hafacenturyncounting

Motivated by a lack of material.

28 Oct 2014
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The Best Way You Can

“I did my best, but I guess my best wasn’t good enough..” Have you ever felt like this? Have you ever felt this way towards someone. I will not allow myself to visit a place that will confirm I have felt the latter. I know the truth.  Besides it is much easier to live with yourself if you can say you are the tragic one.

I want to speak from the perspective of an individual who realized someone gave their best. What I had to come to grips with was that this individual gave it a “scouts-try”, in spite of me never giving credit for that try, that effort. I was too busy pointing fingers and giving examples of what “I” thought should happen. At the oddest moment things became clear to me, as though I was emerging from a fog.

We all have different talents and skill levels, sometimes we get caught up in what our opinions and perspectives are, we forget that there are other factors involved. In the midst of your self-absorbed righteousness perhaps a pause will allow you to observe something you my have discounted and/or overlooked. Then you will begin to be able to see that which you claim no one else can understand; that someone else does matter, someone else does count.

Therefore when you do your best, even if your best may not appear to be good enough, nothing can be more rewarding then knowing this in your heart, and in reality you are one-up on a whole lot of people who don’t even give a half try.

Posted in Quickbits and tagged ,
28 Oct 2014
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October-Fest

Well my Libra friend and I have discussed over the years we have known one another how terrible our shared birthday month generally is. I thought it was just me, but my Libra -sister affirmed it was not a good time for her either. We still wanted to believe it would be better and held onto the hope of such an occurrence. However maybe this year, the year of the “double nickles” for us may be changing things, at least for now and perhaps from now on.

ILoveAutumn; the temperatures start to drop, the leaves begin to change, I am reminded the holidays are on fast approach and I feel renewed. I always attributed this feeling of overall good, to the fact I made my grand entrance to the world during this time of year.  October is my month and I love everything about it from the birthstone, the opal legend says it is bad luck to wear for anyone other than a person who is actually born in October, to Halloween. There is Oktoberfest for beer lovers, I do happen to hate beer though, but whatever, anything to sing the praises to my month! Pumpkin-Patches popping up all over everywhere; I am magically transported back to a place where I can clearly recall the first time I watched “It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown and now a joy I now share with my granddaughter.

In three short days October will disappear for another 12 months, and this year I will miss my month with all the bitter-sweet events and memories. However, I will be able to say there was far more sweet than bitter this time and I am looking forward to seeing you same time next year.

Posted in Quickbits and tagged ,
08 Sep 2014
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Sometimes You Just Have To Cry

This morning I was on my facebook timeline and I looked at a post my little sister put on it a couple days ago. It was  Crystal Gayle’s song “Don’t It make My Brown Eyes Blue”. Initially I smiled because it was one of my father’s favorite songs. I then looked over it’s information and saw/realized it was a hit the year I graduated from high school. I knew back in those days country music was not on the top of my listening lists, but I remember liking it quite a bit. enough to buy it and share it with my dad. Before I knew it there it was this silent yet open mouth cry/laugh.

Sounds weird, well it was. I was laughing at how dad played that song over and over and over again, I was laughing at how I knew he loved Crystal Gayle and dubbed her  so beautiful and I knew a great deal of what he found beautiful about her was her gorgeous hair,  I laughed about the irony of her hit about brown eyes being blue when her truly beautiful eyes were clearly not brown, and the cry was about how much I miss my dad every single day.

Though not a single tear was shed, I felt cleansed and free. I knew I needed that feeling, that cry, and I wanted to express to some of my readers that it is okay if you are sometimes overcome with the need to cry. Don’t fight it; just go with it, something needs to get out and it may be a smiling memory you’ve been putting on the back-burner of your mind. My brown eyes weren’t blue at all, but I thank Miss Crystal Gayle for that happy memory.

Posted in Quickbits and tagged
08 Sep 2014
1 Comment

Facing Your Fear

The bump in the night awakens you, the light at the end of a dark corridor, the still quiet in the middle of the day; what may not seem to be very much to others is major for you if there is something that frightens you.

Fear is a peculiar thing; sometimes it is blatant, sometimes it is subtle, it can be paralyzing, or it can make you turn and run. However, it does  have one common denominator, it stops you.

We resist change because we do not know what the outcome will be. We know what present conditions are;they may be bad, they may be tolerable, they may even be good as far as we are concerned. Therefore, we can be alright with present circumstances staying the same. For even if the situation is bad we fool ourselves by saying, “Well at least I know what I am up against.” That can and will console you IF you know for certain that things will be worse. Remember you MUST KNOW things will be worse.

None of us knows what is going to happen next in our society; we all have hopes, wishes, aspirations and even preferences. If you are on the bottom you may want to be on top, if you are on top you may well prefer to stay there. Wherever you are, you concede that an effort will be necessary to change or preserve your spot. We all have to know that  CHANGE is going to come into our lives. It has to, for it is the way of life.

I recall how many individuals laughed and made light of Rodney King’s statement, ” Can’t we all just get along?” People laughed at a simple statement coming from an individual, who many would like to think of as, not being all that bright. How could someone like that get philosophical. Yet my Christian friends are familiar with “Out of the mouths of babes…” We are willing to believe a child could have wisdom and insight, but not a man who may have had his very life flash before him, as he managed to stay alive after being beaten within an inch of his life. Save your cynicism, for even a drunk person will sober up a bit after having ice cold water thrown all over him. Think about a life altering experience YOU may have had in your years upon this Earth, didn’t you walk away with something positive, insightful, or inspirational to say. I think A Brush With Death has that type of effect on one.

Yes, absolutely we can all get along, we just have to want to.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged ,
21 Aug 2014

Love People

Sometimes I surf the internet. One picture will motivate me to visit a site next thing I know it is midnight.  I have been noticing over the past decades there are a lot of really gorgeous children being born.  Is it the grandmother in me? Perhaps, but I see these little happy folks and I cannot help but smile. They are the best of humanity, they are what we all are until life and cynicism ruins us. They look at a flower and it’s color makes them happy. They don’t run from or smash it because of it’s particular shade they adore and admire it just as it is. We adults in turn have nothing but praises for the babies, “aren’t you the prettiest, sweetest, smartest, most talented little one we have ever seen. And we don’t care who you belong to.

Fast forward about 15 years, those beautiful wonder-filled beings are now starting to make decisions and voice their opinions. They are now met with, “You don’t know what you are talking about, Why don’t you behave better, What are you listening to and What is that you are wearing?” They go from the Apples of Society’s Eye to Menaces to Society in less than two short decades. All the while their main critics forgetting they once occupied that very same place in life. The reason being no one wants to stay in that place of confusion, indecision, and turmoil. We wonder what is wrong with our children as they begin to mature. We love them always, but are challenged to like them. I recall a woman I saw many years ago at the mall in Alpharetta;she was neat and tidy, dressed in a suit, had corporate America written all over her. She was carrying a Louis Vutton purse and every hair was in place. As she approached the counter in the young men’s department at Rich’s(region department store now out of business) this surly, thin,  greasy haired young man dressed in goth-type clothing came to and stood next to her. I expected her to jump out of her skin because he was so far away from who she was, but after a moment you knew this was not just someone she knew, this was her child. The were a curious pair walking out of the store. I shook my head and thought, “You never know..”

These two made me think of how we judge and make decisions about OUR young people. We have issues with our own children, so it is hard to imagine us being any more tolerant of someone elses’ and guess what, we aren’t. Do any of you recall that time in your life? The time when your music basically made your parents or most any adult grimace at the very least. The time when self discovery was coupled with fear and insecurity. The time when your excuse of being young and not responsible was fading into, ” It is your fault, You know better.” The thing that MUST be taken into consideration here is, it was a time of transitions.

Time marches forward some more. Now we have an adult he may be in our workplace being difficult or perhaps she has gotten into trouble and landed herself in jail. The significant thing here in both of these cases is; once these throwaways, these social irritants, were adorable sweet faced babies that we  all loved to love.

Too bad we don’t get to transform ourselves from beautiful-adorable baby to upstanding-citizen adult. However, that is  not our reality. We are human and we are flawed. Your flaws look a lot more serious than mine because I am judging, but then I must consider that door swings both ways that I am also on the receiving end of judgment. My son often speaks of loving without condition; from a Christian point of view, this is a difficult goal but at least it is a goal that is presented to us on a  weekly basis( although it should be a constant basis). Perhaps if we ALL task ourselves with this loving one another without condition on a regular-targeted basis, we could get closer to the goal as well. As human beings if we aren’t challenged we vegetate and die, so it is with ideas and concepts. Take the challenge and make your contribution towards solving the problem of just Loving People without condition and stipulations.  “Shoot for the moon” here, people “because if you miss you will still land among the stars…”

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , | Leave a comment
20 Aug 2014
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License To Kill

Remember that movie? Well I don’t; I was never a James Bond fan, I vaguely remember the song, and I had to research it to find out who was singing the song. It was Gladys Knight. I also found out that Bob Dylan wrote a song with the same title different lyrics. Neither is pertinent to this piece, except they share the same title.

Who are these people charged with the task “To Protect and Serve”? In a  time of controversy or civil unrest we may even ask ,” Who do they protect and serve?” Think about this one; what do you think about police in general and specifically related to YOU?

Many years ago I thought about becoming a Los Angeles County Sheriff. I did a little research, registered to take the exam, but when the time came I decided that I was not really interested in being a part of law enforcement, all I wanted was the money that was promised in salary. I knew at that point in my young life, money alone should not be the reason one gets into law enforcement.

I had a friend who went a bit farther than I did, she was a beautiful young woman with gorgeous hair. What impacted me, what made me know that she was serious was, when she cut her hair off to wear a short cropped afro because she wanted to be a part of that community. She did the ride-alongs first, she took the exam, and even passed the interview. On her was to the psychological testing, the next thing I heard was she decided against moving on. Now we can guess at or assume what may have changed her mind, but this was just a  personal tid-bit as to why I am here writing this piece now. My turning point was the idea that one day I might have to pull a person from a car who had been fatally injured, or having to aim my weapon at a suspect with the intent to “stop” them and by mistake or intentionally end their life, or knocking on the door of some unfortunate survivor to tell them a loved one would not be returning home to them.

Police/law enforcement officers are a special breed, in my opinion I was NOT that “kind” of special. Strong, stoic, yet compassionate. Honorable and trustworthy, calm and well trained. I am so very happy we have them, but when you find them abusing the power they are given, it frightens, angers, and appalls you. Why shouldn’t it. They are entrusted with our lives.  When they take that power and use it incorrectly, use it against the very ones who are looking to them for help; what do you say about individuals like that? The officer who demeans a man in the presence of his child, the individual who places an individuals life in danger by using a hold that has been forbidden and illegal for decades, the individual who hides/misplaces evidence, the wife beater, the alcohol abuser and yes this same individual still has a badge. Common sense, sensitivity, and reasoning are no longer the tools of their trade. Yet the public is told these are community leaders and turn to them for help.  These are the individuals who look at their positions and think in a manner that demonstrates they think they do in fact have a license to kill and it is open season on citizens. How safe do you feel?

Posted in As Consumers and tagged , ,
19 Aug 2014
1 Comment

A Matter Of Trust

Have you ever been betrayed? Of course you have. You recall how badly you felt. There was a lot of emotion involved no doubt, there was anger, there was hurt and pain. Time was the only thing that would help to neutralize or erase the damage done. Then once the time had passed, what was necessary to get that individual back in good graces with you. Hold that thought and carry it with you throughout this piece.

Being a 54 year old American black woman, I am once again having to reach back and  regain my composure. I have a husband, I raised 2 sons, I have brothers, I have nephews, and then there are my friends; I must try to exist with a real monster hanging over my head, and over the heads of people I know, love , and care about. Understand the use of the word monster here, and if you don’t get it, look it up.  Fear… monsters are effective because they control us with  our very own fear.  They need not do a thing, but make their presence known and our very own psyche will do the rest.

There are some of us  who want more, so we choose to go to where the monsters can be made more tangible. Theme parks, haunted houses, and movies help provide us with a hands-on scare. However, you have to say one is still able to get a portion or even their fill and walk away. That is not the case with the monster I spoke of earlier though. This monster is ever present lurking in the dark corridors, the recesses of your mind, and maybe to some of your surprise he comes at you in broad daylight too. You don’t know exactly how to fight him because the mention of his name suggests, you are imagining things, monsters aren’t real. The “naysayers” would have you believe just that, I ask you how do you explain the dastardly deeds then? How do you defend and protect yourself from something like that. The moment you give in and say,” well maybe I am over-reacting, maybe it isn’t the way I think it is, you get hit once again. Later you ask yourself how am I ever supposed to be able to trust again.

The human spirit is resilient, but it can only be trampled over, ripped and torn, beaten up and knocked down so many times, before one invariably will lash out. The monster never thinks about that, the monster is always in the pursuit mode. Yet think of the many monster films you have watched over the years, in the end the monster usually get destroyed.

You have to realize we are talking about real monsters here, not the ones in the movies.  The monster that has treated us badly, the monster that has abused us, the monster that has lied to us and we have gotten hurt because of the monster. Then the monster says, “I have changed. I am not like I used to be, I will show you.” After all the monster has done to us, how do we forgive him, how do we begin to trust that which has been so terrible to us, when all we have is a history of being mistreated. All we want from the monster is to be left alone and at volatile times we  do want to see the monster destroyed in order for us to go back to our lives and just live. Even though we’d love to have the same outcome as in the movies, this is real life. We still have the tendency to expect the same result in real life as we get in the movies, it does not always hold true.

 

Posted in How We Relate and tagged ,
07 Aug 2014
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Yes It Can And Does Happen In Your Neighborhood

Listening to the crickets chirp, watching the lightening bugs float around the night, a slight hint of gardenia in the air, and sporadic sounds of life. We have several family of deer living among us; rabbits and chipmunks try to stay out of the way of the cats, various dogs walk their owners during daylight and night time. Tonight an eerie shadow is cast upon us, the inhabitants of this safe enclave  just a little north of Atlanta. I look down to the end of my block and the un-naturally  lit, lifeless house serves as a reminder of the events of the day.

How many times have you watched the news and heard someone who is interviewed say,’This kind of thing doesn’t happen here. This is such a nice neighborhood”. I cringe each time. I say, ” What are you thinking idiot, your community is immune to bad occurrences?”Today I would have been that idiot. While I may have not verbalized my feelings, it certainly was my thought pattern and behavior as well.

I  heard the beeping sound of a truck backing up at 6:30 A.M.; it is trash day, but still early. The blue and red lights flashing  from various police as well as fire department services illuminate the block. Yellow tape surround the house in question, that is NOT a good sign. About a dozen officers enter the location and about five minutes later they emerge, but there is an odd scene as a woman being rolled out in a sitting position follows. I see a few familiar faces down the block but cannot get to them because the police have created a barricade on my block.

Later we would find out there was a murder and a home invasion. Later we would find out the two children who lived there survived but they we not unharmed one physically but both impacted psychologically. Later we would find out the perpetrators were still at large. Later we would find out it was the first and only murder that had happened this year in our fair city. However for now we are in a state of shock, denial, and disbelief.

You might ask, why are we all so disheveled;  I have many times when I was simply an observer of others in similar neighborhoods. What makes us think that simply because we live among those we deem to be upstanding citizens, people who keep their lawns tidy and their houses painted, that their lives are as spotless as these home’s exteriors. We bought into an illusion and in that illusion good people you live next door to don’t argue, don’t have abuse going on, don’t hoard animals and debris. The people we live down the block from mind their own business, but they look out for their neighbors. We can leave our doors unlocked, parcels can sit on the porch or in the driveway without  the worry of someone who does not belong here entering our places or taking our things. We wave at passersby so they will know we are good folk, but we are watching you.

We have all allowed ourselves to forget the common denominator, we are all just people not immune to the flaws and frailties that make us all human. This kind of thing doesn’t happen in our kind of community, but somehow it just did.

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged ,
28 Jul 2014

It Is Better To Remain Silent

Sometimes words are just too much. I may not be the”brightest light on the Christmas tree”, but I am certainly not a full blown “power outage” either. People think they know you and oftentimes will express this verbally, but situations will expose the real truth. As time goes on you realize it is not always necessary to  give everything you have away, not all of your opinions, not all of your feelings, and not everything you know/or think you know.  I have honed this skill carefully and use it regularly. Although, this is true there are still people in your life who will challenge this ability of yours to keep things to yourself.

This is because people ALL need to have a “voice”, we all want to be heard. Some require and auditorium filled to capacity  in order to “mic it out”, that is not to say what these folks want to convey is any more significant than those who choose a quiet one-on-one intimate talk. The talkers aren’t always the best listeners, and being realistic listening is an acquired skill. We grow tired of being in the perceived inactive state, because we are impatient.

My latest experience that prompted this piece came as the result of someone I know, and THEIR “guilt trip”. Additionally, it is the beginning of one of my father’s favorite sayings and it’s meaning eluded me until I was older due to a very short attention span with “adult old sayings”. Little did I know one day I’d be quoting those very same words.

I bet there was an occasion or two in your childhood that you broke something. Maybe you were playing in  the house, maybe you touched something you were told not to. Once it was broken then you tried to hide the fact YOU were totally and completely responsible for this mishap. Maybe you hid the object hoping it would not be missed, maybe you reported you “discovered” it broken to draw the attention away from self (not an option for the only children out there), maybe you outright lied, or maybe you blamed it on someone else. While none of these is the honorable thing to do, we are humans and what we imagine is generally far worse than what actually will take place. This is expected behavior in a child and though it is undesirable one can understand.

Yet the same behavior in an adult is not understood nor tolerated, sorry you don’t get a pass because once you enter adulthood the “token/chip” you carry  with you at all at all times is responsibility. Now you can deny it if you want to but it changes nothing. YOU ARE LYING TO YOURSELF! I have come to know this individual for blaming mistakes, bad behavior, etc. on someone other than self it still does not take away from how annoying the characteristic is. The long term result is you do not believe anything, absent of documented proof, this person says. The more he talks the further away from what actually occurred, you become We are at the point that an omission would be welcome.

As I recognize I am NOT the only person who knows a being like this, I offer the advice of the old saying that is timeless(as most of them are).

“It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open one’s mouth and remove ALL doubt.”

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , | Leave a comment
18 Jul 2014
4 Comments

Call Me, Ms. Fix-It

Okay folks, I admit it when it comes o repairs I leave it to my spouse or a professional. However lately I have marveled and been annoyed with paying high costs to have simple repairs done. My better half says ,”I’ll fix it” but the schedule of  when is very hard to narrow down ( I am being extremely polite and understanding here). There is nothing worse than needing something repaired and having a very capable individual at your disposal , yet the thing you need fixed remains in disrepair.

About a year or so ago one of my dear friends sent a picture of one of her kitchen appliances that SHE was going to install some type of switch in. Now mind you my friend is an engineer, but she does NOT fix household appliances for a living, nor is it a hobby. I was in awe. If you saw her with her well manicured hands and bikini worthy body you’d say, no way. I don’t need to tell you that she was successful in her venture. I have to give acknowledgement to my pals though they are talented, creative, and physical. My group of grandmother friends do not let that title hold them back. They are painting rooms balancing baby on their hip and that hip is free of osteoporosis.

My challenge was not a new one. For about 11 months my in door ice dispenser has only been giving crushed ice. I did not really see that as a big problem and  beyond the first month of discussion we let it linger on. Well the warranty is getting ready to be up and the thought crossed my mind what if this leads to something else. You all know they do not build appliances like they used to.  Why repair it when you can replace it, and that is fine if you have resources overflowing. I do not, my money tree has yet to yield the first dollar bill. Therefore, I have to be more practical. I have had considerable luck going to the internet finding answers to tech problems. I found directions on repairing my dryer belt that I passed on to the man of the house, I solved an iphone dilemma, and there were couple more DYI projects made simpler.

I was up early Sunday morning and I said, ironically, “What the HELL”(couldn’t resist that one).  I went to the internet and “googled” my problem. I did not get a feasible answer first time out, but I refined the search a bit and taadaa…”my workable answer”. I went upstairs to the fridge and followed the steps sure enough once I finished solid cubed ice came crashing out into my cup. I felt like Rosie The Riveter, no more crushed ice for me, unless I select crushed.  I don’t have to call for a service man to come tie up my day, I didn’t have to beckon to my spouse, I did it and so can you.

Posted in As Consumers, One For My Friends and tagged

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