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Archive for the tag “relationships”

10 Mar 2014
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A Birthday Card

Birthdays are special to me. Folks who are close to me know this and know I generally do not miss anyone I know special day.  It is a role I took on when my favorite aunt passed many years ago, it just fit.When mail was a main vehicle of communication our family knew there was a card coming on their birthday, and if you were local the most fabulous cake you could imagine, because Aunt Elinor saw to that.  I am not infallible as she was, nor am I the baker.  I  do offer what is available to me.

Pressed for time I wanted to share something from my childhood. Today marks a special day for a lady I have know since childhood. I met her as an awkward tween, when I moved next door to her. She was a pretty girl and I knew my life would be “hell”. However I was pleasantly surprised.. okay I was down right shocked, when she came into the backyard separated by a chain linked fence and offered a friendly “Hi”. I was swinging like a child, because I didn’t think anyone was watching. I said, “Hi” back to her and froze. She started up the yard and we were friends from that point on.. No not really. The sound of a record scratching drives home this point.

There is far more to our story than that. However, this is called  A Birthday Card not a series of books, and I say that because it would take volumes to cover what Kim and I have shared over these past 4o+ years. I think of the boyfriends, the times we did not speak to one another, the marriages, the parties, the births, and the passing’s. Departures and arrivals, zeniths and plateaus; I know I never dreamed the pretty girl next door would be my lifelong friend, so many years down the line and still as pretty as ever, as a matter of fact she is beautiful from the inside out. On the anniversary of her birth I just want to say, “Happy Birthday!! and Thank You my sister, and my friend for life. It is your birthday, but I have been the recipient of the gift for decades. Be blessed.“

Posted in One For My Friends and tagged
06 Mar 2014
2 Comments

Sorry To Disappoint You But…

I suppose I am not only confused, I am equally confusing.  If you have ever had your proverbial coattail pulled, you will be able to relate. You have to be able to bare your soul to those you call family and friends, but then the realization comes to you in an unexpected form, that maybe you need to keep a little of that soul covered for the sake of all concerned.

On this journey called life we encounter a vast variety of experiences that we sometimes have to come to grips with; we lived through them, but did not necessarily conquer them. The appearance of” being on top” for example can be deceiving and therefore gives off an illusion. You don’t mean to trick or fool those close to you, but they can easily be convinced of things merely because they want them to be true. Expectations are high, you don’t want to disappoint, but at some point in time you must face facts and so must those you are closest to.

Flawed, imperfect, weak, and devoid of solution you cower in your little corner waiting for someone to pick you up and carry you to safety, even if you have historically been the one doing the picking up. This now must be coupled with the knowledge your cries as well as your crisis went unnoticed. It is so difficult to carry so much and not complain. Honestly, it takes a lot to carry loads and complain. Understand as let down as you feel that”rock”, you thought you knew, is experiencing the backlash of what you feel and placing the additional burden upon themselves of “I should have been better“.

The problem with a “rock” is that the tough exterior is porous, this means the damage comes over time from something penetrating and seeping in. Conditions, just like climate, change and eventually the “rock” cracks; it is weakened now no longer able to withstand what it used to, finally  the crack will break the “rock”. Though it may take a long time and the outward appearance does not change much internal changes are taking place.

“Those things that do not kill us make us strong”. However, strong people get taken advantage of as much as the weak ones do.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged ,
17 Jan 2014

Ye Of Little Faith

Every time I look up something terrible is happening. One can’t get out of this bad situation before another one is engulfing them. Today’s high is 25 degrees; I would like to share  with you, a nice 68 degrees with clear skies and a breeze, is MY opinion of a winter day. Needless to say I am not responsible nor in control of the weather. Therefore, I’m gonna work this 25 degree temperature the best way I can.

The challenges of work; with the deadlines and end of the year/beginning of the year requirements, then you walk in the door and your department head tells you there has been another task tacked onto that which you are already behind on. Is he serious? What does he think you are? Wait, don’t you have a job? I mean you may be involved in a seemingly non productive situation, but what if you were unemployed?

This relationship is not what you thought it would be. You did not sign on for drama. The best thing to do(the easiest for you) is to cut the losses and bale out. You knew it would turn out bad because… well that’s just the nature of the beast. However, can you really overlook the positive results (even if it was just one) that came out of the chance meeting.

The intent here is not to give a “when life gives you lemons make lemonade” piece, but if that is what you get out of it perhaps that was exactly what YOU needed. Sometimes if your expectation is low, your result will be exactly that. I realize that the experiences you have are the very thing that shape your perspective, but what about trying to give perspective  a fresh new outlook with each experience. There are disappointments in life, but that does not mean you should throw in the towel and give up.

The human spirit allows for us to be able to endure and overcome unimaginable obstacles.  Physical roadblocks, mental torment; yet a tiny doubt can undo all one strives to achieve. Then you must come face-to-face with the fact you, yourself may be the one who does the most damage. Remember you can do anything if you put your mind to it and “I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me”. Have a little faith, it truly isn’t all bad.

Posted in One For My Friends and tagged , | Leave a comment
15 Nov 2013
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“The Best Man Holiday ” Was Truly The BEST!

Every-so-often as a writer you run across something that brings tears to your eyes and rouses your spirit.  A piece that makes you say, ” This is why I write, I wish I could write like that, or Thank God for writers!”

This morning I was surfing the internet looking for inspiration. I have a couple things pending, and I always like to either publish something positive to follow-up or even neutralize a negative. I came across a movie trailer for “The Best Man Holiday”.   I was in a nostalgic type mood and recalled how much I enjoyed the first film  as I found myself laughing aloud at this current trailer. It was early and I decided, I would go.

The theater was rather full for a Friday morning. The audience was well mixed. I expected different in Gwinnett County Georgia. Picking up years later you felt like you were going home for the holidays. You watched these endearing, intelligent diverse, funny characters maneuver around LIFE happening to them.  The wonderful familiar faces, charming personalities, and a smart script made you laugh, cry, and warmed your heart.

If you want to do something for yourself today, treat yourself to a quick visit to the forthcoming holidays, that will remind you what “the holidays ” are all about. A film that will help you reflect on sharing with friends, family, and gives tribute to the human spirit. Don’t take my word for it, go see it!!!

Posted in Everybody's Critic and tagged ,
04 Nov 2013
2 Comments

I Don’t Want to Live Without You

Life and the irony surrounding it never ceases to amaze. I hope you listen to the song by “FOREIGNER” whose title I used for this piece and in my mind it is so very fitting.

I went to a memorial service of a dear friend of mine this past Saturday, Robert Howard Short. Bob was a war hero, a husband, a father and a grandfather. I told myself I wasn’t going to cry that I was accepting of his passing, for he lived what most would deem a long, happy, productive life. 89 years is quite a feat. Well I lied, I think I was in my seat a full 4 minutes looking at pictures of him, with his children, with his plane, and with the love of his life, Kathryn for 65 years before my tear ducts exploded.

I recall how I felt when I realized how much he and his beloved wife meant to me. I believe I fought long and hard to keep from caring and becoming their friend. When in reality I know better. I know I told myself that because caring for them made me have to accept the fact that one day I would very probably lose them, and I did not want to deal with that. Yet I couldn’t help it, they invaded my heart and before I knew it I loved my friends. Knowing them for 5 short years allowed me to see we as human beings still possess what we had in childhood, the ability to love and be kind for no other reason than, it is what we feel. Unbound and without obligation to anything but our hearts, simplicity in life still can exist.

This was news to a rat race baby boomer and it was refreshing. I suppose you can understand why I was unwilling to let go of such a precious gift.  Now both my friends are gone and in such a short span of time. Bob KNEW he would go before Kay, but the good Lord had something else in mind. Bob and Kay were truly a matched set.  I thought of the family they left behind; they are testament to what lovely people Bob and Kay were, for it is genetic. You can see it in their children Robbie and Betsey, and grandchildren 7 fine young men.  I know they will all be okay and then I think of something that was written by one of their daughter Betsey’s friends, lovely words of comfort, “He and your mom are together and happy again”. What a wonderful thought. What a wonderful love; to be able to see and experience the fruits of that love is just special beyond words. I love you guys, keep us in your sights.

Posted in One For My Friends and tagged ,
04 Oct 2013

Completely Wrong

Thinking about us, human beings, I am forever amazed. Tragic events unfold daily. Someone gets angry in traffic and an all out riot erupts. “Our” House of Representatives sit in Washington D.C with their genitals in their hands while the citizens of the United States of America suffer, trying to place the blame elsewhere. I say,” be responsible, do your job”, but wait it isn’t that easy when you realize that we all are nothing more than high functioning illiterates.

Yes, face it folks there is something wrong with each and everyone of us. In some cases something MAJOR! Press us and disaster is seconds away from happening. How did we get here? Well to my target audience(everybody) there was a time in my life that  some people who we see on the streets today, given the generic title of homeless were not running rampant in the streets. How many individuals have you personally encountered (directly or indirectly) that exhibit behavior that you as a layman would deem worthy of  controlled observation? Realizing that if you can only answer one, most of the population can say the same.

Homeless is an unfair and oversimplified term; it covers former veterans, unemployed, under-medicated, runaways, many individuals whose only common link is they do not have a residence. It angers me. When I was a little girl in Kansas I remember seeing a man who was at that time called a “hobo”, maybe some of you all from Southern Cal remember “Hobo Kelly”? Hobo was endearing,  he rode trains carried a handkerchief knapsack and smiled at you harmlessly. As time moved forward the hobo was no longer endearing as the fight for survival became more and more challenging, the hobo became frightening and dangerous. The term disappeared the individual did not, a simple name change came about and his identity was forever altered.

I think of how I observed children when my kids were young, and how I noticed our society placing individuals with special needs in schools/classrooms with individual who did not have those same challenges. On the one hand you say great, acceptance but on the other maybe there is neglect. Children can be cruel, they say what is on their minds, I wonder if adequate research was done before it was decided a child who is in a wheelchair is going to be okay with self and accepted by others, if you put him or her into an environment where they are going to stand out.  Then if it is okay for the child in the wheelchair what about the child who is not learning at the same rate. We try to sugar coat the world, but the truth is that child may very well be there, in that seemingly NORMAL environment, because of a lawsuit rather than benevolence. In our fight for NORMAL we may be creating something  dangerous.

What about Sue in the cubicle next to you.  Did you know she was in the throws of yet another divorce, number three, and she has been on xanax so long she takes them like vitamins? Oh course not she comes to work, she does her job, and doesn’t bother anyone, that is as long as she takes her meds. Joe who is a recovering alcoholic has lunch with Sam everyday, he knows Sam needs help because Joe has been there. However, Sam is in denial Sam is great at what he does and Sam is the boss. Does this sound familiar, could these people be people you work with?

The children, the co-workers, the homeless; we have become so insensitive to our fellow man because we are all wrapped up in problems of our own, and we don’t realize how messed up we all are because we have to function and go on. That’ my point. One of my favorite sayings, “nothing is completely wrong, even a stopped clock is right twice a day”. Oh how I found renewed hope when I read that, but now practically everything is digital so when a clock stops working the screen goes blank. I hope that is not what has happened to us in the “community of man”.  I know better, I know we are not at the point of completely wrong. After all, we are still making watches and clocks with dials.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged , , , | Leave a comment
27 Sep 2013
2 Comments

Picture This

We took up no less than 7  hours of the waiters time, but we made it worth his while.  How many of you have friends that you are separate from. There aren’t enough hours in the day, you are too far away, but when you get together well it is amazing. When you sit across from someone who you have know since they were the age of the little one in the picture who now calls them grandma, it can be sobering as well as wonderful. We probably could have talked until nightfall but you know the time is coming to a close when the PHONES come out and everyone needs someone (waitstaff earns the tip here as well as earlier) to take the pictures to be accessible immediately to all.

We are so fortunate to have access to people we love and care about instantly, yet there is nothing like that face-to-face. I have some very beautiful friends and I mean outwardly as well as inwardly. I grew up in Southern California, I don’t know that any other place boasts of beauty and generally demonstrates it like Southern Cal does. I have to give my Georgia friends their “props”  on beauty though, transplants and the ONE native alike.

In my youth I attended the bridal shower of one of my  very pretty friends at a restaurant in Marina Del Rey. Everyone was dressed beautifully, but it looked like a magazine shoot for VOGUE, not because of the outfits but the ladies in the outfits.  The all-girl group Klymaxx’s song ” The Men All Paused” would have been appropriate, with slight rewording “everyone paused”. It was  absolutely amazing and it was fun. 20 women immersed in the celebration of an upcoming wedding, relatively oblivious to the fact people were watching them for no other reason than they were breathtaking. Cameras clicked and flashed, yes back then that is what a camera would do to let you know a photo was being taken, recording the memories for another time. Depending on who had the camera, you may or may not see those pictures for years. If you didn’t want to lug around a camera, that was the risk you took.

A  decade later a smaller group of us got together, for no reason other than we wanted to be together. Babies, work, relocation, life changed the outward appearance a little “more to love” on several  levels, yet the beauty was still there. A graceful aging process taking place, but the energy and positive vibe was breathtaking.  The waiter’s final duty take that picture.

Now we have grandchildren, retirement, some health challenges that are a part of our everyday lives. However each time we get together  the photographs we take  not only capture the current image but the memory of those 20 something beauties that are still alive and kicking. The inner beauty never changed therefore the outward appearance seems as though it has been air brushed and retouched just like VOGUE. I am so blessed to have ALL of you in my life, for so many years, coast to coast, and to be able to call you friends. You are always in my heart, my thoughts and looking forward to the next “half of a day” brunch.

Final thought for my readers; cherish your friendships and take lots of pictures!

Posted in One For My Friends and tagged , ,
18 Sep 2013
4 Comments

Morning Glory And Jasmine

What was in the air yesterday. I felt a twinge of Autumn. YAY AUTUMN! It is rapidly approaching and I for one could not be happier. Yet it wasn’t as simple as that. Little tiny innuendos, fluttery feelings, and odd expressions.

The call came from out of the blue, the request was innocent, the offer was genuine, and the gesture was pure. What all of these things had in common was they originated from a source that was once connected to a love relationship. Four different love relationships whose only common ground was “Yours Truly” and in the sense I was made aware of each of these occurrences. I will not detail how or when, that is not important what is significant is the connection; the meaning of these two flowers(language of flowers) , what they represent in the legends, and this short piece.

Waiting for sunrise like the Morning Glory waits to bloom, as the scents of Jasmine lingers long after you have walked past them on the street, sometimes the affects of love stays with you. It resides somewhere safely and quietly. It has no ulterior motives or plans, and it will remain unnoticed. Then one day rummaging through papers, or a slight turn on the street, a song on the radio will jar that feeling, that memory. The next thing you know, there is a call or an email or a chance visit with no expectation, no requirements to meet, just an opportunity to briefly reconnect to a place of warm smiles and breathtaking emotions.  I am again reminded that there will always be room in my life for a romantic story and that there is no shortage of them. Thank God for that.

Posted in Quickbits and tagged
16 Sep 2013
1 Comment

I Surrender…..All?

Arms raised in the air, a white flag being waved; you turn your very life over to the someone you don’t know, you face uncertainty and perceived bad results. After all surrender is an act that usually happens in the face of war, and warring people are generally enemies.

Surrender an act of submission and associated with, an individual who most likely means to do you harm. “I give up, I throw myself on the mercy of the court, do with me what you will.” You give power over you away, because you are tired, weary or see no way out.  Yet to the One who loves and cares for you, it is often a difficult task to do this very same thing. Why?

God wants our unconditional love and trust. Part of us want to comply but there is that other part that says, you cannot give up or give in. You are independent, you must be self-sustaining; then when trouble comes you call to God or you blame Him for not helping you like YOU think He should. What do we want? The answer is simple; WE WANT PERFECTION. However, the road to perfection is still one many of us are not willing to take. This is elementary; one road to the destination you desire, but you won’t travel that way/direction. Here’s a “spoiler” you aren’t gonna get there!

The wiser we are the more difficult it is for us to believe things WE cannot explain. As a child, I remember being taught Jesus is LOVE/God is LOVE. To a little one reciting this and really grasping a hold of what it means, isn’t nearly as important as the fact you are able to memorize the words. As you grow up in stature and experience, you learn of LOVE in an academic sense.  You LOVE your family, you LOVE your spouse or mate, you LOVE chocolate, you LOVE to draw.. is it all the same thing. No, of course not. We know LOVE is a strong feeling so we confuse what it means and give into it being an expression of intensity, ONLY. After it is all said and done LOVE is just a word or is it?

Sunday morning in class (my eldest son is teaching, unique experience a topic for later) we went back to the basics, the beginnings to Genesis “God created man in his own image.”  In God’s Own image so what does God look like? Is God short or tall, is He black or white or brown or multi-racial, is He so gorgeous you cannot take your eyes off Him, or is He just a plain looking fellow that you’d never even notice.  I know that was a question I had as a child. Then as I got older and I heard individual groups trying to justify why they He was depicted with certain characteristics,  it let me know my query was not one I alone had. Some of the fog lifted on my journey as our teacher simply stated the image of God is the image of LOVE. In so few words the clarity hit. With God LOVE becomes so much more than simply a word or feeling.

Being good is a simple enough concept, it is just a hard thing to practice. If we are not good then how can we have God’s LOVE and God’s approval. Well God is different from us, and His LOVE is not the same as ours.  We are capable of this kind of LOVE, though. We say unconditional and we may be able to pull that of for a period of time, but when the trouble comes we pull the LOVE back so we don’t get hurt. Maybe we never put the LOVE out there like we say. God does not pull the LOVE back and He does put it out there for us, all we have to do is give in, trust, allow Him to give us His LOVE. All we have to do is surrender.

Posted in Ecumenically Speaking and tagged , ,
26 Aug 2013
1 Comment

Say, Uncle…

“Say, Uncle” is a tribute to another all important male figure in a child’s life. First this is not going to cover each unique family situation, there are exceptions to ever rule. I am going to use examples  from personal experiences and observations, hopefully in a manner that will allow my readers to take and exchange for their own.

We all have a favorite relative outside the immediate family; here I am going to use the term favorite as simply an expression of blind admiration, be it grandparent, cousin, aunt, or uncle. One of these people simply connects with you in a way that make you feel special, and therefore they in turn are special to you.

Watching my son with his first and only niece over these past few years took me back to my childhood where I recalled my uncles. My family was large on both sides, I had 10 uncles. I had the serious one, the fun one, the mysterious one, the mean one and the one you barely knew. Each of my uncles fell into one of those categories or a slight variation. Without the benefit of the internet and cell phones, if you had a relative in a place not close enough to travel by car or walk to, you were very limited in contact. Holidays and special occasions were truly special. While there was a great presence of my family nearby, there were several that lived a good distances away.  The funny thing about a favorite though, they manage to make you recall, remember and cherish them as if no time or space existed between you.

“Uncle Bud”was that guy for me. Although as life allows you to see flaws in things(i.e. my belief he was so special and only I had the benefit of seeing this fact), I realize he was not exclusively “my” favorite uncle. As my cousins and I have talked, he actually held that title in a number of our eyes. He was a truly special guy to have kids of his own and to manage to make his brothers’ kids all think he was the greatest man other than their own dad, well that is quite a feat. He gave me a large amount of money for my graduation gift, BUT what meant more than anything else was he came to California to be there and on top of that and stayed for a week. Just for me. I remember every dinner, sitting on the front porch laughing and talking, and his cigars.  Now I think and thought cigars the most horrible. smelly, vile, nauseating things; BUT when it came to Uncle Bud, they were just a part of who he was, they didn’t even cause me to blink. He passed away many years ago, but I can always remember him with a smile on my face and warmth in my heart. He was loved dearly.

I believe my granddaughter will have the feelings I had for my Uncle Bud for her Uncle Tio. The moniker was given to him by his brother, of whom he is very close to. I cannot tell you how many times people with command of the Spanish language and those who possess a very limited knowledge of it, tell us” you know you are saying Uncle Uncle.” We laugh as we have over they years when we talk of how people constantly ask what the “J” stands for(his name is JAY). At three his niece knows Uncle Tio IS Jay. He cradled her clumsily, as his brother did, on day one of her life on Earth. He colors with her, reads stories, dances to her Disney Movies, tosses her into the air to her delight, and shares his pizza. As she demonstrated the will of a three year old, he stood firm and made her sit quietly until she relinquished that she must do what Uncle Tio tells her to do and listen. A midst quite dramatic tears, she gave in and moments later all was forgiven and forgotten. Being a single 20 something man, who wants to make sure his niece knows of his involvement and love for her, makes him stand out. I cannot explain this completely; yet I know I am seeing it more and more, that’s a good thing. Pay attention in the mall, at doctor’s offices, and in photos on facebook; you may see that all important doting uncle standing by, on guard, with a toddler in tow or in arms.

In childhood games “Say Uncle” is used as a command to demonstrate who was in control; my “Say, Uncle” is an outcry to the fellows with nieces and nephews who need to know that there are other men in this world, outside their immediate family and besides their fathers, who will be present in their lives in a positive fashion.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged

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