Today I Just Need To Feel Better
It hurt me to my heart and enraged my soul. My heart raced with adrenaline and my chest felt as though it was going to burst. We won’t even talk about the headaches.
It has been a couple of weeks since my youngest son asked me did I hear about the teen who was shot to death in Florida and all he ad was iced tea and skittles candies. I brushed it off, because there are so many stories on a daily bases, one could never keep up. Little did I know that two weeks later my family would have to literally tell me to stop and calm down, regarding this same case. I signed petitions, mailed skittles, e-mailed the city manager, and police chief(Bill Lee) daily, tweeted and status updated myself until I was mentally exhausted.
I have regularly told my husband that he need to relax and not let the history of the United States and his particular experience distort our sons’ ability to go, do, and enjoy the lighter side of life. I have thought to myself and called him the equivalent of “worry-wort”. However, with the deepest hurt that is in me I must concede, he is right. Please don’t get me wrong here, I never “tah-tahed” his concern away. My philosophy just differed.
Somewhere in between the madness and obsession that is me when I get onto something, I realized I needed to feel better. I needed to stop seeing Trayvon Martin’s face and have to fight off the urge to go and hit someone or something very violently. I came to my senses with the question, “What good would that do?”It is so very important that we do not forget or allow ourselves to loose momentum. I believe that Trayvon Martin’s face is an indelible mark into our memories. We also do not want to mar his memory with negativity. I cannot hope to express all that I feel here. I know I cannot do the story justice or cover all the things I have been exposed to. What I can offer to you is this, go and find yourself some “happy” in this troubling time.
I decided to go back to a place of surreal qualities, for a simple smile was not going to be enough. It was November 4, 2008. Yes, I yelled and screamed. Yes, I sat up in front of my television until he appeared on stage in Grant Park Chicago, Illinois. Yes, I have 9 newspapers 14 magazines, purchased 5 tee shirts 4 buttons and a bumper sticker. Yes, I did not want to go to sleep that night for fear I would wake up and discover this was just a dream. The feeling did come back to me for in a country such as ours with the divisions and uncertainties, we made a dream come true for too many Americans to place a number value on, we beat the odds, we showed we are better than some of the deeds we do. Deep in my heart I know we can get this right, I know we will get this right in spite of ourselves. In our nation today the question is this, “Will we have justice for Trayvon Martin? ”
YES WE CAN and YES We WILL!