical.THANKFULLY! Now I am not one of those folks who dreads doctors and hospitals. I have been a rather healthy individual. I have had bouts with weight, but other that that I have been blessed. I was also blessed to be back in a “situation”that allowed me to once again have health care benefits.

I start the process late January early February. I did the vision, dental, and medical within days of one another. Everything was as I suspected. I got contact lenses for the first time and I had a couple of cavities to be filled.I came through the annoying/uncomfortable female screenings with flying colors. All in all for someone who has not been under a doctor’s care since 2009, I have to say I was happy.

Now the fact that I could lose 15 to 20 pounds did not make me…

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24 May 2014
3 Comments

Ooops I’ve Said Too Much

And then you get the look. You know it is too late the taste of Doctor Scholl’s foot powder almost chokes you, but it is too late you know you should have stopped talking at least one sentence ago.

The stupid things, the word regurgitation; if only somehow you could take those things back, a rewind if you will. There is nothing magical or mysterious about saying a mean and hurtful thing; your moment of  “telling it like it is” may be subject to all kind of review from all kinds of sources, even though the intention was other than that. You put it out there and now you must deal with  ramifications.

The truth is the truth hurts, at times and is down right difficult at others. Some days you throw in the towel and say you’re going to throw caution to the wind, but then what happens when the wind changes directions and it come back in your face.  Are you really ready for that?

When one writes there is material all around for you to pick and choose from, in the non-fiction forum we battle with being too sickeningly sweet to being to morbidly real. Even falling somewhere in between can be dangerous, because you can get stuck there. This is the where the point is driven home. Moderation once again is the solution. We need balance in our lives, our very make-up dictates this. The next time you feel compelled to say something that occurs to you might be  taken in a way that you don’t necessarily mean for it to be taken.  Hold off, your haste may later require  your foot being surgically removed from your mouth.

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