Tuck Tail and Run
What was I thinking. I sat and listened to him go on and on about himself. I was fascinated because I did not believe he was real. I enjoy challenges but I had decided he was self-absorbed… that was until he told me he liked me. Now who was self-absorbed? We carried on for more than three years. As fabulous as I thought he was I had to admit /realize (once again…) I crave this kind of man.
There was NOTHING special about me. The only thing that would make me special to him would be if HE thought I was special… and merely saying it would not mean it was so.
Why didn’t I just wash my hands of him? I could see the signs of danger. I wanted to believe he cared about me. I wanted to think I could have that type “love” of such a man again.
I talked to myself; I said” You may be special, but he has had special women on so many other levels. Women who were prettier, smarter, more educated, more accomplished, in better financial positions. Still, he was single and unattached. WTF would make me compare. I was not going to put any more into him than I already had. I tested fate on the regular… needed to be sure. I wanted to know what I needed to know but NOT get hurt. So, I moved closer and closer to the flame.
He was smart, he was cautious with me, but he read people and he knew women. He would only get so close, then he’d retreat in order to see if I would take the bait and follow. Instead, I would acknowledge the bait but not take it. I believed he would grow angry, get bored, or move on. He did none of those things. I realized he was calculating (and math is NOT my forte). Therefore, I entertained the idea he kept dealing with me because he cared or I was a challenge. I knew one thing, because I did care about him and admired his very being, I needed to be extra cautious. That “flame” was bright and hypnotic. It would burn me. Then I would have to live with the fact I already KNEW this could/would happen.
Why do we NOT realize/acknowledge the power an individual can have over us? Why do we succumb to the unknown? Is it arrogance, ignorance, or weakness. Yet I stand in this presence ready to proceed, when I know what I really should do is “tuck tail and run “.
hafacenturyncounting 