hafacenturyncounting

LOSS-Vilomah

“As the gray-haired should NOT bury those with black-hair”

During your life have you ever done something you really did not want to do? I already know the answer. Be it apologize for something you really did not feel you did wrong, or have a meal with someone you really didn’t like; something inside of you  or outward conditions put you in that spot. You were left with an option though, even if/ even considering the consequences and/or outcome.

I wish I could write things are better, things are getting easier but I cannot.  A few short months into this HORROR I have learned many things, and many are NOT what you would call good. However, they are sources of knowledge and what is knowledge if not shared.

VILOMAH.  It is a word of the Sanskirt language as is the word widow. Translated  VILOMAH means against natural order…  VILOMAH describes what is now my life. VILOMAH speaks a different language that most of the time, only the unfortunate members of this tribe understand. A simple question,” Are you better?”no longer has a one or two word response. Feelings and emotions(happy;smiles) which are already faceted and complex, reach an entirely different level. ALL life will change, but my life has already changed into something I did NOT  want, I did NOT imagine, and I CANNOT escape. However, I now know my new role has a name. With that name came a great deal of sense and understanding. My change will never change. The widow can remarry, the orphan can be adopted. My status, my identity shall always be for all my days, VILOMAH.  I am not merely VILOMAH, I am other things as well. Yet by fate, by chance, by divine plan; I must “embrace” VILOMAH,  for it IS a part of me and I have no choice.