hafacenturyncounting

Uggh..New Neighbors

Living in a town-home community has it’s advantages and it’s challenges. like any situation you MUST take the good with the bad. For that private street you MUST contend with limited parking and a narrow road.

Late Saturday night the moving van semi-blocked my driveway. I was not going anywhere at the time and if I needed to get out, the open door told me I could simply go next door and have the folks moving in to back the vehicle up so I could get out.

As I peered out of my upstairs window my eyes rolled up toward the ceiling. I thought,     ” oh brother, so we have THOSE kind of neighbors moving in”. In reality I knew better and I knew I was setting myself up to dislike these folks before I had VALID reason. I mean for the past two months I had perfect neighbors (the place was vacant). I heard some sounds, some music, some little child cries..already I made sure the police non-emergency number was in my favorites.

Sometimes YOU have to slow yourself down and pull back. What do I know about these people? Answer..nothing. What’s more I am NOT really interested in getting to know them. All I want is to have decent, quiet, respectful, clean next-door-neighbors (yes I went to the store and stocked up on roach traps and sprays..just-in-case). Hello when we see one another and that is quite enough. I have to remember Once-Upon-a-Time we were the new neighbors with two small boys and a couple dogs.

Quiet Times

I  really NEVER thought my soul would feel anything but pain since my dear child Jay suddenly passed away last January. However, after over a year the emotions,while on VERY high alert, have softened. My hope is that anyone who reads this NEVER feels the hurt, I feel every moment of every day. I also hope if anyone who reads this has suffered such a loss, I can provide you with some level of comfort.

NEVER will I be the same.What I am currently, is someone navigating through territory I did not want to be in. I am not tired, I am not weary, I am just in a continuous state of searching. At first I sought an answer to ,”why“. After I discovered no explanation would make sense or give me solace. Then I wanted to know, ” how“. How could I go on, how could I be happy and what was happy anymore. Questions with inadequate answers, that is what I have been living with since my Jay simply stopped being.

Life goes on all around you and eventually, you come back to a state where you appear to be what the outside world see as NORMAL or OKAY. You really are not; you now have the physical appearance of what makes others feel comfortable. The internal battles ARE forever, but you have soft moments and quiet times.

Watching The Process, Being Distracted and Missing The Point

The Polls are open here in Georgia and it is rainy. I wonder how many will use the weather as an excuse NOT to get out and vote?

As an African American Woman this political process is near-and-dear to my heart. At 59 I have watched my world in these United States of America change, evolve, leap forward, and fall backwards. However, I still have always voted since I became of age.  WHY? Well my family was not extraordinarily political, but they did vote. I suppose I was affected by what I saw during and after the Civil Rights Movement and I did not realize how much  I was affected, until I was actually able to exercise my right to vote.

The images of people being attacked by dogs, washed away with fire hoses, beaten by mobs of civilians and law enforcement ARE permanently and indelibly etched  into my mind. Those people fought the “good fight” many paid the ultimate price. However, they made a decision, a decision that let the world know injustice can only be successful when there is lack of knowledge. They decided that life is valuable but the value is diminished when you are held down and taken advantage of. They decided they had a choice and in those times it may be life or death. They said they want a life worth living, not just an existence. As horrible as things were at that time, one might say they had no real choice. I ask of this generation, this society, what is your excuse?

YOU who have reaped the benefits of those who fought the fight. YOU live in comfort, with minimal fear of what was YOUR ancestors reality. Have YOU forgotten THEM. Wait look around you. Young black men ARE being murdered right before our very eyes, sometimes the powers that be give excuses as they acquit them or look the other way, but that is how it starts. Voter suppression is alive and well, not a poll tax but”incorrect or questionable registrations”  deemed so by a candidate who stands to gain the governorship(and ironically runs the elections) and in spite of two separate court rulings by judges, against his so-called findings. RIGHT HERE IN OUR FACES. YOU don’t have time, it does not concern YOU directly, or YOU think the unthinkable “It could NOT happen to me”. Yet, it could and it is.

As you gaze out the window admiring the view from your high-rise condo, you are missing the condemned signs across the street and the widows being boarded up below you, metaphorically speaking. Many who were on the front-lines are no longer with us; we haven’t the benefit of someone else paving our way, we now must get behind the wheel of progress and drive.

Please GO VOTE, if you haven’t already. YOUR VOTE DOES COUNT!

“Periwinkle” Has To Go!

Dear Disney.. and Precious Moments. I am writing to you to protest the  Happy Birthday Train. It features Disney Princess from Snow White to Merida. Problem is someone is left out. Can you guess who..yep once again Tiana did NOT make the cut. How and why does this keep happening?  12 opportunities for a princess spot on the train and Tiana gets sidetracked by two “fairies (Tinkerbell and Periwinkle).

I have to be honest the working princess story line was NOT my favorite; along with the fact that she ultimately ends up marrying a guy who does not look like her or share her ethnicity ( he was however brown). Once again we have to be grateful for “slim-pickins”. Earlier this year it was”leaked” Tiana was getting new skin and hair permed for her cameo in “Wreck-it Ralph 2”. The outcry was so loud that Disney went back in and made Tiana look like she did in HER film. The African American Princess we have come to know and LOVE!

I started on my mission. I promptly called Disney(and had Precious Moments on my list to call next). It may seem small and insignificant but where does our sense of self-esteem begin?  I will give you a “for-instance”I have a granddaughter and she is beautiful, brown and sports NATURAL hair.  I however wore my hair straight and chemically processed for 30+ years. Yet, I kept her hair in braids for ease as well as beauty. One occasion I requested her(now our) stylist leave part of her hair out in a puffy bun. It was gorgeous! I told her how pretty she was and how good her hair looked.

One weekend she spent with me she asked me to twist her hair up. I asked her did she like her hair. She responded “Yes but I just want it twisted.” I read much more into”yes but”. I thought of how OUR stylist over the course of 2+ years once asked if I ever though about going natural?” Without a pause I promptly answered,”No.”  Me who constantly commented on how good natural hair looked on other women, me who constantly spoke of how wonderful it was for black women NOT to be forced to wear OUR hair in a fashion that made “others” comfortable or how we were no longer relegated to “other’s” standard of beauty.  As I twisted my little granddaughters hair, I though of what Addison saw everyday. Her mother’s hair was in a straighten style but it was natural, her other grandmother wore her hair straight and me  her “Abuela” straight as possible with no curl.  Again where does self-esteem start, what message was this little girl reading?

3 years this year since I got off what is fondly known as “creamy-crack”. Do I miss it? NO! What do I love? I love getting out of bed and my hair is the LAST thing I have to worry about. I love rainy/drizzly weather and walking past women getting their umbrellas into position. I love driving with my windows down. What does this have to do with the Birthday Train ? Well it has to do with perceptions and self esteem. One MUST be happy with oneself for that sense of self to be positive. So Disney I love you BUT I love being brown-skinned with hair that is not necessarily straight unless I choose for it to be. There are MILLIONS of little girls who look like me and need to know they are fabulous JUST AS THEY ARE! Leave Tiana alone looks-wise, but don’t exclude her because she looks different. Hell, Ariel has a TAIL!