CHRISTMAS WONT BE THE SAME THIS YEAR
Do you know that song? The Jackson Five did it back in 1970..YouTube it. It may give you a smile or two. Admittedly it did for me, somewhat. It also made me aware of a reality; it is a self professing one but one just the same. A holiday I love(d) and cherished, no longer feels that way. The tinsel is tarnished and gray. The lights have flickered out. The sights, sounds, and aromas have faded. All that remains are questions, indifference, and maybe a bit of fear.
Questions like What will I do this year, How will I feel, Do I want to decorate and celebrate with happy people, Will I stay at home in a house void of decorations and possibly make sadness more at home with me?
Indifference…What does any of what I feel or experience matter, I have been dealt a blow..a blow I will NEVER get over. When I look at decorations that are out far too early, there is a feeling of emptiness. I am no longer looking for ideas to bring the beauty of Christmas into my home.
Fear that I will become that old person, who does not decorate or celebrate. Which in turn will likely make me sadder and speed up my actual aging process. Who wants to be around that.
What’s the plan? Every year for the past 25, Thanksgiving marked the beginning of my Christmas process. Intermittently we would have a big dinner but mostly it was football, pajamas, and me decorating the house and the tree(s). I now must deal with how to do or NOT do Thanksgiving which makes my Christmas dilemma even more intense.
I thought of leaving town and escape all that is familiar and normal, but I realize there is no escaping life. If I stay in this country, the holidays will come no matter WHERE I am. Even if I travel outside the country, places I would consider, all celebrate Christmas. Where do I run to, how can I hide? Is it possible to change my attitude ?
As difficult as this will be for me, I want more than anything else for people I love and care about to enjoy that fabulous holiday. If I cross your mind and I make you sad, please think of someone or something else. For I am here to tell you, I do NOT want my sadness to be yours. There is no guess work here; whatever December 25th brings me, I want my loved ones to have the best holiday season possible.