Marriage Anonymous- Part 1
” Hi, my name’s Felicia and I am unhappily-married..”
GROUP: “Hi Felicia
You look up and 20 years will have passed. You find yourself searching, wondering how and why you are both in these respective places. It didn’t start out like this, it certainly is not what you planned. This venture had high priority and success rate probability, written all over it.
There was the five-year-plan, but we were younger and “in love”; we thought it would be like this forever, based on the current feeling.
I’d feel smothered and longed for alone time, but sampling alone time versus existing in that state are two very different things.
Would you be mad if you woke up one morning and found your mate sitting at the breakfast table writing out in an”as-a-matter-of-fact” manner, a letter telling you she was tired of the marriage. I think you know when you haven’t been a good spouse. I think that we all know what companionship is about. Yet I also know there are people from past generations who foster archaic ideas about what the marriage relationship is about. These are the same people who would adamantly tell you their marriage was good and this would be based on the fact that they themselves are happy. They would speak for their spouse without considering that individual’s feelings. The logic would fly out the door so-to-speak.
I clearly saw myself in a two bedroom condo or apartment. No pets and no husband. There is a sigh in my soul. There is a memory of hopeful, a shadow of happiness, the remnants of failure, and residue of indifference. It is soiled with the reality of now.
Felicia looked around the room as she spoke. The faces were worn and gray, this was an aura not a physical state. She continued. I asked him to go to therapy many times, his answer was always basically the same. I guess I always knew he was being kind( of sorts) marrying me, he could have whomever he wanted but he took me instead. Time of being unappreciated, rejected took it’s toll. It was subtle mental abuse. I am not a screamer. One day I woke up and I didn’t care how he felt about me, because I realized he never cared about me, like I did about him and our relationship. I wasn’t happy, but I was now aware. We periodically would argue, more now than ever before. He’d ask, ” Why did you stay?” He was being cruel; he knew my self-esteem and love for him would not allow me to go and therefore he walked all over me. He had a knack for cruel and he only showed it to me. Felicia fumbled around with her hands and was now silent. Then she broke the silence with, ” I think… I am ready for the next chapter.”
Now to get this chain attached to the cement block off! Felicia was now back in the real world, the place where her imaginary support group was just that..imaginary. However, it was a good idea. Some real ideas and thoughts surfaced from that brief retreat to “LaLa-Land”. Trouble is ideas were never her problem, the execution of them was her stumbling block. Aidan walked into the dining room and sat down in front of her. He sat down and had an annoyed look on his face. There was bitter silence between them for about seven minutes. He looked at his watch then at Felicia. Felicia began, ” It is time…