hafacenturyncounting

Space and Opportunity

William was a buyer for a regional department store chain in West Los Angeles. I worked in accounting there for about a year before I hired by UPS Express and became a small package courier.  He had always flirted when he saw me at work, but then I egged him on. Playful and harmless, he wasn’t my type. I was married to my type and was miserable for that unfortunate pairing. I certainly was not looking for anyone else to complicate my life.

I clearly made him nervous when we encountered one another. He had always been a bit of a joke between my friends and me. How ironic was it for me to end up delivering an urgent package to his residence. It was a Saturday morning there was still dew on the ground, I saw a lone couple working in their yard. It was William and his wife. We exchanged niceties and he introduced me to Marjorie. No real surprises; she was rather rotund, six children will do that to one’s figure, not someone who would stop you in your tracks.

He made it his business to contact me outside of work, by getting in touch with my local office. He was a buyer for a rather large company, he knew what to say. I was flattered, charmed and enjoyed the attention. With the absolute intention of not allowing anything to happen, I agreed to having lunch with him, in my element. Away from the world of work, my little city was paradise, it couldn’t have been better.

We met in Lunada Bay, after my tennis lesson. We had Italian food at a little restaurant that had an ocean view. Of course practically every place had an ocean view.   Simply because he was not my typical type, by virtue it felt odd he even could hold my attention.  I asked myself,” Why are you here?” He was clean cut, well spoken, and he made me feel like I was the most amazing, interesting, intelligent, and yes attractive( to a “Can’t take my eyes off of you” level) woman he had come into contact with. He had written me letters, called me just to hear my voice, I should have just tied a bow around myself and  handed “me” over to him. What had started as a “joke” was gaining momentum, reeling me in, and I wasn’t even aware of it.

I pretended to NOT notice how much he was intrigued.  I made it seem as though it was just a tour of a locale he had little or no knowledge of. He asked many questions  about the place I called home, then about me and my upbringing, he was cautious about my husband and the fact I/we had no children. We sat across from one another, our wedding bands made us seem respectable, even rather innocent or did they?

However this encounter was so very cliche’, but still  it continued.  After lunch we walked to our respective cars,  to an observant eye the cloak of innocence was uncovered and exposed.  I felt compelled to show him one of  “The Hill’s landmarks”, so he followed me. We arrived at the semi-vacant parking lot of the closed down amusement park, but in spite of it’s status it was still being maintained. People still jogged as well as walked in and around the area.

There was a steady ocean breeze, but it was nice and balmy. We watched the aphros on the waves from the parking lot. He said he wanted to get a closer look and that was understandable, it was beautiful. I had taken many early morning walks along the route nears the cliffs, so we got out of our cars.

I had barely emerged when he came straight toward me, pulled me to him, and kissed me. I had no time to think, my head was reeling. I felt my knees buckle, my breath was leaving me and I heard music. I though I had lost my mind, but I was in fact was lost in his kiss. The kiss ended only to be followed by another equally passionate. I had forgotten what kissing felt like, but the memory was returning rapidly.

We embraced one another, inhaled our respective pheromones, and tasted sweet kisses repeatedly for over an hour. I could not imagine what making love to him would be like, but I knew I wanted to find out.  Every sense was being explored, out in the open, in broad daylight. However all one would see at a distance was two people/lovers engaged in a passionate kiss, nothing graphic or dirty. It felt like a scene from a movie. He was seemingly unable to stop and I did not want him too. His touching my hand was as sensual and penetrating  He ran his hands through my hair as I nuzzled his neck. Part of me screamed “EXCUSE ME!! YOU ARE MARRIED, TO SOMEONE ELSE, AND SO IS HE!!” as  the other part of me silenced that voice and we engaged in more “foreplay”.

This had never happened to me before, talk about an out of body experience. We tried to leave one another, but we did not want to so we stood  there, leaned against the car in a lover’s embrace watching the waves. There was no talking. I felt his heart racing, his arms were strong and muscular. Enveloped within them I felt safe and warm. Like clock work, we both knew it was time to go. Time to end, or postpone what was inevitable. Sadly we prepared to leave each other’s company, but one last kiss.

He finally spoke,” What.. how do you feel Mary? How do you feel about what just happened? How do you feel about me?” I sat quietly, hands on the steering wheel gazing forward, but then turning to look at his face. I examined him. The crisp white shirt tucked in his well-fitting jeans. He had big feet and long fingers. I shook those thoughts rapidly. I had sized him up sexually and I had no right.  His face not my normal preferred face, but it seemed to be different now. His face was becoming closer to what I liked, what I found attractive and desirable. I placed my hand on his cheek, the diamonds in my wedding band sparkled in the light. “We have to go William”, I said softly and making eye contact.

He kissed the palm of my hand and slowly backed away from my car. I looked at him in my rear view mirror as he walked to his car. We were less than a mile from my condo, but I was having trouble navigating. I now knew I was playing with fire, especially since I  had not decided on leaving or staying in my present situation. I was not looking for a love affair, certainly this could complicate things for me.

I pulled into the underground parking lot of my complex and sat in the car for a few moments to gather myself. I went over the afternoon in my mind. How could I know that 4 years and over 3000 miles would come between us, before we would get close to consummating our relationship. Who would think from the unpredictable beginnings,  our “affair” would end so abruptly. Yes I was playing with fire, but so was he.

I got out of the car, locked it, and walked toward our unit. Once inside it was clear my husband was not home. I was relieved, because I was uncertain how I looked and I was real confused about how I felt. I went into the master bath and forced myself to look at my reflection. I was not proud, but after a few moments I came to terms with the facts; I did not push this man’s advances away, meaning that I was in fact really unhappy. I wanted something to happen, I had convinced myself I needed something to happen, and something did happen. What would be next? I undressed and took a shower, then I went to the gym to work off some frustration.

Later that evening my husband, Chris asked,” Are you okay, you seem quiet.” I ta–tahed him off with, “Oh I’m fine, a little overworked is all .” He proceeded to finish his steak. “Self-centered prick,” I thought. “Beside the fact I practically had sex in a parking lot around the corner from our home.. everything is just grand.”

How many marriages experience a similar situation? How many respectable spouses are completely unaware of what is going on under their noses. Do any of them accept, at least a small part of responsibility, in the “cheating”? If Chris had only been close to what he promised me and spoke of prior to our marriage, William wouldn’t have stood a chance. Then a philosophical point came to mind. Who is the true loser when someone cheats?

Much to my particular dismay, William and I never actually had intercourse. There was never the debatable oral sex either. There was sweetness and passion, there were points where things could have gone too far. We made time for one another; had romantic interludes in parks and indoor parking structures, following some romantic meals, we talked and listened to one another. Something always seemed to interrupt us at the very last minute. In each and every instance that we were together, there was no way our respective spouses would have been happy finding us together.

Human beings are social creatures. There is a need in us to be with someone in order to feel whole. God almighty created us to be with a companion, exclusively, according to scripture. There are so many rules though. Sometimes we flawed humans make bad selections, selections we have no idea are incorrect at the time. Are we supposed to stay in those bad situations? If we do how do we cope, and counteract the effects of those same bad situations? When guidelines are set-up that suggest and say, “simply the thought of something is as harmful or damning as the actual act”, who is really capable of being completely immune.

William by most accounts was a Christian, yet he was married and he pursued a married woman. I on the other was the “back-slider” I was not practicing any type of religion, actively. I did not chase a married man, but I did not run from him either. Was I a victim of circumstance or had I seized the moment? Ultimately, I would have to wait and see.