hafacenturyncounting

Motivated by a lack of material.

Terminally Yours

From diagnosis through the final transition you have to know you will be involved in a triangle relationship; you, the person you love/care about, and the disease.

In an out-of-body type experience I watch the interaction. I see the frustration on my face in spite of the effort being made to hide that very thing. I hear the comments that remind me of a record that is scratched as it skips and repeats. There are no classes that prepare you for what you are going through or of that which is to come. Your interaction will be as different as the individual whom you are going through it with. This cruel process which will ultimately only leave you with more bad feeling than good.

The day begins sometimes before day “breaks”. You are tired, but YOU are needed. You cannot think, yet you find yourself thinking too much. Seemingly nothing is right; the food, the climate in the house and if it was okay yesterday, today it is not. You look at the being taking the place of your loved one, sometimes there is a flicker of what used to be. You cannot focus on that too long either. The needs must be me. Clasp the imaginary rag between your teeth and bare the anguish. Yours is physical and mental.

I suggest patience, compassion, and empathy even when you feel as if you are going to implode. Constantly remind yourself it is the condition/disease, not the one you love and care about. Be forgiving not only to that person, but to yourself. The day shall come when the day to day process you are experiencing will end. I wish i could tell you that it will then be better, but I cannot. I can only tell you it will be different and another part of the journey/process will begin.

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