Why Do Your Children Hate You?
Have you ever asked yourself this question? As a wannabe good parent, I know every-so-often the thought does comes to mind. The arrogant among us say, “HELL no it doesn’t”. The realist know that no matter how hard you try there are going to be some”flies in the buttermilk” of child rearing.
After years of taking our own respective parents through changes they could not have imagined at our births, we are now the symbols of authority. Some of us detested the rules and regulations of our youth, some of us applauded the freedom from responsibility, but there were times when we were just not happy with good ole mom and dad.
The prom dress you couldn’t wear, the trip with your buddies unaccompanied by an adult more than 21 years old, the fast car they opted NOT to buy for you. Did it ever occur to you that it was denied to you, NOT merely to make your entire life unbearable? Now your offspring has a tale or two that may need some of that same convincing about.
I admit as a parent I wanted to be more, give more, and in return expect nothing of my children but they have fun and become responsible upstanding citizens, However, we humans are not made up like that. In order for us to become strong, we must struggle and fight. We must face challenges and adversity in order to rise to the occasion. Our character much like our bodies must be trained in order for that perfect form to emerge. Yet this is not what we are teaching and demonstrating to our young.
We indulge them, we make excuses for them, and when they do something wrong or incorrect WE try to fix things for them rather than make them stand up and assume responsibility for their actions.
We are, as parents, the perpetual “catch 22” in our minds. If we teach the hard lessons the hard way, we foster the idea that they will not love or care for us, we won’t be their friends. On the other hand if we protect and shelter them from these same hard lessons, when we are no longer here to fix the problems for them, they are angry at us for allowing them to be disillusioned and unable to cope.
They have no appreciation for what we have done, how we have sacrificed and why is that? I wonder if in their minds and cultivated since they were small; they consistently looked away, ignored, or missed the part where we said, “Now it is not always going to be this way, We will not be able to always fix this for you, EVERYONE won’t do this for you, because WE love you”.
To these same children, are we truly to blame? Are you angry at people who did the best they could for you; an individual with ever-changing wants, needs, and desires, who one day tells us to bud out and the next days calls and asks to be bailed out.
From the first time we laid eyes on your precious tiny face we were in love with you. We knew our time to just be everything to you was short, we nonetheless cherished the thought of it while we could. Society, religion, the world tell us at a certain point in time we are no longer responsible for you; you must stand on your own, but dammit these sources don’t tell us how to just turn that love off. So we fight and battle and try so hard to get you to the point where you want to go, and get out there, and do YOUR thing. Without the “safety net” it is frightening and though others before you have done this, we did it, if you flinch or turn back to look at us, we still want to be there.
You are angry at us, but what if we were angry at you? Trust me it is quite unfathomable in most cases, because we love you so much what we house is hurt IF we think we slighted you in the most miniscule manner. We try to protect you from the outsiders and the strangers, but now in your disappointment and/or anger YOU now act like the stranger we tried to keep YOU from, toward us.
What to do? It is simple fix it. Recognize the problem and do something actively or proactively. Yes it is hard it will be hard, but it is a learning situation and you all are collectively smarter than your parents. Finally, as an ending thought, realize this is all new and a learning experience for us as well.