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Motivated by a lack of material.

04 Dec 2014
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A View From Inside-Part III

When I think about childhood and youth, I think of silliness, laughter, fun, and appreciation for the simple. There is a time allotted for pretending and games. Through our experience in childhood we are preparing for our adult lives. Think about yours; the good, the happy, the uncomfortable and even some of the bad, that’s life right.

My children were raised and grew up in a way that was vastly different from my experience. Simply rearing and girl versus rearing a boy, there are many, many things that can be touched upon. However, there is a task at hand that must be addressed and it is “A View From Inside”.

My childhood was sheltered and safe. We lived on a quiet street in Kansas City, Kansas and my paternal grandmother, aunt, and uncle were two doors down across that same street. We had ten pairs of familial eyes upon us most everyday. We walked to school, in Kansas and later in California. There were boundaries set, my mother was a stay at home mom. She knew where we were at all times and we knew it was our job to make sure she did not have to do more than call out our names in order to find us.

We moved to California when I was 7 years old; sometime between my earliest recollections and that move a little “colored” girl was kidnapped, and it made the evening news. I remember the event because kidnapping did not happen a lot or you did not hear about it like you do now, I remember she was from Missouri(Kansas City has a Kansas and Missouri side) and a white man was the one who did it. I remember this because she had a little brother who witnessed the event, and he recounted the information to his parents and the police. This story did not have a happy ending, and I remember that I was introduced to a fear that I never had known before.

I grew up in the 1960’s race was NOT discussed in my home with us until we were much older. This was the case in spite of the fact that my father’s brother was the president of the ;local NAACP and was friends with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. I did not know this or how important and potentially dangerous that was until after the assassinations began. Remember race was not discussed with us children until we were older. We had our place and it was not in adult conversations. I knew the difference of course, but I didn’t know any white people at that time, unless you counted my grandmother. She by-the-way was not white but simply had the complexion of.

In spite of what is reported on the news, or what is characterized on television, in the movies, etc. black people hold their children near and dear to their hearts. Black parents are over-protective and over zealous at times, but that comes from a history that made them adapt for survival. YES I SAID PARENTS!

I think back of the rules of the day with my parents; being visible or within earshot, the corporal punishment( I can say/admit most if not all I was at fault), the lectures( I better discipline you now than the white man later). I am not unique, but that was some heavy shit to put on a child. However, this part is about childhood and childhood shapes us into who we are as adults.

My parents were not hateful, but they were protective of us. Whatever one may think of corporal punishment, lack of racial discussion( barring the one about punishment later in life coming from the ever present yet elusive “white man”) ; my parents managed to stay married happily till the day my father died, raise four children( none of who were ever incarcerated nor teen parents), buy a home, and live to see their grandchildren. A slice of Americana, glamorized, marketed, denied to many people of color and TOLD it is THEIR fault as to why they do not have it.

We hold our babies near and dear; our hearts ache because they do NOT get the opportunity to just be children, because we live with the very real threat that they may not survive childhood. That is EVERY parents nightmare, to outlive their child. When a 12 year old with a toy is shot dead because of a toy in 2014, when a 14 year old is tortured and killed for a “wolf whistle” and a smart comment 59 years ago and all the other stories you heard about in between. The fear is warranted, the threat is real. I tell myself my children grew up in a world different than mine, but is it really?

My children grew up in Palos Verdes, California and Alpharetta, Georgia; white suburban heaven and havens, aesthetically pleasing, economically privileged, but the underlying feeling from most of our neighbors was “What are YOU doing here, oh that’s right affirmative action”. Damn we couldn’t even feel safe with all of that.

We shook our heads in disbelief when we saw children barely more than toddlers riding bikes in the middle of the street with no sign of a parent/their parent anywhere in sight. As time went on realization of ,”What do they really have to worry about” came to us. Their children are afforded the ability to make mistakes that kill off our babies daily. Imagine that, a child who actual has an opportunity to be a child; not a being who has that magical time of exploration and beauty tainted and poisoned with real fear, eminent threats, and horror.

Black people ARE angry; we DO love our children and we hold them in the highest esteem. A prank, youthful exuberance, or a traffic violation should NOT hold a death sentence that can be carried out by anyone carrying a gun, night stick, or possessing the acceptable skin tone.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged ,
04 Dec 2014
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A View From Inside-Part II

My beautiful friends. I say that from a literal standpoint. I am a Libra, I revel in that. Libras have an affinity for beauty, the finer things. However, I have been blessed with people in my life who have the inner beauty as well as the outer. I look at them and enjoy their company. They remind me that there is still quite a bit of good out there in the world.. When the ugliness come to the forefront. I know I have secret weapons in my life.

I met the real life version of “Alice In Wonderland” when I was 22 years old. I had been raised in a predominately black suburban environment, so my contact with white people my age directly did not really happen until college.

Let’s call my friend, Dena. There are others I mention(Kim B., Cyndi H., Rachel F.) who I did NOT care for and they will get No love or respect, their names and ugliness will be out there.  If Disney needed a model for Alice, Dena was it. Dena came to work with me at my second real job for a large retail drug chain in their administrative offices. It was strange she and I took a liking to one another. As time went on and we discovered our backgrounds it would become more logical as well as illogical that we did become “friends”. I trained Dena, we had lunch together, we exchanged gifts. Odd as it seems we did not go out much or have each other’s phone number. However, that was 33 years ago, memory may not be exact.

Dena was younger than I was and single. She was a California girl who as the result of divorced found herself in Salt Lake City, Utah. We laughed over lunch how her primitive classmates asked, “If she had ever seen a real black person before and what were they like?” We never found irony in our being friends, at least we never discussed it. Dena was a Mormon too.

One day Dena quit the job, we did a farewell lunch and cake for her ( I was in charge of the festivities because everyone KNEW we were close) and I never saw or heard from her again. I didn’t feel hurt or cheated. I was not surprised she divorced herself from her experience with the job, and me for that matter. However, I remember her. She was in my opinion “kinda pretty”. She had gorgeous long blonde hair, ANYONE would envy. She was a nice, fun, kind person. I wish we had remained or actually became real friends, I think we could have learned a lot from one another.

In spite of my upbringing, environment, and late interaction with white people on a personal level, Dena was not my first “BLONDE friend”. She was also not my last nor was she my only. I wonder what they thought beyond conversations we had about subject matter, which did in fact transcend race. I do NOT believe they befriend me because of or even in spite of race. My being black, like their being white, came as a interesting as-a-matter-of-fact snippet. I LOVE that about those “friendships” too. I have always connected with PEOPLE based on a vibe, the energy their souls give off. I know that I am not unusual in that. Let me generalize here;  black people have to go by what their inner eye tells them, white people by and large are performers/chameleons(Kim B., Cyndi H., Rachel F.) . Therefore I also recognize many of these connections were simply associations rather than friendships. They were relationships though and you have to start somewhere.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged ,
04 Dec 2014
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A View From Inside-Part I

I awake and my mind is generally a blank canvass. It has only thoughts of the rituals of the morning. I yawn. I stretch. I make myself aware of any pains or aches I am suffering from. If there are none that goes unnoticed. There are a few plans like this is the day I have to drop a piece of dry cleaning off, or my hair appointment is at 2:00, but overall I have no master plan to take over, ruin the life of, or hate. I JUST WANT TO LIVE.

I don’t ask for happy, I desire content; I want my family safe and happy, for with them rests my true happiness. I pray for that daily. This all goes on in about 2 seconds after I  rise in the morning. Often times there is even more, but the gist of this is, it doesn’t take long and I still have 23 hours 59 minutes and 58 seconds left in any given day. What happens during the rest of that time?

I cannot speak for all black people, but I think ALL people want some of/many of the same things in life. Just because I am black does not mean I have a inside track to the workings of ALL or most of my fellow black people’s agenda. What I have is shared experiences, as white people have with one another. What is ironic, seemingly to some if not many white people, is that we also share those same experience with the white population as well. What we don’t always share in vastly disproportionate levels, is the injustices we STILL suffer and that is race based.

I have to say to myself when something bad happens is it because of the circumstances or is it because I am black. White people who say, black people are always bringing up race want you to believe that THEY do not think there is a race problem to address. To ME that is code for,”It doesn’t concern me and mine so I don’t really care about it or care to talk about it..” Take note ignoring “it” won’t make it go away AND just because YOU don’t use the “N” word does not mean you are not prejudiced.

Prior to the Ronald Reagan Era being prejudiced was not thought of in high regards. He/his policies/his administration told white people on the fringes of being down right racist, it is okay NOT to like other races typically blacks, and that being overt in those feelings was acceptable. The standard,”Some of my best friends are black” changed to, ” None of my friends are black and I  am glad about that”.

I hated Ronald Reagan. I grew up in Southern California, I watched this horrible”c” movie actor become governor of a great state and try to change it’s dynamic. Republicans don’t do well in Cali..too much ocean and free spirit out there to be clouded with the narrow-minded thought patterns. You look at the Pacific and think.. “Yeah it’s all good”. When he became President he followed a time of massive change the decades that preceded him had been tumultuous but people were trying to get along AND like one another. As lame as the 1970’s are thought of.. folks were having”Nice Days” complete with “smiley faces”.

HE brought with him, his crotchety old body in full theatrical make-up, old  cranky thoughts and ideas. Forget about the new and young, keep things the same way we old, mean, dying folks like it, because it is familiar and WE don’t like change. He managed to regurgitate ugliness and fear. Then it started reproducing.

Back to the matter at hand, A View From Inside.. as you venture in, you find each small subject matter takes on a life of it’s own.  It has to, because to gain understanding you have to “be there”. Ronald Reagan took up three paragraphs and could have involved more, because he was in my opinion a catalyst of something I selected to write about. He affected my ability to just navigate throughout the atmosphere of life without the worry of an apex predator; which now comes in the form of a job turn down, being cut off in traffic, my child not being selected for the lead in the school play, or false arrest waiting to devour me and mine. Not because he is hungry, but because I am there.

Posted in How We Relate and tagged ,
01 Dec 2014
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Channeling Negative Energy

I felt like I was going to explode! Pressure coming up my esophagus, my chest slightly tight, the awful grimace in my face. I tell myself I want to be happy, but it seems there is a dark cloud hovering. How do you make yourself feel good when you are feeling bad? My thoughts were of all the things that were not going right. I need my little ray of sunshine, but I will not see her for a couple more days. Then the feeling I often return to..escape. I think of how would it be to just walk away. When you find yourself beyond the half century mark, your mental state is so controlling of your physical state. In youth heart palpitations were exciting and generally directed toward an “object of affection”, now you may really be having a heart attack.

Here come the challenges again. They are in my small intimate world and the big pubic one. My “golden years” are set to begin in 11 short months( I can say 9 because I get to start the ball rolling next August). Am I expecting and anticipating too much? What if it is a disappointment, what if I cannot survive on the monthly pension, what if I have to work… I ask these questions and then I give myself a psychological shaking. There is good here, there is something/plenty to look forward to.

No matter what happens each day you are afforded another opportunity to make changes, because you have by the grace of God awakened.That should be viewed as the gift it is. I won’t allow myself to be captured and controlled by this negativity. That means somehow I have to be able to interject some positive. I have to channel that negative energy and put it to work for me. As bad as it makes me/you feel demonstrates it is strong and can therefore be utilized.  Prayer, meditation…helps clear that wonderful organ and allows it to work on what it was designed to do; think, figure out problems, or just calm our systems down and return them to the intended settings, in order for us to function properly. You have to sometimes walk yourself away from the things that are going on, even if it is just in your mind, and let your soul feel better.

Posted in Ecumenically Speaking and tagged ,
28 Oct 2014
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The Best Way You Can

“I did my best, but I guess my best wasn’t good enough..” Have you ever felt like this? Have you ever felt this way towards someone. I will not allow myself to visit a place that will confirm I have felt the latter. I know the truth.  Besides it is much easier to live with yourself if you can say you are the tragic one.

I want to speak from the perspective of an individual who realized someone gave their best. What I had to come to grips with was that this individual gave it a “scouts-try”, in spite of me never giving credit for that try, that effort. I was too busy pointing fingers and giving examples of what “I” thought should happen. At the oddest moment things became clear to me, as though I was emerging from a fog.

We all have different talents and skill levels, sometimes we get caught up in what our opinions and perspectives are, we forget that there are other factors involved. In the midst of your self-absorbed righteousness perhaps a pause will allow you to observe something you my have discounted and/or overlooked. Then you will begin to be able to see that which you claim no one else can understand; that someone else does matter, someone else does count.

Therefore when you do your best, even if your best may not appear to be good enough, nothing can be more rewarding then knowing this in your heart, and in reality you are one-up on a whole lot of people who don’t even give a half try.

Posted in Quickbits and tagged ,
28 Oct 2014
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October-Fest

Well my Libra friend and I have discussed over the years we have known one another how terrible our shared birthday month generally is. I thought it was just me, but my Libra -sister affirmed it was not a good time for her either. We still wanted to believe it would be better and held onto the hope of such an occurrence. However maybe this year, the year of the “double nickles” for us may be changing things, at least for now and perhaps from now on.

ILoveAutumn; the temperatures start to drop, the leaves begin to change, I am reminded the holidays are on fast approach and I feel renewed. I always attributed this feeling of overall good, to the fact I made my grand entrance to the world during this time of year.  October is my month and I love everything about it from the birthstone, the opal legend says it is bad luck to wear for anyone other than a person who is actually born in October, to Halloween. There is Oktoberfest for beer lovers, I do happen to hate beer though, but whatever, anything to sing the praises to my month! Pumpkin-Patches popping up all over everywhere; I am magically transported back to a place where I can clearly recall the first time I watched “It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown and now a joy I now share with my granddaughter.

In three short days October will disappear for another 12 months, and this year I will miss my month with all the bitter-sweet events and memories. However, I will be able to say there was far more sweet than bitter this time and I am looking forward to seeing you same time next year.

Posted in Quickbits and tagged ,
08 Sep 2014
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Sometimes You Just Have To Cry

This morning I was on my facebook timeline and I looked at a post my little sister put on it a couple days ago. It was  Crystal Gayle’s song “Don’t It make My Brown Eyes Blue”. Initially I smiled because it was one of my father’s favorite songs. I then looked over it’s information and saw/realized it was a hit the year I graduated from high school. I knew back in those days country music was not on the top of my listening lists, but I remember liking it quite a bit. enough to buy it and share it with my dad. Before I knew it there it was this silent yet open mouth cry/laugh.

Sounds weird, well it was. I was laughing at how dad played that song over and over and over again, I was laughing at how I knew he loved Crystal Gayle and dubbed her  so beautiful and I knew a great deal of what he found beautiful about her was her gorgeous hair,  I laughed about the irony of her hit about brown eyes being blue when her truly beautiful eyes were clearly not brown, and the cry was about how much I miss my dad every single day.

Though not a single tear was shed, I felt cleansed and free. I knew I needed that feeling, that cry, and I wanted to express to some of my readers that it is okay if you are sometimes overcome with the need to cry. Don’t fight it; just go with it, something needs to get out and it may be a smiling memory you’ve been putting on the back-burner of your mind. My brown eyes weren’t blue at all, but I thank Miss Crystal Gayle for that happy memory.

Posted in Quickbits and tagged
08 Sep 2014
1 Comment

Facing Your Fear

The bump in the night awakens you, the light at the end of a dark corridor, the still quiet in the middle of the day; what may not seem to be very much to others is major for you if there is something that frightens you.

Fear is a peculiar thing; sometimes it is blatant, sometimes it is subtle, it can be paralyzing, or it can make you turn and run. However, it does  have one common denominator, it stops you.

We resist change because we do not know what the outcome will be. We know what present conditions are;they may be bad, they may be tolerable, they may even be good as far as we are concerned. Therefore, we can be alright with present circumstances staying the same. For even if the situation is bad we fool ourselves by saying, “Well at least I know what I am up against.” That can and will console you IF you know for certain that things will be worse. Remember you MUST KNOW things will be worse.

None of us knows what is going to happen next in our society; we all have hopes, wishes, aspirations and even preferences. If you are on the bottom you may want to be on top, if you are on top you may well prefer to stay there. Wherever you are, you concede that an effort will be necessary to change or preserve your spot. We all have to know that  CHANGE is going to come into our lives. It has to, for it is the way of life.

I recall how many individuals laughed and made light of Rodney King’s statement, ” Can’t we all just get along?” People laughed at a simple statement coming from an individual, who many would like to think of as, not being all that bright. How could someone like that get philosophical. Yet my Christian friends are familiar with “Out of the mouths of babes…” We are willing to believe a child could have wisdom and insight, but not a man who may have had his very life flash before him, as he managed to stay alive after being beaten within an inch of his life. Save your cynicism, for even a drunk person will sober up a bit after having ice cold water thrown all over him. Think about a life altering experience YOU may have had in your years upon this Earth, didn’t you walk away with something positive, insightful, or inspirational to say. I think A Brush With Death has that type of effect on one.

Yes, absolutely we can all get along, we just have to want to.

Posted in Epiphany and tagged ,
21 Aug 2014

Love People

Sometimes I surf the internet. One picture will motivate me to visit a site next thing I know it is midnight.  I have been noticing over the past decades there are a lot of really gorgeous children being born.  Is it the grandmother in me? Perhaps, but I see these little happy folks and I cannot help but smile. They are the best of humanity, they are what we all are until life and cynicism ruins us. They look at a flower and it’s color makes them happy. They don’t run from or smash it because of it’s particular shade they adore and admire it just as it is. We adults in turn have nothing but praises for the babies, “aren’t you the prettiest, sweetest, smartest, most talented little one we have ever seen. And we don’t care who you belong to.

Fast forward about 15 years, those beautiful wonder-filled beings are now starting to make decisions and voice their opinions. They are now met with, “You don’t know what you are talking about, Why don’t you behave better, What are you listening to and What is that you are wearing?” They go from the Apples of Society’s Eye to Menaces to Society in less than two short decades. All the while their main critics forgetting they once occupied that very same place in life. The reason being no one wants to stay in that place of confusion, indecision, and turmoil. We wonder what is wrong with our children as they begin to mature. We love them always, but are challenged to like them. I recall a woman I saw many years ago at the mall in Alpharetta;she was neat and tidy, dressed in a suit, had corporate America written all over her. She was carrying a Louis Vutton purse and every hair was in place. As she approached the counter in the young men’s department at Rich’s(region department store now out of business) this surly, thin,  greasy haired young man dressed in goth-type clothing came to and stood next to her. I expected her to jump out of her skin because he was so far away from who she was, but after a moment you knew this was not just someone she knew, this was her child. The were a curious pair walking out of the store. I shook my head and thought, “You never know..”

These two made me think of how we judge and make decisions about OUR young people. We have issues with our own children, so it is hard to imagine us being any more tolerant of someone elses’ and guess what, we aren’t. Do any of you recall that time in your life? The time when your music basically made your parents or most any adult grimace at the very least. The time when self discovery was coupled with fear and insecurity. The time when your excuse of being young and not responsible was fading into, ” It is your fault, You know better.” The thing that MUST be taken into consideration here is, it was a time of transitions.

Time marches forward some more. Now we have an adult he may be in our workplace being difficult or perhaps she has gotten into trouble and landed herself in jail. The significant thing here in both of these cases is; once these throwaways, these social irritants, were adorable sweet faced babies that we  all loved to love.

Too bad we don’t get to transform ourselves from beautiful-adorable baby to upstanding-citizen adult. However, that is  not our reality. We are human and we are flawed. Your flaws look a lot more serious than mine because I am judging, but then I must consider that door swings both ways that I am also on the receiving end of judgment. My son often speaks of loving without condition; from a Christian point of view, this is a difficult goal but at least it is a goal that is presented to us on a  weekly basis( although it should be a constant basis). Perhaps if we ALL task ourselves with this loving one another without condition on a regular-targeted basis, we could get closer to the goal as well. As human beings if we aren’t challenged we vegetate and die, so it is with ideas and concepts. Take the challenge and make your contribution towards solving the problem of just Loving People without condition and stipulations.  “Shoot for the moon” here, people “because if you miss you will still land among the stars…”

Posted in Order of Appearance and tagged , , | Leave a comment
20 Aug 2014
1 Comment

License To Kill

Remember that movie? Well I don’t; I was never a James Bond fan, I vaguely remember the song, and I had to research it to find out who was singing the song. It was Gladys Knight. I also found out that Bob Dylan wrote a song with the same title different lyrics. Neither is pertinent to this piece, except they share the same title.

Who are these people charged with the task “To Protect and Serve”? In a  time of controversy or civil unrest we may even ask ,” Who do they protect and serve?” Think about this one; what do you think about police in general and specifically related to YOU?

Many years ago I thought about becoming a Los Angeles County Sheriff. I did a little research, registered to take the exam, but when the time came I decided that I was not really interested in being a part of law enforcement, all I wanted was the money that was promised in salary. I knew at that point in my young life, money alone should not be the reason one gets into law enforcement.

I had a friend who went a bit farther than I did, she was a beautiful young woman with gorgeous hair. What impacted me, what made me know that she was serious was, when she cut her hair off to wear a short cropped afro because she wanted to be a part of that community. She did the ride-alongs first, she took the exam, and even passed the interview. On her was to the psychological testing, the next thing I heard was she decided against moving on. Now we can guess at or assume what may have changed her mind, but this was just a  personal tid-bit as to why I am here writing this piece now. My turning point was the idea that one day I might have to pull a person from a car who had been fatally injured, or having to aim my weapon at a suspect with the intent to “stop” them and by mistake or intentionally end their life, or knocking on the door of some unfortunate survivor to tell them a loved one would not be returning home to them.

Police/law enforcement officers are a special breed, in my opinion I was NOT that “kind” of special. Strong, stoic, yet compassionate. Honorable and trustworthy, calm and well trained. I am so very happy we have them, but when you find them abusing the power they are given, it frightens, angers, and appalls you. Why shouldn’t it. They are entrusted with our lives.  When they take that power and use it incorrectly, use it against the very ones who are looking to them for help; what do you say about individuals like that? The officer who demeans a man in the presence of his child, the individual who places an individuals life in danger by using a hold that has been forbidden and illegal for decades, the individual who hides/misplaces evidence, the wife beater, the alcohol abuser and yes this same individual still has a badge. Common sense, sensitivity, and reasoning are no longer the tools of their trade. Yet the public is told these are community leaders and turn to them for help.  These are the individuals who look at their positions and think in a manner that demonstrates they think they do in fact have a license to kill and it is open season on citizens. How safe do you feel?

Posted in As Consumers and tagged , ,

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