This is how we gauge ourselves and the things we do, isn’t it. We make purchases based on conditions. We involve ourselves in activities and with people as well. It seems to be the smart thing to do, because in effect we are “covering all the bases”.
In my youth I watched an interview with Maurice White of Earth, Wind and Fire. I remember ever so clearly how he remarked about the love of a baby. How it was free, unconditional, and how great it would be if we could fashion our adult relationships after them. I thought, wow that is so wonderful and amazing. Imagine someone taking you as you are, no requirements to be this way or that way. Of course that sounded amazing to a teenaged girl, an individual whose entire social existence is defined by conditions.
For years to come unconsciously, I would search and strive to have that unconditional love relationship again. I say again, because at one point in my life I did have it even if it was in infancy. I smile at the thought of it, because no matter how much you love your parents that unconditional love, well couldn’t it possibly be borne out of dependency?
What I did not think about at the time was that the idea in itself of unconditional love, was a relationship with conditions all of its own. “Hollywood” still capitalizes off of our fantasy to find that perfect love, the love that allows us to be exactly who we are and have no need to explain or excuse ourselves. “And they lived happily ever after”, it looks and sounds so pretty. No conflicts or complaints, sounds like someone here is unrealistic, needy, dependent, or all of the above.
We want perfection, but are we perfect? Do you have the right to place such a requirement on someone, when you yourself cannot live up to those very same stipulations. It is only fair and it is also very difficult to live up to that type of standard. You will ultimately find yourself, unhappy or alone. I am not simply talking about love relationships here.
I submit this, there are no perfect people here on Earth, therefore it is impossible to find perfection in a person. One has to find what will actually work for oneself. Look for acceptable; not tolerable, not bearable for the very names suggest less than desired, for it is in that acceptable you will find and receive acceptance.